Why Do I Always Marry Dependent Men?

Hi, Elsa.

Married 3 times…the first when I was 18, he was 57, two beautiful children, he died at 78 from Alzheimer’s. It was a marriage of love but he couldn’t make a living…I was the provider.

Married 5 years after his death. After 3 years I ended it as a familiar pattern emerged…I again was the provider.

Married now to another very talented man who again cannot make a living…

My question is what in my chart inclines me to choose these men??? Just a hint of insight would be amazing.

Three Dependent Husbands

Hi, Three.

I knew you were a Sagittarius by your writing…which runs…I edited out an ellipsis here and there…I hope you don’t mind! I have Mercury in the 9th…I understand!

You asked for a hint of insight. I can tell you exactly what causes this. See that Moon in Libra at the top of your chart? You are BIG MOM.

You don’t necessarily choose the men. They choose you. They are looking for BIG MOM and there you are.

Secondary to that, it’s all your Sagittarius (generous) in the 12th house (sacrifice).  Let’s take your first marriage…

He was an old man!  You had to know on some level, that you would have to accommodate his age, eventually. He fulfilled you in that you became a mother. You sacrificed to do it.  That’s the essence of your chart, right there.

If you’re no longer into this gig, you can change this pattern by giving yourself in service, where you’re the authority figure.

For example, there is a chapter of Saint Vincent De Paul at my church. Lots of people volunteer…but there is one MOM who runs it all. That’s the position that would suit you.

Basically, you’re a mother looking for kids. Those kids don’t have to be husbands!

Do you marry dependents as well?  Can you identify the reason why?

Got a question? Ask here!

25 thoughts on “Why Do I Always Marry Dependent Men?”

  1. I have the same problem. For me, I think it’s my moon in Cancer. I never considered that “Those kids don’t have to be husbands!” What a great concept!!!

  2. Does not the DSC being in Cancer have some influence as well here? Indicative of an attraction or pulling in of ‘children’ or children-like personalities? With Capricorn on the ASC, there’s an inclination for one with such an ASC to seek others who are of a more puerile nature, so that one get to play “parent” (or the flip side of that coin is to desire to dominate/control) I would think.

    1. I’m sure it has play…but that’s not it entirely. I have Neptune on my mc, a solid marriage and friendships that have lasted a lifetime.

  3. Top of my chart is uranus… My midheaven is libra… Does that mean im a detached person? Weird in relationships or sudden break in relationships? Cant seem to hold thaem too. Thank you elsa

  4. Just the problem that has been bugging me. Am now in a relationship with a man who has a pattern of depency on women in the past. I fear for the future as I see him not taking care of providing financially for himself for the future. I have the moon in Cancer and Jupiter in the fourth house. I recognise myself as BIG MOM in the above post. In different ways the men I have been involved with have been child – like, but never before have I had the financial issues as with this one. I refuse to be his financial fall- back position. He refuses to discuss money matters (is controlling) . I don’t know how to deal with it . I would be most grateful for any insights please . Am looking for a direction to deal with this.

  5. I’ve only been married once but I’ve had several partners who were dependent in one way or another. I’m thinking the 7H moon, too. Sometimes when people need a mom they find me because I have a lot of Crab energy in my chart. And those people are never long term partners for me, because I get tired of being mom. I don’t know if it’s a pathology, but it’s a pattern I’ve noticed. I’m also sure I’ve missed out on some interesting people because I wasn’t interested in being mom at the time.

  6. Thank you for this post. My role too I think. Sun, Moon conjunct with Ceres sitting between them. Taurus, second house. I’m going off to think about this now! I’ve always fought being in a mother role to adults. Love it with children.

  7. I have had the opposite experience. I was never a trophy wife or anything like that but I have lived with four different men and co-dependency was always a factor. I have never been truly financially independent for any length of time. Aquarius sun in the sixth house trining Saturn in the tenth. Moon in Virgo in the first. Still scratching my head. Mars in Cap in the fifth. No comprende.

