I was telling a friend someone about the process I go through when I make a new friend. How anyone who comes on with too much, too fast, a “new best friend” sort made me nervous.
“When someone comes in and thinks they are going to fill up my life, I feel completely overwhelmed. I may like them initially but if my phone starts ringing off the hook, I know I’m not going to be able to sustain the relationship.”
She was listening intently.
“People like me have to have a chance to feel you out. If you won’t allow time for this natural process then why is that? Whatever the reason, it can’t be good. I don’t even want to know what the reason is. If you can’t give me time to have my feelings and process them, and if you don’t need time to experience and process your own feelings then I’m pretty sure we’re incompatible.”
How (and when) do you form a friendship? What will break the deal in the process?
My Virgo best friend who understands me better than anyone in the world, always says ” I just have to try a little harder with you”. She doesn’t freak out if I don’t return a text. We can go a couple months without talking at all. She tries to get up my butt every once in a while, but then she gets sick of me. So it works out:)
I haven’t had any women ever do this to me, oddly enough. But a bunch of men. It just hasn’t flowed as easily with them.
I have Pluto in 8th trine my Pisces ascendant. It’s very easy for me to get a true vibe from someone the first time I meet them and make a decision. There are people in my life to whom I’ve become very close very quickly, but there are an equal amount who did not give the right vibe and made me feel VERY overwhelmed by what felt like their forced friendship. At the end of the day, Pluto in 8th gives me the power to walk away at any moment(opposite Mars meaning that I often do. woops!).
This happened to me. I’m an introvert and definitely prefer processing things internally rather than externally. I think this other person was just more of an external processor.
I wish I had communicated better about the differences, I might have been able to preserve what could have been a good friendship. But I just wasn’t in a head space where I could do that, back then.
I ended up severing ties.
12th house double Virgo with Venus in Scorpio, Cancer Mars, Jupiter in Pisces.
I make friends very easily. I become intimate with them very easily. They tell me all about their fears and pains and I share some of mine. It usually ends up with them backing off for a while. A little embarrassed at revealing so much so soon. I’m ok with that. The ones that want a relationship will call me. The ones that just want someone to talk to. I’m used to it.
I have many very close friends that have lasted for years. Or perhaps that’s how I am. All or nothing.
No matter how promising a friendship may appear, if you start aggressively pushing your way into my life, I’m done. I don’t know there’s a point to gently letting the person know it’s too much too fast. Anyone I ever tried to explain it to got offended.
I tend to build a wall when someone pushes too hard.
While I’m not afraid of confrontation, I do try to avoid them. I would rather wait until the aggregation and annoyance burns off so I can be sure I communicate my boundaries in a balanced, clear and kind way. No need to hurt peoples feelings if they are unaware of what you want.
If they don’t respect it then on I tell them to take a hike.
“When someone comes in and thinks they are going to fill up my life, I feel completely overwhelmed. I may like them initially but if my phone starts ringing off the hook, I know I’m not going to be able to sustain the relationship.”
This is so me as well. I have both of my Luminaries in the 8th. I had a girl a couple of years ago who did this to me. She was always coming over to my house without calling first, and giving me gifts nearly every week. This started instantly, practically the very first week we met. I couldn’t understand how she had the energy to do this, and I felt like I couldn’t keep up with her. I felt almost like she wanted something from me I couldn’t give and I became suspicious, thinking perhaps she had ulterior motives. That “friendship” didn’t end well, because one day I told her to leave me alone and she went ballistic, and started screaming and cursing me out. I don’t know…she was just too much. I didn’t have the energy to give her…I hadn’t had time to feel her out and I started to believe she had mental issues. I still wish it would have turned out differently. In a way, I miss her from time to time…I don’t think she was a bad person.
My moon and Venus are conjunct my South node. My friends tend to be relatively few but last a lifetime.
My 11th house is empty of signs in cancer,moon in aries,pof in pisces,chiron in gemini,ASC virgo,sun sign virgo,mercury in libra and sun,mars capricorn.
I really had a hard time of making friendships,from early school years and then univercity,wasn’t easy to socialized,to be talkative,so after finished high school i felt abandoned,alone and betrayed,felt quickly into depression,self pitty behavior and stuck for many many years into the self isolation.
Hey Sijune.. don’t know if you’re gonna see this but saw your post on the forum (and your chart.) Some things that stick out to me in your chart is this need for independence you don’t know you have.
You have Moon/North Node in Aries (in the 8th house) square Mars.. this means in this life you are working towards true emotional/psychological independence and bravery.. you are also working to be a hero in your own story/solve emotional challenges yourself. There are many beautiful and solitary things we do to grow our strength (mountain climbing, qigong, snowboarding, etc.) And this 8th house placement can teach you to serve others and fight for them. It trines Uranus and Uranus has recently transited your north node. Set goals to *do deeper things* and create healthier independence.
I think your Sun square Neptune trine Mars in the 5th is best used to serve others in various ways, while maximizing your independence. You can serve through creativity/performance, or counseling others, working with kids, helping others feel less isolated with your talents. There are many ways.
I think you could have strong creative talents (art, writing, performance, etc.) and it’s important to set high goals in that. It is your Venus/Pluto conjunction (and Mercury in Libra) that adds pain to isolation, because it wants powerful merging.
I think it’s vital to work with yourself about your fears of loneliness and realize you are meant to be profoundly independent and brave in this life (Moon/North Node in Aries in the 8th).. and to find some creative or service interests you are passionate about. We use our own pain to create art or help others and it delivers them. It might take a lifetime to become confident with being independent, challenge-focused, and marching to the beat of your own drummer. But, it’s important to recognize that this is a tendency you have.
I also have some questions for you to chew on.. What creative pursuits (writing, studio art, drama, botany, etc.) are you most passionate about? What kind of reputation do you want to work toward in this life? During the Leo full moon, retreating and thinking about creative goals might be interesting. Also, I think traveling will be a nice way to grow yourself up even more and get in touch with yourself (Saturn, Uranus, Neptune in the 4th.) You can try online teaching kids as you travel or doing a workaway.