Over the last couple days there have been a slew of comments that characterize Virgos as controlling. I don’t get this at all.
I consider the Cardinal signs to be the control freaks of the zodiac without question!
I have both Capricorn and Libra prominent. It takes one to know one! But for the people who think Virgos are controlling – please ‘splain to Lucy.
In my mind, Virgos communicate what is wrong with you and then go off to do their other work. Um…
Who is the control freak King (or Queen) of the zodiac?
I imagine that people hear Virgo’s helpful suggestions as attempts to control. Virgos are efficient and good at getting things done. If someone can come in and show a Virgo a better, more efficient way of doing things they will incorporate that knowledge. A really controlling person would not be able to do that.
I agree that the control freaks are the Cardinals. I have vast experience with Aries men so they get my vote.
But kashmiri – Virgos are supposed to be analytical. It’s their function. Jeez Louise, should no one think of anything carefully ever?
I’m not being bitchy, I’m just askin’.
oh, and planning is Capricorn not Virgo. Virgo discerns and God help Pisces without them.
See, I am talking about PURE Virgo energy. Not where someone’s Mars is, or their jacked up Mercury or the fact they have a Virgo Sun but a stellium in Cancer…
Hmm..
Cappy’s love to control their environment… but I’ve never met one that wanted to control people, per se; it’s always been more of a “If you can give me what I want, stay; if not, please don’t interfere in my business”.
Libras, on the other hand, looove to control people. I have a typical Libra sister… my Taurus sun has finally gotten wise to her ways and is no longer budging 😛
Virgos… can be stunningly manipulative, but controlling? Nope…
Scorpios are the control freaks, hands down..
My ex is Virgo and my soon to be X is Capricorn although the cap is more precise and stubborn in their planning The Vigo is still quite calculating and just as much a planner. The only difference I see is that Virgo has to way over think things and get hung up to the point of driving everyone else crazy until you help them make up their mind
That was meant as a reply to Elsa on oh Planning is Cappie not Virgo. In reply to your comment My ex, their daughter and a sibling are the epitome of control freak!!!you are right about 1 ,thing on Cappie and that is if you don’t give me my way then “leave” my Cappie literally breaks up with me every 2 weeks for last 13 months and I give her way without objection 99percent of the time because I’m a cool as hell Sagittarius. easygoing and we’ll adjusted! My friend is a Taurus and 3 people who she was in relationships with are Cappie and she only describes as assholes!!! Lol we have been close friends for a long time never had a single disagreement and laugh like crazie every time we talk. If my Cappie was as cool as my Taurus friend I would marry her in a heartbeat but that’s not the case:(
Have you been in an intimate relationship with one?
Wow know that I think about it of my 50 neices and nephews…the one that I know ius Cappie ius knoiwn as the bossiest person in the entire family “CONTROL FREAKING FREAKS”
My Aquarius boyfriend always accuses me of being controlling, which is troubling to Venus and Mercury in Virgo. I’m just trying to be helpful! He shouldn’t be driving in that lane because he needs to make a left! He put a comma in the wrong place! He spelled “chipotle” wrong!
He doesn’t have to change these things. But he should know they are there. I mean, jeez! 😀
Its Aquarius ERA we are too unpredictable humanitarians evolving with everything and anything this universe throws at us!!!
I don’t find Virgos controlling, but I do find them a bit analytical.
I don’t like planning. So I guess that’s WHY I have a partner with 6 planets in his 6th House (Virgo’s home?) Ha ha ha
As for who’s controlling, I don’t notice…I’m basically uncontrollable, so knock yourself out.
lol @ Piya…
I would love to follow you two around all day 😛
That said, Virgos are always running around cleaning my apartment.. I do it anyway (stress buster) but it’s cool ’cause it frees up some time for me to do other stuff… like relax. I only really relax when my Virgo friends come around…. Wow…. I just fell in love with Virgos all over again.
