I’m In Love With a Gay Man

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I have found myself in love with my gay friend. We have been friends for the past five years and about a year ago, I told him that I knew he was gay. He was devastated as he said he wanted to tell me on his own, as he had another agenda. You see, he too had fallen in love with me, but I did not know that. We spoke and I felt better after we did; however, he on the other hand was devastated

It is going to be two years since all this happened but lately I found myself falling for him. You see, he closed the door when I told him I knew and he just felt he had blew it. He said that he has been fighting a demon in him for years and when he realized how he felt towards me, he thought that was it. I loved him then but now I have fallen for him.

Everyone who knows us thinks we are a couple, as he is on the down low. We are complemented very well, we act like a married couple, he treats me like I’m his queen, he caters to my every needs and is there for me whenever. I believe he is my soul mate but now the shoe is on the other foot I don’t know what to do. We have discussed it but he keeps going in circles with the answers. I know he loves me a lot but he too is scared, as he has been hurt in the past.

He says he thinks it best not to ruin a great friendship, then he does the sweetest things. For instance, we recently stayed on the phone from 12:30 am to 5:30 am talking; when asked why did he stayed up so long with me as he is not a phone person, his response was because I love you and care for you. He even told his mom about I am the one he will grow old with but now that I am showing a little more interest in him, he is pushing me away. I am confused. Should I just let it takes it course and just enjoy what we have now. I am really confused, as I believe he is my soul mate.

Confused Lady

Dear Confused,

I can see why you are confused. He is not offering you any clarity but I will. This man is gay. He may very well love you and in fact, I am sure he does but he is still gay. And if you love him you will accept this completely.

And the worst thing you can possibly do to a gay man is expect him to be in a romantic relationship with a woman. I am sorry, but the idea is absolutely ludicrous. Just stop and think about it. Think about a gay man lying in bed with a woman night after night after night. Talk about a living hell. He wants a man, not a woman. But this does not mean he does not want a friend.

And it does not mean he does not suffer angst around his sexual preference, because obviously he does. And as his friend, you could be helping him with this. You could be telling him you love him the way he is and always will. You could be telling him that you want him to be happy and you know that only a man can ever give him what he needs. And you could be supporting him as he fumbles around out there, letting him know you will always pick up the phone if he needs you. You have a stellium in Cancer! Nurture him for chrissakes! Give him some of the unconditional mother love you have reams of.

And meanwhile, with your friend on the right track, you could go look for a non-gay man. One that isn’t homophobic, okay! Because you have a gay pal! And after this, life goes on, everyone evolves and with a little bit of luck, nature takes its course and you and your friend both wind up happy, satisfied and friends for life.

Good luck.

240 thoughts on “I’m In Love With a Gay Man”

  1. Sammie, thanks for your input. It clears things out. Just a jerk- wanted to sleep with me a few times with no consequences.. that’s why asked me to leave the job, so that i dont spread bad rumors about him at work after our “affair” is over, not to harm his reputation. So i am left with no husband and pain.

  2. You girls, in love with gay friends- it’s a road to nowhere. Time to make a decision and let it go. At least you know that they are gay, so be strong. It’s worse than they are hiding it..luring you to fall in love with them, so at the end you get a double pain- from their lying + realization that it will not work out because he is gay.

  3. Gay men aren’t out to get you, sheesh. Regardless of the sexualities involved, people fall in love with others who don’t return their love all the time. Unrequited love sucks, but it’s not anyone’s fault. Learn to let go. Either be glad you’ve met someone you feel so close to and forge a strong friendship, or withdraw from the relationship.

  4. Sammie, but in my case.. is there any way to make him feel the pain i felt?? i am not a mean woman..but it hurts so much

  5. No, there’s not. And he wouldn’t deserve it even if there were. The only pain he could feel is through the loss of you should you choose to withdraw.

    In my case, I lashed out at him over something insignificant and unrelated due to the pain I’d been feeling. I refused to have any contact with him for months, until he, still hurt, finally sent me a message asking if we were still friends.

    My choices were as simple as those facing everyone who posts here: end the relationship, or forge a lasting friendship with someone I care deeply for and who cares deeply for me. I made my choice, and he’s one of my best friends.

    Simple doesn’t mean painless.

