Never Been Loved

love heartI hear a person say they’ve never been loved from time to time. It’s an interesting topic and not necessarily painful.

Astrologically, I would give this situation or sentiment to Venus in aspect to Saturn in a natal chart. I’d also look at Venus in Capricorn, Saturn in the 7th and maybe the 2nd. Venus in the 10th might also be suspect but…

Having these aspects or placements in a chart does not mean you will never be loved. Clearly there are people who in fact, have never been loved but many people who make this claim have been loved. They may simply not register the love, recognize the love or be able to internalize the love.

I think this is pretty common and it’s not that hard to understand. Being a strong Saturn-type myself, I don’t internalize compliments. I am far more likely to internalize an insult and this phenomenon takes place of inside of me, independent of the actions or expressions of other people and there are other scenarios.

Some people cling to a notion like this as a way to define themselves as opposed to working to remedy the situation. Other people say no one loves them but neglect to mention, they don’t love anyone themselves.

Others keep people away as a defense. In this case, the lack of love is not something that happens to them but something they orchestrate or control (Saturn).

Has anyone ever told you that no one has ever loved them? What were your observations? If you are someone who feels you have never been loved, what do you make of it?

49 thoughts on “Never Been Loved”

  1. Hmmn. Using the equal house system, I have Saturn in the 7th and Venus in the 10th, but they are not in aspect to each other. I have experienced an abundance of love in my life and feel that I have been well-loved.

    I am curious – why would Venus in the 10th be suspect?

  2. Well, you know my saturn situation. It’s my chart ruler, opposes venus in virgo in the eighth from the second house, squared by jupiter from the fifth. The most honest thing I can say is that in order to be loved I had to make enormous sacrifices, and I got involved in partnering situations where I had to abandon myself to be connected to anyone at all.

    Love is work. If I hadn’t worked so hard — I mean if I slacked off for a minute it would be over– I probably could say I was never loved. Probably never again…but I was at least found useful to certain men for some period of time. It was the same in my family. Whatever you got, you did not deserve.

  3. I knew a Venus Saturn opposition. He had to work very hard for love, and the moment he felt like he didn’t want to work for it anymore, love left.

  4. Petra, the 5th house is associated with the Sun / ego. I am looking strictly at Venus for love or in the case, for the circumstance of being deprived of love.

  5. Hi Elsa,
    I have Saturn square Venus (saturn in 8th house aries and venus in 11th house cancer). I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately – the only time I ever felt “loved” was when I was useful to someone, being what they wanted me to be or giving them what they needed. It’s even been that way with my family members. My dad loved me of that I have no doubt at all, and since he passed on three years ago, the lack of love in my life has been more painful than I ever remember it. I’ve shut down mostly now with people (Sun in cancer also) but the lonliness is very hard to bear. Sometimes I think any kind of love is better than no love at all, and then I think if I don’t really get to the root of it now, I never will, so I’m working on loving me more (and that’s hard work). Also, love to me has almost always meant huge burdens to carry, it sure was never for free.

  6. I LOVE your approach to these topics πŸ™‚
    Venus square Saturn here (wide square but I claim it — also Cap on 5th doesn’t help).

    I can’t go deep into this topic today, but am curious what others have to report.

  7. Apple, it is Saturn’s house but my feeling is the Venus in hard aspect to Saturn is most daunting.

    I put the other stuff in there because I have been doing this for 10 years and people always ask. I try to indicate the nuance but who knows.

  8. Sweet subject, that be me. I have Venus in Capricorn in the 10th house. Started out with I am not loveable. Him: “I love you” Me: “No you don’t” out the door he went. After 40 years of this I went to therapy, TA-DA I had actually been loved once in life. Maybe even more than once, what I had to work on and define is this: Yes people have loved me in the past, just not the way I wanted to be loved. So thank you therapy, yes I have been loved and can love back. Thank you astrology for helping me define the word love. Now to mash these two concepts together. By the way I have moon in cappy too. Afraid to be loved ’cause I just ain’t good enough.

