Simple Advice For Women Looking For Men

From a consultation:

“…One mistake women make is they conceal what it is they want. This is a big mistake. With Saturn in Libra, it will help to first, define what you want for yourself, and then secondly, communicate it!

You don’t find a job by acting like you don’t want a job and you don’t find a husband by acting like you don’t want a husband.”

Do you conceal your desires from yourself or others?

20 thoughts on “Simple Advice For Women Looking For Men”

  1. Yes, well, I have this reverse double negative going on…so in my case, anything I ask for, I don’t get.

    The worse possible thing I can do is right straight out state what I want, or need, and yet, that’s my personality, to be straight out with it. What a paradox.

  2. I have mars conjunct saturn in cancer in the 6th house… so yes, I used to. But I will be conscious enough of my natural bent to be more forthcoming from now on. I already am doing so, in fact. Feels good….my Libra sun exactly squares my Saturn.

  3. perhaps I’m weird, and I always fight about my mother with this, but I’ve noticed when I ask for things directly it backfires?

    or is that just typical rejection one has to deal with? That it’s numbers until someone gives it to you directly so that there’s no confusion?

  4. Dear Elsa,

    it’s me James again here. You’re talking, ‘screaming’ almost every day here, on your blog: ‘Guys you must be fair in your relations!!!’ as long as Saturn is transiting Libra.

    And every day, around me I’m seeing so much and incredible ‘unfairness’ from people with their relations.

    And I’m asking myself: ‘Elsa when will I start to see the first ‘victims’ of those people treating ‘The Other(s)’ badly and being and reacting in a totally unfair way?

    I’m just asking myself…hoping to receive a possible answer from your part. Soon or one day in the future.

    And especially your latest newsletters are full of these recommendations: Guys be FAIR with the people around you!!! Cause if you don’t….

    Will you be right this time, too??? Only time will tell……

  5. I have dressed my desires up as needs and vice versa. Unwittingly at times, but the confusion tends to have people think that everything I ask for in relationship in negotiable and I can do without.

    Getting better with this relationship, at deciphering desires from needs and working with my partner so we are both feeling satisfied–and satiated.

  6. I would just like to say that there are many seasons of love in a long term relationship. It could turn around. I have a stellium of planets in my 1st house Scorpio, Mars in Sag 2nd house and Pluto in the 11th house of hopes and wishes. In my personal relationships, if the basic friendship and companionship is still giving contentedness, it is worth sticking it out. On the outside, it could very well look like I was in it for the money.

  7. succinct and sage advice, thanks Elsa. Some women have a way of attempting to morph into their men..loving everything they start with,so keen to be loved that they mirror, then when the shine wears off, wondering why they are so utterly disillusioned. It’s so sad, observing the crash and burn. If only people took time to get to know each other. Saturn in Libra here.

  8. I do. And just now, to prepare for Pluto’s grand entry to my first house, I think I will take Elsa’s advice and—

    RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!! My needs, I always think my needs are going to scare people away because they are so big and strong. But I am blessed with a love whose Mars conjuncts my moon and he loves to poke me and get me to enjoy the world, and him, because he is not afraid of my emotions. They feed him. I am so grateful. Having needs is allowed.

  9. I’m with mercingemini: if I ask IRL, I do not receive. Plus I might as well draw a target on my chest and hand someone a knife and say, “Stab away!” If I show vulnerability and need, some people actively go after me. Most will run like hell.

    And needs are not allowed if they are too big for mere human beings to fulfill. Which they are in my gene pool, and it’s why I choose to go hungry rather than eat people and then still be hungry.

  10. like Dorchid
    Doesn’t this make you look desparate? no one wants a seemingly needy person.
    I show what I want Waaaay too much and people can read me too easily, find it flattering, use it and then get bored

  11. sorry i meant I can be like dorchid too
    i must conceal my desires from myself because i go after what i want, usually get it, and then get disillusioned with it.

  12. i think i have no problem getting what i desire. i have a problem staying satisfied – or *anticipating* my desires so that i don’t go through so much trouble for something that isn’t ultimately worth it.

    @ D – i think there’s a difference between being needy and being proactive. being needy actually sends the message you DON’T want a partner – you want a PARENT. but being honest about your desires doesn’t have to mean you wear a big sign. it just means you speak and act accordingly – no mixed signals. if a man engages you, don’t just tell him what he wants to hear. it is a charade and it won’t lead to real results.

  13. I totally conceal what I want from myself sometimes!! I get soo scared in relationships libra in saturn and neptune conjuct sun, mercury AND VENUS! Yeah, it’s fun being in la la land 😉 My saturn return is almost here and I am buckling down and ready to lay down some roots with a partner. ::gulp::

  14. I agree with Dorchid about not wearing a sign or being needy etc. But honestly… in my experience & the single women around me, if you show you want something serious, men run a mile. Sad but true!
    If it were as straight forward as just being up front & “transparent”, then why are so many women concealing the fact??
    It’s all so messed up!! =(

  15. Funny how so many replies are that ‘men run a mile’ if you show you want a husband. I guess I have never had a problem with finding men. They are all over the place! And they are far more likely to come after me without my having to go round them up. Could be my chart, could be that I have never had a problem with being alone, do not get lonely easily.

    Far better to sort through the huge numbers of XY chromosomes for ones who actually are looking for a relationship. The ones who are not can be annoying. It seems I constantly turn away men who don’t actually read the words on the signs and billboards I posted. I know that we are used to being lied at in advertising, but the only remedy is to state things up front and keep repeating it until it sinks in.

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