Past Lives, Love & Hate

old past livesWe’ve been visiting the “past lives” topic on the site for twenty years. I always start these posts, stating, I personally have no knowledge of any past life of my own. I have been told things over the years but they were never compelling to me.  Not to say the people were wrong. Just to say, I could not relate.

My husband talked to me about his past life when were teenagers. It was not a normal topic in this time and place so I “recorded” it, meaning, it stuck with me. His story was so fascinating, it was one of my curiosities when we got back together after being apart nearly 25 years.  Did he still think all this stuff?

Turns out he did still think all the stuff and for the record, I was glad. His story was compelling. I felt vindicated, holding onto it all those years so, blah, blah. I’ve written about this before.

The new thing is that I’m beginning to think I’m also a “re-run”. I don’t like this at all.

I don’t mind being plain. I don’t mind being “not special”. In fact, I prefer it, to being “flaky”. But I’m becoming concerned, this is not one and done for me. I feel distress over this, however, I also know I’ll adapt if necessary.

For anyone who may be into this, I have some questions.  It seems souls can be tied together for different reasons. Love, but also hate.  Or love/hate? Or love that turns to hate?  Now this is theoretical…

Let’s say I have “karma” with my father.  He beats the hell out of me for years and I physically suffer for the rest of my life, but I don’t retaliate. I transcend, basically. I forgive him.

Would this allow me or rather my soul, to move on? I have no sophistication on this topic at all, but this fits the narrative, I’ve heard from others, over the years.

In this imaginary scenario, it wouldn’t matter what my father did. Karma paid, our paths separated. I’ve heard over the course of my life, to leave things lie so as not to incur more karma?  Not to go stab people. Well, I’ve done this. I’ve done it my whole life but now I am getting an inkling this bad news.

Again, I am making up this scenario; this is  not about my father, but what I’m thinking my be the case – I’m actually still bound.  Whatever is getting worked out – I am the beat-ee  – with no clue how I got in this situation.

I’m asking how to exit this situation. Is there a way?  Just assume the other party or parties are non-cooperative or even dead.  What can I do, on my own?

To hopefully better clarify, let’s say I have a way of knowing I have been badly wronged by someone in this life and in at least one in the past. And what if I’m pretty sure the other person has progressed in this life, (because they realize they wronged me). The last life, they did not.

They know it, this life, but they’ve not atoned, that I know of. I expect they’ll be back… as will I, and we go another round?

How am I this person’s designated victim? How can I be tied by their sin?

Thank you.

58 thoughts on “Past Lives, Love & Hate”

  1. Some huge questions here Elsa. I believe we are tethered to certain people to ‘work out’ Karma – yet cannot really fathom if it is balanced, or if more Karma is created. Don’t think I will understand ’till ‘life review’ is attended. Lately I have come to believe that there are serious pests out there, those who for one reason or another ‘trail’ one through lifetimes, some how giving themselves life via the connection they have created. Sounds a bit gloomy.
    I wonder if anyone else has this experience?

    1. Wander the earth for the ruin of souls..?

      I really want to go to heaven and that’s a fact. Even though I was taught, heaven wants nothing to do with the likes of me, I still want to go! So I am very careful. I have always been careful, I was taught (by Henry) to be careful, but this new story emerging is quite different from what I’ve been supposing. And yes, gloomy.

      But if it’s real and I am understand this now, I want the knowledge. Eventually, it won’t be gloomy. It will just be life.

      You take someone like my father. Is he burning in hell, or already back here, wreaking havoc? Something else? I have no clue! But lets say I’m tethered to him. If he comes back, do I come back, with? Or if I come back, does he come with? Or are we all just cycling around and around and around, fighting each other like idiots?

      You’re supposed to leave people and things, better than you found them, if at all possible. I was taught this and continue to abide by it. I just want to graduate! And I thought this was possible… for me, specifically. But now I don’t think this so much – well I’m concerned, because I am tethered to others in ways I can’t understand.