  9. When you meant love.. do you mean love in anything (meaning not necessarily relationship-wise)? I was going to write the same thing that Petra asked!
    I have been loved but never by a man (relationship-wise).. My family and friends love me, I know that!
    But I have never been in a relationship before and I’m getting close to my saturn return.. I don’t know if it is a control issue or maybe just needing to mature to actually have it come my way.. it is not necessarily pleasing to wait but I do understand its necessity.
    I have Saturn and Pluto conjunct my 5th house cusp and Saturn ruling my 7th house. I have a minor aspect (sesquiquadrate) between Venus and Saturn and depending on the house system used, in Placidus I have Moon-Venus-Mars stellium in my 10th house or in Equal system this stellium is in my 9th house. What I don’t like in my stellium description is that Venus and Mars in aspect is been described as charismatic and easily able to attract love to you and with my Moon (chart ruler) in the mix, should make it more easy… but I would say that it’s false!
    It feels lonely not being love and having to work in order to obtain is great but not instantly gratifying.. Even as a child, love did not come my way easily. When I became an adult, I felt it more. I have a lot of water planets and I definitely grew on people. I have always been much more conscious of how other’s felt and as I became an adult I became more conscious of how I felt more and started to let people (mostly friendship) that used me go. That’s when love (friendship) come my way!! I find it sad to think that I don’t project love enough to have it come my way.. (Chiron sextile my stellium and square my Sun) It definitely affected my self-esteem (I must say that my past did not help me built that esteem!)
    I think in my case I have to built self-esteem to get it but I would say that I don’t find it easy or not painful. It does hurt but I have to work to get it.. I know that! I just try to focus on any other type of love (not just romantic!) to get by but saying that romantic love (i.e. 5th house) is only attached to ego I must say that I’m not sure I would agree… Would it mean that I want to love to just to have a better self-esteem? I personally think not!! I want to be loved because I love people in general!! I have learned to save (Scorpio Saturn) my love energy (5th house) for people who deserved it!! Does it mean that what I gave out before was not love? I think it was love but just unreturned.. So I don’t give it out anymore.. Thankfully I learned that one πŸ™‚
    I know love is a burden but I like long relationships because I like sharing memories with people I love! (Cancer rising) I am prepared to have one but I get work first and then you can play πŸ˜‰ I find that it sucks sometimes until I remember what I’m working for!

  10. “Apple, it is Saturn’s house but my feeling is the Venus in hard aspect to Saturn is most daunting.”

    Ah, got it. That makes sense – sorry for being a bit slow on the uptake today!

  11. Apple, I did not mean to imply that. I just try to write these things so that they are as accessible as possible but as you know, astrology is complex so it’s never more than an attempt.

  12. I have Venus in Capricorn, Saturn in house 7 & Venus sextile Saturn. I guess I have felt unloved a lot of my life. But not always.

  13. Oh no, I didn’t mean to imply that you were implying anything! πŸ˜‰ I just *felt* slow on the uptake after reading your explanation – it was one of those forehead-slapping “duh” moments, but you were not the cause. Thank you for clarifying! πŸ™‚

  14. Hm. Well, I wouldn’t say that I’ve never been loved even though I have V/S. I don’t get many opportunities, esp. from people I would like back, but it’s happened.

    My mom, on the other hand, doesn’t have V/S but does have Saturn/Moon opposed on her 1st/7th cusps and dear effing god, I don’t think she has ever been loved in the way that she needs in order to not feel starving. I think everyone who ever loved her has been pretty detached about it, and what she clearly needs is someone who would absolutely smother her with affection and attention all the time. Problem is, she doesn’t… well, pick those people to be born to or birth or marry, I guess. Or she doesn’t bring out that urge in any of us. She needed to be an only child with smothering parents and to get married at age 18 to someone else smothering, I think.

  15. Venus Retro conj Mercury in opposition to Saturn Retro conj Neptune.

    I have often experienced the love of another as a burdensome responsibility, but long for the stuff, anyway. With Neptune in the 10th involved, I feel I’m not seen clearly (or at all) and I sure have done my own share of projection in this lifetime. My effort to extend love or affection seems to fall flat or miss the mark entirely. As recommended, I’m writing a new story with a script that gets updated daily. My sweetheart (Venus square Saturn) and I have promised to smile when we’re with each other and keep it light. We’re old enough to solve our own problems and don’t need to bring each other down in the process. Since we have Venus square Pluto in our composite chart, we can talk about this stuff. It helps.

  16. I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently. My chartruler is Venus and, yes, I do feel I’ve never been loved. I’ve been the object of fantasy, obsession and posession but not love. My Venus has four squares from other planets, and a sextile to Saturn. I always thought that sextile would be my saving grace one day, but after reading this, perhaps not:)

  17. you know after two years of trying to love a venus/10H square saturn/7H, my patience and compassion is wearing thin (tall order for a 12H venus square neptune)

    let me just say it is RIDICULOUS how they thwart love for themselves—completely transparent and embarrassing

    saturn tries so desperately hard to avoid shame and rejection but it is precisely in this over compensation that he manifests his greatest humiliation!