“Virgos communicate what is wrong with you…”
This is probably a big part of the reason that people are tagging Virgos as controlling. Very few people actually want to hear that there’s something wrong with them, and they respond defensively by projecting the “wrongness” onto the speaker. Kind of like this:
Virgo: “Dude, this aspect of your personality is way out of whack…if you don’t look into adjusting that, it’s really going to cause you some problems down the line…just saying…”
Non-Virgo: “You don’t like this aspect of me? There’s nothing wrong with me! You want to change me because you think there’s something wrong with me but there isn’t! You’re trying to make me into something else, trying to control how I act! You’re controlling!”
Cardinal signs.
Aires through being bossy
Cancer through guilt tripping
Libra because they just are
Capricorn because they really are the boss
also, Scorpio, because control has to do with power.
Virgos don’t get my vote as controlling but they sure are a pain in the ass
“Virgos communicate what is wrong with you…”
OMG!
The really manipulative ones will communicate it by asking you a question that they carefully anticipate the answer will be….exactly what they are not saying.
My merc is virgo and MC is cap. Love to think things through and fret about it the whole way.
I have Pisces and Virgo. They seem to make a good team for the most part. Somedays I am like the laziest Virgo you have ever met in your life! Capricorn reminds me to get off the couch and do something. Jupiter says it’s gonna work out my friend, just sit back and when you are ready, go like there is no tomorrow. My Aries partner can be very controlling. I let her control all sorts of stuff, which makes it easier for me in the long run. She makes good judgements about things most of the time, so I give her lot’s of space and pick my times to ask for favours or to lok at something from a different point of view. There are areas of our lives like finance that she leaves completely in my hands.
Heh. I know…I’m being facetious. 🙂 I have a 1st House Moon and am highly intuitive…I can ‘hear too many voices’ if you catch my drift. My brain literally short-circuits.
(The big reason why I rejuvenate while I’m alone, probably).
hi elsa- can you see if my last comment is lurking behind the curtains?
Ah ha, yes, Capricorns/planning. Gotcha. I don’t know if I’ve experienced the pure Virgo energy…so many Virgos I’ve met have significant Leo as well, and the combination confounds me.
I have been Married to a Man with Virgo Sun/moon/Rising and saturn. He’s so not controling. I have known him for 12yrs. (Been married for 6 of those years)
I’m a Cancer sun with Aries moon! I’m controling!! Everything has to be done my way. Mostly it’s my territory that I need to control, not really people. Well unless they start screwing with my comfort zone.
I’m really surprised Virgo was even brought up as controlling! I’ve known a lot of Virgos and I have Virgo moon and rising and while I definitely feel most of the time like I am the only one who can do something the way it should be done but I know that’s not at all practical.
Controlling people has to do with attaining and retaining power over other people, which I think is so far away from what Virgo stands for. Virgo doesn’t crave power (like the Cardinals), it just gets upset when people don’t do things the way they should be done. It doesn’t try to force or manipulate. Not the Virgos I have known anyway. Sheesh.
having said that, my aries partner has a good job and spends money on herself without interference from me. I am lucky thogh as she is quite frugal and does consult me on larger purchases or bigger picture stuff.
Charlotte, I think you are on to something. I have not met Virgos that like to control everything. I have met some male Virgos with messed up ways of dealing with their emotions, like lashing out at people.
Controlling one’s environment and organizing one’s surroundings are two totally different things. Virgo organizes and fusses around, but controlling things? Not their thing. (I have three planets in Virgo.)
All the Cardinals are controlling (my ASC and Moon are Cardinal), but Capricorn wins the prize for control freakiness, hands down.
The more I read this thread the more I think I just don’t get Virgo energy, full stop. It’s one of those signs that…I dunno. You’d think I’d understand being an earth sign and all. ::scratches head::
I agree with Loonsounds, Capricorn really is the boss. For real. If you’re worried about them being controlling at least you can effen say so without them falling down and crying (not naming any signs).
As quite a Virgo-ish Virgo, though far from “pure,” I’d just like to say that I’d be quite happy to get any number of things in my life under control, including some of my relationships. Ain’t gonna happen, I know that! Remember, Virgos are PRACTICAL. If I can control something that really sorely needs controlling IMHO, then by gawd I’ll try to get it under control.
