Pining: When Fantasy Meets Reality

Allegory of PaintingI wrote this for a client, who is hitting a wall around pining for the perfect love

“You can see this as an addiction. An addiction to pining. Most addicts eventually see their behavior is costing them dearly. You seem to be at this point now.

This awakening causes some people to change their life. They are able to let go and trust (faith/Neptune) that there will be something else out there if they give this one thing up.

Others do not make the change. They ramp up their denial to obscure their own disillusion with their situation…they kick the can down the road.

To channel this in another direction, you’ll have to come to terms with the fact that the way you channel it now is pointless and fruitless. Go ahead and let the veil drop.  Something else will appear…”

This is broadly appropriate for people with Venus Neptune issues, but especially for people with Neptune in Scorpio, since Saturn is transiting the sign.

I’ve gone through this process, myself. Reality, in spite of it’s limitations, would up being better than anything I’d ever fantasized.

What do you know about fantasy meeting reality?


31 thoughts on “Pining: When Fantasy Meets Reality”

  1. Scorpio Neptune stellium Sun, Mercury, MC, conjunct and Venus also in Scorpio.

    Trying to embrace the changes happening in my life right now, but floods of what if’s are screaming at me. Natal Saturn is retrograde Taurus.

    I know I have to just get over this and trust myself and push forward

  2. Its the story of my life. I often feel I am operating in a series of parallel worlds, having Mercury square Neptune as my most accurate aspect. Mercury will return to its natal position and Saturn will conjunct Neptune at my next solar return, I hope it’ll help me find a way to enter what is known as the real world…

  3. God, I really needed to read this today. I have Neptune in my 6th, so perhaps that’s the culprit. No more pining, only loving, in real time. Thank you, Elsa. Anyone have thoughts on how to drop the veil?

  4. Oh wow, this is timely. Mine is happening next month, in my third house. I have to think on this but thank you for the post, Elsa!

  5. Neptune in scorpio 21 degrees 2nd house. Issues with money, wishing I was a millionairess. I love expensive things clothes, cars & art. All types of luxury items. But it’s not on purpose it just finds me. It strange I don’t look for it, I look at what pleases me & if its pricey oh well. And love & pining? Ha! I am the fantasy woman. I spend my down time fantasizing about famous wealthy men in love with me. It can be very fulfilling at times. Sort of that whole “Calgon take me away” thing. When I’m low it does make me feel better. And that’s what’s best, right? Reality is overrated at times, but I know I am a part of it. I need to remove my veil but not quite sure where to start. Venus in Virgo 11th house. The person closet to me should be able to tell me? I just hope they’re not scared to tell me the truth.

  6. Oh the things I know. Every event that comes my way has been pushing me a step further down the road. I started out as a deeply delusional, over-the-top idealistic and idealizing person, and I’m slowly coming to terms with reality day by day. The price was suffering for my mistakes: first seeing only good in people and treating men like Gods, then seeing ONLY the good parts (which WERE actually there) but hiding all the crap under the rug, and last but not least project parts of myself I wouldn’t acknowledge because of low self-esteem, upon the men I fell for. Typical Venus/Neptune issues in a nutshell.

  7. I know that pining is stupid and gets me nowhere…I can tell myself over and over to stop..even trying to envision the (pinee?)as a gross ogre or something, but still cant stop myself!!..I know in my heart that time is the only thing that kills the pining, that,or throwing myself into something else all consuming(projects).

    1. “Time is the only thing that kills the pining”

      So very true. Sometimes the pining lasts so long that its difficult not to act on it. Thats something that I’m trying to work on.

  8. Avatar

    Oh boy has the veil been dropping lately! Lotsa Neptune stuff going on between me and my boyfriend. I have a post about it in the Relationship section. Time to get REAL here. No more smoke and mirrors for me. Reality is so much better than living in the dark. I hate the fog and mirrors stuff. Seems he thinks keeping the bad things about him is “protecting me” from the truth. No, it makes me feel like you are keeping things from me! I hate that. Don’t make me go all VIRGO on you. You don’t want that, trust me.

  9. Well, what do you know, I’ve spent the last year pining so hard needles and cones are piled up around me. And YES, I checked my birthchart and there is Neptune is in Scorpio!!! The little voice inside me keeps yelling ‘What the *** are you doing pining for that *******!’, but I literally cannot stop. It’s almost like I’m addicted…..Thank you for this post, it is an Oh My God moment for me. Wish me strength to Just Say No!

  10. I think I’ve found a way to use my natal trine between Saturn in Pisces/Neptune in Scorpio to profile the people I encounter. I have a 7th house Venus that squares Neptune and I’ve had my share of illusions- boy have I !! So…. I’m trying to develop my skill at profiling( read a book about this) since my access to a consistent support systems for trustworthy advice is extremely limited- in fact, it’s non-existent. :-/

  11. I do believe pining is eternal. But yet I am here in the physical plane so I had to learn to deal with that or I should say, this. Partner(s) by my side along the way, yaaay! They are real. The pinee(s), the focus of the pine, are not the same in real time, as what I imagined. Had to follow one thru to find that out. He was so great when I was away from him, but when we were together it sucked. Don’t have to do that again or wonder about it. But hey, thanks for the taste of eternity.

