“I want to learn to be kind,” I told my husband.
“Don’t break anything,” he answered.
This got me off to a humorous start, but I’m quite serious about what I’m doing. I am on a quest in this regard. I’m studying kindness. It’s been thrilling, mind-boggling and best of all, it’s working.
A friend tell me that I am already kind. I’m not so sure. Generous, yes. Helpful, yes. Effective, yes. But kind? I don’t think so. I know some truly kind people and I’m not one of them. I admire them though, so I decided to try to cultivate this quality in myself.
As part of my study, I looked into the astrological ruler of “kindness”. It turns out to be the moon. It makes sense this would be an undeveloped quality in me, considering I’m a Capricorn rising. I’m disciplined and can be relied on to act with integrity but that’s not kindness! With the moon ruling my 7th house, this also explains how I can see this quality in others.
I’ve learned that “kindness” anticipates other’s needs and wishes. I do this at times but I want to do it more and I want to do it reliably. I’m beginning to understand how the smallest kind word or action cannot only change a person’s day, it can change their life. It can save their life! Is that not power?
I want this power to flow through me to help others. And if this means, I have to teach myself to be kind, then that’s what I’m going to do.
By the way, I was never taught to be kind. It’s a real deficit and I’m going to fix it!
Are you kind? Can you give us an example of what “kindness” looks like in your world?
I think this is so beautiful Elsa. We need more kindness in the world! Bless you and if you can pass any knowledge to us via this blog or videos that would be super awesome! Do you know of the Metta Meditation? You start with yourself and move the blessings out to those you know and love, then to those you don’t know but see everyday, then to someone you are having struggles with or conflicts, then in to your neighborhood, and country, then finally the World and out to the Universe. It’s a lovely practice/prayer. I thought others may find it helpful too. Here is the prayer: https://blog.buddhagroove.com/the-buddhist-metta-lovingkindness-prayer/
Every day I pray for patience and kindness as I’m a waitress and deal directly with the awful, heaving masses every day. It’s not going well! But I send up the prayer anyway. I like this idea of studying it though, seeing where it is already can help to cultivate perhaps.
“… everyone you know is fighting a hard battle.”
Hard battles have made me stronger and more loving, I am alone in this hostile hole,unloved thinking sex was love marrying crazy asses,cut by my mom at age 12 rape beat up starved while pregnant, 12y/o didn’t know what a virgin was, got laughed and teased about it, I fixed that disease that day, I am laying some of my life mistake, hurts and pain and I am screaming to the top of lungs “I have been hurt most of my life even today, but I still love kindness, good neighbors of diversity, I am blessed to be able to share my money love, hugs kind words, I love the whole damn human race because they don’t realize that they are a species, no one is better than the other, unless you have harmed someone especially physically. I have not time for game playing because as Human we are going into extinction, I am trying to teach Agape to those who will listen and understand, war is going to happen upon this land.The recession is upon us. With kindness help me be who I was born to be, the messenger of Good News. I walk the middle path, I am neither good nor bad. Love and Peace to my sisters and brothers and their children. Not proofread, I can never be perfect in man’s eyesight but my God says a good conscience is perfection. I chose to be high profile by being who I am,a good soul,it has made me an a million others all over the world targeted individuals. Wake Up please
Simply treat people the way you wish to be treated and most of all realize that we all are One, understanding of how karma works helps a lot and last be truthful to yourself why you are doing it, for me it gives me a beautiful wave and tingling within my heart. Good luck
Welcome, Rara. 🙂
Thanks Elsa for your kindness
Sweet! 🙂
Personally i think you are deeply kind, for allowing the public to read your blog and all the “jewels” hidden if you look, and to post comments freely, as if there are nice sofas everywhere or comfy chairs to sit on; with cups of coffee or tea, with a library of good, juicy reads under a parasol of kindness.
i think my acts of kindness can be remembering people’s birthdays and sending a card, or gift, or something small for them.Also, if someone looks like they only have one or even few items in line at the supermarket, i always let them go first before me. my husband & i stopped the car to allow ducks and their babies get to the edge of the road safely. Thankfully the traffic wasn’t heavy. I always get scared of the ducks around my neighborhood because there are so many ducks. And i hope they dont cross the road and know better. my husband does so many acts of kindness, it is his signature. lol he has told me if his company didnt cover the gift certificates that he wants to show his employers deep appreciation for their good work; he’d take it out of his own pocket. that’s so him.
