Catch up here – Psychological Games…
On being game-y, my friend said she got a lot of power from doing this. She had control. Judging by the comments it seems we may not all be talking about the same thing so let me clarify.
My friend would engage a man. She would be very attentive to him, leading him to believe she was really interested in knowing him and as soon as she had him hooked she would detach.
At this point the man would come after her. After all, she loved him yesterday, didn’t she? And when he presented himself thinking he had forged some kind of connection with her she would act aloof! She would treat him with some degree of coolness which would have the effect of undermining him… on all levels. It’s gaslighting. “Didn’t she just like me yesterday? Did I imagine that?”
The person who was showered with attention initially is now painfully confused and think about the position this puts my friend in. She’s got all the power, see? She can give pleasure and she can take it away and the man just has to stand there befuddled.
She said her behavior was completely driven by her insecurities at the time and this makes sense because if you trust you are a desirable person you can meet someone on a level playing field and take your chances.
Some people are enormously susceptible to this kind of thing. I’m one of them. I’ve got Venus Neptune for starters, so how easy is it going to be to confuse me in relationship? All I need is a whiff!
Add to that my Saturn / Neptune personality… well remember, Bill Clinton’s claim around pot smoking? “I smoked it but I didn’t inhale.” My version would be, “He smoked it and I got high!”
Is Venus mashed with Neptune in your chart? How about Saturn?
Neptune (12th, Sag) trined Saturn (7th, Leo) and Venus (3rd, Aries).
I have only been tricked once, and man did it upset me. A man I was friends with and in love with told me that his live-in partner had moved out. I had no way of knowing that he was lying. They had his mobile phone and nothing else.
I slept with him, and he went cold. Beyond cold! He acted like I didn’t exist. I was 19 with zero sexual experience, and he was over 30. I was devestated.
I can smell gaslighters a mile away now.
Oh yeah, I never gaslight anyone. I love keeping them guessing, but I do not manipulate or get one over on them with it.
I have been gaslighted by someone who was quite adept at it when I was younger and now I can spot them like crazy. Saturn, Neptune, Venus grand trine in water signs and water houses. You have to be pretty slippery to confuse me at this point.
Now if we were talking about getting caught while being 100% aware you are caught – that’s a whole different story. *she says as she digs out the remnants of that last hook*
Well, Sag. Neptune & Jupiter conjunct (& in) 1st house opposing Saturn in Gemini 7th – lol, you tell me. When i’m in love it takes great discipline to see remotely clearly … sigh.
I often choose people who gaslight. family of origin thing. I know what they’re doing and deny it to myself cos I don’t want to think they suck. I’m getting better at telling myself the truth though.
I have a neptune-jupiter-chiron/saturn grand trine in water, no venus contact.
I’m very hard to gaslight, but only because I am so phenomenally stubborn! I am quite sure that things are ~exactly~ as I perceive them, and will argue endlessly unless shown concrete evidence to the contrary.
Unless I’m just sick of it all, in which case I’ll mouth an agreement to to make the other person shut up. A la, “Yeah, whatever. Think what you want – I know I’m right!”
Venus in Libra conjunct Mars and Pluto, trine Neptune.
I avoid gaslighters like the plague – and I have never had to suffer as a result. I don’t like it when people mess with me. That said, I am more prone to gaslighting myself, and that IS a problem. In my own mind imagination and reality mix, and that’s a dangerous tricky thing in itself. Saturn square Neptune.
I have venus opposite neptune, Tsquared with jupiter – definately like taking candy from a baby, especially with my aries moon 🙂
“My friend would engage a man. She would be very attentive to him, leading him to believe she was really interested in knowing him. Then, as soon as she had him hooked, she would detach.”
That I couldn’t do. If I was very interested in him it’s real – I can’t just switch it off to make him “come hither”.
“Didn’t she just like me yesterday? Did I imagine that?”
Not something I can do to someone. It’s just mean. Yes, she has the power, but from where I stand she isn’t using it properly. People who have tried doing this to me never, ever, get a second chance. It hasn’t happened often, thankfully.
Venus in Pisces (9th) is trine Neptune in Scorpio (5th). Saturn in Pisces (9th) is widely conjunct Venus and trine Neptune.
Coming back to this post to add that I had someone attempt to gaslight me in a pretty big way yesterday. I didn’t even have time to begin to doubt myself before I remembered this post and saw right through the attempt. 🙂
*laughs @ Lupa* This has been a service of the Elsa Emergency Support Network. 😀
Haha.. yes yes, lol he smokes it and i get high.
I’ve fallen to this behavior time and time again, and unless I get someone who is extraordinarily honest and will tell me how he feels up front with no frills, I get confused, and confusion leads to erratic, pessimistic/optimistic behavior.
Until I found your blog I didnt even know the effects of those aspects!
I have venus in taurus,saturn in gemini,conjunct in the 12th both in opposition to my neptune in saggitarius.Friggen explains a helluva lot!
wondered how i could be so damn intelligent and fall for so much sh*t!!!
well…wish i knew a bit more now about my chart!
I tend to “carry” relationships through my sheer will/love/faith….even if they are limping and crippled.Its like a bizaar form of blind fierce loyalty…and I go into the “universal love” place of forgiveness so quickly…like a saint and end up getting taken for granted/advantage of without even knowing it!
