I’m continuing to sort through old content on the site. I ran across a post someone wrote; they’re all excited about a “new man”. I thought to myself, oh no! Because I know that a new man is usually followed by another “new man” and then another and then another and another after that. You can’t tell me you don’t know what I mean.
Today, I look at that and think it’s like being excited about a “new bank”. A new bank with nothing in it, see? Rather than invest in a relationship (or a bank account) that gains value over time, a person is continually going ’round and ’round on the surface. There is very little encouragement out there to stick with a person.
I do remember the thrill of a first date and the hope of what might be possible. I’ve been married a good while now. I am very happy this is the case. I mean, I am happy to the BONE.
I’m writing this because I was talking to someone recently about how people don’t even know how to date anymore, really. How do you find someone who will stay with you, for life?
I am not suggesting that’s for everyone but what if it is for you?
The next day, I spoke with a client who wanted to talked about this exact thing. She’s a young woman who does not want to be in an open relationship. She wants to invest and see the value of her investment grow over time.
I am evaluating all my relationships at this time. I’m prompted to do this for a variety of reasons but in the process I came across a gal who wrote this: “I came in and I knew nobody. I left three years later and I knew nobody.”
Striking, isn’t it? I don’t want that to happen to me. Or if it is happening to me, I want to recognize it and change course.
I decided to figure out who and in what I might be investing for no actual reason. This has been a slow process for me. So very slow.
What do you think of this? How did you feel when you read it?
This struck a nerve because I’ve been dealing with this lately. I am kind of broken in that don’t believe in “forever” anymore. I feel like instead of pouring all MY value into something or someone else, waiting for it to grow with time, that I should instead not give away myself like I have been. For someone as fixed as me (lots of Scorpio and Leo) I am feeling lately like there is nothing and no one who will value me as much as I should probably value myself, and that includes relationships and marriage. So, instead I find myself saying “don’t promise me forever, it doesn’t exist for me”. I think it works for some people, but I don’t think I am meant to have it. Maybe this is my Gemini Sun talking, or Sag Moon. Maybe I am just so bitter and jaded and depressed with life that I have given up hope. I don’t know anymore.
I’ve begun to accept the surface type, and resign myself to the fact that I will never get the depth I desire from people…and I’m truly sick baring my soul, exposing my core, only to get rejected or unnoticed that I am in fact doing so.
sorry…Venus in Leo, conjunct the MC from the 9th house side.
Venus in Scorpio here. But with Sun in Sag and Uranus on Asc. The value of my relationships is measured by their intensity and transformational impact, and NEVER by their longevity. Also, I never casually dated anyone in my life: first I fall in love deeply in a routine environment, so there is no point in dating them in the traditional sense of the word, since I already know that I want them, then I am transformed, then, this relationship is forever treasured by me. The relationships I value were not a waste of time, even though I might never see them again, actually, I don’t really need to see them again.
Is there supposed to be a link to the old article about Venus in the Natal chart?
No. The post I saw was in the forum. It was random… someone excited about a new prospect.
I had this reaction just because this is how I feel at this time.
It’s funny how you go through a phase after coming out of a relationship and then all you want (after a couple of months) is to get BACK into one. Not nessecarily with the same person, but with a new one, to feel the possibilities of a new attraction again. It’s the heart’s way of getting by the withdrawel process I assume. Because that’s what a breakup does to you. It causes a natural hole in your life and to fill that space up you need constant attention and excitement from a dating prospect.
I was there and I looked for a new love soon after the breakup. But the most VALUABLE thing is really to learn to live with that hole in your life and heal. I have Venus opposite Chiron – that’s not an easy thing to do I think. Love causes pain, and Scorpio Venus (me) loves that pain so much. Too much.
So, now 6 months or more have passed and even if I have a dating profile online, I find myself pulling back. I value time with myself more. I don’t want to rush into a new relationship. I want to find the right man, but I’d rather wait for him to show up. I find myself more and more NOT looking for love. Because I have love, it’s with here with me, myself, and I am rather good at it actually. When you don’t NEED love, and you have it yourself for you, that’s when the magic happens. You start becoming your own best love for yourself.
