Pluto Transit The 12th House – Mine – Grim Report

submarineI started writing about Pluto’s transit through my 12th house in 2007. Without a doubt, this series is the most detailed and intimate firsthand account of this transit, in the world.  Here’s the first post – Astrology The Scares The Hell Out Of People. If you want to study this transit in depth, click the tag below. It’s been quite an odyssey.

The losses I’ve suffered during this transit have been incalculable. There are no edges in the 12th house. Control is an illusion. It’s possible to yearn (12th house) for death (Pluto) and just as easy to slip away. One day I’m alive. The next day, I’ve passed.

I’m thinking about this, because my doctor called me last week, with test results.  He’s young. I could tell he was upset. I wanted to tell him there was no need to be upset.  I knew the test would be bad. I was prepared.

My situation is grim. That does not mean I am going to die. I bet all y’all a dollar, I don’t die. But I will suffer.

You know how they rate medical things, mild, moderate or severe? I am “severe”. The word is used more than once in my report.

The doctor’s voice broke when he told me this. I assume it’s because he knows where I’m headed. But he doesn’t really know where I’m headed. He doesn’t know that my ability to tolerate and transcend pain (and hardship) is developed. How else could I get to “severe”, before I ever complained?

This next year is going to be very difficult. I don’t have the timing yet and whatever happens, I probably won’t be talking about it much. This is because it’s a Pluto transit through the 12th house!  This stuff is hidden. It’s supposed to be hidden.

The hidden stuff is now revealed, just like when a submarine surfaces before diving back down.  But a submarine does not stay on the surface for long.

::periscope down::

100 thoughts on “Pluto Transit The 12th House – Mine – Grim Report”

  1. It’s possible to yearn (12th house) for death (Pluto)
    Everyone with this transit can relate with that. I hope it enters your 1st house soon.
    Is it why you have been challenging yourself? Toughening up?
    You ll be okay, shall offer something for you at the navgrah (nine planet) temple. Have you ever had a look at “pranayam”? Take care

    1. This transit ends in 2020 for me. I have no feelings about it one way or the other.

      On challenging myself, yes I would like to toughen up in a way. But I have transits to Mercury and more than anything, I want to stay mentally sharp.

      This is why I into natural pain management. With my latest tests, I could go on pain meds ’till the day I die. But I don’t want to be muddled…or addicted.

      I’ve basically decided that PAIN is better than pain of addiction. This decision is personal to me. I really do have a high threshold of pain. It’s very likely I have a choice in this that another person might not.

  2. (((((elsa)))))
    I am speachless and heart broken -you do not deserve hardship. much love to you from over many many oceans.

    1. The hidden thing is pretty interesting. Recently, I’ve had to tell people (more than one), in my real life, two things…

      First, I have a job. My job (Capricorn) is invisible. People think I do *nothing*. Or I am retired or something.

      I also have to tell them, I’m spectacularly ill, or I will be, if I don’t manage myself.

      “I didn’t know. You look healthy. You seem healthy…”

      It’s true. And it’s the way I want it.

      If there is anyway I can prevent it, when I go out for whatever reason, I will have my problems contained and concealed. I see no use in spreading my burden. The downside to this is people believe I am rude or don’t like them or something. But I say “no” to invitations because my stamina is limited. I just can’t pull an 8 hour day at someone’s house, while I mind this blog, try to make a living, take care of my dogs, my home, my family, my clients…

      But I *look* like I am doing nothing. I look like someone who…goes to church on Sunday and then does not one other thing but be unavailable because of some character flaw, greed, impoliteness or whatever. It’s all so…gauzy. And false.

      So I do tell people, but they don’t believe me.

      My doc too, to an extent. This is why he was so taken aback. I am profoundly jacked up for someone who comes into your office, smiles, dresses nicely, and doesn’t bitch.

      I am into this concept – the truth will out!

      1. I didn’t finish what I was going to say…

        I’m in a situation where I look fine. But I am clearly headed for very serious surgery and the fact is, they can wheel you in and you can die on the table.

        And if that happens, most the people I know will be finding out for the first time, that I had any medical problem at all.

        But all of this is normal to me. Which you know if you’ve been around here awhile, or maybe read my book.

