I’ve been learning a lot lately, a little too much, perhaps. When you learn something new, provided it’s deep enough, you may be compelled to go back over your past experiences so you can better understand them. This is not always comfortable.
I have had a lot of experiences in my life. Many of them are uncanny. If you’re adventurous, you can find yourself in all kinds of circumstances. You don’t necessarily know what you’re getting involved in. I’ve been in over my head so many times.
Yesterday, as I was mulling new information, I recalled this dinner I had once, in a restaurant I didn’t know existed, although it was in my home town which I knew like the back of my hand. It was a secret or private restaurant, I guess. I went there with, The Blond. I decided to revisit this story.
I used to write stories. I’m a pretty good astrologer but I’m an even better storyteller and all my stories are true. I wrote about, The Blond and the experience I had, nearly twenty years ago. I just wrote the truth. I always write the truth. I have Mars and Mercury in my 9th house. I hate lies. I loathe them.
Anyway, I loved telling stories but I was sooo stupid when I wrote them. I was stupid when I lived the events the stories recall as well and this is where I have regret.
No, I don’t regret writing the stories. It was SO FUN. I regret that I have lost so much of my naivete! I wrote like an idiot child, wide open, with no fear or filter. The stories are funny even if they’re horrific. They’re honest. I’m just saying, something is lost along with your innocence. I used to think it was okay to be me.
I decided to look at the old story. I also decided to post the beginning of it so you can see what’s happened to me. I’m going to link it but I warn you, I swear like a son-of-a-bitch in this.
It’s how I write! I am able to recall dialogue, verbatim, from decades past. I don’t know why I can do this but I can. So when I was nineteen, I swore a lot. Don’t click if you think my authentic (teenage) voice might offend you. The Blond.
Back to my point, I’m really going to weigh (Libra) this going forward. I may not want to go forward. I may prefer to go back. Perhaps I know more than necessary as it is!
All these planets will turn direct, shortly. I stand here on this (internal) precipice.
How naïve are you? Is there an upside?
I cried with laughter at reading The Blond and I love your swearing. I’m no stranger to swearing myself and I find wonderfully relaxing to hear someone else speak like a think. 🙂
But, what happened next??? How does the story end?? Will the mystery be revealed?
I love, love, love your story The Blonde! But when do I get to read the rest?!!
I am just impressed with your crowd control ability. You took it on and enjoyed it. I would have been out of there. Ducked the onslaught by taking his number that I would never call. And real gentlemen never press a lady like that. But it is what it is. He probably just needed a nurse to help him figure out why he can’t get a date. See I am no fun at all anymore. My naivety started attracting criminals. I think there may be a blessing in that midheaven Neptune of yours.
That was too funny! YES you do know how to tell them so don’t leave us hanging where’s the rest of the story???
It’s in my archives. I don’t know what to do. The Blond is identifiable, ultimately, I think. I was happily typing away in 2002. It’s part of my point. I could stupidly talk about my own stupidity back then. This story goes places you’d not expect. ALL my stories go places you’d not expect.
In whatever case, I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to ruin my story by editing it. I am not talking about removing all the commas. I’m talking about ruining my natural voice at the time, where I address the reader, directly, in reaction to comments made to each installment.
These stories were written in a serial style, but organically. What you’re reading there is a human being writing with no outline.
I’ll never forget this: the man who stepped into help me get my book together complimented me on how smooth I managed the handle the themes in a particular story.
“What themes?” I asked.
“The themes!”
“There are no themes.”
“Yes there are.”
“Like what?”
“Like heaven and hell. It’s in the title and in the first sentence of the story….”
I was floored. I was that stupid. It was at this point he asked me if I were an “idiot savant”. I was even more floored.
He told me people went to school to try to learn what I was doing, which I was doing unbeknownst to myself. I had to get off the phone at that point, to try to comprehend what he was saying.
Anyway, there is no market for things like this that are real and raw and substantial. I have a lot knowledge about this. I mean I know because obviously, I do know. So I am trying to think about what to do…
This is a transit for me. Saturn and Uranus to natal Venus in Leo. Creativity, see? So I’m on deck with this but it’s also Pluto sq Mercury. This is my corpse writing!
I am going to have to deal with all this Libra stuff hitting my Libra stuff. Decisions R not Us.
That is such a great story, but what happened next??? You should write some books!
