As for people thinking I’m not real, this is my sister on the subject. This dialogue is real, circa 1994. She is talking about men (in general) that I date.
“Well no one thinks you are real, Elsa. You tell them exactly who you are but they don’t believe you.”
“Why? Why is that?”
“I don’t know exactly. Because in this case, these men are right there in the room with you. You sleep with them and stuff so I don’t know how they don’t know, but I do know that none of my friends think you are real. You know. I talk about you and most of them don’t think you exist.”
“What? Why would they think that?”
“I don’t know but they do. They think I’m making you up. Don’t they, L?” That’s her husband. “Don’t people think I’m lying when I talk about, Elsa?”
“They do,” he said. “No one believes her when she talks about you. They definitely do not believe her.”
“Well I don’t understand that. Why would they not believe..?”
“Well I told them you put your lipstick on crooked for one thing,” she said, stopping to laugh. ‘And they can’t believe that for sure.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well most people… people want to have all the lips they can get. They want big lips and here you have them. Other people have to go get collagen, or use lip liner. Some of them even try to tattoo some lips on their face. They do all kinds of things trying to look good and what do you do? Nothing. You won’t even bother to fill in the lips you have. And the people I know? Well they’re like me. They are all interested in fashion and in beauty and they find this hard to believe.”
“I see. So I am not interested in fashion and this makes me a fake person? I don’t get it.”
“Well it’s true. And then there was that time you showed up here with no pumps. I couldn’t believe it. And I told people about it. I said, my sister is traveling and she doesn’t even pack a pair of pumps!” She laughed. “They didn’t believe that either.”
“Oh, for godsakes. They think I’m fabricated because of shoes? Because of lack of shoes? I was coming to see my sister. I wasn’t going on a date. Is there a man here for me? No. There is no man, so why would I bring pumps?”
“Elsa, most women would. I know I wouldn’t leave home and go across town for one night unless I had a pair of pumps packed just in case.”
“Whatever.”
“So it’s a lot of things like this. I told them about that one guy who actually plucked your eyebrows for you, in an attempt to fix you up so he could be seen with you. But if you really want to know what tipped them into the land of non-belief, it had to be when you married Shack Man.”
“Shack Man? What’s wrong with that?”
“You married a guy who lived in a shack.”
“So? You agreed with that. You thought that was a good idea!”
“I did. I did approve of that. I admit, I agreed you should marry him and thought he was good for you. But think about it Elsa. Most people don’t marry people who live in shacks, right?”
“No, but…”
“So if you’re in the middle of trying to convince people that your real sister is really, real, and you go off on Christmas Eve and marry a man who lives in a shack, it’s doesn’t help. This is not the kind of thing that is going to help your credibility.”
“Okay, okay. I get it. So what am I supposed to do? Not marry who I want to marry so people will think I’m real? Go shoe shopping and carry a bunch of them on my back at all times, so I can be normal?”
She laughed. “Elsa, there is nothing you can do. Look at your chart. Do you ever look at your chart?”
“Yeah….”
“Well what do you think it says?”
“What do you think it says?”
“It says this is the chart of a person people will not believe is real.”
::sighs::
~~
Learn more about this phenomenon with my workshop about how to stay stable as reality morphs.
Saturn In Pisces / Saturn Transit 12th House / Saturn Neptune Workshop
I’ll explain it to you.
NO, it’s not that they think YOU’RE fabricated, Elsa. The problem is that you’re for real and these people sound like they’re not. I mean, these people are injecting collagen and painting their lips on and they think that YOU must be fake? Come on, now. You married Shack Guy bc your gut told you it was the authentic thing for you to do. You haven’t said as much but that’s what I get. And most people don’t go with their gut. They go with what’s expected. They’re fakes so when they meet someone who is authentic, they can’t believe their eyes. Ironic, isn’t it? It’s that simple.
I think that you have a very incredible, big personality and experiences that are very different from those of other people. People are going to have different ideas about you in particular because some will see how interesting and special you are, therefore people who will read your blog will take the snippets and construct you out of them, so perhaps you don’t even agree that you have a “large” personality. Sometimes you surprise people with a factoid you slip in like telling us that you’re very girly while your writing is very direct and Mar..tian or, well, I never knew you married Shack Man. I think the cards are cast that you have so many different things to offer and that you are, that while other people are also perceived incorrectly sometimes, people will especially not have a good handle on who you are. You said it yourself that you are different in fundamental outside ways from other people, even in the way your sister is pointing out. You might do things differently. You wear ugly pants. Your sister’s fashion conscious friends might not. Who can go outside of themselves and see what they are being perceived as? You seem to do that pretty well, but frequently you also seem surprised at how wrong people read you. Maybe that’s a beautiful thing that goes with the territory of being you?
I agree with Marly — most people are used to doing what is expected of them and they’re used to seeing and interacting with others who do the same… they forget that there are other ways to live. It shouldn’t come as a surprise that they’re so thrown by someone who is so authentic. Its said that truth is stranger than fiction, which, from their standpoint is exactly what’s going on. 😉
I bet you if some of us could take the viewpoints you do in your life we could write some equally interesting and bizarre stories about our lives. However, as I’ve said before, that would require not only living ‘in the moment’ and being aware of what’s transpiring around you, but it would also require watching and digesting all of this in order to regurgitate it later. LOL! It is a talent that is not so common, so there you go. You’re it! 🙂
it is interesting to me how this world has all kinds of people. I didn’t find you hard to believe because I saw honesty that I so rarely find. Even if you were embelishing the stories (which I am 100% sure they are true) they speak of a truth more people need to learn.
I think there will always be some people who see you and know you are real. At least a few of us. 🙂
Okay, Elsa, you’re real…that much I know to be true! And I love reading your stuff.
But I kind of find it hard to believe that these other people have these concepts! Like, no pumps? Wtf? I have never been more than 1 inch off the ground except for my army boots! (Army boots for fashion, that is–not reality).
And no collagen? Where are these people?
Sorry to sound judgemental, but these physical things seem so frivilous and you are an enormously talented human who reaches out to people all the time.
I’m with Marly, there’s more to a human than these silly aspects and pity the fool who thinks otherwise.
Oh, and I was raised in a shack.
Well I think you’re real all right, although often enough I haven’t the faintest what the hell you’re talking about. Maybe it’s because we express ourselves so differently but often the things that bother you seem like the things I don’t have an issue with, and what seems obvious to you puzzles me and vice versa.
I have Saturn-Neptune in my chart and I don’t think anyone ever thought I wasn’t real. I am very real, but I can also be easily many facets of myself. I think of the Saturn-Neptune as a theatre aspect – unreality manifested. I was certainly in the theatre for years – it was important to me and I was good at acting – shedding my skin to become someone else and in the moments of the play I’d become whoever I was playing, even though I never lost track of who the authentic I was.
I think your writing is quite theatrical as well – populated by outlandish and larger than life characters, and by all these things you just gloss over and never explain explicitly. So when there’s so many disconnected pieces I think it becomes easier to seem unreal.
And then there is the stuff that I find downright puzzling. Like the ugly pants episode. Because I could never imagine being seen in public in ugly pants or even worse travelling in them, or getting anything liberating from that experience. When I want to experience something positive I put on nice clothes and then just think myself into whatever mindspace I need (which works, most of the time). And the way you process stuff is very different from mine, and I think from most people’s.
But you seem to get a kick out of being strange, so good on you and enjoy.