      1. I hear you Elsa, I have Merc ( in Cap) in 9th, Mars and Saturn in Sagg in 9th, and have always felt things will be alright in the end ( in life) if we do the right thing ect. I don’t believe I have victim energy but looking back believe I have been a victim via my own nievete..Karma is a bitch if you don’t know if you’re giving or getting- but I don’t believe cart blanch forgiveness is a reason to fear entry to the higher realms – some have to be told “ back off!” and if they don’t- you are free of them. However, and would love some feedback on this – I have tinkered with the idea of homicide re someone who won’t go away but cannot be controlled by civilised society. Of course I am not capable of this- but feel if I could get away with it – I would be doing myself and my life a true service- as any human would feel after breaking a chain someone has placed upon them.

      2. Just a thought – I’m no expert. I read a lot about Rudolf Steiner’s Karma lectures in his on-line archive and much more on other subjects too. It’s a worthwhile read if even one doesn’t accept his work.

      3. so so valid.

        and while I’m not ‘religious’ … i still carry the sane notions. even when i do my photography lately.. that sometimes i put a gloomy tone to & find myself mentioning Heaven.. as though i am just waitimg for.the passport..
        when i.was about 12-15yrs.
        i remember i said something to a staff member.. (and it was truly odd out of my mouth because i was very much living by my mars pluto moon..)
        “i think all this stuff is meant to happen to me for a reason. i have to go through lots of all different stuff so i know how to help others when i get to heaven”…

        i have never forgotten me saying this.ever.
        and gosh it still seems so very valid to this day.. even though i apparently believe more in a cosmos or universal thingy

  2. Does he necessarily have to be from your past life? He has his karma and you have yours. I guess in this example, you’re supposed to get domestic violence in this life. So you do. He gets his life as an abuser. Each one is then supposed to do their best in this life. That’s all there is to it. I see it like that. In your example the only sin you will be tied to in the next life is your own.

    1. Yes, this is how I have seen it. I like this belief, it’s “neat”.

      But what if I find out that I ran with this person before… I was happy in life, but then died a bad death due to their action.

      That should mean, I am on my own but then this life comes and here they are again. Deal me bad again, but realize it. Their soul, today, is possibly grappling with this… or not, but no atonement.

      So my thought is, back again and again until this person gets their brass ring… however, this makes me sound squeaky clean, which I never am. But I’m also never a destroyer of a soul, ever. I’m just not drawn that way – towards vengeance?

      I’m just wondering if you can have a messy situation like this and when I wonder that, it seems not only possible, but highly possible, because we understand so little.

      1. Ok, you know how some women have a pattern of abuse throughout life? ‘First husband beat me, I left him but met another one who beat me too, why do I have such a bad luck or bad karma or whatever else?’

        Do you reckon she knew all those men that beat her in her past lives? What about all other people in our lives? Friends, relatives, etc. Because by that logic we all knew each other in past lives. By that logic we would also owe each other something in this life. That basically makes karma concept more about others than ourselves. How do I make a life of another person better through my actions? To me though it’s the opposite, how do I make my life/myself better? Because if I am better that automatically makes a positive impact on others. Basically my 3rd husband (after 2 that beat me and the example above) will not beat me because I simply won’t meet the one that beats again in this life and especially not in the next life. That is karma. I think your father might get another violent life but it will no longer be you in his life 🙂 Well, I Hope it’s like that!

        1. Yes, I agree with you in regards to my father, but I am talking about one individual (there may be more), who has repeated a specific bad act against me. I did not retaliate last time (basically same as my father), so why have this circle around and happen again.

          1. looks like precisely Because you did not retaliate. Things that happen again happen because we didn’t learn something the first time. It’s a puzzle to figure out what that was.