        1. It’s so easy to judge people! May be that’s why I let people perceive me as they wish. I have since long freed myself from that responsibility of shaping others’ perception of my identity. So, I come across as impolite,
          I can relate with your situation.

          1. With Pluto currently transiting Capicorn 10 and MC in 2012, I can relate to this truth as well. So it seems I’m being shunned..people will believe what they want to believe, no matter how much of a stink I make and try to work toward integration. (((Elsa)))

        2. Do you have cap moon? I hv cap rising too, with pluto going thru the final pass over my ascendant in september this year.

          I had a similar experience recently where i had to explain to a very close friend who asked me ‘ so do you do abdolutely nothing rt now?’ , where she was responding to me taking a break from work (which she didn’t know abt till much later). I was doing so to recover from a ‘loss’, and to fully experience the actual transformation that I knew was happening. I seem busy to myself ( trying to do all this self understanding, figuring lessons, letting emotions fully through etc.) although not as much as I could earlier (less stamina).

          Good luck to you with everything. . *hugs*

          1. Damn! the point i wanted to make was that I hv often played the waiting game when this criss cross of actual situations and people’s perception of whats happening occurs. I actually don’t remember what happens once the situations hv passed and I have moved onn!

            Curious to know how goes it with you. .

            1. Yes. Criss-cross. It’s like that. But I am telling the truth when I say something. And I will do my level best to communicate clearly. But if you’re the type to believe half of what person tells you or to doubt or to imagine motives that exist in your own psychology, wtf?

              Recently, I struggled to get someone to believe that I have a dog that will bite you. Lila WILL bite you. No one has ever walked in this house without being bitten by Lila, ever, save a cable guy, where I held her on a leash. But there is no way you can come here and visit and not get her teeth around your arm.

              Ultimately, my husband said, “If she doesn’t believe you, let her come over here and get knocked on her ass.”

              And he’s right. If that’s what it takes, that’s what it takes, OR…

              Or a person can just see me as a liar, forgive me or not, and keep their arm-skin, lol.

              But really, I’m telling the truth. There isn’t much I can do beyond that, outside of trying to use plain words when I outline the facts.

        3. Even if you die on the operating table…there aren’t too many folks who had a near death experience and wanted to come back. Usually, if they do, it’s because they didn’t want a loved one to suffer without them. In fact, most of them describe a “feeling like they are being held by the air around them.” Or “an intense feeling of love consuming them.” Or a “beckoning warmth.” I guess the point I’m making is that transition, though the ultimate one, isn’t something dreaded by those who lived to tell about it. Ayurvedic medicine has been known to give results where western medicine has failed…it’s an option.

          1. Yeah, I have no fear of death. I resolved this when I was eight years old. Fear of death and fear of life, actually.

            I really learned to live life, playing cards. You’re dealt a hand. Your job is to play the living shit out of it! 🙂

      2. Elsa, I’m so sorry to hear about your latest medical prognosis.

        I too have experienced Pluto through my 12th – 29 Libra to 20 degs Scorpio – wherein I have a tight conjunction to Venus-Neptune, square natal Mars in Leo, square natal Saturn in Aqua. Then, after Pluto through the 1st (square natal Pluto/Uranus MC opp natal Jupiter/Chiron IC), Saturn through the 12th and the fixed T-square, and now bang on my 1st house Sagg Sun, which is natally exactly squared by my natal Pluto.

        It’s a very Scorp/Plutonian thing, no one knowing much about one’s trip to hell, or even hearing if you have to tell them – and/or, being shocked that you handled it all without whingeing for so long. People always tell me I look great when I am in anguish/agony, too. We (Scorp moons, Scorp risings, 8th house people etc) take pride in private courage/poker face, yes?

        You are one special soul, lady, and for what it’s worth, I too am betting that you will make it through this. I mean, damn, there’s YOUR experience of Saturn through the 12th, Pluto through the 1st, and Saturn through the 1st to write about yet! Besides, as a Scorp moon/8th house person, you’re at your indomitable best when the stakes are huge and there are people you love to win for, right?

        Sending you prayers direct from my Scorp 12th, anyway xx

  3. Oh Elsa!

    I am so sorry. I find in my experience that the work is more internal. There never has been an impression that you do nothing…. You’re a banging hammer.