  6. Yes, Sammie, i choose to remain his friend. He is a very dear person to me. He said he loves my company and we will keep it like that until the situation at work changes. if it ever will. i hope at least. and if he is not gay, may be there will be a chance to build a relationship ..one day..thanks for your wisdom Sammie, you helped me a lot, take care

  7. It is so theraputic to hear everyone’s views. I think we all wish someone would just tell us what to do….but it isn’t that easy. I also have another element that involves a close friend of 25 years who thinks this is so bad for me. I have listened to her advice but she isn’t very impartial and this confuses me more. She doesn’t want me to have him as a friend. I know its because it takes away the time when we would do things together. The fact is she doesn’t care for him, we could never all be friends and this is where I am in the middle. So I have this element to this mess. She’s jealous, he’s gay and they both want me in their lives! I don’t think it will ever work out!

  8. Avatar
    fooled by a gay man in the closet

    Well Ladies, I have some news, I was talking to my friend today over dinner and we suspect that she may also be with another gay guy, but this relationship has lasted over 2 decades and she says that up to today she cannot figure him out and the relationship has gone no where. She also has a kid with this guy. Again it’s suspicion, but there goes my point (and this is what pisses me off) about why these men lead unsuspecting women on knowing that they are gay. My friend says that less that two years into their relationship, this man lost all interest in her. Almost twenty years later, he is still saying that he has no interest in her, even though they are living together and have one child. This man spends his time on porn, (his specialty is anal sex)and boobies. Such a waste of someone’s life. Now she is so angry at him and he is now starting to apologize to her for wasting her time and the best years of her life. This is what I don’t like and the more reason why I am telling everyone here to get the !@#$ out and move on FAST.

  9. what a story…but you know what- i came to understand that we are responsible for our life. why wait for years if the relationship is not satisfying and then blame him? me personally, i would be grateful if i had a satisfying relationship no matter for how long..and when it’s over- i would be grateful and try to remain friends at least..nothing is forever..

  10. Avatar
    fooled by a gay man in the closet

    Okay ladies, I’ve been trying to find as much information to help us all as much as possible. So I’ve been talking to a lot of people and just today, I was talking to my ex, you know the guy I dumped for the gay guy, yeah, he was nice enough to talk to me. He said that when I broke up with him, which is like four months a go, he has slept with at least four women and in all, he had no feelings for any of them. Then he said that because I hurt him, he wanted to hurt all the other women too so what did he do, he LEAD THEM ON. He said, he would make them want him so badly and he would either sleep with them and leave them to dry, i.e. don’t call them again or only pick up their calls when he wants to, basically, f!@#king with their emotions. Other time, he would flirt with them to the point that the would literally beg him for sex, but he wouldn’t give them the one thing they wanted. Then he also said that he would never reveal too much of himself to them because he knew that he didn’t want any significant relationship with them. So the main reasons why these guys are so secretive, is because deep down they know that they don’t want to take the relationship anywhere. I think all of us need to hear this. When he was saying that I just thought about what all of us are going through. These guys (perhaps) are enjoying every bit of what they are doing to us. They want to hurt us, is that not just about the most evil thing? Girls advise yourselves. If I find out more info, I will come and share, but advise yourselves girls.

  11. Avatar
    fooled by a gay man in the closet

    Oh hear this, he also said that he was always very nice to them, He said that is what drew them in to him, the fact that he treated them very nice, but for a short while and it never led to anything significant, but the women all wanted him so badly and he enjoyed it.

  12. Avatar
    fooled by a gay man in the closet

    So when a man is treating you nicely, but it isn’t going anywhere there is a reason, he doesn’t want anything more and so beware and advise yourself.

  13. You guys are either weird, or from an older generation that isn’t used to genders commingling unless there’s something romantic going on. Or you really like drama.

  14. Avatar
    fooled by a gay man in the closet

    Sammie, this guy, my ex, says we should get back together again. I think not after everything that he’s told me, but what do you think?