Meanwhile: (ahem, phel)
The really manipulative ones will communicate it by asking you a question that they carefully anticipate the answer will be….exactly what they are not saying.
Ummm, that’s because if I say it outright I may have had the experience before of you going absolutely ballistic. No thanks. But I am perhaps responding to an extreme example. I’m thinking of my Cancer younger brother. You know, it’s supposed to be teacherly, Socratic like. You’re free to answer however you like, really. Even yelling. (smiley face)
yes, right on! Ihaven’t been on this forum in a very long time. Wow, I’m impressed with some really astute(?) observations like this one.
PS., I do find Cancer manipulative/controlling, though I have a hard time distinguishing which. My Scorpio significant-figure-in-my-life, definitely tries to control the daily agenda. Mostly I welcome it. It’s just when several people get involved in the plans that things get sticky and sometimes ugly. Aquarius and Libra are manipulative. Gemini tries and then laughs. Sagg imagines he has things under control. Leo might cry, so just do what they want. I don’t know any Caps. I think they don’t like me. That leaves Taurus? They’re easy going, by definition. Oh yeah, Aries can be pricks about it.
Heather – 23 years? And you haven’t yet shot him? Amaaaazing. 🙂
Maybe it was the pure part I was missing, but my stepfather is Virgo with a side of Virgo and his expects his suggestions to be implemented immediately and anything less is a disappointment. He serves all meals, you get nothing more or less than he thinks you need, if he doesn’t think you are dressed appropriately (and I’m talking going to the park, not a suit and tie restaurant) plans are changed and we don’t go. That kind of thing seems controlling to me. But I didn’t think it could be some of his other stuff coming into play.
And I might mention, I’m 45, he’s 53 and he still tries to do this to me…23 years he’s been married to my mom.
Elsa, I love these blogs! They are so deliciously witty and true!!
I really think Virgo’s come off as controlling because of the things they say and do (ie-perfecting, fussing, criticizing) but are actually not really controlling…it’s their ‘autopilot’ to tell people about themselves when they can’t be doing something more constructive for you like cleaning your house or custom building you a hard drive. I once read the best way to get a Virgo to get off your back is to give them something to do…makes sense! 🙂
I think Capricorns (I am) can be controlling…but I have a fixed chart with plenty of Aquarius, so I mainly am in control of myself I find. I have a Scorp Saturn conj. Pluto on my MC….for the most part I attract really controlling Scorp/Pluto types…I personally find those to be the most oppressive!!
I don’t see a problems with Virgo’s form of control…but that Scorp need to control everything either outright or even more scary….behind the curtain gets me every time!
Maybe it’s a preference thing…maybe certain people can’t handle certain types of control.
Or maybe my Sun is transiting my 6th house and I just got back from Bath and Body Works soap shopping spree and about to head into my freshly cleaned tub!
Virgo Sympathizer,
A.
Looks like JJJ has all the signs covered btw! Haha.
A.
I had no idea Libras had a rep as being controlling… the two Libras I’ve known best (I was engaged to one of them) were both very avoidant, not controlling at all. Never able to make a decision, non-confrontational to the point of disappearing into the wallpaper, etc.
Then again, I AM controlling. 🙂 Which may also explain why I get along so famously with Virgos. Someone wants exact instructions? I can do that.
I’ve found Aries and Caps to be very controlling. (And me + Aries to be highly explosive.) Virgos? Nah.
My own controlling side is almost exclusively Taurus.
JJJ – you have a Scorpio significant other? (or whatever) I know this is not an advice column….it’s not is it? :::Laughing::: Just wondering if you (or anyone) has any ideas on how to get this guy to friggin make a move?
Scorpio Sun, Venus in Capricorn, Mars in Virgo. Geeze, between the Scorpio and the Capricorn, I’m probably screwed….i’ll be like the posts that people put up that kind of disappear into a infinity…
P.S. Kashmiri, those posts were so funny!
