Today my husband learned of some lies someone told on him a few years ago. He also found out the lies were believed though they seem outrageous to me. Anyone with common sense should have been able to see through them.
A few days ago I was talking to a friend about some vicious lies someone told about me recently. He said, what I was accused was not even possible, implying the lie was foolish.
I told him the lie was extremely effective and widely believed. Further, to defend against it would likely cause even more damage. I just had to live with the fact people think I did something heinous and unethical. This was not only fabricated, it was a million miles remote from anything I’d ever do in reality.
I have written a lot about discernment when it comes to information you receive (Virgo). Perhaps with a packed 8th house, I’m pretty suspicious but when someone tells me anything bad about anyone. My first reaction is to examine their motive because invariably there is on and it’s never pretty.
Once you see what is driving the person, you are in a better position to weigh what you’re told. Nine times out of ten, the communication represents the vicious person’s attempt to use you.
A lie with a picture is swallowed as readily as a handful of M&Ms!
The truth is kind of like liver or spinach or Brussels sprouts! Oh no, let’s not!
How do you feel about this? Please weigh in.
OMG.. I have been attacked now for 2 days from vicious man who is accusing me of something I would never do and threatning to have me arrested!
I can barely breathe..Nasty text messages accusing me of being a liar and a thief!
I am going back to bed..cannot even attempt to get my list done for the day..I am overwhelmed with all this energy spinning,and I am afraid.
Hate to say it, but I’m almost paranoid when it comes to being lied to. I question everyone, and have to remind myself that not EVERYONE is out to lie to me.
“Wait, is he just saying that to get out of…?” “Did she just make that up because she doesn’t want to…?”
I definitely have to struggle to give the benefit of the doubt.
Beats me. In my experience bad liars are freaking OBVIOUS. Especially when they tell you something that’s drastically out of character about the person. A good liar would tell you something that wouldn’t raise “Oh no, they wouldn’t” red flags.
I am sorry to hear that, Grandonna. I hope it all sorts out soon.
I take my own experience by example: someone who I had a feud with tells a lie (or several) about me to a supposed friend of mine. This person I took as a friend knows me for several years and knows that the “pretty little story” that is being told to him is not true.
Either way, he chooses not to refute it or discuss it. He just nods along because he wants to remain friends with this person, maybe because it is easier to avoid a conflict or because this person might be more popular, more influent, more… whatever than I and he might have more to gain by taking that person’s side than to defend my reputation.
Although I think this is not the case for everyone, I believe some people fall for it or pretend to fall for it because sometimes that is the easier way to gain acceptance. Sometimes it’s all about the power play and people want to take the stronger side.
The few (but emotionally devastating) times this has happened to me, the reason people have fallen for the lies is because of a powerful need to be accepted by the liar. And it’s not just wanting the acceptance itself… the lie is the MEANS by which the liar secures the loyalty.
It’s a kind of test, and might go something like this: “Are you going to go with me… or with them?” But that’s not enough: “If you’ve going to be loyal to me, you have to prove it by being willing to swallow – and I mean swallow whole, without gagging – anything I want to shove into you, including something no one in their right mind would believe.”
Incredible power play, and very successful if it works. Once the gullible person gives up the power to think or see the truth, they become more and more dependent on the liar; they begin to need them for their sanity (as they go insane). Everyone sort of knows what’s going on, but can’t possibly risk making it conscious; by then, there’s too much to lose. I’d say the biggest loser is the one who enters this deal (the ‘gullible’), and not the person being lied about (who at least can live in reality and maintain their own integrity, even if no one else believes it).
– Um, obviously I’m talking about big, take-no-prisoners lies, the kind that break up families and loves and ruin lives. I don’t know the psychology of the more casual liars….
I think a lot of people are inclined to believe the worst and especially the salacious, look at Tiger Woods.
I don’t fall for it. I’m the same as you Elsa, I do a lot to try and discern any sort of bias/motive the person talking has and I think it’s also an 8th house thing with me with both my Sun and Mercury there.
