I’m aware of is how hard it is to break free of some deeply rooted emotional pattern. In fact, it’s occurring to me just how few people manage. You really have to slug it out. This kind of progress just doesn’t come easy.
When Saturn transited my 6th house (communication) while squaring my Mars Mercury conjunction (communication), I learned (Saturn) how abrasive and overwhelming my communication style was. I have learned to temper this. Because people just don’t have the capacity I do, never mind the time and energy to try to contain the type of energy I can put out, relentlessly.
It’s interesting to see the progression and the grand design. Because what I learned a few a years ago is now being applied. But that aside, it’s very clear if you want to break some of these patterns, you’ve got to be incredibly motivated and at least half-smart. I am both and I still find it’s dicey and astonishingly, breathtakingly difficult at times.
So yesterday one of my friends told me he was a “violent narcissist” but he’d recovered. Can you believe that?
“I was very violent and a total narcissist,” he said. I just took this in. But today I’ve been thinking about it. This is some kind of feat, don’t you think? Because I know him very well and I can tell you he is a non-violent man. And I can’t even begin to see him as narcissistic in any way.
This is almost magical when you think about it. It’s inspiring; to know these things are possible. Healing is possible. Recovery is possible.
Have you had an authentic transformation or know someone who has?
Ugh. How funny to try and tie together the two themes of narcissism and transformation…but ultimately a grand challenge, so thank you, Elsa!
I have transformed. The first transformation occurred from disordered eater/misogynist to a person who is not a body fascist.
A good transform, no?
I love reading about breaking free, Elsa, but I am glad you emphasised how difficult the process can be. I’m motivated too. No choice really. And I have already had a transformation. I am sober and for the most part no longer suffer from an eating disorder.
Forgot to put in my natal Pluto positions on the previous post. In 11th, square Mars in 8th, sextile both Neptune in 1st and Venus in 9th.
I used to act out my anger really childishly. after cleaning a pot of spaghetti off the wall/stove/floor I decided I was done. I’ve not thrown anything since and have learned to deal with my anger more constructively. it feels good.
Like satori, I used to have anger management problems. Nobody who knows me now believes I’m capable of anger (in fact, when I told my friends, they laughed it off “You? Ha! No way.”), but my family nickname has always been “Grouchy”, because I was in a perpetual pissy mood, mostly because I was a contrary, stubborn control freak.
But when I was still very young, I read something that made me decide I didn’t want to be such a brat anymore, so I decided to change, to become a person with superb self-control and maturity. I’m still working on it, but I’ve come a long way.
Capricorn with Cappy rising, Mars in Pisces. I’ve always thought of it as “transcending” my anger.
I have venus/jupiter square pluto and my relationships carry the brunt of this problem. Also have mer conjunct mars…uggh!
I am generally a quiet & hard to get to know person, but by inhibiting myself, people think I am not ‘spontaneous’ with my reactions. I have gotten into too much trouble in the past being spontaneous and am trying to find a balance where it is integrated and not stuffed away somewhere in the void.
Best.