My experience with Virgos is that they are outrageously demanding of the people they have relationships with, be it friends, family, or lovers. It the person does not live up to their ridiculously high standards, then they *judge* the individual, and often walk away from the relationship/friendship entirely, because they are so invested in being “right” and having things done the “right” way, and even living the “right” way. I’ve been dumped by Virgos because I didn’t vote the way they thought I ought, and I’ve been dumped by Virgos because I accept monetary help from my parents, which they considered to be a “wrong” thing, and I’ve been dumped by Virgos because I refused to agree that there was a single right way for people to be/behave/live/love, etc.
Personally, I think Virgos are emotionally wounding in a way that feels controlling because the message they give is: BE HOW I WANT YOU TO BE OR ELSE WE CAN’T BE IN A RELATIONSHIP ANYMORE.
As a Libra, who often sees so many sides of various issues and can’t commit the way a Virgo can to one way being the absolute right way, well, their ultimatum feels like a controlling position to me, an emotional blackmail position. I get that kind of thing quite often from Virgos. I grew up surrounded by them, and to this day find them to be the most hurtful in general of any other sun sign I’ve been in contact with.
So, yeah, I find them emotionally controlling and wounding in many cases. Their expectations are simply unrealistic and too demanding.
If Virgos were trying to control someone for not voting a certain way, financial choices, doing the wrong thing, they’d stick around and continue to try to control. They didn’t try to control you: you were incompatible so they left. Dumping someone is a Virgo controlling themselves.
Bam! You hit the nail on the head there. As a virgo I have zero interest in controlling anyone. I certainly wouldn’t dream of dumping anyone for voting ‘wrong’ (not even sure how one does that??)
If I ever walk away its for purely practical reasons. ie the relationship is no longer enjoyable. In which case, it’d be better for bother parties to part company rather than expend their precious energy trying to see eye to eye. Life is too short for drama. As for being hurtful…..that is certainly never my intention.
I’m a Virgo and I can agree with the last two comments. Sometimes we as virgos will experience situations with a person that we don’t necessarily like or it may be something they’ve done that turned us off and the same thing goes with both friendships and relationships. The only difference between the two is that friendships aren’t as intimate and you don’t spend as much time with your friends as you do your partner so it doesn’t feel like you have to be so in tune with what your friends do all the time and if they do things you don’t necessarily like you can simply just let them be vs your partner is someone who we see as a reflection of ourselves in a way . I view my partner as my equal .. my team mate and if I see that we don’t have the same views or we think too differently I will separate from someone because I feel as though we’re incompatible . It’s better to be with someone who thinks similarly to you so you don’t have to feel like you always have to give an explanation or break down exactly why I have such a busy schedule or why I take the time to plan out my entire week on Sunday or just anything in general . I read somewhere that the best partner for a Virgo is just another Virgo and I’m starting to see that to be true. The only other signs that I can merge into my life without much conflict is Pisces, Taurus when they’re not trying to be overly protective and scorpio because we have similar drives . Capricorn’s and virgos are very similar , caps are just more vocal with their thoughts than we are and are a little addicted to just money in a way .. virgos are more so addicted to wanting to be their best self . We usually picture ourselves at our highest peak and work to be that person .. I usually inspire my friends rather than try to control them. When it comes to relationships I crave someone who will push me to be a better version of myself and if I feel like they’re holding me back or stagnant then I have to make them a platonic friend or cut them loose .
I love these posts too and find them fascinating. I do think that the cardinal signs tend to be most overtly controlling but in the end we can all try to manipulate or control others and then the question becomes HOW does a Gemini try to control others or how does a Cancer etc…
Gemini will try to talk or charm you into it. Scorp might try to sex you up. Aquarius would probably play cat/mouse games to get you to come here or go away.
Anyway I think the trick is to avoid people who sink to the low end of their astrological make up and to try and take the high road ourselves.
Thanks Snapdragon! 🙂
I vote for Scorpios as being the most emotionally controlling. Libras on a general level and Capriocrns at work. I have a number of cappy friends and they let go at home, maybe they see what they’ll loose at home if they don’t give some get some.
