My 8th House And The Valley Of Death

I’ve been pretty seriously worried about my husband since very early this morning, I thought he might be dead. I now know he is not dead but 15 minutes ago, I did not know that.

What I did know is he was either dead or asleep and as the hours and then more hours passed, the idea he’d overslept became less likely. How long can a person oversleep anyway?

I went for a walk just to spin off some energy and thought about how I was going to handle this. Call his office @ “X” time for example. I also thought of what I would do if I learned the worst and I was pretty amazed at what occurred to me.

There is a saying in Special Forces, or there was: “When your time is up in the A Shau Valley, then your time is up and all the bullet proof underwear in the world isn’t going to help you. My husband repeats this from time to time and I see now that I’ve absorbed it.  When my husband’s time is up and this is something that’s just got to be accepted.

Even more important was this realization: My husband has lived his life. He’s not missed a day or drop of life and I can say the same. This means when we go, there is little to mourn.  We will have lived our lives to the fullest and then our number came up.

You may not agree but I think it would be much worse to lose someone you care about who wasted their life, living half-assed.

I am proud of my husband and I don’t care when he dies. He is my kind of man and when his time is up in A Shau Valley, I can accept it. I hope he can do the same if I die first. We’ve both lived full lives. What more can you ask for or expect?

42 thoughts on “My 8th House And The Valley Of Death”

  1. can’t ask for much more than that…and I’m glad he’s not dead:)

    living life to the fullest is important to me. I don’t ever want to look back and see wasted resources/opportunities

  2. Wow, so very glad he is still with you, in the land of the living, especially as you both waited so long for this time to be together. Your post brought tears to these eyes.Maybe because I’m having my second 8th house Saturn return.

    I so salute your attitude, as having had two serious moments where my husband’s life was in the balance, I am not sure how I feel knowing that his 3degrees Aries Sun is next April slammed by the cosmos, knowing that a square from Uranus brought his heart attack, a trine from PLuto mended his heart, I’m quietly concerned about the cardinal T square while resolving to simply do what we can do, and live well as we always do.

    I can hardly bear to think about it, but I do, as we’ve walked that valley twice, but I don’t think I will ever do letting go of him very well.I pray that if and when we lose each other, the other can feel as you do, thankyou for shining your light, still makes me tear up though.

  3. Well this was weird. I had no idea I had internalized what he’d said in that statement but I have. I thought to myself, if he died, he died in his sleep and if his time was up, what else would or could I ask for? Some people are nowhere near as lucky. They died when they were 4 or 10 or 24 or 30.

    I also thought it’s quite a gift he’s given me – that perspective. I used to deal with death very poorly at one time. VERY poorly. I told my husband about this and he said I better not write anything on my blog. ‘It will piss people off…”

    But I figure if I can save someone some grief out there some day well…

    And also it is inspirational. If you live well you give your loved ones this “out” when you die. I really don’t think my husband has wasted a day of his life and either have I.

    This is not to judge against other lives. We were both just born to hit the ground, runnin’ and that we have done.

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    I’m so relieved he’s alive and well… That’s not a comfortable place to be, I know. I have to agree with your hubby… When your time card is punched, you’re outta here. I’ve attended to two different people as they passed through the veil and once gone, there’s no bringing them back… It’s much like turning out a light or blowing out a candle… So, that’s why we must live our lives to the fullest and do/be/experience all that we can while we’re here. Enjoy this crazy turn on the wheel and live like tomorrow may not arrive! Living half-assed is no way to really live at all… I agree with your philosophy…

  5. And it’s the ones who are left who suffer from death. It is important to grieve and fully spend time in mourning, but eventually we need to carry on living a full life again FOR the sake of the loved one who has passed on.

  6. Avatar
    curious wanderer

    I lost my closest friend over 3 years ago, four months short of her 30th birthday. When it happened, I felt much more sadness for myself and her loved ones. For her, I felt certain that she had accomplished all she had come to this life to accomplish, and though she was young, it was time for her to move on.

    Can’t say if I’ll feel the same when others in my life pass, though.