  15. again..i have to agree with Sammie,,indeed, why do we always have to expect something more, when a man is treating us nicely..i understand- it is natural..especially if he flirts, teases you..but indeed they may do it for fun..make be to make sure they are still attractive, can seduce pretty women, ego, self esteem. My individual is intelligent, self sufficient, a complete mistery to me, what makes me so much intriqued and willing to figure him out. A gay? a straight, but jerk? may be a combination of 2..may be something else? a human being is so complex,, especiall a smart one like mine..and as Sammie mentioned- no one is responsible for my actions, even if he tried to manipulate me,, we have to be on guard always.. controlling our emotions..knowing where your actions would lead. It is a cruel world, especially the world of emotions and feelings. So now my goal is to learn to control myself, my feelings and not try to see love, drama,, where may be it has never been.. inspite of any actions a man displays..dont forget they may do it just for fun..

  16. my advise to you “fooled by a gay man in the closet”- obviously it may be a challenge to trust you ex boyfriend after all his revelations..from the other point of view..would you not know all that- you could still try and get back together, i guess if you enjoy his company, it is a huge plus, and go for it. Me personally, i am trying now to have a number of male friends..the ones i enjoy talking, other one- for sex, but obviously i have to like them and they should be interesting personalities- and i am letting drama out of my life..taking things easy..

  17. Don’t twist my words. People will treat you nicely because they are nice people. People will flirt with you with no real depth behind it just to be playful. A small number of these people will do these things to manipulate you, but don’t let those people put you on guard all the time. They don’t deserve to have that kind of control over you.

    You need to 1) be decisive if the person in question really truly is toying with you, and 2) stop projecting your feelings onto other people because in most cases, they aren’t. If you’re dealing with someone who is confused about their sexuality, then guess what? They’re not intentionally trying to mess with you. They’re a person with confused feelings just like you. If you’re sticking around just because you hope they’ll shack up with you, instead of simply being supportive to someone you care about, then the jerk in this situation is you.

  18. Sammie-that’s my biggest challenge. What is the way to find out if he is toying with me? We work together- this is his justification for not taking things further. So i guess the only way to check his real intentions- for me, to leave my job and start a relationship with him When i was almost ready to do that- he said ” but what if it will not work out?, as i made mistakes before..”. This cooled me off. and i stopped looking for another job. Meanwhile- he says he loves my company and we will be friends until the situation at work changes.. SO W|HAT IS IT?? am i just a toy for him or what????

  19. I answered you ages ago when you first asked that, but you lack reading comprehension. He’s straight (so I really don’t understand why you’re complaining about him in this thread), and he’s a jerk regardless of how authentic his feelings are for you. It’s up to you to decide what to do past that point.

  20. Again,,,interesting what you are saying Sammie,,so assuming that i am a toy for him and he is being a \jerk with me..- obviously i should not care about him and cut him from my life. But i must admit- i failed to figure that out. Not very smart i am, i guess.
    so would you know any way of how to check his real intentions?? and then be decisive.. as you suggest..

  21. Yes, Sammie, i do remember what you answered. So why is he choosing to remain “my friend”? instead of just ignoring me from now on..as jerks would do..having some kind of fun in his own perverted way..or trying to appear not being jerk..some kind of guilt feeling may be..and you said the pain for him would be i choose to withdraw? but can this person even feel the pain even if i withdraw ..if he is a jerk..

  22. Avatar
    fooled by a gay man in the closet

    I’m healed y’all. I’m myself now, back to myself and confident, regardless of what happens, I am staying true to myself.

  23. I thought I was alone!
    I adore him, admire him and love him.
    We work together and as much as I am fighting my feelings he pulls me back into him.
    He has not admitted to me that he is gay, we had a short relationship about six month ago, we were intimate and he left me without an explanation.
    I found out that he was gay because his lover told me so.
    When I told him what I knew, he did not responded to me at all, I have try dating straight men and he gets in the middle, last time he told me that he would not let me be with anyone else, he tells me that he loves me, but that he is afraid of me hurting my feelings.
    Everyone at work thinks that we are a couple, he loves me and cherish my presence, but when we are apart, he doesn’t answer my phone calls.
    I think that he is playing with my feelings and emotions!
    I love him just the way he is!
    I need help!

  24. Hi. I have a story to tell and find it hard to believe that this thread is still going after 5 years. That ought to tell you something.

