There was enough interest on the More On Psychological Immunity post, I want to elaborate and make this mechanism, very clear. I mentioned my father would start up with some oddness. My sister observed he had no staying power. I said this had a big impact, but I want to give you an actual example.
During this period, we were sent to bed at six pm, so my father “would not have to look at us”. Believe me, we didn’t care. The best place to be was anywhere he wasn’t. So we were in this new routine; it was in the middle of the school year.
My sisters and I all shared one bedroom. One morning, we we woke up to an intense clanging at two am in the morning. It turned out it my my father, banging on a cast iron skillet. He informed us, we should get the fuck out of bed, because we were in the Army, now. His Army!
No clue how this sounds to you, but my oldest sister, double Sagittarius with Mercury in Sadge, summed it up. “Stupid asshole,” she muttered.
We had to get out of bed and line up in the living room for “inspection”. He basically told us we all sucked but we should not be concerned because we were in the Army now and we would learn discipline. We were all standing there, half asleep, wondering what the hell.
After this dressing down, we had to do “calisthenics” and then we had to scrub the linoleum floor, in the kitchen, living room and hall. These were the common areas. There was no carpet in the house. He stood over us as we scrubbed on our hands and knees, talking shit and mocking us, basically. “Hey, you missed a spot,” and various other bullshit. He liked to kick us in this position and at times, he was sadistic. Very creepy at three in the morning! Seriously, it made my skin crawl.
As part of this “discipline” he said we would eat eggs every day for breakfast, and every other night for dinner, until we liked them. None of us liked eggs, but I particularly hated them. Irrelevant, really. After our five hours in the Army each morning, we’d catch the bus and go to school.
So just imagine this scene. Had my oldest sister not tipped me off around my father’s patterns, I might have been thinking, I’m going to die, or please let me die. I’m pretty sure of this. It’s my way! Instead, my first thought was, is this a new gig of his? Is this a one-day-deal, or his new “idea”?
Can you see the profound difference? I had a feeling of control. He was unable to scramble my brain, because I’d been educated. I was maybe nine years old, if you’re wondering.
So every school day, he banged on the frying pan, two AM. We got up, jumping jacks, etc. Run in place. Then scrubbed the VERY clean floor while he kicked us and made remarks. Choke down eggs, or feed them to the dog and then go catch the school bus.
Did I like this? Of course not. But I had my sister’s information and I knew it was a matter of time. Internally, this allowed me to detach. We’re only waiting him out.
Outside of shooting him, dead, this was by far the best option. Basically, he kicks me and calls me a, “stupid little bitch”. I feel the physical pain, but I don’t take his comment in at all. Why would I? Believe me, this was no daddy. It’s a psycho freak. We were captive, planning to escape… intact!
This particular “game” went on for about six weeks. My brother was let off the hook, right away. My mother protected him, but my sisters and I were clanged awake, five days a week. We’re all Mutable and we adapted. We adjusted to the schedule. Six weeks in, we were all awake at two am, waiting for the pan to bang and…nothing.
2:02 am, my oldest sister announces, “I told you the motherfucker would get tired of this,” before rolling over and going back to sleep.
That was it. Nothing had to be announced. We all knew new the game had ended. There’d be another one, within a week, but this one was done!
You can see, in my book, I’m a little older and he’s taking me to Juvie all the time. Same situation. I didn’t get excited about stuff like this, at least not overtly and it was due to education. If the psychopath gets off on your tears, maybe you shouldn’t cry them?
Honestly, this is how I got my father to lose interest in me. There was a time, he wanted me to marry him. He’s a massive Aquarian. I bored him out of this idea, okay? CUBS WIN!
I know this is a fantastic story, but PLEASE catch the point. You really want to understand the those who torment you. This will help you to a degree I can’t even quantify.
Many years ago, I read a book by a hostage in Vietnam for a number of years… I wrote about this, pretty well, as I recall. It’s probably still on the site, but I sure related to this guy. There was nothing in his book, I did not understand. I literally used the same techniques he did.