Thanks.
I told a friend that I have some kind moments. Example, this gal told me, casually, that she was having a medical test. She’s an older lady. I could see she was scared so I offered to call her… help, if I could.
I do visit sick people… I have for years.
So I am a friend of hers now and that is an example of true kindness, as defined above. But this is a narrow thing.
Generally speaking, I am not kind.
I’m honest. The blog is generous. I will sacrifice myself but again, that is not *kindness*.
I really think I was designed to be kind. Otherwise, I would not respond to old ladies. However, this has never been cultivated in me so I am doing this now!
thanks for the clarification, Elsa ^^
I believe I am one of the most misunderstood person on earth because of my seeing everyone as a version of myself especially when I look into their eyes, honestly no one is a stranger everyone is breathing and has a heartbeat, I feel it when I hug them, I love random acts of kindness,if your car is broken and needs a push off the highway, I am there to help, they call me rare, I am not arrogant, I am confident in that which works within me LOVE Thanks Opalina
I appreciate your comment that said you were not taught to be kind. I think many of us wasn’t. I was not taught to be polite. I taught myself when I started working with the public. It took me years to realize that being polite is just showing respect.
Yes, I had to teach myself to have manners and I still work on this to this day… like 15 years and I am still quite coarse. 🙂
What lovely thoughts! Well, say it and you become it. It is largely a matter of awareness, yes?
Awareness and effort?
I think this might be brought about, in part, by Saturn transiting my 9th house Mercury and Mars. I am learning, thinking and trying.
It’s been really interesting. I am hoping I can sustain interest in this (in the snapchat world) and get all I can from it because I think it’s pretty big (for me).
IN fact, I would compare it to the time I realized I had to quit smoking (3 + packs of cigs a day), if I wanted to get anywhere in life.
That was a turning point for me. I did quit and after I did, I “got somewhere”.
This really needs to be done (for me) but it also needs to be done well and for real.
You should consider yourself lucky to be only partially kind. My empathetic Pisces Moon trine to my nurturing, pushover Cancer Sun make me the kindest son-of-a-bitch I know, but I don’t see much advantage to it.
People need kindness. They, indeed, crave it. These needy sufferers are drawn to me like ants to sugar, and my kindness-affliction only allows me to see all the reasons not to turn them away, even to the point of giving when there is nothing left to give.
There are those who will take enough to recharge, then move on, but I run in to more than my share of those who will suck the life from me before either they move on or I flee in self defense. These people are, indeed, drawn to me as I must also be to them.
So, you wanna be a kinder, gentler ElsaElsa? From where I’m sitting out here in the cheap seats you appear to have it balanced just about right. Why mess with perfection?
I appreciate this, Franklin, but I’m really talking about my real, offline life.
For example, our neighbors are probably the kindest people I have ever met in my life. I am tired of admiring them and doing virtually nothing to be more like them.
I am not talking about being a doormat. I am talking not running around scowling for one thing. Or being concerned about minutiae or some slight from long ago.
I really don’t want my (perhaps poor) mood to impact other people. I want to remember that my lack of planning or foresight does not mean the other person has to hurry!
Etc. and on and on and on and on, because I am really quite bad with all these things.
Let’s say my site is broken. Is it going to get fixed any faster, if I act like a bitch?
I’m thinkin’ no!
Thank you, Franklin, for being kind. Sometimes people just want to be seen and understood.