  12. Venus and Neptune in Scorpio here…. Sorry I still think the fantasy is way better than any reality that’s out there. Without my fantasies where would I be?….
    @ Dullsville Reality, USA. The fantasy takes my breath away… the men do not!

  13. I know in my heart that time is the only thing that kills the pining, that,or throwing myself into something else all consuming(projects).

    WATERGAL….I often wonder if we were separated at birth. We have similar birth charts… its like your reading my mind 🙂 I have learned that I need a month long good cry to really feel the end of something…then time heals the rest. Staying busy, working toward a goal, exercise, music, reading…. the only good thing about going through an ending for me is that I lose some stubborn pounds I couldn’t have gotten rid of otherwise… 🙂

  14. Sometimes two peoples illusions match up enough that they can get along together. But how often does that happen!? Life is a lot like that though. Most of us see the world from their perspective which is only a tiny part of the whole. That’s one reason groups are formed. A common ideal to conjoin with so as to give the feeling or appearance of connection. That’s my perspective : )

    1. you have a point there husband told me once after we had been together for awhile that I wasnt anything like what he thought i was ..he said he thought I was a musician and really into music when we met because of the way I talked… wtf? I dont remember anything like that at all. and I’m not a musician…I think we each had a seperate illision going on. both water signs.

  15. Funny as I woke up today and for whatever reason there was just a little window ajar in my mind. What if I just didn’t see things with that filter I always have over the lens? But it’s not something I can force.

    As for partners, giving up the illusion is more like tearing an arm off than a bandage. But if I wait it out eventually the withdrawal lessens.

  16. I’d like to understand more about how this applies to me. This year so far has been the most challenging of my life and I can also see that it has the potential to be the most rewarding in many ways. I also believe that I narrowly escaped dying early in the year. I have neptune and venus in Scorpio in the 1st house.

  17. Sometimes I think the fantasy is better because the fantasy doesn’t involve bitter disappointments. I’m talking about super imaginary others here. When the Venus-Neptune illusion falls apart it is theeee worst. The hard part for me is when I’m in love, and under Neptune as I am now with current transits I can’t let it go. I may be revolted, afraid, disgusted, annoyed, and angry, but if I forget all of that, then I’m missing the man I knew. I still love exes who I never want any contact with again. I love whoever they were when I met them, although whoever we grew to be had no business knowing each other.

    Thankfully with Pluto transiting my 5th, I’ve been seriously working on cutting my attraction to dysfunction. I’m serious about creating a workable foundation in myself.

  18. My natal Neptune is at 20 degrees Scorpio. I would probably drown in all this Neptune aspecting my 12th house planets if it wasn’t for my Virgo Moon. Since November I’ve been trying to make a dream into a reality. We’ll see.

    Pining is some people’s drug of choice. I have done it in the past, but it felt like a type of possession. Satori once said something to the effect “Venus/Neptune get out of my yard!” I love that saying <3

  19. I have Neptune in 0 Scorpio in the 12th house. I believe I have a quincunx (150 degrees) with Moon conjunct Venus in Aries (3 and 4 degrees) in my 5th..It is a breath of fresh air to hear astrological talk about ‘pining’. I do believe I do not see my partners clearly and really want more insight into this.

    Right now the north node and Mars in Libra Retrograde are conjunct Neptune in Scorpio in that 12 house. I feel like I am finally waking up but am struggling with letting go and Letting God and trusting that I can and will find the right partner. This is a time of ‘pause’ for me. I am now going through my 2nd divorce. Thanks for everyone’s insights; it has truly been helpful.

  20. I’ve been trying to get my pining under control, without even realizing that’s what I was doing. I was just trying to get myself to breate and be more patient.

    Thinking back it appears that since Saturn entered my 3rd, crap was hitting the fan, so I took to social media big time, texting, too. And I just love it. My Neptune is there in the 3rd so maybe I want to communicate invisibly…

  21. Neptune in Scorpio–4 degrees. Gave up pining about a year ago. Very grateful for how the person revealed himself to me, so that I could see CLEARLY. I did some investigating, because deep down, I WANTED to see. Now trying to get past Saturn conjuncting Jupiter in Scorpio. Yes, I have both Neptune and Jupiter in the same house. I’m lucky and blessed if I don’t go overboard with idealism. My Leo stellium squaring helps with this because I have pride.

  22. Last night I read about denial and how dangerous it can be when a person breaks free from a serious illusion. The psyche can build up all kinds of defenses so that we never have to face ourselves, or devastating loss, but when it’s finally time for the walls to come down or when we are forced to grapple with reality it can be tumultuous. Like the old agade says “don’t wake a sleepwalker, let them come out of it on their own.”

    I know eventually my life will be better, but I can’t help but note how much better off everyone else was while I was in denial about relationships in my life. I was a better friend, more emotionally available, etc.

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