            Not retaliate here meant what? Roll with punches + forgive + let things lie. And I think Not letting things lie is equalled to stabbing in the back. Also forgiveness as transcendence. I’m just re-reading the post to try figure out how I see it. Maybe some unprocessed very deeply buried trauma. Sometimes we want to forgive because we should (subconsciously we really don’t, but we don’t understand that). Maybe forgiveness and not stirring things up is seen as a good thing here = wanting to be good. But you’d still be good if you retaliated (if that was an inner need), trauma processed, maybe that is the lesson not learnt? I see karma as a lesson for us to be out truest selves.

            1. Well, if this is real – the first time I was done in, I was killed (terrifyingly) and didn’t know what hit me. So that was just done.

              This time, I have engaged… this is how I know there is some level of remorse. I don’t know that the person has the capability to atone or make amends, which is why I fear this will repeat.

              Like the first time, I was dead and he was righteous and gloating at how he brought this about.

              This time, there’s some small understanding on my side… I mean, I know who hit me! On the other side, the person knows they’ve wronged me… again. This is not denied.

              I really don’t know what will happen tomorrow, but I am making a leap here to ask – Could I be destined by be sinned against by a particular soul? Tied to them until they repent?

              I am considering the idea of being able to resolve some interactions (my father, which was resolved when I a teenager – I wrote about it), but other connections are stubborn?

              It’s quite hard to discern. I feel I am later in the day and really don’t want to incur anymore bad, anything. If I have a way to settle something I would like to that as well.

              Basically, I want to do what, Mary, did before she died (Mary, a gal I wrote about here, I was visiting her at the end of her life). She really tidied up. I’d like to do the same, though I think I am (maybe) a darker figure than she was.

              1. Maybe things that are out of our control we call destiny? I don’t know. But people we let in our lives – we control that, if they stay or not – we decide too. We change our karma every day. Does the other one atone, make amends, repent or sin more? It’s their decision, their karma. And it is nothing but our wish. So we have their actions (or absence of them) and our wishes and expectations. I think I would sign under most of your words above Elsa because I can see myself in a similar situation. What would I realistically do if the person who really hurt me came back and I would approach the situation hoping for the better? I don’t know. If I accepted them, my feeling is somebody in the next life will not thank me for it. Because how am I wiser if I’m still Hoping? Surely end of the day there should be more than just hope.. But yeah, I don’t have a clear enough answer to that yet. I know that having doubts and questioning coupled with hoping is not a very good sign because it means there’s a possibility I’m lying to myself – subconsciously I already know the answer but don’t want to accept it. Maybe looking for actions from their side is the right thing to do, a move from wishful thinking to reality.

  3. Also, I wanted to add that this blog is very much about overcoming our struggles, doing our best in life. That’s what it is for me. I would say a ‘sin’ here would be knowing where we should be making changes in life but not making them. Without fail we’d get more and more chances in life to make those changes and then if we still don’t – next life – somebody has to do it instead of us because we failed.

  4. Some ancient traditions did not see reincarnation as a school and rehabilitation center for souls but moreso as a trap and devils work. There is nothing benevolent in the depictions of wheel of samsara.

    1. ‘Light’ as in going to towards the light can be a form of trickery as well.

      I contemplate…

      We are energy (as humans) and our very existence as energy sources (via emotions) is a source of fuel, fueling the ‘wheel of life’

      Karmic threads are like well established emotional highways of rapid energy flow. They release quick strong bursts of energy that continue to fuel. It appears to me, this wheel of life is dependent upon emotions as a source of fuel.

      I do believe we can cut our karmic ties via awareness, mastering emotions/reactions and solidifying promises within ourselves.

  5. I am reading Linda Goodman, Star Signs. Chapter 4 is about Karma. I can’t summarize, because it’s too detailed and lengthy for me to write. But the explanation is Karma can only be broken by either the giver of the karma, or the receiver of the karma. She explains how that can happen. Basically, you had probably inflicted upon someone in a previous life the behavior you are experiencing to you, and you must transcend the hurt, bitterness, hatred, to get beyond it. A very interesting read, at least for me.