  7. Our life is a gift and we can be gifts to each other…gifts don’t expire, but people do..the lesson is..can we internalize the gift they have left us and give it to others…? I think it would be very hard though to accept the death of someone who died before even striving for what they were capable of, whatever that gift was, or not getting close to reaching it,..such as a young person, be it a son, daughter etc. over someone who has let all barrels blast and knew exactly where they were aiming and were consumed with that vitality and force. But Elsa, that would have been a terrible shock none the less!! {{Hugs}}. No matter we always miss our loved ones!!

  8. I’m envious of the Soldier and you..I can’t say the same for my Life – but, so far, it has been interesting…

  9. I agree, it is very hard when a young person dies. Speaking of that, my husband told me the story of one of the Columbine kids who were killed, “Rachel”. She was really something. Got a long way in the few years she had here.

    Also, when someone is just starting out and get cut down. It is very hard to reconcile… when people leave small children is another.

    On the shock part, no it would not be a shock if my husband were to die. His job is very dangerous, he is of a certain age and his health is not the best.

    I knew this going in so all I can say is today’s revelation was somewhat of a relief because a month ago this came up and I thought it would be like cardiac arrest for me. But now I see he has gifted me with the A Shau Valley concept which is inarguable, really. And he has gifted me by living his life as well, I guess that is the point.

  10. See if he dies, I have got to be okay. I just do, I have a son. I mean this occurred to me: My son loses his sister, then his stepfather and two geriatric dogs? Does that sound like I am in a position where I can drop a ball?

    My husband has trained me what you do in a crisis and I see now that training has taken hold.

  11. I’m so glad he’s okay. It is a gift to know how to look at this.

    I’ve been happy with my life, and maybe I need to make sure my loved ones know this.

  12. “I’m still going to mourn, P. It’s a loss. I’d miss the living shit out of you, I’d never find anything like it again and I will never marry, I’ll never marry again.”

  13. I too recently felt my husband was in danger. He had gone out with a friend that bought a new boat. It was getting very late, and the thought crossed my mind. As it turned out, they were caught in a storm and he had the same thought.
    We all hope that time will bless us with many more days to love; but know that when the time comes, we can’t give up.
    Also, do you suppose that when people live their relationships full of arguments and ill will, that the one left would have the most difficulty accepting the end of the road, for not having really experienced the satisfaction?

  14. “Also, do you suppose that when people live their relationships full of arguments and ill will, that the one left would have the most difficulty accepting the end of the road, for not having really experienced the satisfaction?”

    @Blueststar – I don’t know. My husband and I always say goodbye nicely (with rare exception) just in case. We have both seen a lot of death.

    For fighting couples, my guess is it depends on the individual. If someone has a transcendent nature or some belief system that offers them an out, they probably can exit regardless.

  15. I was thinking more of the one still here; that after the spose exits they might feel some guilt. I do see this in someone who had a dysfunctional relationship and lost her husband over 20 years ago; but probably should not conclude this is a generalization.

  16. @Bluestar, so was I. I just meant that a person could conceivably bicker with a live person but have a belief system that allows them to resolve a death. Another person might be really haunted.

    I think that eventually in whatever case or circumstances, after some amount of time the person either comes out of it or not. I also know of people who were really never the same after the loss of a spouse but I’ll tell you of someone I admire on this front – Joan Rivers.

    I admire Joan Rivers because she was a brilliant original but her husband (who was a silent part of her act) committed suicide at the height of her fame. People were horrible to her. They were awful but she got through that – I don’t know how but I read her daughter’s book recently and she too blamed her mother for that for some time.

    Anyway, she is an example of an individual coping and continuing in their life. I greatly admire this, I don’t know what else to say. It was a hard road but she took it.

  17. That’s Joan, back in the day. She was hysterical.

    When I was a teenage bartender, they used to call me the Italian Joan Rivers. I was flattered and also funny as hell… back in the day.

    I used to be much more an entertainer than I am now. That was because people tipped, I am sure. Now they shoot at you so fuck it!