  25. I have read all the stories here over this past weekend. I found it during a search of “I am in love with my friend who is gay,” or something to that effect. Sad. Especially when considering that I fell in love at first sight of him when I was about 15 years old. We are now in our early forties. We have a long distance “relationship,” which for all intents and purposes should just end. I have argued with myself, with him, with my husband. I have prayed to God for hours on end…to no avail. Funny to have found all these stories on an astrology website. I didn’t entirely realize this until I was able to check the site out with a computer rather than a phone. And I was interupted a few times and had to manually scroll down each thime to where I left off.
    I suppose even as I type this that I have fears of being found out by my husband because he, in the past, created a complete blowout any time he even heard anything that may have led him to believe of was referencing my GBF. Unlike many of you on here I have been somewhat unwilling to blow my entire life out of the water to be near him but God knows I have contemplated it wildly. If only it were that easy, because to this day, I still wish I could be with him. He is the sun the moon and the stars to me.
    My story is forever long and I don’t know yet how much detail that I want to put in here yet. But I feel you girls. One thing we do need to dispense with though is stereotyping because there are just as many different types of gay men out there as there are types of straight ones. Not to mention the spectrum of human sexuality and attachment that exists.
    I believe what each of us needs to do to retain self dignity is to come clean with your GBF. I believe the truth shall set us free. If they love us in the way that they can then they will tell you whether they want to continue with you in their life or not. The pain for me doesn’t come from that type of guessing but from the acceptance of the fact that this person is not signing up to be what I want him to be to me. I in turn need to make a decision as to whether I will allow him to remain part of my life knowing that he doesn’t desire for us to be any closer than we already are. He will most likely tell you what he is capable of and what he is not interested in and what you do or do not mean to him.
    And believe me, gay men do have a need for women in their lives because the gay lifestyle is very harsh and unforgiving especially for those who take a sexually “submissive” role in the relationship. My GBF says, “Men are pigs.” He may be telling us something.
    But it sounds like a lot of you girls have gotten involved with a GBF who is the designated “top” in his sex life. He probably could “have sex” with you but if he is truly “gay” that’s all it would be. I mean look at all the gay men out there with kids for God’s sake. How did that happen. My GBF, I don’t think, would ever have sex with a woman, the way he goes on about it…as if he would even know…rediculous. But even with him…he can be so loving, so caring, so tender and so there for me when I need him…even though I don’t think he even gets it all. He just seems to want to be there for me out of care for me. For the most part, I don’t think he really understands or could tolerate a lot of female emotionality for long periods of time and that is why he remains safely 1200 miles away from me…rediculous.

  26. Thank you everyone for all these posts. I am a 23 year old married woman who is madly in love with my gay best friend. Today has been particularly difficult and due to not having many close friends who can keep their judgements to themselves, I just needed someone to talk to… I am so thankful to have found this website and to have the opportunity to read through the posts. My best friend is amazing… This whole being in love thing happend to quick. He is attracted to men and women but identifies as gay. I know what to do and what not to do…but why does it have to be so hard. I’ve never felt like this for anyone…not even my husband. I am confused and upset but trying to not over think. Thank you ladies for all your thoughts, opinions and lack of judgement… <3

  27. I’m so glad I found this, I am in the same situation, in love with my closest friend who sadly is gay. It comforts me to know that so many other people have the same thing. I struggle with this everyday, especially when he meets guys. Its so difficult, I wish it was simple 🙁

    Thank you to everyone who has posted on here.

  28. I am a heterosexual female falling for a guy who claims to be gay, as well. More like a person who claims to be gay because I have never thought of him in a sexual way. I see him, the person he is and I simply & purely Love Him. I’m practicing celibacy because I’ve given into the flesh & the sexual pleasures and I’m not at all fulfilled. Sex leaves me craving more sex, whereas he, who is same sex oriented makes me feel fulfilled.

    We are alike in so many ways. Same temperament, ideals, habits and desires…sex, though important is a percentage of an equation that equals a happy life together.

    I am sexually attracted to the opposite sex, I have friends who are attracted to either sex, friends who are attracted to the same sex now but previously were married with children with people of the opposite sex…sex, in my opinion has become too much of a focus to our generation that we really don’t value the person.

    They say Love can concur all, then who can say that love can’t concur sexual preference. We’re talking as if there isn’t settling in either sexuality or there are those who wouldn’t be against falling for either gender.