The other side of kindness is boundaries, I’d think 🙂 so checking in with yourself how you feel and if you feel violated is a good time to walk away. The moon also has to do with self protection. With a Cancer Sun, feeling out when you are starting to be backed into a corner, uncomfortable, or hurt might assist.. or leaning on Saturn aspects…
I don’t know. But I want to say that Libra is “nice,” but not kind. People pleasing is a way to control other people and keep them liking you. It is a fear of losing people. I don’t like that.
I stand by the idea that a lot of people want to be seen and understood. I think Piscean kindness comes from empathy, knowing what they are needing at the time, how they want the kindness delivered. From there I know jack shit. People of different cultures can be heartbreakingly mean and indifferent to each other,but they can also open up and share time with each other.
Kri,
Polite= Libra.
Kind= Cancer and Pisces.
Nice= Libra.
Isn’t that kind of what I said? idk
Still am not a fan of “niceness” without kindness to back it up.
Isn’t Pisces the only kind one? The crab seems to impose like, “mama knows what pie you like!! Open up, you haven’t eaten in weeks!” 🙁
@Kri,
Cancers are genuinely kind to those they are very close to. But they can be insular and cold to outsiders.
Pisces, at least the highest vibration of the sign, is kind to everyone! They are a universal sign who have evolved past their selfish ego.
Yeah, I’d say they are “clannish,” the babies get food, everyone else gets ripped apart..
Ideally Pisces is this way without sacrificing their sense of comfort and the boundaries they need to not feel used and drained..
@anon that is sooooo true with cancer suns, at least the ones i know; super kind and sweet and loving to only those they like; close to. But if they dont like you, they ignore you and treat you like outsider. iknow my best friend hates some of her family members and when she heard that were gonna come for dinner at a restaurant she wanted to go and was excited at first to go, then decided not worth it when people she hated were coming. LOL i’m kind of the same way…just not worth it. i dont care if the meal is awesome at restaurant. the company is too sour and icky.
sigh. it sure is hard to be kind though even to those who are surly and grumpy; I was just remembering that Plato quote, “be kind to everyone, as everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.”
we dont ever think of that. that even if other people are mean and sour and cruel, that maybe deep down, they are hurting too. every kindness helps them open their eyes and learn to love, that people do care.
For some kindness is embedded within their DNA as far as being seen kindness does shine very bright upon the person if it’s genuine, kindness is like your favorite dessert that you think you shouldn’t have so you force yourself not to eat it because Why? You want to appear a certain way to others, I enjoy and appreciate people because I don’t know what’s happening in their lives, kindness is the Dote for the Anti people who are afraid to be kind to others from the heart and not for show. Why are people so complicated to the most simplest things of loving each other by treating each other the way they wish to be treated. I am a comedian and I love making people laugh but unintentionally I don’t have to try, it happens naturally,it’s so simple that it’s hard for most. I love you, I really do. I wish you the best.
I wish I had the empathy of Pisces Moon. I have Moon in Virgo…”Is that bag too heavy? Would you like me to carry that for you?” but is that kindness? They may not feel it’s too heavy and are irritated that I have implied they can’t carry it (the bag is a metaphore but also literate). True empathy is really being able to feel the other person’s suffering and then maybe acting compassionately. IT’s the knowing the being able to feel that I wish I had, not just the practicle implementation to “help”.
idk I believe that’s kind of sweet. I think the worry is that the act of service isn’t actually what the person really *needs* and empathy is the tool we use to figure that out. I’d say you wanna help, but don’t want to be wrong. The intention seems honorable, the impulse to help. Sometimes we need to be told how best to help and perhaps asking in some sensitive way is the key.
I’m also not good at knowing. But it’s like, why do we want to help people? Where does that compulsion come from?
I see what you’re saying Kri… and good question- where does the compulsion come from? It feels automatic but maybe there is a need to look perfect in their eyes- but I know I am not and could never be. I just like the idea, That think of lightening their load. But yes don’t want to get it wrong!
Keyboard typos above alert
Yeah, I know what you mean. You’re like, hey, I can do something for this person, I think it would be useful. I must do it now. But, they didn’t ask for it.