Thanks, Marta I have recovered ..got my ass out of bed and did my taxes..gonna get 3000 dollars..the day has gotten better..I am a sensitive Pisces Moon..I get hurt by other people and their bull shat ..but I know the truth and that is all that matters..I am not gonna engage just gonna carry on with my business and stay out of the drama…No good deed goes unpunished..How timely was this blog..as always Elsa, Blessings 🙂
if i hear someone talking sh*t about someone i usually don’t take it seriously unless:
1) they’ve proved to reliable and good with their word
2) they don’t have strong motive, or i know them well enough to know that they’re objective about these things
3) if i have an honest need to know (especially if i asked) and they’re trying to help
i saw too much of this going around between the girls in school to take too much of it seriously without significant backing. though when boys do it, they tend to go for the throat… and it carries more weight… maybe because of less tendency to gossip, overall?
i think some people fall for it because they’re looking for somewhere to project their shadow. seriously. if you can imagine someone else to be a dirty rotten whatever, you can misplace all those internal qualities -over there- and avoid self examination.
it’s the lazy way of dealing with the ugliness in human nature.
it’s easy to deceive someone who wants to be.
StephB – I wrote you a post in response.
Revisiting this. ::shiver::
Four years later, I’ve learned not to care. I watch my legal entanglements now, that’s for sure! But I still know this can happen.
False accusation of rape for example. My husband (in this day and age) would never be along with a young girl, for even a minute. I know a lot of men who feel this way. You never know what someone is going to say you did…and who is going to believe it!
Oh wow. How heinous.
I remember as a young teen/teen my father was scrupulous about this. He refused to drive any of my girlfriends home alone. He was worried about appearances. It actually horrified me to think people would think of these things. Nowdays, many men don’t think twice which makes me wonder about everything.
No, I don’t fall for this. I’ve heard so much crap from coworkers and people who don’t seem to discern ANY information that comes their way. I really have no patience for it. My mind always begins probing the motives behind the supposed accusations.
I can get creepy vibes off people, then not much suprises me when I hear things. Still…..I can’t help but wonder…
I get irritated at people who push me to believe something about someone when I am only hearing one side of the story. It irks me, and the more the push, the less I believe them.
yes. and I am annoyed when people practically order me to accept their push-push viewpoint of a person even in the face of what I know from my own experience. I make my own judgments, because people can be dreadful for personal motives as you note here. IF you ask me what I think of someone, and I think that person may be seriously dangerous to you, I may eventually be pressed enough by you to say “this has been my experience, but that’s only my take on it, who knows, talk to others.” THere’s always two sides. I give people that even rub me the wrong way the benefit of the doubt until they’ve clearly established a bad pattern.
I’ve noticed that those who insist you listen to only one side and accept it — push, push!! — are not the sort of people I want to be around.
This general topic touches on something I am wrestling with as Virgo with an 11th house Pluto.
To cover up some smelly stuff, the non-profit I worked for maligned and fired my department, everyone, after the top guy found out our manager told us something, and after someone in finance accidentally emailed info to our team. They realized how much we knew as we had to keep certain records. Boom – we were gone. They then very publicaly lied about the reasons, wrecking the careers of three good people I worked with, ruining lives. They continue to try to feed misinformation to discredit us. Many are gullible enough to believe it though (as with you, Elsa), it’s obvisouly stupid if someone thought about it for a moment. RIght now, I am faced with a chance to speak up to one person and set the record straight, someone expressing interest. Do I do this, to help our team clear its name, or do I just let karma or something deal with it? After reading this ….I don’t know.
It’s life. It makes me feel not safe. And when someone turns on me it can break my heart because I was gullible enough to trust them. It’s just people and human behavior.