    1. Acupuncture is excellent for pain management which it is used at Sloane Kettering. The use acupuncture for individuals undergoing chemotherapy. I myself used it when I wasn’t able to walk and was thought that I wouldn’t be able to walk again.

  4. Well, it seems to me that the only thing that can be said during the Pluto’s 12th house transit is “keep thy mind in hell, and despair not”- by Silouan the Athonite

  5. (((((((((((((((((((((Elsa))))))))))))))))
    I just hate to read of this. I wish you abundant health. Always. I know first hand about receiving a backhanded blow. They seem to come to me more often than not. And I will never live to see Pluto in my 12th.

    It is possible for someone to walk around looking perfectly normal on the outside while living with horrible pain on the inside and its possible to hide it. I understand not being able to go places or on visits for long periods of time. There is just no way for me to do it. I understand the fear of being wheeled in on a table not knowing if you will come back out. It’s harsh. Very.

    These days or rather today actually you can visibly see there was and still is something wrong with me. Today I decided enough, and I took my g-girls xmas gifts to them. They were so excited. My son and DIL looked at me like I was something out of night of the living dead. DIL said…omg… wth??? I said yes, I have lost 35 lbs which is a significant amount of weight on a person just 5’2 (and in a month) … my son said….my GOD mom. Yeah, the whole time they couldn’t see it I was just pretending I guess to get out of doing things for them. Now that they see it, their whole tone changed. I didn’t want to talk about it and I blew it off because that isn’t why I was there. I was there for the girls but prior to this unfolding you couldn’t tell. And there were a couple of times I saw some eyes roll too.

    Our health is the most important thing. I see people whining and carrying on about the silliest things and I think to myself, if you ever have to feel like you are so sick you worry you may die that petty nonsense will fall away quickly.

    I understand both Cancer and Cap asc are going to have a rough go of it health wise through 2020. I am over it already. 🙁

    Sending heartfelt prayers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  6. With Pluto currently transiting Capicorn 10 and MC in 2012, I can relate to this truth as well. So it seems I’m being shunned..people will believe what they want to believe, no matter how much of a stink I make and try to work toward integration. (((Elsa)))

  7. Elsa, you trooper, I’ve learned a lot from you. And I’ve got a pretty significant Pluto transit in 2020 as well. My thought on this is that the U.S. will be undergoing tremendous upheaval at that time (its first Pluto Return plus a possible four years of Bernie just completed, and the country itself might be ready to roll over and give up the ghost). This will help us keep our minds off our personal problems. They’ll be so many stories rolling in that year that u won’t want to miss the juiciness, even if you’re confined to your rocker.

  8. Sincere appreciation to you for the way you live your life, serve your communities, your family, and carry your burdens. Saying, “But you look good” is such empty-headedness. Pluto transits my 12th as well. So much goes unseen. Much aloha!! Whatever I can do give me a shout.

  9. The depth of this transit is the gift you are giving us. What you provide Elsa is the Warrior Spirit of what WE are all here for. The lesson, the journey and the abundant choice of the human spirit. What you do with your life is what we each leave behind. You are a true mentor, teacher, and a take the punches and make sweet music with them kind of spirit. I feel blessed to of found your blog and find such inspiration reading your take on astrology and most of all your take on LIFE. Know that I will vigilantly be watching for your journey and warrior spirit that helps us see how to be our best self through your example. I applaud your cantor and raw truth. Sending you love, light and a speedy pain free recovery. Blessings ((((((ELSA)))))

  10. Thanks for sharing Elsa, giving voice to your silent suffering helps all of us, I have pluto transiting my 8th about to hit my merc while squaring my stellium in 12th house. This feels like hell especially the square to the 12th house moon saturn vesta stellium in 12th. The hidden part is the main part, I agree, I feel for you Elsa because suffering is so personal and intimate and ours alone to battle with. Take care Elsa, suffering is noble if we can transform ourselves and you’ve certainly shown you cna do that. Keep strong, Elsa, I know you can do that too, so much appreciate you sharing your hidden pain, that’s strengthening for others. Love and care to you Elsa

  11. I got through Pluto in the 12th in the same way… it was genuinely life or death for years & I went down several times, but no one knew or could tell. Exactly the way I wanted it too.

