Aries Lesbian Contemplates Moving In With Cancer Woman And Her Three Kids

aries vintage red button

Dear Elsa,

My girlfriend is an early Cancer. We’ve been dating off and on for about 2 years. We’re thinking of living together in 4 months or so. I have no kids but she has 3 boys and currently going through a new separation with her husband of 16 years.

I am very protective of my belongings, some being very personal and expensive. I also need my space especially with 3 kids and a dog to contend with. I told her I would need to have my own room out of the 4 rooms in the house. She is moving next weekend. I need a room to store my expensive things and for my private “get away” space to assure a more tranquil living environment and prevent issues with her very busy touchy feely kids. She already promised her kids they would each have their own room unfortunately and this may be a deal breaker for me. The garage is not an option as a safe space for me and my things.

If I move in I would be paying half the rent in the house. I don’t wanna be selfish but this may prevent me from being interested in living with her as, as you have read, this is an already tricky situation being that we both are women and this is her first same sex relationship. I know this is a loaded situation here but is requiring my own room or space silly? Should I by default, allow my things to get broken and tampered with by her kids to prove I love her and capable to make this commitment? Her kids are 18, 10, and 7. OMG!

Aries In Love
United States

Dear Love,

It is not unreasonable or selfish to want your own space but it probably is completely unrealistic to think you are going be able to have this while living with a woman, three children and a dog unless you can afford a house with a separate wing… which it sounds like you cannot.

I think you will probably be miserable if you move in with your girlfriend and also that you will make others miserable… so the fact you are looking at this in a harsh light is good. Because she has a responsibility to her kids and if she is counting on your to pay half the rent and you are ready to balk… well I think you should tell her right away that you are having your doubts.

And don’t think I don’t see your side! I have Libra you know. And it sounds like when she promised her kids they would each have their own bedroom… knowing your conditions, well as far as I am concerned, she sold you out right there.

So no. I would not recommend you move. You are too independent and kids are fixtures, you can take my word on that. Your girlfriend is also telling you one thing (you will be accommodated) but taking opposite action, so you know. Looks like you’d be jumping into a fire to me.

Good luck.


7 thoughts on “Aries Lesbian Contemplates Moving In With Cancer Woman And Her Three Kids”

  1. Aries here. Do not move in with a cancer. Cancer’s own all domestic territory. You will be taken over. Sex/gender of the cancer doesn’t matter. Home is their domain and you will be pushed out of your comfort zone – period. They are not malicious. They only see home from their perspective.

  2. Cancer here, with Aries moon. Not all Cancers are the same (you could say the same for every sign, of course). The Dalai Lama is a Cancer, and so is a warped, frustrated ex-boss of mine.

    With *this* Cancer in the letter, I had red flags right after I read that this was her first same-sex relationship. Anecdotally, my lesbian friends have told me that moving in way too fast is the norm. Add to that kid pressures, working out sexuality, and the sharing of money – whoa, that is a lot.

  3. I may be completely offboard here, but when I read that, it screamed that you were looking for reasons NOT to move in with her. Yes, you’re entitled to your own space, and yes, her kids should be taught not to touch things that don’t belong to them, but it sounds like you want the convenience of having her in the same house as long as you can have your life separate.

    Straight or gay really isn’t an issue here (mainly bc the issues are the same in either circumstances); it’s about respect and committment, and sharing a house, sharing rent, is a huge contributing factor to both.

    I would give her the time and space to figure out exactly who she is without the husband (as someone who just divorced a man I’d been married to for ten years, it’s almost vital), keep seeing her if you truly love her and want to be with her, and when you’re both comfortably working things out, the opportunity to live together will present itself again.

    Good luck!

  4. If your relationship is part of the cause of the marriage breakup do you think her children are going to be thanking you for that? Whether the marriage was good or bad the kids are only likely to see you as the interloper who is the root cause.

    I don’t think you’ll be safe nor your things.

  5. This is sounds like an accident waiting to happen to me too. If there are other options to not moving in together, I’d suggest going that route. Personal experience says step kids (and that’s what they would be regardless . . .) need a lot of time and space to adjust to the new person in their parent’s life. And if they don’t know their mom’s new lover is a woman . . . YIKES!!

  6. Personally, you seem to have several problems to me. Not only are confused about your identity but you are confused as to what you want. If you want a relationship with someone and you decide to move in that is a sure sign that you want to be serious and close. You need to live by yourself if you do not want her kids to touch anything. There are too many restrictions that you have for her so you probably should marry a man who cannot have kids and he can pay the bills and give you the love you need to grow and have a family and then you will not have to worry about being confused. God created Adam and Eve not Adam and Steve.

  7. Another Aries Here! I totally agree with Hiro…DO NOT MOVE IN WITH A CANCER!!! OMG.. I have a Cancer partner, we have been together for about 7 years and living together was an absolute nightmare! Yes..I realize that not all of the signs are the same because we must view the complete profile (sun,moon, ascendant,etc.). The funny thing is, I am a Cancer rising but we clashed constantly over home maintenance, clutter, and his need to constantly smother. Aries folks are fiercely independent and we need our space..take if from me..take your time, reflect, reflect some more, and then politely tell her that you need to live independently! Go with you instincts!! Be strong girl!! : )

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