Thank you. I did write a book. A book of true stories just like this one. I finished it in 2004 or maybe 2005. It’s not available anymore. Sorry!
As for what happened next, I went to my brother’s house, of course! 🙂
and you went to dinner with The Blonde? If so, was that okay?
By the way, all of those guys in the bar were really pissing me off. No respect for no means no, no defense of you. Geez. You are a great and beautiful soul and an incredible writer. Thank you so much for sharing yourself with us.
I agree about the no respect for NO. I recently read that men are terrified of being turned down and humiliated when asking a woman out, whereas women’s greatest fear is to be raped or murdered. Such a contrast.
Too bad your book is no long available, I would have loved to read it. You are a talented storyteller, I think you could self publish stories like this on Amazon or other places that will let you. Some people publish their blog posts in book form so why not? Keep writing!
Thanks. I can’t keep writing stories. I will starve! I love to do it but I am called to be an astrologer… which I also love.
This is about… well I wind up in a odd spot in this story… more than one. And then in the current day, I have new insight into this. I just can’t decide what to do next. Maybe wait for planets to turn direct!
Elsa, you’ve got prog moon in sag right now if I recall, wait for the upcoming solar eclipse on tr SN 😉
I relate to how you handled it, and I assume the mature thing to do was to get out of that bar after the 1st coupke of no,s and that’d be the end of it. Thing is, for an italian gem like yourself, in spite of all that libra, that wouldn’t be at all possible. you wanted to be left alone and you wanted to get it properly by asserting your space. unfortunately the mire you do it, the more the lions in the room roar so as to subdue the lioness! I guess the lioness gets into adventures like this because that’s how it is. They chase and you roar back, and they chase even more 🙂
Thanks for mentioning my progressed moon. That might have something to do with this. Busting out!
I wrote this stuff with Jupiter in Leo for the most part. Thousands of pages. Literally, thousands.
One day I wrote 70 pages for a friend who was going to the hospital for a double mastectomy. She wanted one of my stories to take with her for a distraction. I was trying to finish it and I have to say, I failed. But I sure as hell tried. It was called, “1-800-getmeoutofhere”.
Ha ha ha.
It was so much fun. I wrote all day, with my toddler son sitting on shoulders.
i also have a fire venus, conj merc in aries in the 12h , and it’s square neptune too. ? so your storyline and handling of the is awfully (amusingly!) familiar. I used to get into a lot of trouble in my teen years well into my 20s. I’m a trouble magnet I’d say. Thing is, and to answer your question in the post, I dont regret most of it. I firmly believe I was protected precisely BECAUSE of my naiveté. My mouth jumps ahead of my brain and most of the times that is infinitely better than overthinking things, which I’m also prone to do when venus goes ignored. To strike a balance is key, but, to go overboard to the side of strategy/premeditation just sucks the life out of… life?
Elsa, I’ll bet if you published it as an e-book, everyone here and your many other readers would buy it… for…say $10?
Do you mean Circle K? I regret not reading that earlier. I hope you find clarity around your next steps. You are a treasure and a guiding light for many!
Thanks. My book is called, “Heaven, I Mean Circle K”.
I did not know the difference between the two at the time. 🙂
That’s a great story! If I shared what I was up to at 19 I’d be regretful at my naiveté also, horrified actually. I am horrified when I think back sometimes. But truthfully, anyone who’s out of their youth can probably say the same to a degree!
I hope we get to read the rest of it! Honestly I would have fallen to pieces in that situation and I don’t think it could have been handled any better than you did.
high Elsa Elsa; God bless..long time since reading here iguess and hope all is well (maybe its a 9 year moon perigee goodness as i started from some years ago with wanders of my own if axis like a SunSign Axis could also natal or similar charts have a Lunar Axis and some other parallels in the encompassing Lunar nodes…
Keyword searching had
“”unknown & may be just in beginning”” “””some dimensional”” .. where i rememberd there were some accademic writings i was looking for(tho i dont tgink i had ever read any back tgen of those..)
I just couldnt read “”the blond”” without feeling the act would deminish some potential purity of your naivity discription you are looking for possibly ..in commenting…
..i got here to this post of yours from a post i made in 2012 (redirects nowto here because not found) (maybe this is just your hame/latest post?) and thru links i made per posts; one of those i later shared one of your own posts’ link’s(probably re-archived) thats what now redirects..