    May be a cliche by now, but… when the going gets tough? The tough get going. You’re *TOUGH*- this we know! Wishing you Strength… & Warmth… & a Fair Balance of Good Things along the way, Elsa <3 x.

  12. There are never any perfect words for news like this, but I want you to know I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. It’s not much, I know, but I hope it helps in some way.

  13. This is when the strong turns on just like that crazy night sky with the zillions of stars just shows all its perfect brilliance and mystery after that ,too long and too terrible to talk of day departs. This is when the magic happens, and all those strong little climbers get to cry beneath as it feels so close, you can touch. Yes this is when you grab yourself a handful of stars and ask of please I deserve more of these days and nights and I will not disappoint those spirits looking after us. Yes these are the times to protest that you have a list and need for your dreams to come thru because humble just not gonna work this time.that night sky is the honest magnificent example of infinities
    Yes there there is enough for us all to have whatever we want and need. Believe and ask the heavens, because yes doll you deserve?

  14. Avatar
    Warped by Wuthering Heights

    I hope you won’t have to have surgery. You are a survivor and you will survive this, you are needed, and you are tough! If you don’t want to tell people you’re an astrologer, just explain that you have an online business, you’re far from idle! You deserve excellent health and a good long life without pain. Do look into acupuncture and holistic treatments. Sending you love and prayers for rapid and long lasting relief.

    1. Surgery is inevitable. I don’t know what or when, though. I’ve only had x-rays.

      I start PT tomorrow. It was scheduled before the doc saw the x-rays. It’s still appropriate though, because while they can’t see soft tissue on the x-ray, they can see my muscle in spasm, pulling the bones.

      I also have an MRI this week. That’s going to determine the treatment.

      So basically the first look is horrible and now we have to see, what else, and also determine the best way to treat it. But it will be treated, for sure and as far as I am concerned, the sooner the better.

      I realize most people aren’t like me, but I am not afraid of surgery. I am afraid of not having surgery.

      I am far beyond “wait and see” or “this can be put off” or “this might not have to happen” or “this may resolve completely”. Choices like that are for “mild” or even “moderate”. Once you reach “severe”, there is only course of action.

      I gotta get hooked up with a surgeon. I don’t know what the wait is for something like this ’round here, but if I had my say, they would operate next week….and maybe, maybe, I will be able to have a garden this year?

      Maybe. Some of these surgeries take a year to recover. And Lupus interferes with healing, BIG TIME.

      So I’ll have to see what all is going to be addressed and how they plan to address it and go from there. But if the situation is clear (and I expect it to be), as far as I’m concerned they can cut me the first chance they have. Because as far as I know, there is no benefit to be gained by waiting. But right now they need the MRI…scheduled for Tuesday.

  15. Wow, I hate to hear that your condition is severly severe. I will pray for you because it is all I know to do to be of support. It feels inadequate and in no way comes close to expressing the compassion I have nor the desire for your wellness in my heart.

  16. Im not sure exactly what the medical issue is, but if it is from abuse in your childhood it just makes me sooo mad and sick to my stomach that someone who was supposed to be your caretaker,family,the people who love you unconditionally were so cruel. I read your book and just wanted to pick up little elsa and hug her soo hard and let her know how much better her life would be in the future…I hope you can continue to work, and I do know you work hard and help people. you do know you help people just by talking to them or responding to their postings, with your knowledge and general caring about people you don’t even know! have always helped me so much and you probably didn’t even know how much!!

      1. Craziness Elsa! Light and love sent that they come up with a plan and surgery is radically successful with an amazing physical therapist that helps you get a garden in!

  17. I’m so very sorry to hear your condition has worsened. If this doesn’t sound too bold, I’m sure all your readers would be happy to send healing energies your way – maybe even coordinated for a particular time? – if you want us to. This method of healing intention has been known to be very effective. It might even be an interesting experiment: ‘Can We Help Elsa?’ Waddya think?

    1. Elsa, am so sorry to hear about your grave condition. I like Eleanor’s idea of group vibe for healing and soothing pain. Sending cleansing light your way. If Eleanor wants to coordinate, I would be willing to participate at an agreed upon time. Take it easy.