So, if I let a new someone into my life, a new love… It has to be good energy. Loving energy.
This totally resonates with me. Im in the same place.
Ya, i think thats been my issue. I dont want to invest. But honestly, i look back at the men ive dated and am glad that i didnt invest in them. Now, thats not to say that they were not good people or not worth it. I just needed to invest in myself for a while, after a truly draining relationship.
Some if it was fear. But some of it was just self preservation. There was my child too, who was very demanding of my time and energy. Most of it was just that i was tired and didnt have the energy to invest in anything that wasnt a sure thing. I knew that id never regret investing in my son, and i knew that i would never regret investing in myself.
I am at a crossroads though. Saturn is transiting my first house. Im stable. I feel like i have something to offer. I think the timing is right for something to happen. In fact, i recently connected with a Cancer man who i was ready to invest in but he….disappeared. Im not sure if he just lost interest or what, but thats kind of a theme for me too. The ones i want to get to know, flee the scene.
You ask the best questions, Elsa! What are we investing– of which we’re not quite aware? Tracking this is deeply spiritual work; and astrology offers much in this discernment.
I’ve pulled back from investing in other people’s projects, to the detriment of my own well-being. I’m a softie & want to help. Can feel others’ neeeds intensely at times (moon-pluto and moon-neptune aspects here). I’ve learned to say “no” — tactfully, lovingly, compassionately. I’m not really helping someone else if it’s at my expense. That’s not the same as reasonable accommodation.
I’m also stopped investing in the notion of a committed partnership or marriage. I’m happily celibate and single. Been this way now for five years. I’m doing the work I’ve been meant to do all my life – it just took me until my late 40’s to put the pieces of that together and figure it out. It’s meaningful work, with a humanitarian bent. Work that is challenging, but satifsfying. My kids are grown and doing ok. I have a couple of close, devoted friends. And a rich spiritual life. Venus-Saturn at work here ! This aspect works for me now — not against me, as it did earlier in my life. And I’m owning my 7th house Aquarius cusp (instead of projecting it) and Venus-Uranus aspect.
I think the path for many of us is that we have to be content on our own, flying solo, before we can couple in a way that truly nurture us. Invest in oneself — not in a narcissistic way — but in terms of doing the inner work that would allow finding the one job in the universe that only YOU can do. The universe needs us.
I do understand it and I’ve been on the “stick it out til forever” part for eons now but I’m also weighing how much it is worth against my personal freedom and autonomy. I’m undergoing a major Uranus transit right now (ruler of my 7th) that has me questioning my entire personal trajectory right now and who will be on it with me… Happiness to the bone doesn’t resonate for me anymore and as the days, months, and years pass, it seems less and less so. Not sure how to broach that. I’ve been brutally honest about my feelings but it hasn’t changed anything.
I felt on reading: person perhaps quiet particular cautious . I talk to fill the empty space at work, I don’t probe or ask too often any personal things , doesn’t mean I am not madly curious, I am.
I was watching an episode of Beauty and the Beach yesterday. Kind of an interesting look into the world of plastic surgery. Anyhoo, there was one lady who’d been married for 25 years until her husband left her for her friend (they’d been having an affair for 5+ years behind her back) Poor thing. And here, it’s only been a year so it’s still pretty raw and pretty fresh. I felt for her. She thought he was her all.
She says she wants to get her tatas upgraded to a perkier set. Initially, she’s telling her friend “yeah—well, it’s always been about the kids and the men. I’m just gonna do me for awhile. It’s my time I want to feel body confident.” The friend toasts to this.
Well, I’m not buying it that it’s just for her. And surely enough, it’s shortly revealed an old “friend” from 37 years ago has resurfaced. A few weeks after the surgery, they give an update on her and her friend as he is now her “new man”.
