Sudden Death vs Death With Ceremony

Some people die suddenly and unexpectedly where there is a lot of ceremony around the deaths of others.  Some die in relative comfort with friends and/or family gathered around to ease their passing. Others die quickly and some suffer for weeks or months or years, waiting to die.

Over the last weeks, I’ve come to understand that to endure mental or emotional anguish as one lay dying  is as devastating as physical pain and probably much harder to avoid. I don’t think I have ever imagined myself dying in an anxious state but after watching my mother suffer torment as she waits to die, I’ve had no choice but to but to look at this.

I’m not sure how the manner of death may affect the grieving that lies ahead of me. I am going to think long and hard about how I can avoid acute emotional or mental distress at the end of my life…assuming this is possible.

23 thoughts on “Sudden Death vs Death With Ceremony”

  1. “to endure mental or emotional anguish as one lay dying is as devastating as physical pain and probably much harder to avoid” – I’ve witnessed this a couple of times and I agree it’s devastating.

    As opposed to my grandmother, who passed a week ago at 91, but she was active right up until the last day, so she didn’t have to go thru that anguish, which our family is very grateful for.

  2. I’m sorry, Elsa. You might find some comfort in reminding yourself that you took responsibility for your mom in housing her when she needed it. That is huge, considering you were not priority enough to feed when you were growing up. You went above and beyond – can you imagine a later generation going to such lengths? I’m sorry if I’ve hit a sore spot, but you have shared it, and it was a story with too much depth to be ignored.

    What would Henry tell you?

    1. “What would Henry tell you?”

      Del, thank you. That’s an interesting question. Henry had a hell of a time with my mother. He survived on his philosophy and by doing what he felt was the right thing. I am the same as is, Annalisa. We all have very strong beliefs and the ability to commit to our ideals.
      As for what I have done (in the past), it is a lot. It’s more than you can possibly imagine or that can or will ever be told, however that’s all lost in the sea at this point. It’s as irrelevant as a raindrop and I think this is just how life is. It’s how my life is, anyway. I don’t know how other people feel.

  3. (((Elsa)))

    My dad passed away 7 yrs ago suddenly in his sleep (8th house Neptune), he was 47yrs old, i was devastated and still am 🙁

  4. I feel for you. My mother has been sick in cancer for many years and she´s really afraid of death. I am not. She did not take care of me when I was a child, and I had to be her therapist.
    I had to mother her.

  5. I’m sorry Elsa. 🙁 <3 to you and Annalisa, both.

    "I do think I am going to think long and hard about how I can avoid acute emotional or mental distress at the end of my life, assuming this is possible."

    This is part of how I live my life. Saturn in 8th I guess, really I have no idea but some years ago I got this idea and here I am.

  6. ((Elsa)). I cannot imagine what you are going through, but “I do think I am going to think long and hard about how I can avoid acute emotional or mental distress at the end of my life” is saying alot about how you deal with life as you find it.

    My mom died quickly in her pajamas on her back porch. No angst, no fanfare. She had a will in her bedroom closet with her wishes.
    Ny dad died in hospital after Ma left the room, it was a haul.

    I think its something good thing think on what you say, and worth preparing for given life as one lives it. If there are amends to be made, I’m for making them now; acknowledging the good where it’s due and clearing the books as best I can.

    Blessing to you and your family, Elsa.

  7. Hugs and love to you both Elsa and Annalisa.
    Elsa I do believe that mental, spiritual, emotional stress can be avoided at the end of one’s life. I believe that if you live an honest life, true to yourself, without regrets you can achieve this. Love, kindness, integrity, honesty, servituted, suffering with acceptance, commitment, are attributes that can help someone have a death without the pain you speak of.

  8. daisy, I think that too except…

    Except you really have no control…or at least I don’t know that I do. For example, let’s say I am terminal and my son’s wife has a baby that is stillborn. I may have a belief system and all, but I am going to cry my fuckin’ eyes out over that.

    Or let’s say I get in a car accident and a child is killed or the parent of a child is killed. This would put me in an agonized state.

    To see my husband upset, if I were dying, or one of my kids or any family member in distress. This would get to me.

    You get the idea. If I am meant to die in anguish, I am sure I will.

    1. Well, it keeps getting worse. I wonder why they don’t put stuff like this on reality tv. They put everything else horrifying on there. I bet they will in the future.

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