A couple weeks ago the soldier pointed out I was the only one still suffering over what has happened to my family. Regardless of how that sounds, he didn’t mean it in a way that was untoward. He didn’t mean to say I should be over the loss or something like that because he’s lost a child himself and he knows better.
I don’t know exactly why he said it but I was completely unaware this was the case until he made the comment and it’s eased things for me enormously. Because it means everyone else is okay. They others are thriving even which means I’m down to just one person to concern myself with and it’s me.
“You’ve got that maternal thing, you’re not going to get rid of it,” he said.
“Yes, I know. I understand it will always be with me,” I said stepping into the tub.
He was already in there and I sat for a minute then said, “Do you know I haven’t written a thing about this? I could write about just one day. I could pick any day I’ve had in the last 3 or 4 years and if I wrote it down people would be shattered. It would be the way I’d write it. Because no one knows anything about this stuff,” I said with my head angled down talking to oblivion. “They’ve never heard anything like it before.”
He was quiet so I glanced up at him and it hit me.
“Oh yeah. You were in Special Forces,” I said with a snort. “I guess you know what I’m talking about.”
On that we both burst out in loud guffaws.
But yeah. I am the only one still suffering, isn’t that a trip?
It shows astrology, I’ll tell you that. I am the only one with a Pluto transit. These last years have meant something else to the others and realizing this really snaps you to. What it is to you is not what it is to them – Period.
Elsa I feel like I’ve learned so much from what you’ve written it’s overwhelming.
I’m heading into my own Pluto/Moon business and I feel like you’ve helped me prepare, as much as one can with Pluto 😉 …thanks.
{{{Elsa}}} You astound me.
Not to be disrespectful, but isn’t your daughter suffering? If she’s a Cancer, I’ll bet she’s wishing she could be home with Mama. Or maybe she’s doing a lot better than any other kid I know would under the circumstances.
Del, Elsa’s daugher is a wordsmith Gemini.
((((Elsa)))) I think Pluto-Moon is much harder than the Pluto-Mars-angle thing that I am having, but I also have this eerie sense of no one else experiencing what I am. I think it’s a play I’m supposed to star in and I barely know my lines and I don’t want to. Lots of strength to you.
Regarding hard stuff: the news I hear is the movie only I am making and I take this whatever hard stuff and make a movie. I might call my movie “Gone With the Wind””. Maybe others think this movie is “Singing In The Rain”.
I think it is a true testimony to your strength and wisdom that you’ve helped everyone else navigate through this storm. I can’t imagine the wreckage if a lesser woman had been at the helm.
No, Del, she is not suffering.
The thing too about moon pluto is that you feel insanely intense. It’s just who you are. I’m speaking of the natal placement. By transit… it’s probably harsher, harder because its an unfamiliar way to be (unless you already were that way for some other reason.) And Pluto does bring change, whether you like it or not. Both my parents died during Pluto’s trip through my 4th house–
But to make up an example, i can see someone with a very smiley chart being totally taken under by the transit.
Thing is, you could have the worst things happen, God forbid. Or it could be a perfect day. Moon pluto is still moon pluto. It’s still intense and total strangers are still going to ask you to smile (unless you’re already smiling of course).
Someone, a new friend, told me the other day that i should watch surfer movies. Real surfer movies. And see how they ride the waves.
Wonder if anyone has any thoughts about moon conjunct pluto versus moon square pluto… i think there are differences…
Responding to another commenter here, i find pluto/mars transits to be very difficult– They sextile in my chart, but when my moon pluto is squared by Mars? or squared by pluto? oy vey.
People (with lots of cancer/virgo) who always try to be nice have a hard time with the stand-up-for-yourself energy of mars/pluto…
i’m glad.
I’m so glad to hear she’s not suffering. She’s made her way into my heart.
Del – thank you. She is absolutely unequivocally not suffering.
I am so glad she’s not suffering, but sorry you still are. My moon’s at 28 sag, but I’ll spare you my last years worth of grief, I’m sure you can identify. Soon it will be over.
Elsa, my sister just got thru a Pluto sq to her Moon. Fortunately, it was only one hit, but she was forced to deal with some deep emotional and dark psychological wounds with our mother that ultimately transformed their relationship from her perspective and place in time. (Our mother was clueless.) The transit was all about my sister and her own issues. However, before the transit passed, our mother did. And as painful as the loss was, Mum’s passing was somewhat easier for her because she had done the inner work that helped her deal with the transition.
I have a natal Moon/Pluto conjunction (separated by a mere 6 minutes) so I have never known what it is like to NOT feel intensely about everything and everyone in my life. Perhaps the natal aspect is easier to deal with? Easier may not be the right word … Pluto’s square to my conjunction 18 years ago forced me to expose and expunge a whole lot of emotional baggage and psychic garbage. Suffering was and is very, very personal. I can only say that eventual release and the profound understanding of your emotional drives/needs will come if you let go.
Breathe deep.
as far as telling the story… i think it’s good to break every once in awhile… helps keep you humble and recognize how big the mystery is and how little control we really have…
but that’s a decision i wouldn’t want to have to make for someone else…
and i guess it helps that i have faith in my own ability to put myself back together… eventually.