As for Virgos…. I guess I’ve never seen them as controlling. I see them as hoping, sorting, fixing fixing fixing but that mostly seems to be things – like the door latch or the toaster etc. etc.
I have seen them be picky – ie if you view the world this way they don’t know how to be in an intimate relationship with you (two virgo girlfriends that fight this battle of how to accept a guy who thinks so differently as to violate their moral standards.)
But in the end, I vote for Scorpios.
Good post, Lupa
Yeah, I don’t see Libras being controlling (I’m not sure what exactly they would try to control?). My dude is a Libra rising and having to lay down the law (any law) at his job practically incapacitates him.
I don’t think “controlling” is a sign-linked predisposition. I think it’s a negative expression of combinations of planet/signs… as in:
my capricorn moon square my aries venus, and the fact that I have the seventh in aquarius and 2 7th house planets.
I crave security and independence at the same time, am attracted and repelled, at the same time, and when I’m not conscious about this dichotomy I tend to try to control the other to mitigate my discomfort with myself.
am I controlling cos I’m pisces? or am I controlling cos I need therapy? I say– BOO I already got me some therapy!
I think it is the Cardinals hands down. The most controlling man I have ever met is a Libra, with Leo rising. However to be fair it is my interaction with him that seems to make this so, so how much of it is me? Can there be pure unadulterated energy like controlling etc without others energies bouncing in and out to make it so? I hope this is understandable, what I am trying to convey here.
I have different configurations of planets that send out energy of… don’t even think of controlling me. Wouldn’t that be a red flag to controllers, and how much of it is me drawing those kinds of people!? With a Taurus Sun and Mar’s conjunct the midheaven, I think I also have to accept that I am just a tad controlling as well.
All I know is the relationship with this man, if one can even term it a relationship has sent me spinning out into the void. I am trying so hard to understand what I am supposed to “get” and learn properly with dealing with all of the emotions and thoughts that this exercise of relating has generated.
LOL at satori..and Lupa good point on sinking to the low end. And no Elsa…I haven’t shot him yet, but I did take a couple of years off from talking to them because it became a bit much. Now, I just detach and serve a big meal to the kids before we go over there.
I love blogs like this that make me think, so I was thinking about this while I was out tonight and one of my dear friends who is also Virgo came to mind. She’s the anti-step dad. She’s practical (had an IRA when she was 18 and way before they were in fashion), discerning and incredibly faithful and she has always inspired me to that higher plane. I haven’t always succeeded, but she’s never given up on me. Virgo shining brightly…cheers Sarah!
as a virgo ascendant… i usually keep my mouth shut. i have more important things to do than manage other people’s lives. though as a teacher i do try to make the road signs really clear, and written in as many languages as i can. but i can’t make anyone actually follow the directions if they don’t want to.
although my aries gets irritated if someone gets in my way and slows me down…
well, and then there’s parenting….
(or should i say, you can lead a student to knowledge, but you can’t make them think. you can just show them good ways to try)
my pet peeves for control freaks is capricorn 😉
just the fossilized ones though.
sometimes cancer bugs me by assuming that your moods are their responsibility (i have lots of them around, in one guise or another.) there are some that i have great difficulty in feeling like i have any emotional privacy in their presence. (well, it’s the scorpio/cancer double sided assault….)
Daemoness, I thought that post was really good, especially the part about “how much of it is you, how much of it is me” Instead of just blaming it all on the other person. Course sometimes that works, too!
Dameoness, I feel compelled to wish you luck with that one cuz I think you’ll need it ;-). Most controlling man I ever dated was Libra. It seems like a combo of a lot of cardinal with a lot of Virgo is kinda especially difficult for types like me to stomach. They not only tell you what to do (in my case, ‘try to’ tell me, cuz I am a Taurus, aka the immovable object), and how to do it, they also pick you apart in the process.
But there have been quite a few times that someone with Strong Virgo energy, like my exhusband, a Virgo, they will somehow have that one last tiny missing piece that you absolutely must have in order for the project/puzzle to be accomplished. That is pretty cool how they do that.