*siiiiigh*
I’ve seen so many friends of mine get burned by doing this. It’s one thing to do it for yourself and feel confident but it’s a whole other matter if you’re doing it just be accepted by a potential love interest. Beauty is fleeting.
But anyways, not to be irrelevant. But the whole point was investment and love. She was reinvesting in herself for love since the initial love investment didn’t pan out. ?
I am a Gemini married to a Capricorn. I feel like our relationship is very businesslike.
I’m finding myself wondering more and more if it’s what I want or need. I get a lot out of putting a lot into my relationship but I do feel like I don’t get more than I put in. In that sense it’s not much of an investment. At this point I’m in it though. It’s confusing. I’d never had a boyfriend longer than a year until I married my husband. It’s been 8 years now and I really don’t know if the state of our relationship is typical or if I settled for something or if this is bliss and my expectations are out of line.
But again, here I am so maybe it doesn’t matter.
One of my current theories after experiencing Uranus in Aries for 7 years, is that this isn’t a time for longterm relationship investment, its more about self-investment. I have had relationships in this period but all were transforming me, catalyst-like in impact. I believe it will be more likely to experience this type of investment when Uranus enters Taurus so I’m kind of waiting it out now rather than trying to make things grow in the wrong climate. Mars is a separating energy, Venus is receptive. Let’s see!
“I’m writing this because I was talking to someone recently about how people don’t even know how to date anymore, really. How do you find someone who will stay with you, for life?”
Heck if I know. I honestly think some get lucky and some don’t. Some easily mesh well with others and some don’t. I don’t comprehend those who have it easy come, easy go, can always find someone new though, because I don’t mesh with anyone. But…I’m used to it. Don’t know who I would be with anyway at my age.
That said, I think those people are just chasing a high over and over again.
In the fast paced world of today it’s hard to hold onto friends and partners, not to mention jobs and residences. I liked the world the way it was when loyalty, dependability and depth were expected and give. I’ve lived in several situations already and don’t want to go through it again. People divorce, move, change or die and I’m back to square one. This is not what I signed up for! Haha.
I invested, I invested 13 years and nothing of it. He abruptly left with a much younger woman after finally finishing his medical degree. Unfortunately, I was told I married a narcissist and his South Node was exactly on top of my Sun (in Pisces). He drained me in ways I didn’t even know. Now that he’s gone, I feel free, I feel lifted off, I feel almost all restrictions being gone… it makes me think – I don’t want to be restricted, I want to reach my full potential and I don’t know if that’s possible when you have to constantly compromise for the sake of the other person or invest yourself in the other person. (I have 6th House Aquarius Venus square Scorpio Moon and Jupiter).
to join in thought;married 35yrs. ,3yrs to divorce,he started sleeping over a friends with her friend calling it late work,ya,lasted 4 months #%!??now reviewing, not as often, I think hard to save people from themselves or save yourself the “are you kidding?”effects
,she found no shame to call my house,though a blessing,I wrestle with how often when given a gift!! we let the imaginary, take at seat at the card game?not counting all our lucky stars and realizing that the games are over.
Reading and hearing stories like these is what frozes me from the thought of getting married to someone. I have venus square saturn and opposite pluto and I could not bear with the thought of giving my ‘time’ to a person then he goes and cheats with another. What makes me fear it more is that even in older age this could fare bad. I know someone with exactly venus in taurus square saturn and square pluto. After many years her husband died and after some years she got a boyfriend. Very demanding with time, attention and her FInances. He could go and spend time with his grown children, it would be an issue if she did the same, he demanded money from her for his grown children or parents, she could not do the same. Couldn’t spare a dime for her grandchild without him scoffing at her and questioning her, her own money, not his. Not to mention all the extra she had to do, taking care of a dying parent, the job, mind the grandchild and cater to this asshole. Now she left him and is relieved from burden. I don’t want this to be me when old, don’t care if it sounds selfish. THE FUCK Not.