How i got here is the trivial note…
.. here(where im adding comment)
I know its not a phenomena, and have no need to share any mislead of mytique other than material differentials that stemed from numerical future dates of sequencial (like 11 11 2011 or 10/11/12 etc..and that whatever info i copy/paste trivial sources if i remember a moment ago) i think it was a link to a random 2021 or 88 years bein the next year when a pne looking forward to a tranfer …and am asharing now(jiust in case when i switch pages to look back to copy the initial link…that i often loose the page -like this one- due to browser or device …programmeddinging ..(for lack of better words)
When I first started reading your stuff what I saw was an animated tv series like a family guy (but not family guy of course, just an example). Any animation takers out there.
I think you said Jupiter progressed to Aquarius?Jupiter can tell a whopper of a good story. Jupiter Uranus a wild ride? Another thing I like about the stories is that it is human experience when so much media is slanted politically and doomsdayish. A great escape.
What an entertaining story! The dude in the Hawaiian shirt was the modern day wingman but taken up a notch. Didn’t mind the swearing at all and loved the fact that you had a red Kawasaki. ?
And I don’t know that stories need an ending. I once heard the playwright Edward Albee speak. He said theatre is just a slice of life. And rare the date that could beat that bar scene.
Strange
I saw the post comment is in moderation earlier.
In short i didnt read the Blond.
I linked here from a comment posted somewgere on the elsaelsa blog october 8, 2014.
full-moon-lunar-eclipse-in-aries-October-8th-2014-love art sex anger comment partner generic
Searching elsaelsa :
https
astrology full-moon-lunar-eclipse-in-aries-October-8th-2014-love-art-sex-anger%2F%23comment-1168737&oq=httpsastrology%2F2014%2F10%2F03%2Ffull-moon-lunar-eclipse-in-aries-October-8th-2014-love-art-sex-anger%2F%23comment-1168737&gs_l=partner-generic.12…7459.25239.0.26022.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0..0.0.csems%2Cnrl%3D13…0.1224j130786j20j19…1j2.34.partner-generic..0.0.0.
Okay! I added the next part. 🙂
I told my husband about posting this story today. I didn’t plan it, it just came about this morning. I told him I was very naïve when I lived it and I was as naïve when I wrote it.
He said you can not get this old and remain naïve. I don’t agree with him. I told him my current condition interferes with creativity. If you want to go to heaven, which clearly, I do, you have to be like a little child.
I don’t know what to do now outside of, remaining open.
Maybe Jupiter in Pisces will remove all these bs restrictions.
Jupiter in Pisces is definitely very supportive of creativity, because it enhances our ability to imagine and dream. I’m waiting patiently for this transit as I’ll have my Jupiter return. An important piece of me has been missing – I found it again briefly when Jupiter was in Pisces earlier this year. However I’m grateful for the current energy in that I’ve been working extremely hard (at the coal face as they say!) and building some strong practical/material foundations.
i have always loved your stories. i’ve learned so much from them.
there’s an authenticity and inspiring audacity.
what i have of naivete allows me to have hope for the future. without which i’d probably be about crushed at the moment.
I’m an editor and I work with a lot of people who are writing. One thing I commonly notice is that the person writing has a lack of awareness that there is a reader and this affects the quality of the writing as the reader, not feeling recognised loses interest, there is no space to engage. I notice with your writing that you are fully engaged with your reader, speaking often to them directly and candidly. This is probably due to having the Mars Mercury in Libra in the storytelling 9th house. I can tell you that the majority of people writing don’t get this notion, but for you it is instinctual. I discovered this because I have Mercury in Gemini in 9th and I always write with an ‘other’ in mind, but your communication of the writer-reader relationship is much more vivid and present with the Libra influence!
Thank you. I do feel I am interacting. I also know what the reader want to know which is different from how the reader feels. I have no clue of the latter but I do know what questions the reader will want to have answered.
Note, this is also different from what the reader *thinks* of what they’re reading. For example, people above report they do not like how I am being treated. I understand this once it’s stated but I would not have thought of that or even tried.
I do have a lot integrity in this process. Learning of a reader’s opinion in the middle of a story will not change my story. It’s freaking interesting to me, how others see things. As the story illustrates, I am isolated in my own world to a significant extent. It’s not made up. It’s real.
I also think my stories are interesting, astrologically. You can see my hemming and hawing, my tendency to get pissed and my concern that I suck!