If a Mercurian is targeted, the Mercurian will win.
Me?
Pisces Moon to the 7th… Still a Mercurian, still will see and win in mind games, and indeed I have and do.
I don’t trust the guy I’m seeing. I suspect he’s a gaslighter to a slight degree. I can’t pinpoint this exactly. What does this type of behavior stem from? The need to be in control? Is the case “Once a gaslighter, always a gaslighter” true? If someone is “the occasional gaslighter” does it get worse over time?
I need more info on this. It scares the shit out of me.
I remember being fooled by a few “players” before I got married, not sure if they were all out “gaslighters”.
Someone who manipulates others like this is an emotional toddler.
Who needs anyone like that in their life?
Excellent movie, by the way. 😉
Sounds like what a lot of men do, unfortunately.
Venus (Aquarius) trine Neptune and Saturn, conjunct in Libra. Throw in a Venus/Saturn/Moon Grand Trine. Neptune/Saturn in the ninth house.
Do I fall for this stuff? Way to often. Do I do it? Sometimes, but not intentionally.
Most consistent relationship song-Losing My Religion:
“I thought that I heard you laughing, I thought that I heard you sing. I think I thought I saw you try.”
I marked “what is gaslighting” (I think I still don’t get it), but about the only time I got really tricked was having to deal with a friend’s fiance who turned out to be a compulsive liar. He really liked to manufacture drama. I’m an honest person and nothing he said was 100% out of character for the people he was talking about, so I generally bought whatever he was saying (or at least was polite about it if it seemed kinda skiffy, especially when I couldn’t prove otherwise) until I found out that the people he said were doing this and that weren’t even talking to him any more.
To be honest, I got an iffy vibe from him from the getgo, but this was friend’s first boyfriend EVER at the age of 25, so I was trying to be supportive. She married him and they don’t talk to traitorous me any more 😛
I’m easy to fool.
Venus and Neptune are both conjunct my MC, but not conjunct each other (they are 14 degrees apart).
Neptune makes aspects to my Moon (square), Mercury (sextile), Saturn (trine), Pluto (sextile), AC (sextile), and MC (conjunct).
(Hmmn… I didn’t realize how active Neptune is in my chart. Maybe this is why I was able to set my mug of tea on my hair just now and not realize it until I moved my head.)
I’ve got Saturn in the 7th house, making aspects to Mercury (sextile), Neptune (trine), Pluto (sextile), and my AC (opposition).
This all reminds me of the Venus-Pluto entry on chirotic… devastating yes. Can we learn from it? We have to.
Well there are some who do it consciously like you say, but I think there is a lot of unconscious behaviour of this sort. For example, if you are insecure about your attractiveness, you could flirt with someone, not expecting a response, and when you do get one, start backpedalling because you don’t think you’re good enough for them. Or something. But then I have Saturn Neptune and Venus Pluto. And the older I get, the more confused I get about people’s mating behaviour. Or maybe it’s just the strangeness of single middle-aged men. Did I mention I was confused?
Wow, that’s really cruel.
How about this Grand Square Sun opposite Neptune by 49 seconds. Mars opposite saturn by 5 degrees. You can imagine the squares in your head. this person is an EXPERT on gaslighting people. VERY manipulative, very sexual, (jupiter in the 8th) lots of secrets to hide….. ME Sun and Venus in the 12th in SAG. I was this persons target (12th house receives others projections remember) Anyway he did a number on me….. I wonder if the saying is true “What goes around comes around”
But I guess he wouldn’t learn anything anyway
Yup – Neptune Mars and Venus all in Scorpio – Neptune Mars 5th house and Venus late 4th. I am just reeling now from a gaslighting. Doozie as I have been celibate for almost 8 years and to get that intimacy and then suddenly taken away – yowzers!
There was an Ingrid Bergman festival on Turner network years ago. I let my then about 9-11 year old son watch this with me. At the end, he quietly said to me, ” You know, that’s what X does to you. ” Neptune in Scorpio in 1st, square both Venus conjunct Saturn in Aquarius in 4th.
Mercury and Neptune conjunct in Sagittarius in 1st house and both squaring Saturn. I call it foggy, not sure if people mislead me intentionally or I get confused…
Me. Neptune on the Descendant (3 degrees below horizon) in Sag trine Venus in Aries in 11th. I am very easily misled because I trust so deeply. Just finished another hour of therapy today to try and get over my most recent 5-7 year long relationship, which involved lots of me getting betrayed and lots of him saying he never betrayed me despite lots of (admitted) affairs on his side.
Up side of the trine? He’s in therapy too. He got me there because he doesn’t want to lose me. That feels kind of good.
Jupiter in Aries oppose mars in libra conjunct saturn, saturn conjunct neptune, neptune conjunct venus, mars, saturn and neptune squaring uranus. I am pretty sure I gaslight myself. I’ve been in love with a man forever, he is in love with me being in love with him. But he belongs to someone else and after my first go round with him I accepted that and built a life across the country from him that’s not made of cotton candy…but when he’s needing a push, he contacts me…we spend time on the phone remembering how fantastic fantasy is, sigh and go back to our lives. We wonder if we will be one of those couples that in our 70’s or 80’s finally marry.