The Sex Is Primal, The Emotional Connection Erratic

Dear Elsa,

I’m seeing this guy. We have a sort of gut-wrenching, primal sexual effect on each other. While the sex is everything I could want, there seems to be an erratic quality to our emotional connection. He seems to crave me most when I’m being remote and mysterious, and while I certainly can play this role (I have Pluto rising), I really prefer being direct.

The trouble is that when I’m direct, he digs his heels in and wants to take things slowly. I want to rush in! I’m wondering if this ever could result in a real relationship or if it is best kept to sex only.

Pluto Rising
United States

Dear Pluto,

As far as I am concerned, you are already in a real relationship. You’re there, he is there and there is a dynamic. So what you are really asking is if you can turn the relationship into something it isn’t and no, I don’t think you can. And I say this based on your chart.

The conflict you describe is shown in your chart in several ways and on multiple levels. For example, you have a packed 7th house (wants a partner) but it is packed with Aries (wants to hunt).

The fact that Pluto in Libra opposes your Aries brings projection into this big time and if you doubt me, just re-read your post.

He pulls away when you get close, then you pull away to get him close, and then someone else pulls away and the other clings. Can you see the hall of mirrors? In case you can’t, let me spell it out.

I guarantee you that if this guy started clinging to you, you’d balk. You would do this in spite of the fact you’re a Cancer and intermittently want security. Because what fun is security when there is “gut-wrenching, primal sex” out there?

You get the idea…

For what it’s worth, you are not alone. Most of us have conflicting desires to one degree or the other. But as for advice, I would recommend you work to know yourself better than you do, because guess what?

This shows up in your chart, not his. 🙂 Good luck.