Thanks for your remarks (and sorry for my commas). I know now, I write how I talk. Also, this stuff was written with Saturn in my 5th. I was defining my creative self. Editing occurred two years later when I had to put a book together with my jacked-up tangled mind. It about killed me!
I so like your writing Elsa and reading your comment above it also occured to me that everyone gets something else out of the story according to their own chart and background.
For example, I agree with everyone’s comments about a woman’s NO meaning NO and how dare they ignore it? I could leave it at that, admiring your strength through it all, but what I got from it was the comedy factor. I appreciate it wasn’t really funny for you at the time but there is glorius comedy in the situation you are describing, plus the way in which you are describing it and my Gemini Moon can’t get enough of it! 🙂 Roll on Elsa, give us some more please! 🙂
Thank you! I agree! It’s funny as shit. That’s why I was telling it. The whole thing is inexplicable and it only gets worse. Further, my whole life is like this. I have just not mentioned it for a dozen years or so. Pluto transiting my 12th.
Hi Elsa! Thank you so much for posting this story, it’s amazing and I love, love your style! Now I pining for more! I have read your amazing book a couple of years ago, and your writing is definetly some of the best and most interesting I have ever come across! And I’m really not so easily impressed, especially since my own life tends to take some quite odd ( to say the least!) twists and turns, quite regurarly ?. If you figure out a way to publish any of your stories, I would click *buy* in an instant, just saying! ?
All
Thank you! 🙂
WOW!!! What a story! It’s a real cliffhanger!
I hope to be able to read the rest!
Thank you for sharing your super writing.
More naiveté! Epically so!
I don’t know what is going on but I just had a client associated with the crane biz. I told her I knew about cranes. I have a story about cranes. Of course she was curious – I think this might be a sign.
In whatever case, read this and lyao at my expense. 🙂
https://elsaelsa.com/cranes-an-employment-interlude/
True story, of course. How could it not be?
Oh this is great Elsa! 🙂 I have no problem with naivety when it’s age specific, i.e. part and parcel of the maturing cycle.
I reflected a bit more on what, specifically, I like about your writing and – not being a professionally critic of any sort – the closest I can come to is that your style reminds me of film noir and black comedy. For me it’s got that flavour and that flavour is classy! Thanks for sharing your naivety with us :-).
Sometimes I remember my own naivety and have a hearty laugh about it. Things I did then, in my younger days, without giving them a second thought and which I’d never do now. I have no regrets whatsoever and I also don’t hanker after them now. There’s no sense of loss since, with a 5th house stellium, fun and joy are part of my nature (even if it’s Scorpio).
“…film noir and black comedy. ”
How interesting! Thanks for mentioning this. I’ve never heard it before and it switched a light on for me…
My son wants to be a comedian. He has been writing dark comedy since he was 10 years old. Lots of damsels in distress… the hero manages to save them, in spite of all his inner angst. But then he throws himself over a cliff; it’s all dark and strange (Mars in Scorpio).
I can see the family line here but my stories… well I am not throwing myself over cliff to leave a bloody mess like that!
Also, I do piss people off with my stories because they think they know what is next – they don’t – and it’s entertaining but then when the story leads somewhere dark, which is generally what happens, they are very mad.
Really, my point with all this, outside of thinking about my naivete, is that I used to think I was “okay”. Just a person like everyone else, who is entitled to be themselves.
There is a lot of pressure to be an IG model. It’s moved in this direction my entire life, but what if I don’t want to be a facade?
I am really not born for fakeness but you can see in all these stories, the Neptune midheaven deal. What you think you see is an illusion and there isn’t anything I can do about it. I am telling the truth though all of my stories but people just don’t think I am real… in the stories, in real time, or when they read about them, a lifetime after the fact.
I have unusual reactions to things because you upbringing was unusual. it’s like losing a couple limbs when you’re a baby. People might look at you and create a story about you but you don’t see it their way! It causes problems. But I can’t fix this any more than that armless, legless person can glue on some limbs for the comfort of others. Not that they are asking that. They don’t ask this because the process with this is largely unconscious.
For many people in the world, my main and most important function for them is this: They are let down and become disillusioned with me. It really doesn’t matter what I do in these circumstances, which constellate a least once a week. All roads lead to Rome.
