Dear Elsa,
For a little over a year, I have been having a relationship with a married man with three kids. His wife is an alcoholic and although even though he will admit this, he seems to be in denial about it. He says he is not in love with her anymore but he doesn’t want to put his kids through more drama.
He is a good person. He is obviously very conflicted about our relationship, as am I. I believe I love him and that he loves me. But how can you love someone you don’t know… and how can you know someone if your relationship never moves forward? I just don’t know what to do.
He has never made promises or even suggestions that he will leave her and I don’t think he will. But I wish he would. I want him to love me more. I know that sounds pathetic and desperate.
He is more caring and thoughtful than anyone else I have been with. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I think I should end things but I just can’t bring myself to do it. Am I crazy to keep hanging on? I feel like if I wasn’t meant to be with him, then I would meet the guy I am meant to be with and I would know it was time to end it.
Pisces Sun, Leo Moon
United States
Dear Pisces,
I would not say you are crazy for hanging on. It’s just something you are doing. However, when it comes to the idea that this guy is going to love you more, or that another man is going to show up (on a white horse) to save you from yourself, you are definitely deluding yourself.
I am pretty sure this guy is giving you everything he is ever going to give you and I am pretty sure you know this. So I would have to say the relationship is working for you on some level and your chart supports this. Let’s see…
Your Venus in Pisces gets to pine. Uranus is involved so you are in a relationship, yet strangely free. Pluto is involved as well, and this is where the taboo come in. You are screwing someone else’s husband, right?
So there you go. The reason you can’t end it is because you are it! And if you want to be something different, you are going to have to fight. Until and unless that happens, this is where you are and I imagine this is where you’ll stay.
Good luck.
Hey, I have venus in pisces too! How do you avoid pining? What if you want to tell your venus to straighten up and fly right? What if you want to tell your venus that it really wants a guy right in front of you, wholly available, wholly there! ??
🙂
Gosh – how perfectly selfish of Pisces woman. I know plenty of Pisces gals (including my mom) who demonstrate their higher energies. Bad enough this is adultry but you even get to hit the jackpot by possibly emotionally scarring 3 children, too! Way to go! I will say one thing, though, YOU weren’t the one who made the marriage vows to his wife – HE WAS … guess his word was as good as gold, eh?
I really like your advice, Elsa. I like the idea that “you are it.”
You can love the idea of a person.
I hope you find a way out of this, Pisces. Being the ‘other’ in a relationship can be soul-destroying.
elsa its important to let go of this married man, he is cheating his wife and his kids.
even thought he says he doesnt love her anymore, he is still married to her.
it can be love for the married man, which you cant help let go, but it will be heart broken for you in the end, when you feel you want to spend your whole life with him, instead you will feel betrayed and this will make you feel heart broken. It will be hard to let go but you have to come into reality, if not worser situations will occur. as a women it can be hard.
So hurry fast to let go, Goodluck because it can be hard.
Wish you all the best,
jazzy
the problem with piscean women is that they live in a dream world and love the word love, but its important you come out of reality and just think straight what can happen. think!
pisceans are sensitive towards love but its all about controlling your feelings.
Sweety. I think you hit the hammer on the head when you said you didn’t know why. Whats done is done and there is no use fretting about it. But why continue? HE is married, and statistics show that maried men who have affairs don’t leave. Actually in real life sometimes they do… but think what this would mean for his three young children.
Oh, pisces, I feel for you. He’s using you. His wife cheats on him with the bottle and he gets her back by going to a pisces, which has just as much liquid and emotion as his wife’s bottle does for her. Sad all the way around.
I hope you choose to find love in a different way. I too have venus in pisces and also have a real independent streak. I pine, about twice a month when my SO goes for a few days or a week on business, out of state or overseas.
I get my private time and also get to pine. I write him love letters and buy him his favorite candy and leave it for him to find when get comes home.
egads, did I just admit to being a romantic? Whoops. I might have to take that back. Oh well, there is balance. There is someone out there that can “love you best” but you’ve got to choose that first. This guy won’t, can’t and you might have enough love for the world to let him go in peace and wish him some healing in his life.
Good luck and offering you a bit of my spine should you choose to lean on it. 😉
I don’t know if this is the way to do this or not but…
I’m the original poster of the question above. I appreciate all the positive thoughts. To Kharma- you don’t know me & unless you’ve been in this situation you shouldn’t judge.
That said, I’m still in the relationship, although barely. He’s still with his wife which I obviously am not happy about but as I said before he’s never said he would leave. And as a side note, the reason he won’t leave his wife (regardless of his relationship w/me) is because he thinks it’s more selfish of him to end it. I disagree with him- regardless of our relationship- because I think having an alcoholic parent is far more damaging to kids than divorce.
Recently, in the past couple of months he has been more distant and we’ve seen less & less of each other. Of course, that makes me more & more anxious & clingy. And the tighter I hold on the more he pushes away.
He says he is still in love with me but he’s just busy with work (which is partially true) but I can’t get it out of my head that he’s starting seeing someone else. I am hoping that my imagination is just out of control but I can’t seem to let go of this Need to know “the truth.”
And please save the “once a cheater always a cheater” comments. I understand the probability etc etc- it may or may not be true but I’m looking for a more specific idea of what’s going on with him or with me…
I still feel like if it was just over I would know it, I would feel it. And right now all I feel is pathetic & desperate. I know neither of those things are attractive to Scorpio men (or any man really) but I can’t seem to let it go. Worse yet the woman I have the suspicions about is also a married Scorpio.
does anyone have any helpful ideas?
Hey, wow. I’d recommend re-reading Elsa’s advice along with everyone else’s. The “once a cheater always a cheater” is usually spoken by people who have been there and experienced where you are at and are telling you what it looks like looking back down the road.
I agree with those comments. At this point, you are wallowing and hoping someone will tell you “no he’s just pulling away right now, he’ll be back after he’s cleaned up stuff with his wife” WELL WRONG!! That is SO NEVER going to happen.
There is nothing positive about this situation and YOU are CHOOSING to stay. So why are you here, not listening to the advice offered, after you asked, offered by those with experience in these messy situations, offered by those who care?
Helpful idea? Counseling. Looking inward at how this is your dynamic. I too have venus pisces. I too have had such troubles. The mirror is your friend right now. I hope you find the strength to use it.
This man is a liar about his wife. The pisces woman does not know boundaries. The wife is surely suffering like he’ll because she is tied down with three kids and married to a wealth management who got bored easily. As long as there are easy woman like thus pisces bitch men will always disrespect woman. To the single women cheating, you will pay. It’s the law of the universe.