  18. My ex-husband was Special Forces too. I lived that life for 20 years with him. He was a special man, but I also knew if anything ever happened to him it would be while he was doing what he loved. What he thrived on and who could ask for more? I know where you are coming from Elsa, that fear always there when you are with a man with such force in his life. I remember a time when he was overseas. I was in our home puttering, vacuuming the drapes in front of the picture window, when a black car pull up in front. Two men in uniform got out and I fell to my knees, saying no, no, no! I was so scared. They came to inform me that he had been in a helicopter accident, repelling, and was injured but alive. He always pulled through. Those Special Forces guys are really SPECIAL for a reason. Adore yours.

  19. @Elsa… you are one tough customer! To be able to handle your Husband being in harms way is an incredible path to be travelling & you deal with it in such an admirable way.
    I agree on the “If your time is up, it’s up” theory. It makes sense that it’s true & often seems to be proven to me when I hear of freak accidents etc.
    As far as Joan R. is concerned? She’s living evidence that what dosn’t kill you makes you stronger!
    I hope you never find yourself in your recent predicament again… bloody hell!

  20. Hey.

    If he really was dead, you wouldn’t be worried. You’d know; instant knowledge, not speculation and worry; sadness but also peace love and safety. Soldiers especially are pretty good about that. And they take care of you still when they’re gone. Seriously.

  21. Glad to hear I am not the only Joan Rivers fan – alot of people can’t stand her. I have been a long-time admirer of her.

    My husband and I are the same age – we are both having to deal with our age. We both have had to make some life-style changes in order to stay healthy (diet, exercise, etc.). I especially am determined to live as long as I can to take care of my daughter – if I die from some disease it will not be because I drank too much, smoked, did not exercise, or ate nothing but crap.

    We are just now coming to terms with planning for after we are gone – will soon be meeting with an attorney regarding all that needs to be done for my daughter.

    I do agree that when your time is up, it’s up, but I won’t hurry it along if I can help it. I think it is wonderful that your husband has been able to give you this peace of mind. It’s true that our time with our loved ones is a gift we have to appreciate every day.

  22. Elsa, he told you he wouldn’t take care of you when he was gone? Or that when he died you wouldn’t know it, or he wouldn’t let you know?

  23. eva – both. He doesn’t think he can do that.

    We had a big talk about this last night. Dead people visiting people… and that’s what he said. He does not think he can do it but he acknowledged he could be wrong. “Could be wrong” does not in any way indicate he thinks he is wrong. He thinks he is right.

  24. For the record, I told him it was no problem because I have an imagination and a half and if I need him there, he will be there whether he is there or not, LOL.

  25. Heh. Well, my whole family is dead. I don’t think they come hang around and flicker the lights on and off and stuff but I do experience kind of an ancestral blessing. I seem to be luckier about certain things and I get sort of a sense of protection, it’s kind of an inheritance. The actual visiting part – maybe it doesn’t work quite that way. But it does seem to work some kind of way. 🙂

  26. eva, I understand. I have heard stories of people being visited and some of them are hard NOT to believe. Example, a man told me his father (abusive) showed up at the foot of his bed, middle of the night to announce his exit – scared the hell out of the guy who got the call his father had passed a few hours later.

    This was my first husband’s brother. We were visiting and the brothers had not seen each other for years (close to 10). I’d never met him of course but when we got there, this story came tumbling out. It was an old story and his wife (who was there at the time) was sitting next to him nodding as she witnessed this (he woke her up being startled) and then they got the call, breakfast time.

    Anyway, I agree about inheritance. My husband I do a lot of talking and emoting and I expect memories of things he may have told me to surface when I need them and the like. (this assumes he dies first). It is the standing at the end of the bed, he does not think he can manage and in fact he knows of someone who promised their wife that and did not (could not) do it so he’d be very loathe to make this kind of promise.

    My husband and I have a pretty solid BASE as far as understanding our relationship goes. I say “base” because it grows and deepens all the time.

    Er… if you search “lifesavers” on this blog, you’ll see the beginnings of it but in whatever case., legacy is something I understand very well.

    Henry never visits me but he comes through me all the time and my husband?