  18. Terrible news and I have no good intelligent words.
    What is happening to you really bums me out.
    I hope you will continue your journey for a long long long time, and with help and solutions for your pain.

  19. So sorry, Elsa! I hope your surgery goes well and that you recover quickly. Sorry you are going through all this :::hugs:::

  20. Avatar

    Elsa, What you are facing sounds very frightening As someone who is also living with an unpredictable and potentially life-threatening autoimmune disease, sending you all the healing energy I have. Strength you’ve got covered.

  21. Hello, I read your blog posts time by time, and the last one made me write you this comment of support. as you have put it, we know ourselves best ! Good energy your way ! Blessed be !

  22. Dear Elsa,
    I send you all possible good vibrations. (((((Elsa))))) lots of hugs.
    Pluto is passing thorough my 12th house and it will it continued for many many years (until it reaches 5 degrees Aquarius) so I really understand the experience. Even when Pluto entered 1 degree Capricorn in my 11house opposed Mars in 5h in 2009 me and my child we almost did not make it during childbirth. It was Sort of “shadow zone”.
    After Pluto entered 12th house things are dark and intense but also incredible physical and psychical healing took place.

  23. Have solid faith you will roll through this with your ever-growing Pluto power, soul strength and inspiration.

    But, gee – sure do wish they’d lay off you for a while!

  24. Your share in Gods life is abundantly evident Elsa. You are showing grace and you also are showing very good Saturn function as well. It is something that l and others could learn a great deal from. We have no control over these outer planets in what they bring to our reality but as you exhibit so well, we control and decide how we will react and feel about all of it. Life has taught you much in the way of hardship but you have reflected God’s light through it all. I think that would be the meaning of a life well lived. Blessings to you. I am praying for you. Thank you for showing us how to shine light in the darkness, much appreciated.

  25. My hope is that I will be able to garden this year. It’s my burning question at this time. I have a huge garden planned. Canning and baking. If I miss this season, what about the next?

    So that’s like April.

    Off to Google..

    1. Elsa, one more thought that is probably redundant, as you are no doubt right on this:

      Surgery – abundant research to suggest that mental state minutes before the op, positive suggestion by the team during, and positive suggestion as you come out of anaesthetic all have major impacts on a. likelihood of death during, and b. speed of healing after.

      As a control freak Scorp rising, whose only major op was screwed up in the sense that no one came to give me a pre-op, i was the calmest person amongst all the med team as they wheeled me in. I was convinced – willed myself to be TRULY convinced (ie acted “as if” til it became real belief – that all would go brilliantly. It did.

      My mum – another Scorp type (Sun/Mars in Scorp) – bowel cancer polyp removal and exploratory surgery to check how far it really went – I control freaked THAT too, and it worked. I spoke to the surgeon, and surgical nurses beforehand, and insisted that whatever happened during the op, they would not discuss the party they went to on the weekend, or name any bad signs/findings that might be occuring during the op. No. If things went wrong, they would talk in code that my mum’s subconscious would not understand, and continue to say how brilliantly it was all going. I was fierce with them, about this, like I imagine the soldier could well be in this situations.

      I made sure I was there as mum was wheeled out of recovery, and spoke to her subconscious as I held her hand. I told her that all had gone brilliantly, and that she was so special, and so needed in this world, that she was going to break records for recovery. (At the time, she had three bottles coming out of her – one red, one yellow, and one green). I told her nurses to repeat this to her after visiting hours were over: I held their hands, looked into their eyes, and communicated how fucking important to me, and more importantly, to my father, who was falling apart.

      In any case, she DID break records for recovery, and has been cancer free ever since.
      My mum’s disease, like my own, and like yours, emanated from deep childhood trauma.

      Lupus, according to Louise Hay, is about anger turning in on itself: the desire to die because there is an anger, a pain, that one has never been able to heal.

      But this operation is the turning point. Get the soldier – or your son – on it, to do what I did for my mum – no doubt either of them have the necessary gravitas and power of love to chivvy those medicos until they fall into line with the subconscious messaging thing. And get him (son or partner, whomever is best suited) to feed you relentlessly miraculous messages when you come out and are still under.