      1. Elsa you wrote, one time, something about quitting smoking -? – maybe? anyhoo, it was something along the lines of ‘one day I just decided and then that was it’. This has stuck with me ever since. I quit smoking using this. I told myself every day, that I get to decide and then that’s it. Now, I’m using the same thing for other things. It takes time to make changes, but once you decide, then you can get there. You taught me that.

  6. @Iryna ^^
    Thanks for the discourse, you’ve helped me asked a better question! Mercury sq Uranus.

    I guess, I assume I ran into this person to have a better outcome – I am alive and the sin is owned so this has been achieved. But it’s not resolved… and I guess it’s on my end. I need to really, truly and deeply forgive. I have not managed this, where I have with my father. That alone is a puzzle.

    Thanks again!

    1. Oh, you echoed my thoughts once again. I need to forgive too but have not managed. But that now makes me think the only reason I need this person now is for them to help me forgive them, after that I think the most likely outcome – we will part. Great. Thank you too Elsa!

  7. I’m a certified regression hypnotist..Both the regressions I have performed on subjects, and books by those who have been performing them for decades, outstanding examples being Dr.Brian Weiss and Dr.Michael Newton, confirm that our souls are immortal..The object of our many lives is to grow and develop through experience..Nobody makes you incarnate on Earth, or the nearly infinite number of other worlds.and some decline to do so…Earth is a tough school..But you and only you choose the circumstances of your next life, and the souls close to you who will also incarnate in the same milieu..Some intentionally choose likely short or very difficult lives to develop their empathy and other virtues..I would say that you are doing very well overcoming problems in this life, Elsa, and are probably a fairly advanced soul..But you are not wed to any other soul, so if you want to avoid your father’s soul in the future, you will…

      1. Your husband is probably your primary soulmate, and you have probably incarnated together many times…But generally, there will be some lives where you choose not to do so, or more commonly IMO, you will both be in that life, but you are not wed..You could be happily married to someone else, but your soulmate will still be a powerful magnet, though he is otherwise unavailable..That can be very difficult emotionally…

  8. Thanks for this topic. I love all your posts, even though I don’t respond very much. But this one I can add to, and so … Years ago (many) I had a past-life session. It was a lot like a deep hypnosis experience and I did see images of several lifetimes, all very dream like. Every one of those images contained a major heartbreak in that lifetime. Some I caused, and some were created for me. Usually it was a complicated combo of both. But in each case, there was a choice that either made the situation better or worse. And from which I learned.
    Even so, when I “awoke” from this past-life session, I didn’t know what to make of it. The lifetimes and images seemed chaotic and unrelated, and I have a great imagination, so I worried I’d just made it all up. But like your experience with your husband, it was very unusual, and I ‘recorded’ the entire thing. Now, it’s decades later and I remember every image in that session vividly. And it all makes a TON of sense that it couldn’t have back then. I hadn’t lived enough of this lifetime yet, to see where each of these images and lifetimes fit in. But believe me, they do. I see it now.
    But I’m also keenly aware that this was a very small sample. My lifetimes and issues cover a lot more than what I saw in that single session. Still. Because of those images, I’ve made a few different choices (this time around) than I would have otherwise. But here’s the thing: I STILL DON’T KNOW IF I MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE THIS TIME OR NOT. That’s the kicker. Because suffering still is. It really doesn’t matter which path you take. Life is still going to have it’s challenges. So, once again, it’s another forgiveness opportunity no matter how you slice it. Which is why I’m beginning to think that forgiving ALL OF IT is the entire point of being alive. And that’s thanks to a book by Gary Renard called Disappearance of the Universe where he talks about past lives and forgiveness. I read it a couple decades after that past-life session I mentioned, and it changed my life. It’s really helped me put things into perspective and I will always be grateful for it. So if you really want the low-down on past lives and forgiveness, that book is my go-to. Hope it helps. And thanks again!