    My gay friend has dated only females for most of his life, but felt he was living a lie, but has only a couple of same sex encounters, then claims he’s really not sexual with men. He sot me out to be his friend and made a few confusing gestures that made friends question why I had not snatched him up because he was obviously liking me.

    Call me ignorant; I won’t be offended but what Id is he’s not fully sure.

  29. Thank you all for sharing your experiences. I am so happy that I stumbled across this blog. My gay best friend and I have a different relationship to most of you who have posted on here (sorry I havent read every one) we are inseperable and have had sex quite a few times. Clearly I am confused and now he says the only reason he doesn’t consider doing it again is because it screws with my head. What is the deal with that? I love him more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I always have since our friendship began but I get so jealous when he is involved with men but then feel bad for being a bad friend. He confessed that he has always been gay since being a child but I was one of the first people he slept with and we are still amazing friends but I keep expecting him to one day confess his feelings for me as we always joke about getting married and having children but I just know it wont Happen. My advice for all I you is change the way you treat your GBF treat them more like a girlfriend than a male friend. Discuss sex with other people and how much you want a boyfriend. I will love my friend forever but I know that I need to find a straight man to fullfill me the way I need to be. But my gay friend will be there through all of it.

  30. this is in response to fungirl:

    reading your post was like an excerpt from my life. my gbf and i have also had sex countless times. it was only recently when he said he wanted to stop because it made things complicated and he didn’t want to hurt me. a part of me was taken aback since things are already pretty complicated. i still try to go on with my life, ignoring my feelings for him but it can be exhausting sometimes. a part of me sometimes wonders if he truly 110% doesn’t feel the same way, but at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter. you can’t change who you are.

    however, i just want to say that this column has helped me more than i can say. thank you to everyone who posts on here. reading your experiences reminds me that i’m not alone, and there is always comfort in knowing that.

  31. U all can’t imagine how glad I feel to see that I’m not alone..! I can talk about ”my problem” with a few friends but they have never felt for a gay guy so they can’t fully understand it.

    I started living with this guy one year ago. Since the beginning we had this special relationship, we liked doing things together and I was happy to have a gay friend to go shopping and doing activities in my new city.

    But after a couple of months, we starting acting like a couple in all senses.. kissing in the mouth a couple of times everyday, going everywhere together, introducing friends and family, sleeping together every night (no sex, of course!) and we were so happy that it was amazing and incredible.

    I decided to talk about this with him and all the mess started. He got messed up and stressed, started to date random guys in front of me trying to act like nothing happened.. He recognised he was in love with me and then he said that it was all a kind of movie we wanted to believe.

    Everything started to feel apart and then he decided he wanted to be with a boy he met and even saying that he doesn’t love him, he is still with him pretending all his life is fantastic and that he doesn’t care at all that we are not talking at the moment.

    But everytime in this two months that we have been together on our own, we come back to our kisses, holding hands, sleep together, etc. It’s just weird, everyone thinks we are a couple! We ask each other about every decision and he made me to stay living with him longer because he says he loves me but.. he is with someone else. He refuses now to accept any feelings from me apart from friendship but you can see them in his actions and even in his way to act.. so I don’t understand a thing!

  32. I feel this way with alot of women. It’s more I either see them as my sisters, and I have to protect them or mother type figures. I love them with a strong love. Sometimes the love of admiration and devotion, but I can’t really see myself with a woman sexually.

    I never really could, after awhile I got really shy around them and what I’ve seen from being around alot of women is something I can get tired of.

    I like men, and as much as I would like to change it I can’t. I’ve tried and I can’t. I couldn’t even kiss her. All I did was hold her hand. She was an Aries too, and she wanted me, but played it hard to get. But I think she knew something was up because I couldn’t really get intimate with her except for holding her hand as we’re expanding around the college campus. I showed her around. I was feeling very confident that night just coming back from a friend’s party with my friend Kal, a Cappy,and being the only guy to successfully dance with a lady there. She was maybe mid 20s. I was 19. I tried to make moves while dancing with her, but I did it to see if I could. I didn’t talk to her after that. Didn’t know what to say. So my friend Kal and I left, he dropped me back off on campus. While walking back to my dorms, she was outside talking on the phone. Feeling very confident, I tried to flirt with her.