      We can’t stack the deck in our favour when we are kids, but this is my best advice for stacking it as you are facing surgery to deal with the adult manifestations of what happened to you when you were smaller xx

      1. ps the point, apart from your recovery, is that whatever happens, it will help the men in your life to have a positive, proactive battle plan to deal with your surgery. Give them a sense of that they may have real, positive agency in the outcomes. I have seen time and time again how men tend to fall apart when the women they love are facing risks they can’t control – and then the women feel kind of abandoned by this – but conversely, how, even if their battle plan fails, those feel better both during and after for having committed to a positive strategy with which to face the fight, and their women do too xx

  26. Elsa, you are in my prayers. Sending strong healing vibes from a natal Pluto 12th houser. We may not know what’s ahead but God is with us on our journey. Thanks for all you do!

  27. Elsa!!! I am so sorry. I really wish you didn’t have to go through this. Have you looked into EMDR therapy for PTSD from childhood abuse? It really helps with pain and anxiety. Find a certified EMDR therapist, preferably someone who has worked with the VA system, treating PTSD in veterans. Also medical cannabis does help with chronic pain and the depression associated with it. You would not get addicted because you would be using medical cannabis specifically formulated for pain. It definitely beats opioids in the management of chronic pain. You would need to find out who would be able to prescribe it. PTSD and chronic pain are both qualifying conditions. A big hug to you and best wishes!

    1. I am long beyond, PTSD and I always hated smoking pot. Hate is not a strong enough word, lol. I just don’t like the high *at all*.

      I favor surgery, frankly. It’s an inevitably eventually, provided I want to continue to function.

      But maybe it can be postponed…a year? I don’t see the point, but I guess the MRI will help clarify.

      1. Hi Elsa, EMDR does help with more severe and older cases of PTSD. I still say it is worth a try from a well qualified therapist. PTSD is a loose term that currently encompasses a person’s suffering from and reaction to everything from chronic severe multi source childhood abuse to one time violence either suffered or witnessed. As for the medical cannabis high, it is not necessarily a high although it does cause an altered state. There are so many strains now that barely produce a “high”. The burden on the body is much less than an opioid pain medicine. Having said this, you will know what’s best for you. I just wanted you to know of the options out there, however limited. I know that prayer and Reiki (including long distance Reiki) are also very effective with chronic pain. Surgery, if that is what you feel what you must have and what the MRI suggests, may also work wonders…. With any modality that you choose and is available to you, may you find healing and alleviation of suffering.

        1. It’s so weird, I tell you I don’t have PTSD and I hate smoking pot.
          You respond, to repeat I should be treated for PTSD and smoke pot.

          ::please stop::

  28. I wish you all the best in your surgery and recovery Elsa. Really appreciate what you’ve built here on the web, for sharing all of your stories, and always telling it like it is. Thanks and godspeed!

  29. I also have Pluto transiting my 12th house and I guess I never really acknowledged how drastic my life has changed and also how tough it’s been recently. Last year I had some challenging health scares as well and all while planning a wedding I felt like dying would just be easier because the suffering was so draining and almost felt like things would never get better. But they did. But then I moved to another country to be with my husband and again, the challenges and struggle I have been going through have been paramount. There have been days that I have cried myself to sleep and just wished to disappear, but I am stronger than that and have pushed through and am now seeing the positive in things. I have a ways to go since my damn AC is at 29 degrees Cap, but I can’t help but wonder what will happen once Pluto crosses the line into my first house. It will also conjunct my Venus at 26 degrees as well. I am kind of scared of that one.

  30. Elsa, heartfelt wishes for you continued strength, determination and the will to surmount yet another health crisis. I am no stranger to Pluto’s requirement that life includes a series of “little deaths” (Scorpio Sun in 8th, Moon combust Pluto in 6th, transiting Pluto conj progressed Sun), the goal of which is to rid the body, mind, or soul of rotten memories and decaying debris. Excavation and removal are needed. You are a brave and honest woman, blessed with a special gift you offer others to help ease their way on their life paths. I sense that you have more work here to do. I will keep you in my prayers, that you may prevail once again in time to plant your garden in April.

    I think Eleanor D’s idea of coordinated healing prayer is excellent. Perhaps we can coordinate a 5-8 minute prayer circle for you if we know the date and time of your surgery?

    Love and blessings,
    ~ Lesley

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