  9. I believe once you let go, the other person does as well. If you’re tied, it’s because you’re both tied to each other. I don’t believe it goes one way. Now they may owe you something and wish to pay it to you in the next life, but you would be the receiver, still tied- it’s passive, but you’re still participating see? If you don’t expect anything/want the score even, then they will not feel obliged, energetically.
    If you have transcended, I wouldn’t worry about it. I believe you can spiritually let them know you are ready to move on, no debts owed.

    On the other hand, there is a way you can find out the trajectory of your next life and that is through your D9 chart.

    1. Thank you for the clarity. I agree, I see it now, I have to forgive and I will find a way. But I don’t want another life, if such a thing is possible. I’ve seen way too much.

      1. 🥲
        gosh.. how.i.have privately ranted at the universe.gods soooooo many times in my life this such thing.
        i have made it so VERY clear my contract is up. “i AM NOT fg doing this any more!!.. i will do the work & fulfill my obligations & not attempt to opt out again.. but this is the. last. time.
        ..Do you understand??!!!! THE LAST TIME!!!!

        i’ll let you know how that went in 50 years.

    2. I have witnessed this time and time again. Once you’ve let go, then the other person gets hit with the full onslaught of karmic boomerangs. When you reach the point of indifference, and you’ve got on with life and moved on …. that triggers a turning point in the other person’s life, and things go South for them rather quickly, and can continue for a long while.

      Maybe it has to take the other person to recognise it though? If they don’t connect the dots, and acknowledge that it is karma balancing from a previous misdeed against a specific person they have wronged, and not just “oooh a bit of sh*t luck”, then they may stay stuck in that karmic cycle and repeat those behaviours. Some people may learn not to do that again, but that’s more due to following the rules of morality. Sadly, it’s a rarer type of person that can make that deduction 🤔

      There’s a touch of Nietzche’s Eternal Recurrence theory. That we are doomed to repeat our lives in a never ending loop, in exactly the same way, because the universe destroys and then regenerates itself. It’s only until we learn to overcome the horror of that thought, and to accept and even embrace the repeated fate that awaits us. Maybe then we can grow and evolve, and thrive. And maybe things will CHANGE 🙂

  10. Hypnotism is a state of super consciousness, in which the mind relaxes its blocks on many subjects..You should be awake and remember everything you said in a session..but your subconscious will not show you something that would be traumatic in this lifetime, like a painful death..Dr.Weiss, a prominent psychiatrist, discovered that many current physical or psychological problems can be alleviated by recalling the past life that is causing them…His wife talked him into writing about those experiences in Many Lives, Many Masters, which has sold more than 20 million copies…

      1. Yes, I particularly recommend Destiny of Souls, by Dr. Newton, which I have reread more than once…He works on the life-between-lives, which I call the Spirit World..and I have had regressions about that world that are as wild as anything Dr.Newton writes about…

    1. i love reading that stuff and it feels right true to me… but as soon as someone says they know.mine…. i just jump ship.. how can i trust such info for your personal being?

  11. Well, I can tell you my family story.
    My Grandmother hated my Mother, from the day she found out she was pregnant. Tried to destroy her for 6 decades. It came to the point of a lawsuit, that was when the astrologer got involved. She did astrology to your past life. She told me my Mother and I had been together in our past life as the rich in Russia when the Bolshevik revolution came, and people (now my Grandmother) took our house. And she was trying to do it again! I died feeling I had no courage, so I came back as a Leo and defeated her. Love is the most common but not the only reason people come back in soul groups. Sometimes it is to right the wrongs.

  12. I just listened to a podcast from Silas Speaks. The topic around anger and demonic forces playing through the low vibration of anger, lust, etc. I know its sort of diverting the conversation, however knowing the enemy is part of the battle.