    Well his son has Jupiter in Scorpio conjunct my Neptune (which is conjunct my husband’s Moon) so I carry this (am a conduit of his legacy) which has led me to transfer GOBS of energy. It’s all pretty cool.

    I feel better and understand more everyday and I am not sure why this is. I’m grateful though and was very happy to realize I was this far along. I was NOT this far along a few months ago and who knows what that means.

  27. I’ve heard those stories too and of course waited around for the Big Paranormal Experience every time. I was pretty disappointed nothing like that ever happened, not a single cool story to tell about it all. But I do remember waking up with the fact of it in my head before I had to go through the whole protocol in real time. Just had it as a fact. No drama, nothing flying across the room. It was just there when a minute ago it was not.

    I think people get easier with this stuff as they get older anyway. When you’re twenty you think death is some impossible tragedy that could only happen to other people, so terrible you can’t even look at it. But eventually the idea seems whole lot friendlier. Wise, even, sometimes.

    ” Comes through you”… that’s a perfect way to put it 🙂

  28. Lost my husband 3 years ago. I know without a doubt that this world is not all there is due to a near-death experience a long time ago. He said I had a conversion experience, he didn’t really believe there was anything to it, but as anyone who has lived through such a thing knows, it is the most real thing that ever happened to them.
    The day after he died my smoke detectors kept going off, and his sister in Oregon told me hers were doing the same thing. I looked up and told him that I knew he was OK (more than OK) and that I was going to be OK too. No more smoke detectors other than at 3 AM when my sister was visiting (he didn’t like her) and in her room only!! Anyway, my point being, there is really no way anyone knows what awaits them and how they will act if there is such a reality. Personally I think we will understand so much more than we can even start to comprehend when alive. My husband will help me if I ask him, over and over this has happened. One of the things I kept seeing (in my mind) was a bouquet of pink roses, and when I feel down and think of him, they pop up in a movie or some guy is buying them at the grocery store, etc. Our song was “Someone to Watch Over Me.” They know who really loved them.

  29. I think death is a transition to the next world. So I’m not afraid of it. I’ve been in a car accident and know what its like to ride in an ambulance so I’m like eh if it happens in a worse way, its not that bad. Of course, I would wish to visit my mother in her dreams (depending on who dies first). The other thing that makes me less afraid of death is all the traumatic experiences I’ve had in life. But also, signs from God, seeing my angels on more than one occasion, seeing the Virgin Mary, and the like. I think the purpose of our existence is to learn how to love unconditionally. Angels are with us when we cross over no matter what creed, religion, etc. We just have to gravitate toward the light and believe in the Creator’s love for us. That’s how I see it. Also, if you like this subject read David Kessler’s books, he was a hospice worker and knows all about this stuff. But the thing I am afraid of is to live without regret or to reconcile it. There’s always a thorn on our sides.

  30. As far as the ancestral legacy, I believe in this now. I would have scoffed a few years ago, but I’ve had several experiences where I knew a very large presence was with me. I got the outline somehow (and this is not a usual thing for me). Then later I got that his name was Roy. I told my mom about this, and she said my maternal great-grandfather was very large and named Roy. Since then, there have been some blessings/interventions that I think he might be involved in. It sounds crazy, but with my family, I could see him trying to help — especially from things I found out about him recently after digging around. And we need help.

  31. Laurel I wish you pink roses…

    when someone close to you dies it’s to real, a lot of life is the mind. After my dad died, I finally came home and unknown to me spent the night in the room where he died. ( I thought it was the room at the end of the hall but his hospital bed didn’t make the corner) So here I was down with the flu on Christmas eve in the room where the previous spring 2 days befor my 42 birthday my dad died. Then came the smell. From the floor boards or in the closet, under the bed it smelled like a tom cat(s). My sisters tried to figure it out. I figured he was raising a big stink over me being there and no one else had the flu!
    It’s very complicated why, (my dad rose up a big stink over my return) but I will say my family is very scary. Now that my older sister has died, it’s me and my sons that have to manage right from wrong. No one else knows the difference!

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