  8. i love this article. 🙂 if she married for love, then her moon was fed, and all her planets /houses were happy. I didnt see anything wrong with it. maybe later in life, when the men in her life were gone, she could still keep fulfilling her life happily.

  9. Me too! Cancer Sun, lots of (service) Virgo
    Can’t stand it, but can’t stand it being the other way either

    Need Balance 🙂

  10. Thank you so much for answering my ? Elsa, love your straight up answer:)))
    Sorry for my grammatical errors and surely I’ll provide quite a few more as I’m a nurse by profession (not meant to slight my angel warrior comrades)just guess I write it as I think it!
    I have to say thanks also to everyone who commented, I read each one and took something of meaning from them, but Elisa…you saw what I see happening in the future for me.
    I know in my heart that I have been so blessed in my life, I have known treasures of the heart untold.
    Much to think about here right now, more than I could put into words at this point as it would take a book!
    Have been a student of this blessed science since I was sixteen and it has been a saving grace many a time.
    Yes I’m a lurker here as time for actually participating is short, but oh how I enjoy what I do get to read.
    My thanks to all!

  11. I always used to get involved with dependent and financially flaky men. When I stopped letting them in my life about 10 years ago…that didn’t stop new ones from trying because they still recognize me as having the goods, being empathetic and generous. To my disappointment and shock, these days most men like this get really angry with me for not letting them in. That anger seems totally unfair as I’m never even tempted by them at all anymore, ever, nor do I encourage them but maybe I’m still too nice even if it’s just on the surface? It’s worse when they know about the men I’ve supported before. I have a Gemini sun and would like the get the Pisces goo out of me entirely at this point.

  12. Well, funny… I have a Moon/MC/Pluto conjunction, also Cap ASC (with the accompanying Cancer DSC),Sagittarius Sun in the 12th too, 1st house Jupiter… but…
    I’m the one who’s been the unable-to-make-a-living-on-her-on, and flakiest person I have ever met, depending on my dad much longer that I should, having a problem with discipline, procrastination, evasiveness, getting things done, being on time…
    Also I’ve got Mars on the 2d house, and I’ve read it makes one willing to fight for what it wants… But nope. What I seem to be easily willing to do is just buying tons of things… (And bankrupting myself, if I’m not careful. Which is great! :-/)
    Must have something to do with the Sun/Neptune conjunction, and the Mars/Saturn square(that I got in my chart)right? Will I ever be any different? Yes, yes! If I make an effort… Right…

  13. And yes, I’m aware that I like men that have a side to themselves that is a little child-like, (and I think my Sag Sun contributes to this too),and value and love (and need…) to be treated with lots of tenderness, that nurtures them emotionally. I’m a sucker for Moon/Neptune aspects in men, especially the conjunction, much better if it’s in Capricorn, and even better if it’s conjunct my ASC (in Cap).

  14. There’s also your 12th house stellium to add to the mix. That Sun/Venus is quite self sacrificing.

    The Sun/Venus/Mercury/Saturn speaks of doing one’s duty and being responsible to those you love who are in need.

    1. beachfrontbabe, a 12th house stellium you say? aaaaaaaaiiii again. Is that what you have? I also, in addition to Pisces moon there have Venus in Aries in 12th and you’d think she can be self sacrificing maybe…in that she could go to battle for a “cause” (because I think she is heartbroken and angry and looking for that), come out of there looking like a bitch to most people but come out looking like a minor hero to a select and discerning few! Unfortunately a lot of men can be the “cause” especially with the watery moon there too. Oh yeah and mentally ill women, I love them mostly but don’t need so many in my life. I’m not complaining I’m just trying to change a little…and think about it some more while appreciating the sobering effect of my lower hormonal drives too! My brain – it’s working : )

  15. I have a different slant on it. She is a Capricorn rising with Saturn the planet closest to her Ascendent. She’s super competent and capable.

    Men looking for a handout see all that strength in her and know she has the strong shoulders to carry them. They wouldn’t like twice at a woman who radiated weakness and dependency because that doesn’t go with their agenda.

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