A planet on the MC – the message you send out into the world about what you’re about as well as how the world perceives you. The image you present to those who don’t know personally. Plenty of actors around with Neptune on the MC where it clearly works in their favour. Perhaps writers and astrologers too? I don’t know.
I have Sun conjunct Neptune, Neptune rules my Pisces MC and trines my Cancer ASC. Moon in 12th. Emphasis on the Northern Hemisphere. Part of me really enjoys being invisible (I feel like I’m wearing Pluto’s helmet of invisibility). My close friends value my friendship; to them I am very visible and present and they feel supported. My husband says to me “You’re a mystery to me”. That, after 34 years. It’s meant and taken as a compliment. He has Neptune in his 7th house.
My point is: we all have Neptune somewhere. It’s not all bad. I have been contemplating lately of communing with the gods, the three outers in particular. Really honouring them rather than cursing my x,y,z. I feel I’m ready for this now. Might get some interesting results (careful what you wish for!).
I don’t know your chart, obviously. Perhaps there’s an aspect to/from Neptune that others pick up on which explains those reactions (feeling let down and disillusioned). I’m thinking of something in the 1st or 7th houses.
You are okay. You are real. Maybe you are a two-way mirror?
” Plenty of actors around with Neptune on the MC where it clearly works in their favour.”
Yes, it does. Gift and curse in equal proportion, I’d say. I’ve written more than 100 posts on this. I’ve got a pretty good grip on the slippery thing!
Cool. Your blog is a treasure trove. I love it. 🙂
Gosh, I miss my naivety too, but are so many things I know now that I wish I knew then. At the same time there are so many things I just wish I didn’t know now. I just miss the newness of everything, everything was so exciting and life was so full of possibility. As they say, ignorance is bliss.
Cool picture btw, was it taken behind the bar you worked at?
Thanks! I’m 17 in that picture and it has a cool story.
My mother-in-law (current) took that picture. It’s a polaroid. My husband (then boyfriend; he was 19) and I were fighting. She came to my bar to talk to him, behind his back. He worked in missiles at the time and was on shift for 36 hours. She took the pic. He never knew about it.
Years later, after we failed to marry, she showed him a box that she had kept for him – Things she felt made him a man. There was a picture of his father. A rosary. Some other stuff and these two pictures of me.
At first he was pissed. “Get rid of those.”
“I will not get rid of these! This is, Elsa. These are my pictures…” etc.
But then years passed and he wanted the pictures. He had to ask her to see them… she would let him see them but she would not give them to him… until we got back together, 23 years later. 🙂
I have picture of me in my bar but not behind the bar and not UNDERAGE. So it was a real shock when I found out these existed.
In whatever case, her box idea is a good one, if you have a son.
I do have a son and I absolutely love the idea – I think I’ll steal it! That is such an amazing story. Mothers know who is good for their son.
When I reflect on my life experience, in contrast to you, the moments when the naivety left were very liberating. I experienced a lot of things over about a ten year period that were inexplicable. They made no sense. Then when I had experiences that gave me a greater insight into human psychology EVERYTHING that happened previously began to make sense. I still to this day after having these insights years ago, get memories of people making comments to hint at the truth of situations. Or say I read a reddit post that talks about how people actually behave and it informs me.
For me the story isn’t a collection of things in the past and then now. It is an unbroken chain. Everything now seems to link with everything then and things coming in the future in ways that most people wouldn’t believe.
The pleasure I get from this is that I am slowly and surely moving in on my opponents. People with duplicitous two faced behaviour have had the spotlight put onto that. It is a pleasure I would have missed with a happier life. ‘The mills of God grind slowly but they grind exceedingly sure’
Although had things worked out when I was still more naive perhaps that would have been nice in a way.
Oh how I love a good Elsa story! I need to go back and reread Circle K- your stories are good for the soul- even when they are heartbreaking mainly because your indomitable spirit shines through the telling
To naively believe you had a right to be who you were – where you were and about your own business- in that situation probably saved your evening to say the least…. the crowd can be with h you- until they’re not.We had freedom in those days to go our own way for a moment. The thing s to stay true to your own quirky moral compass – if you have one . Please finish the story!
Welcome, Cat splash. I finished the story in 2002. The problem (mentioned upthread ^^) is, “The Blonde”, is identifiable if I leave the story as-is.
I don’t know how to handle this. I’m hoping for some light to come on.