You really don’t want to stick your head in the sand, when there are things to learn that will save your sanity, if not your life. But in this day and age, a large percentage of people would call my sister, “a conspiracy theorist”, if she revealed a pattern to them. It’s literally the craziest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
that story is crazy. i dont mean to sound insensitive, but I wonder if the obvious psycho behaviour of your dad made it easier to detach? my mother was difficult, verbally abusive etc, but she was also generous and caring. It was hard, if not impossible to separate the two. I think its hard for people to detach from whats happening in society, because there are so many good things about it as well. For one thing the convenience and sense of protection! it hard to leave daddy goverment.
We really didn’t have any concept whatsoever of “psycho”. How I am telling this is how it was… just through my eyes.
When my oldest sister told us he had a set attention span, it clicked in my brain. I personally used the information to cope. Further, I think it’s was a major key to my coming through his, intact. It was a cheat code, okay?
No wonder I like gamers, though I’m not one. The idea is to prevail, so when someone gives me assistance or knowledge of some kind, I apply it… immediately. I would immediately, test the code. I’m in trouble, after all.
But now you hand people a code and they pretty much wipe their butt with it and them come at you with both barrels, blazing. Yeah, I think it’s weird. Very weird, so I have been trying to figure this out for a few years now. I’ve about got it.
Im sorry to her this Elsa. Very sorry.
Thank you. I’m sorry what you’ve gone through as well.
Thank you.
Boy did he have a monster inside, my dad looks good comparatively. I have an older sister but she wasn’t kind.
My sister wasn’t kind, either. She beat me up on the regular! When she left, my life improved dramatically, but she *was* the one who cracked this code.
jesus.
I wanted to explain this.
https://elsaelsa.com/astrology/psychopath-fun-games/
Your blog is a present day “stitchery code.” In many cultures across time, colors of thread in an embroidered design, in a quilt, in a patch on survivors clothing were talismans (magic!) both mythical and practical.
I read you. Along with your blog there are books like: The art of Repair by Molly Martin for more applications 👍🏽🦋
Thank you, Moki. It’s intended to be. My husband clarified this for me, about sixteen years ago, when he said it was like a light, and it was very important to keep it burning, because people need it. He said, he knew this was true because he’d used it himself, in a dark period.
I know it’s important to keep the lights on; my art is like that stitched in code with lines on paper and thread on cloth. Stepping out now under a small purple tent rain or shine the test is in keeping at it; because I have a lifetime of stitchery and a finite time in this body.🦋
Elsa, what do you think mare you so different from your siblings, even though you grew up the same?
Probably, my chart. We’re different people.
A long time ago when I first got sober one of my counselors told me the only thing I could count on was change. I can still see the sunlight shining on the floor of her office and feel how those words landed in me. That code kept me alive in dark times. Yesterday on x I asked Robert Phoenix a question about Pluto/Chiron transit and his answer made me freakin’ cry. Simple and to the point answer that was loaded with the real juice. Like you, Elsa. You have worked out the codes and consistently deliver for people. It’s up to us to take them for a test drive, at least, and pass them along to others in our life. It’s this kind of generosity of spirit that’s going to get us through the next few years of drastic changes. Clif High calls it Sci Fi World because of all the possibilities in the technology. I’m hoping I can live long enough to see my grand daughter graduate from high school and get started on her life as an adult. We talk a lot about “staying human” and not letting the tech become our brain. How to get our dopamine from interactions with Nature and people, not the phone. So far, so good. She’ll be here soon for summer break. Can’t wait to play and compare notes! Meanwhile, I’m off to see 7 people, seven stops along my day, sharing the codes with each one, like a bee to all the flowers, pollinating all that goodness we’ve shared, turning the lead into gold as true alchemists do. Thank you, Elsa. So appreciate all your efforts to shine a light in this world.
Thank you, Gusti. This means a lot.
I hope your day is terrific!
I’m on this journey (healing) many years now and along the way you find gems. This story is so powerful. It was fed to me in a way that felt like someone holding my hand and walking me back to look through new eyes. I believe just the right medicine for me, or you could call it a potion. Your words heal. I feel like I’m being resurrected after much trauma and pain as though I was cast in stone and am breaking free. Thank you for being a guiding light.
Thank you. I am glad to hear this. I’m trying!
“You really want to understand the those who torment you. This will help you to a degree I can’t even quantify.”
When I learned to see and understand the patterns, my whole world changed. I stopped reacting. Beautiful knowledge to have. Keep shining the light Elsa.