Dear Elsa,
I recently became intimate with a Scorpio man whom I have talked to and been friends with for the past 3 years. We recently had a blowup about sex, friendship, what he calls “timing” (not having any time), etc. I said I wanted more sex and friendship, and I probably ended up seeming like a needy, out-of-control idiot. I almost cried a few times, for he was being quite cold and cruel. I believe he is haunted by his sad past, as we all are in some way or another.
All the anger and crap aside, I really like him and he says he likes me although I believe he could cast me aside with little or no regret. I haven’t tried to talk to him for a week, which seems like forever when I have so much to say. It will be hard to forget him because I don’t want to.
Your advice is often quite poignant; do you have a sage astrological viewpoint for me? Thanks!
Gal Pal Set Aside
Dear Gal Pal,
I’m sorry but I don’t think this guy is more than mildly interested in you and then only if nothing else is available. So obviously I don’t think you should be holding your breath, messing with him again. Because my experience, once Scorpio loses interest in you… once they take their energy off you, you’re pretty much cooked.
And I think he was within his rights to lose interest but I’ll tell you what bothers me. It’s the idea that you feel like you were a “needy out-of control idiot”. That right there is a problem. And if you want to get something out of this experience, then I would let him go (he is already gone) and focus on where this negative self talk is coming from. Because here are the facts:
People lose interest in other people for all kinds of reasons, and frequently they have nothing to do with the dumped person. For example, let’s say this guy is love with another girl. But they break up! And he’s horny. Or he’s lonely. And he sees you and says, “Hey! I’ll do this! This’ll make me feel better!”
But that never works. So a few days later, or a few weeks later, or if you’re really unlucky, a few months later this guy says…”Crap man. I just can’t do this. I really love Susie Q..”
So what do you think he’s going to do? Tell you this? Not likely. Maybe if he’s a Sadge, he will but that aside, it’s hard to say which would be easier on you. “It’s a timing thing,” or “I love this other woman and have been using you…”
Now I am not saying this is what happened. I have no idea what happened. But hopefully you can see my point. His loss of interest likely has little to do with you and certainly did not come about because you sneezed…had a need, cried a tear or whatever. But look at your reaction.
I just don’t want you torturing yourself over the idea you had this dream guy and then took one misstep and if you hadn’t, then everything would be peachy. So please work on your thinking. Why is he the dreamboat and you the needy blah blah blah? Why can’t he just be an experiment of yours that failed, hmmm?
Please spare yourself, okay? The guy is gone and it’s just as well, because he’s not the man for you! When you find the man who is and you cry a tear, he’ll wipe it for you and kiss your face, okay? That’s the man you’re looking for and this other is merely an also-ran.
Good luck.
So true! So very very true!
-K
It amazes me how often, when faced with situations like this, we ask ourselves, “What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me?”
Not a dang thing, generally speaking.
Friends value one another.Friends treat one another kindly and with love, whether the relationship is romantic in any way or not. I hope you can connect with some new friends who appreciate you just the way you are.
Thank you Elsa and Goddess for your kind wisdom. There is more to the story I would like your feedback on. There has been 1 or 2 women drift in and out of this scorpiman’s life since he met me, and I have seen someone else as well. Love of other people is not our problem. The thing that hurts the most is that we were supposed to be friends through all this and Goddess is right on, friends value one another. The other thing that hurts is that I went on about not getting enough attention and I didnt let up, albeit because he wouldnt talk. I was impatient, but then again how long should one wait? I have quick biting wit and I used it. I know I’m not an idiot, nor am I out of control, but he had me vexed and backed into a corner. I am otherwise convinced he is a good person regardless of how we have treated each other, and what I cry over is my own spilled milk. I should have let things stabilize a bit before I laid into him as I did, but I had a few beers and let him have it (sigh). It had been building for a while. We got fed up with each other once before, but I talked my way back. Something compels me and I dont know what it could be. There have been several strange omens. Here’s the thing: I’m an artist and a few months ago he asked me to draw an idea of his for him, a religous design. He loved the drawings and praised my talent and imagination. I rendered them in good faith, a special gift for a special friend. If he no longer wants anything to do with me, should he give the drawings back or should I let sleeping dogs lie? They are little pieces of me, they would only serve to remind me and him. But I put my heart into them. I’m probably just scratching the bed I’ve made, right?
Dear Gal Pal,
Let your drawings go. There are many more where they came from. Your feelings for this man and his original idea were the catalysts which inspired you to create. As an artist myself, I am often inspired to create because of my feelings for, and the energy of, another person. I don’t consider these paintings to be solely my own creation. I am aware that without this combining of energies my work wouldn’t exist in quite the same form. This is the other person’s gift to me.
I would let the work go in the loving spirit in which it was created. Having been in similar situations myself, I know that, in time, my feelings towards a particular piece of work will have altered, proportionate to my feelings for the man. Once finished, a sense of detachment from my work, frees me up to put heart and soul into the next. Having suffered from creative blocks in the past, I would fear that holding on too tightly might block my creative flow in the present.
Our experiences and relationships influence who we are and, as artists, this is reflected in our work. Who knows what long term benefit this experience might have….but I’m betting there is one!
Good luck!
GalPal- Any time your happiness is dependent on someone else, you’re in very dangerous waters. You spend a lot of energy worrying about how this man is perceiving you, or what you might have done or said differently to make him care more about you or your feelings. You spend a lot less energy paying attention to your own happiness.
Truth is, if this is the right guy for you, you _can’t_ say or do anything wrong. He’ll care about you on your best days and your worst days. He’s on your side, regardeless.
When something doesn’t work out, it’s not a judgement of either people. Sometimes two “good” people bring out ugliness in one another, or just aren’t right for whatever reason.
As far as the gift, who cares what he “should” do? Why would you want it back, anyway? You created the gift for him. The fact you are moving on (it sounds like, anyway) doesn’t change that. Worrying about the gift sounds like another way to stay emotionally involved with him.
You will feel better when you let go, I think.
Peace out.