It’s Gemini. In my opinion, not only do they not know how they do it, they don’t even know why they do it.
Virgos are controlled. Internally, they’re adhering to some insane off the wall dress code. Capricorns need Order, Aries needs to be The Baby, Cancer needs to tuck everyone in safe at night, Libra needs to know nobody has tried to stage a coup.
Gemini…they just manipulate for the hell of it. Because it’s how they test the world. I think it might be how they know they exist.
I am aware of ways in which I can be controlling, and I do my best not to be… one series of Elsa’s, that I really liked, was all about projection – it fascinated me, because I could name two people who were constantly projecting onto me; I also remembered one person that I’d projected several things onto, so I try to pay attention in my dealings with others. It bugs me when I can’t let go of something, because I know that it isn’t in my control, and it’s ridiculous to be distracted by something in that way.
I try to work out any type of bad situation/relationship problems, through writing, and talking (if I’m not too emotional before writing). I’ll vent, and then once that’s out, I’ll start to think about things from the perspective of anyone else involved. After that, I may vent some more, then go back to analyzing other people’s motives – I do my best to be fair. What I don’t like, is getting to hear about certain things over and over again, where I’m apparently not living up to their standards (Taurus Sun, Moon in Aries or Taurus, Mercury in Aries opposed Uranus, Venus conjunct Jupiter in Pisces, Mars conjunct Saturn in Cancer, square Pluto) – he would also sound as though he was constantly trying to teach me something – caring, but kind of patronizing, too. He would point out areas in which he’d made the same mistakes, but also considered himself to be above many people, in terms of integrity and knowledge. Then he flakes out, and acts in the same way he’s accused other people of acting… I waved the red cape in front of him, threw back some of what he’d been chucking out to the world (and me), and he didn’t like it.
Aries/Gemini/Scorpio
I think I got caught in the spam trap again. Maybe it’s better that way, and my comment just shouldn’t be published. 😉
I know a lady who has the Sun, Mercury, Venus, Uranus and Pluto all conjunct in Virgo, and Moon and Mars conjunct Neptune in Scorpio. She quite evolved; a natural (hands on) healer. I say “quite” because I know she still has unresolved issues with both her parents. (Very cold and controlling mother and her father is a light autist – and physics professor)
Her well-wishing impulses unfortunately make her come across as extremely *meddlesome* at times, but she is well loved:)
I think Libra is pretty controlling. Perhaps you just didn’t realize you’re being controlled. 😀
Virgo isn’t controlling to me. I have Virgo (and Cap and Libra) & also Virgo & Cap runs in my family.
Last year my family had to deal with [horrible, drawn-out, traumatic family matter] and [Virgo family member] came up with plans ABCDEFG for all the scenarios. With spreadsheets. But there was no controlling [from Virgo family member].
My vote goes to Leo as most controlling; Scorpio in second – but only because Leos and I often rub each other the wrong way – not so with Scorpio: I don’t mind Scorpio pulling my strings at all; I’ve never been on the bad side of a Scorpio male and if I wait things out I see their behind the scenes efforts are always, always to my benefit, even when that’s not the primary objective. It’s amazing!<3
Oh, and should my comment be published – I felt bad for throwing stuff back at this guy, I’d just really been pushed at that point. Before, I’d gently point out where I didn’t agree, smile, move onto something else… I have these bouts of anger over him, but can never stay (consistently) angry. He had a certain defensive wall, was introverted, and could come off as being very angry – he loved to talk about things that were on his mind, but he didn’t always have the best social skills (I can relate to that) – there were times when his Venus/Jupiter was apparent, though ~ very much so. I admired the fact that he tried to improve himself in areas where he would think he needed it – he never apologized, but would find a way to adjust his behaviour if he took something to heart.
He was as controlling of himself as he could appear to be with others – that is no longer apparent, though. I wish I knew his ascendant, so that I could see where exactly Pluto and Uranus are transiting in his chart.