    She told me she was a new transfer. I thought this could be my new start since at that time I was trying to be “straight” prior to my first year of college being super gay with my super gay friends, Dinna and M-Ant, who I cutoff communication with while trying to be “straight”.

    So we talked all night, I showed her around campus and was making moves on her all night. I tried to get her ever since. She thought I was a “player” because I had so many girl friends, little did she know. I kept insisting on being hers, but she kept denying but still keeping me hanging on a thread. All the while, I’m secretly still gay having sex with guys and watching gay porn.

    After a while, we fell off only talking barely because she moved out the dorms. I’m on making plans to move to LA to follow my dreams. One day I seen her outside, I stopped to talk to her and then out the corner of my eye I see M-Ant and Dinna walk up. Awkward. So awkward. I missed them, but I didn’t even look at them. To busy trying to be “straight” whatever that is.

    The last time I seen the Aries, was before I left. I wanted to go out to an open mic night before I left just to see the talent of Houston just to see if I could find something. Some drive to stay. I didn’t. Well, anyway, I’m in line I look behind me and next thing you know she’s right behind me with her friend. I started talking to her, catching up and she tells me that she’s there for her boyfriend’s band. Some guy who was always playing guitar around the dorms. I see she attracts artist, but cause I am and I was leaving to LA to pursue in my dream of being in a band as a bass player. I just didn’t lay the moves on her like she wanted.

    So that night confirmed me going. I was gay and wanted to run away from my problems and be who I am to LA with my aunt and cousins. When in LA, I became somewhat of an alcoholic and pot head with my Cappy cousin. One morning, I smoked with her and went to the restroom. I was a ball of nerves because I was trying so hard to hide myself that it was erupting in ways. I had real bad anxiety with being around people. I would go to a spot I had for myself, “my hole” by a tree with a view. I would contemplate life and death. Writing in my journal all my thoughts, suicidal thoughs, good thoughts everything crying. I even called the suicide hotline and cried to them.

    Anyway, I went to the restroom that morning and had a big panic attack. I trick myself into believing that I couldn’t see, I crossed my eyes and couldn’t see. I had a big obsession with eyes because one time I got stoned and let’s just say I thought my eye popped out… I’m getting out of my obsession with them surely. I crossed my eyes, couldn’t see and “queened out” as my cousin would say. My cousin asked me in the hospital was I gay and I said yeah. She asked was it why this happened. I said yeah. She said she knew I was, she could tell.

    I was still somewhat denying myself until the day I went to my cousins friend’s wedding reception. There’s a girl there trying so hard to get me to talk to her but I just wasn’t interested. Not sexually or physically. I wasn’t interested in any women. I told my cousin that I felt bad. And she asked why, I said “because she’s trying to get me to talk to her, but I’m gay. She said well maybe she can be your judy which means good girl friend. That same night I saw a guy that my Venus opposing Uranus liked. He was a hispanic guy, a little shorter than me, a skater type. Long hair, cap, glasses, big hoodie, skinny jeans, skateboard about 18. We kept making eye contact that night. So I told myself that I was going to actually try to flirt with a guy now that I’m becoming more comfortable. He went inside and I decided to make my move. I went in, went up to him with a smile on my face and asked him was he gay. He said no. I was a little disappointed, but overall I was very proud of myself for doing something I’ve been wanting to do for the longest. I came out a winner, I felt.

    After that, I’ve been coming out to some of my family and my friends. I got my friends Dinna and M-Ant back. And I’ve been making big progress with accepting who I am 🙂

    I hate hurting women so I rather not fool them anymore into thinking I’m something I’m not. I really hate that and advise “curious” or “bi” people not to date both sexes without telling them first.

    I had a dream about the Aries gal not to long ago. We were in a truck. We were talking and I told her that I was gay. She slapped me and we started to tussle. One of my friends on campus, Spin, broke us up and told me not to fight her. And she got out the truck and left. I thought I would see her soon, but I haven’t. I think I need to tell her this when I see her again.

    I really liked talking to her. She didn’t want me to move to LA in fear that I would become a porn star. Which was something I did think of when I was 18. She was a sweet girl, my Leo Merc liked debating her Aries Sun. It kept me on my toes.