  13. Try reading “The Disappearance of the Universe.” It explains how we are living through some sort of made up world, trying to get back to the creator after the separation, or the fall so to speak. Another easy read is “Ask for the Ancient Paths” by Jessica Jones. I love love love this book. The author was in a coma for years as a child, but her spirit was in heaven until one day God told her she had to go back home. It reminded me of my sister in law, on a feeding tube for many years. At her viewing, I told the priest it didn’t seem like she was here the last few years. He said, “She wasn’t. She was already in Heaven!” It reminded me that not all who wander are lost, not all that glitters is gold…early pearls of wisdom. Blessings

  14. At the point in my…healing that I am at, i have an issue with the concept of forginevess. My being rejects the christian definition of it. I feel like it strips those who wronged you of responsibility.
    I’ve come across other definitions of forgiveness and they vary quite a bit, like people literally can mean very different things when they talk about forgiveness in this context.
    Also, I’m tasting the idea that any way of looking at it that results in any guilt or shame is the wrong way at this time, if that makes sense…

    1. yes. forgiveness does not have to be religious version.
      its an inner healing that brings its sooo cliche i know.. but really is.

      you can do it how it works for you,it doesnt need to look the same as others. just be real with it. because saying you forgive is actually not the same as doing..
      for me.. i somehow came up with.. INTENTION: did they intend to come onto the earth and totally harm me. ruin me & break my body mind spirit..
      im not sure how life reincarnation rules work. but i SenSe that its likely not intended behaviour.. just like when i reflect on myself.. im a person who messes up but hatming others is THE LAST THING EVER I HAVE INTENTION OF.. although i get called polyanna etc… i think i do believe in people at their core not being born to truly harm 😕 could be just wishful thinking though

  15. All the people who have hurt and wronged me and those I care for, I have come to see their life derailed by trauma. I know that people have vastly different definitions of what trauma is, and for most it’s what happens to others. Your father, Elsa, same as the person who you struggle to forgive, they had a childhood, an upbringing, experiences of life being dangerous and people being unpredictable. They felt helplessness, shame, loneliness, despair just like yourself.
    In traumatic moments of helplessness and overwhelm, survival responses kick in, there’s no thinking, no understanding, our neural connections to the executive parts of our brain is cut. Hormones flood the body, nothing we can do about this.
    The mind has a compulsive need to create context and reason, cause and effect. It’s pretty good at that, over time.
    But even if we figure out most of what happened rationally, the physical responses and instinctive patterns just don’t want to budge. So, over time, we have to accept them as part of our personality or character, or else there’s no way to live.
    If people then begin to identify with their perceived failures and own them, making statements like „ This is how I am“ and believe it, even if they are criminals or murderers, they can live with it, somehow.

    What they lose is the hope, the idea, the longing to be different, to be able to change.
    That’s sad and I see it often.

    What I’m saying is: Unresolved trauma is driving people nuts and a good portion of religious advice makes it worse by affirming these identification stories and cliches people use to create some sense of safety, even the safety of prisons, literally or metaphorical.

    To the question of past lives, thousands of NDE experiences clearly speak of leaving the body behind and returning to the essence of soul, communication from soul to soul without any chance of hiding or manipulating anything. There’s no need anymore to worry about survival and another souls life is as plain to us as our own. People also see the impact their actions and inactions had on others and they judge themselves!
    From the vantage point of being a soul at home, there’s no need to fear another lifetime.

    So, yes there is something called generational trauma. It’s an unconscious burden that runs in families and may have its origin many generations ago. Every child born into this family has a chance to stop it, change it, become conscious of it and, important, not identify with it in any way, shape or form.

    Family Constellation work, and I don’t know if it’s well known in the US, when it’s done in the original spirit of its african origin, leads the people to a place of acknowledging the generational baggage and consciously and
    with authority give the burden back to the ancestors, not in a hateful, confrontational way but by way of seeing the hurt, the trauma and the scars of the deceased, yet refusing to carry any of it further. Kind of, stop using me to try to atone yourself, the only way to heal yourself is to own your crap and set me free.

    It’s a symbolic play among people who volunteer to stand in for a deceased person but it really has an impact. Don’t ask me how but the whole of africa knows how to do this one way or another. It’s far from what western cultures think ancestral worship is. It’s nothing but deep knowledge and acknowledgment of generational trauma and a way to free oneself from it.

