This Is A Great Story: How Fast Can A Bull Swim, Anyway?

Just imagine a Taurus. And this is another example of Mars Saturn perseverance. I really wish this aspect did not have such a lousy reputation.

“In order to try to be the best soldier in the world, first I had to beat everyone in the US. And I pretty much had it done, except for the swimming. They have various things you have to do and I could do them all very well except for the swimming which was my weak event.” (swearing after the break)

“Yeah, I can imagine.”

“Yeah, because I can swim pretty well. I am a strong swimmer, better than most but I just don’t have the physicque for it, at least not to compete at this level. I’ve got too much muscle for one thing and when you put muscle in water it sinks. I am not like those skinny guys who float well, never mind there were Olympic motherfuckers at this thing. They were motherfuckers who swam in the Olympics and now I have to go against them and not only that, I have to beat them.”

“So what did you do?”

“Well, I swam my ass off for one thing and everyone was laughing at me. They just couldn’t figure out how I was getting across the pool with my body like this. With these arms, and the short stubby legs, I have. So they said, that motherfucker isn’t swimming. He can’t swim! He must be dropping to bottom of the pool and running across to the other side.”

I snorted.

“Yeah. They were all teasing me. They teased the living shit out of me because I’d get in that pool and I’d just sink like a rock. And here would be all these skinny guys just gliding by all floaty and what am I supposed to do? It was ridiculous, me trying to swim against those guys but I did it.”

“Yeah? Good. And what happened? How did it turn out?”

“Well it turned out when it got to the real test my shortcoming turned into an asset,” he said. “Because in the actual event you had to do more than just swim. You had to swim with a 75 pound pack and a rifle on your back.”

I laughed.

“Yeah, and those skinny fuckers couldn’t do that. Not one of them could. There was no way they could swim with a pack that heavy strapped to their back where it was nothing to me. What’s 75 pounds when you’re built the way I am, so I smoked their skinny asses and I mean, I smoked ’em. I blasted right by them and there wasn’t a thing they could do about it.”

“Great!”

“Yeah, and I won everything else they had there too, so that was that. I won. I was the clear winner. Nobody could say shit to me because I’d won every single event.”

I chuckled. “And then what?”

“Then I went off to compete against the rest of the world. Me and my short stubby legs, that is.”

“What about all the skinny asses?”

“Oh, well so much for all the teasing, they had to step aside. Get the fuck out of my way, I said. I beat your skinny ass so now you can move it out of my way, otherwise I’m going to kick it out of my way and I guess you know I can.”

P roared. “So did they move?”

“Yeah.”

Peels of laughter from P.