    Lately I’ve been trying to air my conscious. There’s so much things I felt I did wrong that I’ve been coming clean with alot of things.

    I really can write a whole book about my straight and gay life. More so my gay life.

  33. I just came across this site today. I read all the comments and wept bitterly. It is all so true. I fell in love with my friend from high school. He told me after a long while that he was gay, and since then my life has been a living hell.

    It is mostly because all the time, I hoped he would get the best in life and then suddenly, this comes in as a life shocker. I wake up in the middle of night because I keep having nightmares about him. I have had to put myself through a dose of anti depressants and tranquilizers to get myself to sleep.

    I would like to help him and not hurt him. The worst thing is that he just tries to stay aloof and not reply to any of the emails I write. Sometimes I feel so miserable, I end up blanking out for whole periods of time. I don’t know where I have been or what I have been doing.

    Thank you so much for all your comments on this thread. Reading this makes me understand that there are other people who have suffered too.

  34. Is there anything I can do to bring myself out of my misery? I don’t see any solution to my problem. Any advice will be greatly appreciated.

  35. Ashley,

    Thank you so much for your story. My story is the exact same thing. Was there anything you did to recover from the shock. He told me four months ago and I haven’t been able to cope with the injustice of it all.

  36. hello I m Akash ,
    I m gay 20 yrs and I m in love with another gay who is married we both r serious about each other but the thing is my partner he know he loves me he doesn’t want commitment bcoz his past experience had hurt him so he is not thin

  37. I’ve known my gay best friend for 15 years, since he was 17 and I was 21. Besides the initial attraction I felt for him, as any red blooded woman would, (he’s absolutely gorgeous, smells amazing, all of his parts are extremely well made and look stupid good in jeans) he was always just Josh to me. Until about a year ago.

    He’d always been in long term relationships since I’d known him, both of his exes were 6+ years. But i always knew he had never been in love with either of these men. As a result, I was always the most important person in his life. It was me he took to Mexico, not his partner at the time. We were unbelievably close, but always kind of on a very light, having fun, nothing ever too heavy kind of way. I had my adventures, he had his. We talked to each other about everything and anything and there were never any problems between us, ever.

    Then about 2 years ago, he met a young man about 10 years his junior, a very sweet, innocent guy named Jesse who was just 20. And Josh fell HARD. I’d never seen that kind of intense emotion come out of him about any of his lovers or boyfriends ever, and I got scared. I knew this one was going to be the real deal for him….and if it didn’t work out, we were going to be in for it.

    They broke up for the first time about a year ago, and for the first time in our entire friendship, I saw my best friend hurt deeply. I saw him cry for the first time. I saw levels of feeling I didn’t even know​ he had in him, and it was up to me to pick up the pieces. And it was during that time where the lines began to blur for me, and I found myself going through all these crazy ranges of feelings for him…. seeing his level of love and passion for Jesse affected me in a strange way…for the first time, I began to see him in a sexual way, his emotional vulnerability called out to me, and something inside me responded in a way I certainly never intended nor desired. At the time, I was also going through a very difficult spell in my life, it had been over two years since I’d been intimate with a man, and intellectually I know that simple deprivation was a huge driving force behind the attraction I began to feel for him. The facts also remain that when you’re a straight woman and you spend almost every waking moment with an extremely attractive male whom you care for deeply, it doesn’t take much to flip that script. Just because I’m his friend, doesn’t mean I’m dead!

    For the last year, we’ve lived together as he and his boyfriend have broken up, made up over and over again, and now they are both in my apartment while they wait for their new place to be ready. I’m filled with a lot of mixed emotions. Jealousy, relief, sadness, fear….I want him with me, but I need him gone. He’s the love of my life, but also like my baby, and I can’t help but notice how great he smells and how good his ass looks in those jeans and how much I love wrapping my arms around him, and then I feel horribly guilty and ashamed for having those thoughts because I also want him to be happy this time around with Jesse, even though I know it’s most likely doomed. I don’t want to deal with the fallout of their break-up yet AGAIN….it’s taken so much out of me…and yet, I could no more turn my back on Josh than I could on myself because we are practically the same person….it’s a coil. Full of love and pain. But love will win…it’s just up to me to do things a bit differently, and set my expectations accordingly.

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