    No, I don’t think we are tied to our fathers or any other person alive or dead, they don’t follow us around in another lifetime. We are tied to our own identification as being a victim of injustice and trauma we didn’t deserve and had no choice than to go through. We can give that baggage back to our ancestors without a second thought in a matter of minutes, just by assuring them that we know they were also victims of trauma and we see through it, recognising the person they were meant to be but didn’t succeed.
    That’s enough. Call it forgiveness? Not really what people think forgiveness is, or the original meaning of forgiveness, I don’t know. All I know is that it is a way/path that can lead to restore love.

      1. i got a tattoo years ago… it just came to me and was very urgent.. felt like a message to help me on my way..
        when i managed to wing getting it done in a hurry of threatening risks..
        i handed the.guynthe paper and put it on my arm the way i wanted.. he turned it to face front /him. i thought he was going to turn it back but forgot.. so i put it back facing me.. when he turned around he said youve around the wrong way its meant to face out.. y’know so people can read it.. i said “no. no its not.. its for me”.. he was a little baffled but shrugged.. i also feel he – big gruff tattoist guy- was meant to have me in there with my message that day.. “WHAT WOULD LOVE DO?”
        then ages months/years later i saw there was a song with similar from ?america?…
        unfortunately my lack of budget for my other tattoo i wanted to get i could not wing… and now 10+ years later when i was trying to ponder how to make this other tattoo happen i find its actually trendy… sooo thats a big Noooo.. but so bummed that my design ive had for over a decade (incorporating mental health & astrology) has been stolen from !me! 🤭 😉 ~this T00 shaLL pass~

  16. My father beat us up also. I grew up in the 50’s & remember seeing an article that said if you don’t beat your children they’ll turn into criminals.
    I don’t think we can affect whether we reincarnate with the same people. But I believe that the more people move toward self-care and a brighter future the more our shared reincarnation circumstances change. Even the smallest positive act will have an affect.

    1. yes. i have been pondering this perspective myself… im wondering if those of us who have been doing the work / or just gifted with that being our storyline this time… does that mean we go further up the queue from such darkness… im not sure yet… it often feels like the more work i/we do the more we get given to confirm the strength ….?

  17. ooh how gritty.. i love this..
    ive been open to past lives beliefs reincarnation. yet always sceptic of someone claiming to know my details…
    i have had this thing.. people harming me..
    with my husband i have felt this deep souL thing.. we are not hubby & wifey.. we are soul companions of grubby stuff. while on the outside i would appear to have stockholm syndrome [IF i let anyone see] .. i have had this vague weird feeling & such words have come out of my mouth.. like being channeled via me.. this is the last time we’re doing this.. im doing everything in mu power to make thos.the last time.. so unconditional love, getting back together after seperation.. repulsive gulping of my spirit.. just to.get to the cause.. especially loud and clear was the children havent gone through this for nothing!! i am protecting getting the best out of the situation.i have told him many times.. feel free to leave . thats what my love is.. i actually want your spirit to be free to.choose what it wants not pretending to be burdened by me etc.. but on the other hand if that mfkr flips.the monopoly board on us once more instead of doing his work or at least quietly nudging along.. and i have to come back do this all over again with him.. as he STILL hasnt budged to evolve his wounds and shame..
    i will haunt him to the ends..
    on a different front though..
    my mother who was instigator from birth of absolute neglect abuse and trauma physical emotional mental.. to the point of being charged.. when i was 9 [ im actually going through my government folder this past week as we speak here, and filling in the pieces that are helpful]… she and i and my father who part participated through not knowimg better.. i feel we’ll likely meet again. as although some facts were admitted [through staff eventually peeling layers back with her when i was 13] .. we still ended up estranged for the best of both of us.. no contact with whole birth family. ..because she hadnt healed and wasnt ready this time around.
    she had made some acceptance though. …
    i just wish she knew now.what ive been learning.. if why she picked me out for such horrors… wasnt just from her own psychological tortures from her childhood but because i had autism .. and their imagining i was different while NOT AN EXCUSE FOR THEM was definitely the mysterious gas that instigated the fire that was already brewing in her and me.. AND the blessinh for me is… ive always known i was meant to do stuff for society with my journey… i figured out this week having my folder of some data – helps me match the astrology of the time AND IT IS FASCINATING!!! what a gift..
    i feel her and i & my family will meet again… i dont know how quickly.. i always seem to have bben an evolutionary sort of personality… [no earth?!!] she on the other hand very much slow and steady & still avoidant
    im loving your openness to such content elsa.
    thats why i love it here.. because you can go to aaaall the corners of the darkness & light. . thanks {~*~}

