I am a bit anxious about my in-laws coming to visit soon. It’s been 5 years and my mother-in-law still rubs me the wrong way every time I see her. Even if it were easy to get over being treated like a toddler all the time, I would still have issues with her personality. She doesn’t seem like a genuine person to me. She has this unnerving smile that doesn’t go away even when she is berating me and I find it so hard to relate to her. We live in different states and it isn’t often that I see her; but no matter how much I try to be pleasant and appreciative, I find her smothering and domineering and do anything I can to avoid being with her.
Her birthday is in mid April and I was wondering if there is some universal incompatibility between Libra and Aries women that might explain all this. I do not usually have issues getting along with people at all and this situation rather baffles me. I would appreciate any insight you might be willing to lend to this situation.
No, there is not universal incompatibility between Aries and Libra – however they are both Cardinal signs and want to be in charge. Further your Moon is in Cancer, another Cardinal sign and I am sure that quite rightly, you would like to be acknowledged as the woman in charge in your home. And then here comes this bitch.
And I do see it that way. I deplore women who want to micromanage their sons or control their son’s partners. Wanting to continue to be primary in their son’s lives, they just refuse to step aside and let the younger woman establish herself and this is what I think is happening to you.
Now here’s the dilemma. I don’t think you’re going to get this woman to relent. If she ever does, it will occur due a shift that originates with her and I would not hold my breath waiting for this to happen because the odds it will are abysmal. So what to do?
Well it sounds like you’re good with your husband and that’s the main thing. And since your mother-in-law is living in another state, your exposure is limited so be sure to keep it that way.
Outside of that, this really is a fight you can’t win. You try to control her, she tries to control you, then you try to control her and no one gets anywhere. So I would practice detaching when she’s around. And it won’t come naturally but it will ease some of your grief if you consciously decide to defer to her every desire when she’s around – knowing full well she can only be around for a week or so and that’s it. This is the extent of her reach.
And it’s not a perfect solution, but if you choose otherwise you’re just going to chew yourself up. So just tell yourself that someone crazy is coming to stay with you, and act accordingly. Because it is crazy to insert yourself into your adult child’s marriage like this and we all know that crazy people can’t help themselves.
And one more thing. Has your husband told her to back off? Because he should.