I started working on the introduction for my Saturn in Sagittarius workshop. Writing these things always scares the crap out of me. Will I be able to perform as promised? I promise on faith.
I get on here and say I am going to produce something worthy…before I have produced anything at all. I sound confident, but really, I just believe. I believe (Sagittarius) I have done it before and I believe I can do it again. So I make this claim and start selling a product (Saturn) that does not exist (Neptune).
Invariably this is followed by a period of doubt. Not crippling doubt, but DOUBT the same. I talk to people, concerned about falling flat on my face. I bet this sounds familiar to a lot of you!
But eventually, I have to face my fear. I tell myself to sit down and start writing. Quit wondering if you’re going to fail. Find out! Sit down with your fingers and see if you know what to say…
And I do know what to say. The words come. The first paragraph comes and I realize the introduction is in the bad. Even if I may work on it for a week or two, I know I have it.
So I get it going and then go write back being concerned. What chart should I use?
Think about it. I am not using charts of my choosing, charts I can control, charts of celebrities who won’t be in the class, able to talk back and/or refute what I say. It’s ballsy, yanno? And it worries me everytime.
Not so much that the person will be upset, but that I will miss the boat somehow and not pull the class together in a way that’s cohesive by the time I wrap up. Because I do this the same way I tell a story. I just start telling the story and by some magic, the story starts telling itself. My job at that point is to just be true to what (literally) comes through me.
This is why my workshops are the way they are. Lively, deep, daring, unpredictable and effective. It’s because I’m willing to take a risk will all the hope I can muster that I don’t hit the ground hard – SPLAT!
Who can relate?
I can relate!
xo
I have faith I’m going to have a baby while Saturn is in Sag. Even if I need to first have some sort of operation; my doctor told me a couple of years ago he thought I might have scar tissue from previous C-section twisted around my tubes. Saturn rules my 6th- may need a minor surgery- the 6th does have some rulership over the lower stomach. And I have Neptune in Sag in my 5th sextile natal Saturn. I’m going to have a baby in the next 2 1/2 years. I don’t care.
Brilliant share of your process, thanks so much Elsa. I came to see I’m a lot the same. I think for me, it’s fear of failure. (Saturn 8th H Sagitt)
Thanks. I got the first draft of the intro done today…this was more than I expected to be able to do so I am real happy.
I also don’t read any of the charts people send until I get the intro done. I’m such a weirdo. But if I don’t let the story unfold, there won’t be a story. So now I am just hoping when I do read them, something will emerge.
I really try to challenge myself with these classes. I don’t write anything normal. I write it as it comes…but I do have satori proofread and ask her to tell me if she thinks I’ve gone off the deep end or into a ditch. Because it’s not okay, I do that.
So far she has never had to tell me to change my tone or anything. So you see how this is…and daring but also careful. There is karma involved here. I don’t want to take so much as a dime from someone and not deliver what I promised.
I love, love, love your workshops and have grown so much through them. I feel this way every time I start working on a production, and I appreciate you being transparent so I don’t feel so alone!
Thanks, and you’re welcome!
‘Quit wondering if you’re going to fail. Find out! Sit down with your fingers and see if you know what to say…’
Dunno, when I write stuff it’s like what if it’s not polished or worthy or what you’re supposed to write. Its just therapy, its just going for a cheap joke, its just meandering, too personal then generalizing yet not specific enough. Not the product of an observer, not a fiction brain. I notice flaws but don’t know how to correct them. Now what if I want writing to be my career? What if what I am stands behind the writing? What to write and I don’t work enough. That really takes the fun out of it. But growing is important
I’ll admit to dealing with that type of fear recently. Every time I think of going back to school to learn skills for a better job, the doubts begin.
What if I mess up on choosing a program of study? What if I don’t like the school I picked? What if I fail and don’t graduate? What if I suck at my new field and have to run back to my old job, defeated? What if I get fired from my current job and can’t find a new one? What if I can’t afford school? What if what if what if…….
I really need to learn to have faith. At least my husband has faith in me (Jupiter in 7th house).