  18. Had several regressions remembering painful deaths – one was a dream at 6 years old of being stuffed inside a barrel and rolled down a hill – years later I heard this was a way they would punish witches in scotland. Another more recently, where I pretty much regressed into a memory of being burned alive in front of village full of jeering faces. I was so, so angry as I was dying. Full of hate and cursing the whole village. I could feel the flames on my body correspond with the eczema I carry in this life.

    Also got tied up with an abuser I know I have known before. He used religious and moralistic shaming to weaken me and it worked – because I had a huge sense of guilt and shame. The relationship felt like a trap. He felt like a phoney religious leader – possibly even a witch hunter; the language he used was straight out of “witchfinder general”. There was glee. I was in it for an – 7 years from saturn return to saturn square. It basically broke me, but also showed me what was already there in my psyche. I still get angry with him 11 years after leaving and I try to kill him psychically.

    I have to forgive the whole village, and I have to forgive him. Most of all I have to get over the parts of me that want to annihilate myself. I wonder if the desire to never come back that you speak of is also following that pattern of self annihilation? Certain that there is a way to get off the wheel, but if you were ok with coming back, perhaps you wouldn’t need to.?

  19. Past lives are a topic I am completely fascinated by and the dilemmas you voice are very poignant Elsa.

    I have really vivid memories in earlychildhood of trying to explain to my family that I had been another person and getting really offended if they called me by the wrong name and I would spend hours and hours doing the tasks of that person even though I was only a few years old and no one had taught me and my other ‘names’ were not from my culture (Eg I was Samuel who was a sailor and I would sit for hours a day in a baby bath with a broomstick that I would repurpose as a mast or an oar, looking at the horizon, cleaning my ship and fishing).

    I have always remembered flashes of other lives -eg on a kayaking outing with my husband, I had the clearest flash of being with him in another place, travelling down very cold water in a boat of bark and leather with our child in between us. No further details, just a super sharp image like finding a photograph.

    I became a lot more interested in past lives after I had a near death experience and remembered being outside of my body and still myself and I did a hypnotic regression.

    I remembered a past life in which I was Romani and there was an arrogant and wealthy man who caused me enormous physical and emotional trauma and injustice that led to my death. in the regression I could see the same soul then was my grandmother in this life (a person who was still very arrogant and entitled but was a woman who suffered enormous loss and trauma) and I felt that this same soul was now my son, who I can clash with, but who has a really good heart.

    I understand the invitation in this life is to be together in a good way in which he doesn’t consume me physically or emotionally, I learn to respond to him with love when he provokes me and that in spite of wanting to run away I am here to commit to his wellbeing as he figures out how to be a figure of dignity and authority but not a tyrant and we both learn to communicate. (His Libra Moon sits on my Mars and we push each other’s buttons but we have also worked on being fair and repair after rupture).

  20. Your post reminded me of that Frida Kahlo quote when she was nearing the end of her life “I hope the exit is joyful and I hope never to return”.

    I read your book and I have been reading here for years so I completely understand your wish to be done.

    I often feel the same way myself. I know exactly why I was born and why I am here but all the same it can be so draining being a human.

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