For me, I have the fear of not caring enough.. I do these things so even if they “number the hairs on your head” and the thought of sin is as bad as sin (or whatever, just half remembering something), at least I am doing something to better life for someone else. I’m like you can’t say I don’t care if I did this or something. I don’t even know. Also, I don’t like when I am helpless and no one will help me, if I have a piece of information useful to someone else, I’ll give it to them even if they didn’t ask for it. Why should they waste time looking for it if I already have the perfect solution for them? They can take it or leave it, but I’m trying to give them inside info…
Virgo isn’t unkind. It’s not unkind to be helpful.
With my Taurus moon in the 12th, I’m kind. Very much so. Always have been. And I’ve also been punished for it repeatedly. So now I hide my kindness behind a gruff exterior. I only show my true face to children and animals. I vastly prefer their company to adult humans anyway, so it’s fine. Kindness is lovely,but not when you are pummeled for it over and over. I have developed a knack for identifying the sort of people who would bleed me dry, and now I immediately avoid them.
“I want to learn to be kind,” I told my husband.
“Don’t break anything,” he answered.
Your husband made me snort.
Ha ha, Gemini moon here. To me, kindness is talking. I love being talked to and I love talking. If someone I have feelings for (family, love, friend) won’t or doesn’t talk to me, that is the greatest unkindness of all. Cuts me to the quick.
I know this feeling! Ugh.
Sorry, just to add….maybe acts of kindness aren’t based on our own moon but rather knowing what the other person’s moon is and trying to provide for that. If your friend has a Virgo moon they might appreciate someone meeting them at the airport or a Pisces moon will appreciate someone expressing empathy (even if that person is still learning what empathy is).
So I’m off to go read over my family’s charts and see if I can figure out how to be kind to THEM! (they all talk a lot so I am sorted!)
Kindness starts from not making yourself the centre of everything.
I honestly cannot say any Moon sign is more or less kind than another.
However they will show their kindness or lack of it in different ways.
oh 🙁
People accuse me of that, but I still try to support people and help them out on occasion. Kindness and self-centeredness can co-exist, I hope. We are all a little self-centered
A Cancer Mercury helps me be sympathetic to others in need and my main kindness is just listening and providing what comfort I can.
I am by nature a very kind and giving person. As a 6th house Capricorn Moon, it’s just part of my job, being me, to be kind. Actually learning to have boundaries and not get run over being so kind to everyone else has been a big lesson for me in my life. Part of that is from how I was raised, to ‘be nice or shut your mouth’. See the passive-aggressiveness in that statement? It took me many long years (and much therapy) to see it and get a handle on it. No matter, the point is that it was ingrained in me growing up to ‘be kind’/play nice with others. At the heart of it all, to be kind to others, to help them, be there for them, give to them, etc makes me feel incredibly fulfilled and happy on a very deep level.
I think David Foster Wallace gave a commencement address at Kenyon (?) on the topic of kindness. I read it many awhile ago and was very moved by it.
There were some great souls like Gandhi and Ramakrishna that naturally embodied kindness. The rest of us mortals have to work at it.
Found my way here, on my way around Mercury. The Moon rules kindness. My Ma was a double Pisces: moon and sun. She was a truly kind person. No slouch, she married a Capricorn bulldozer man and learned, later in life, to swear like a sailor. But she was kind to everybody. Your stories about your grandfather, Henry, always remind me of my Ma; she’d have Mormans in the house on a Monday, and Jehovah Witnesses on a Tuesday, while married to a Catholic every day of the week.
I watched and saw what kindness was about. Being a Cappy Moon I lived with such a different internal clockworks. Married now to a Cancer Sun with a 29 degree Libra Moon, I see, again, what kindness means; I think the Universe has a very, very amazing sense of humor (and goes for balance:)
This is a great topic to ponder in the heat of pandemic. Hope my Ma’s watching over us (with her kindness wand)!!
Thank you for sharing the, The Buddhist Metta (Lovingkindness) Prayer.