  18. I’ve got Venus in Capricorn (in H5 I think) in opposition to my Saturn and to my Mars, which are conjunct by 2 or 3 degrees. And my Venus is conjunct my Sun (which is also in opposition to my Mars and Saturn). Two of these four oppositions also form T squares (I think) to my Jupiter. The whole set of oppositions make a complex tension brace right across the centre of my chart, and with the T squares, the whole is daunting.

    But I’ve been loved by men both passionately and profoundly, only somehow it always runs into trouble and doesn’t last, or not in the sense that it leads to an established or rather enduring partnership. So sometimes I do feel profoundly unloved. I do know though that my father loved me, probably my sister too and my grandparents certainly, and various aunts and uncles. And I have friends who have always loved me, mainly women.

    I know though that the scar of being unloved by my mother (either of my mothers!) has left a deep sense of lack and loss, and left me always in fear of rejection and abandonment, so that I put up defences especially to men even whilst abandoning myself to the affair. There is possibly some part of me which is always protected, and some people certainly sense that.

  19. PS I have nice trines from my Taurus Moon in H9 to the four planets in question which is possibly why the question of finding love has never been the problem… keeping it is!

  20. Venus/Saturn conjunct here. I have been loved once in my life (relationship-wise) and I’m grateful for that, even though I’m the one who broke it off. I wish it had happened earlier in my life, because it’s very grounding, even if there is never another relationship in my life.

    It’s hard to know where the onus is for not being loved, or not feeling loveable, which to me is interchangeable. I grew up with a challenging situation with my adoptive father, and always felt like a burden to him and the family. I’ve thought alot about this, and my take is that Venus/Saturn brings restriction to the self and the idea that one is worthy of love. If you grow up with this idea, you probably also project it in every other relationship later in life. Eventually, this idea hardened so much (for me) that it probably has been a level of control to shy away from relationships altogether. Every criticism is a validation that I’m not worthy, and it seems that everyone is critical in one way or another (maybe that’s human nature). Life is easier for me this way. It may not be the best life for anyone else, but it’s the only way I can tolerate living.

  21. sunlover, a trine is not a hard aspect but will still give Venus things a Saturn flavor. As to whether it is good or bad, I think every gift is a curse in exact proportion (and vice versa) so I am the wrong person to ask to judge that.

  22. Adopted, and I haven’t done the work that Blessed Place has done to figure out the houses….
    I spent the first 4 months of my life in a foster home. Somehow, I think that there, I might have been loved. Since then…well, I have my dogs and cats, and a few friends and cousins, all of whom are physically distant, but in terms of my close, day to day life, I’m pretty empty. I do remember being 11 or so, and watching one classmate with her mother, and coming to the very very vivid conclusion that the reason that I never had love like that was because I didn’t deserve it. It’s taken years to overcome that thinking.
    Interesting, venus in cancer is sextile jupiter in
    virgo. Depending on the allowable orb,(I’ve seen 2 degrees, and 5, venus is 4 degrees off) both create a yod with chiron.

  23. My daughter has Venus/Saturn conj 4th house in opposition to Pluto/Mars conj 10th house, plus unaspected Sun in Cancer 5th house.
    She needs to be told, constantly, how much she’s loved. Everything that happens to her that is not comfortable, makes her feel she’s not loved. She would do whatever to ‘feel’ she’s loved, which is something that worries much.

  24. I have venus in cap (12th house) trine saturn in the 7th.
    I have had and have people that say they love me, familly and romantic relationships, and I believe some of them do, in their own way.
    I guess i’ve learned to define love by the intention rather than by what people do to show it. I want to believe they do.
    The times I’ve felt total absolute love were during some kind of spiritual experience though. And sometimes with pets.
    Being a pisces sun I sometimes atract venus in pisces that project stuff onto me and think they love me, I tend to not accept that well though. I’m trying to, though. I think maybe they can teach me to love myself.

  25. Venus conjunct Saturn here, and I can say that a big issue for me has indeed been the feeling that I am not worthy of love.

    I’ve only just discovered this in therapy. Explains why I’ve attracted only people who were unavailable in some way.