Thank you for your valuable insight, Elsa. It is becoming so rare these days! I have a lot of Gemini and a good bit of Scorpio. All of my internal alarm bells sound when I observe people acting without logic. A lot of times I can just make mental note and move on with my life. That’s not as easy when the actions call into question my character. I’ve lost so many relationships from the lies told about me by my family, driven by the loss of control as I grew up, saw through the deceit, and lost my fear. I am bracing myself as I begin to see this pattern on a much larger scale.
It’s the “Perfect” Neptunian/Virgo axis theme.
I have seen myself how much crap people will believe, partly because they like lies that fit into their views, and the critical thinking is too much work – and partly because the real truth would wreak them of how they see the world or how they’re raised to act and/or believe. All my previous exes had a Venus square Neptune aspect. Some also the Mars/Neptune square as well.
The rage when they find out their illusions weren’t based on reality is too much to take, and so they blame me and leave me in a fit of rage.
I have tried to reason with them sometimes, but they are not in a place where they want critical thinking to reign. So, for me, I usually give up trying to tell my version, as it is of no use. I know I have a tendency to put on facades but have worked hard in therapy to be more honest and vulnerable today.
My mother and her brother have this problem as well. They can’t handle their anger so they turn to ice, shutting people put. They are not capable of tolerating their own rage, so they put the blame on others (me).
I may have lost the connection to them. But I have gained a better life,a more honest and true life in exchange. I will NEVER regret that!
Count the astounding number of times people twist this around to blame the person who was lied TO for believing the lie rather than placing the blame squarely on the LIAR where it belongs.
Gemini Sun, Libra Rising, Cap Moon
In the publicity biz there is a famous saying “If they are talking about you, you must be doing something right.”….”There is no such thing as bad publicity”….haters are going to hate. When it happens to you, its easier to say these words than to feel them and move on.
Yes the public is gullible and yes 80% is actually right on the money in terms of emotional IQ’s, comprehension level etc.
I too have found myself in a situation where correcting the lies would hurt others and chose not to. It was the right thing to do, but it wasn’t necessarily the best thing for me…sigh.
I think often the liar and the believers are acting from a place of jealousy, that has turned to rage.
I’m in a position right now where my actions could be perceived to be dishonest looking purely through a very narrow lens and the face of it. How do I turn that around because it’s the furthest from the truth anything could be? How do I preemptively address it, or can it even be? Therein lies my current professional quandary for which I am hoping can be remedied before it’s blown out of proportion.
On an intimate personal note, the neptune fog, mercury retrograde and all the other planetary shenanigans continue to influence the lack of clear communication, and perpetuate an atmosphere of uncertainty…sigh. Looking forward to possibly having a change in all that after July 11th… or maybe not until August… or…
Sending love:-)
I was in high school when my Mother told me, “Never take part in gossip. Two things to remember. There may be an element of truth to it, but only an element. The rest is fiction. Second, they always have an axe to grind.” Never forgot those words.
I run into this every few years it seems. In the neighborhood. In work situations. It is amazing how many people are not intelligent enough to stay on the outside of it and to avoid judgment. As the victim of incomprehensible lies about his character, then yes, these were sheeple. Sad thing is, he cannot defend his character. Someone else has to. An independent third party.
We no longer have a meritocracy in America. I think this plays out often with people in middle and upper management who are threatened by much more skilled and intelligent workers under them. Knives out & lies are often all they’ve got.
This is good timing. I have been thinking a lot about liars the past few days. I have been fuming in anger at my brother due to all the lies he has told. Neptune on his Ascendant makes it hard to know when he is telling the truth. Years ago, he was told that if he tells one lie, he will have to keep lying to cover it up. The thought hit me earlier, his entire life has been a lie.
Others have lied and bragged about getting away with said lies. That person died recently and she used to be married to my brother.
I am nearing the point of just amputating my brother from my life period. Not looking back either.
My favorite is when a pic or video shows the exact truth and reality, but it’s re-interpreted into a distorted fake with a cloak of conspiracy.
Yes! Thanks for posting this, Mike.