    The great thing about life is, that you get to take that raw material that is your birth chart, and mold and shape it into whatever you want. I feel happy and empowered knowing what it is that has held me back, and am confident in moving forward! (Leo rising)

    And of course, as Elsa pointed out in a previous comment, there are blessings in the curses. Venus conjunct Saturn also indicates a late bloomer, which has turned out to be a good thing for me; and preserving a youthful appearance, which is also true (thanks Mom!). In addition, it indicates work related to creative endeavors, which I wouldn’t trade for anything (conjunct MC).

  26. I’ve got a Cap dsc (Saturn rules my 7th) and in Equal Saturn’s in 2nd (I prefer Placidus, though).

    I definitely know I’ve been loved, however. I may not feel or believe it on a daily basis, but I know it’s there and has been there in the past in the case of former lovers and friends. It helps on those extremely down days. *smiles*

  27. Hmmm… had to think about this one. I’ve always felt that love has eluded me, but I don’t have Venus in aspect to Saturn. (But my Venus is in Aquarius, which I think tends to make me distant, so that may be a factor.) And I have a Capricorn 7th house, where my Moon resides. And Saturn does square that Moon. So maybe that Saturn square to a 7th house Moon is why I feel a lack of love. (Interesting topic for Venus Rx!)

  28. Venus in Capricorn 6th house, Saturn in Scorpio 4th house. NEVER FELT LOVED.. My two siblings and I were raised by a mother that was very cold. We all felt like a burden to her, were told repeatedly that if she had her life to live over again, she never would have got married/had children, it was a thankless job! We’re all divorced now, thankfully I have wonderful loving relationships with my children/grandchildren.

  29. Hey Pat–at least you had the courage to still be a mom, and create love within your relationships with your children. Boy, does that speak to your strengths, and who you are as a person. Pat yourself on the back for that one.

  30. I miss my dog. He loved me. We used to go on long runs and he would always show me how to keep life simple. He found great happiness in swimming through lawns with tall grass. I realized that we don’t need all the fancy stuff to be happy just be able to see and use whats there. He was so smart. He even pooped on the feet of a neighbor that I didn’t like. After that I new he was wicked smart. Gosh I loved that dog.

  31. Venus in Capricorn here, also have Venus Square Saturn natally. Too uncanny – I’ve been researching this topic online because I’ve realized through therapy that I have never really trusted anyone. I’m involved with a Cancer man right now who adores me, but I find it very difficult to accept/believe this to be true. I also have Ascendant, Mercury and Uranus in Scorpio – I wonder if it makes me untrusting. All I can say is that it takes a lot of work and self-awareness and self-acceptance to feel loveable and loved. Don’t let the [im]perfect be the enemy of the good.

    *Sending a lot of genuine love to all those Venus-Saturn and Venus in Cap folks out there* πŸ™‚

  32. Good lord. I have both Saturn in my second house and Venus in Capricorn. So that’s why I have dry spells that would rival the Mojave?

    What’s it going to take to deal with this? I tried to copy my natal chart but I’m not getting a copy option. I’ll see if I can figure that out.

    I’ve always wanted kids too – so this has been a double disappointment to me. I’ve been hesitanting doing the single mom thing for a couple of reasons. And its so rare that I find a man I really connect with – on all levels. Once and five years probably… and the last couple have been mostly more trouble and pain than pleasure.

  33. Wow, I was looking for this kind of input…my husband and toddler have saturn square venus and our next baby due this fall is going to have a saturn conjunct venus/sun….I am worried about both of my children…I hope they know and experience deep and lasting love. I hope that saturn influences their lives in this way and not a path of loneliness…

  34. Saturn conjunct Venus in the 12th conjunct ASC (so this is why I’m 48 and don’t have grey hair?). Uranus conjunct Pluto in Virgo in the 7th. I was born not trusting people, and every time I do, I am disappointed. Two divorces due to men who professed mad love for me, when all they wanted to do was punish me instead. However, my Aries Sun is always ready to start again!

  35. Can anybody please tell me …. how to check where the stellium or any particular situation is falling “where” (in which house) in our chart????

  36. How about feeling not loved “enough”? I agree with cherie – loving another is burdensome and to me sometimes seems way too much work.

    I have Venus in capricorn in the 4th and Saturn in the 7th.

  37. Yea, I am “that person”. I was shown tough love or conditional love pretty much all of my life. My family even tells me that unconditional love doesn’t exist. Before I got rejected by everyone and hurt badly, I used to give affection freely, even to those who did not always treat me well. Now, I’ve harden up and don’t expect love at all. Indifference is a good buffer for constant rejection.

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