Dear Elsa,
Am I ever going to find my soul mate?
I have done so much work on myself over the past few years and have reached a point where I would like to share my life with a good man and have children. I have had some love disasters but as I say, I seem to have worked through them. I am lonely and feeling a little as if there is something wrong with me.
And advice?
Loveless
Dear Loveless,
I’ll tell you what’ll help. Getting over the idea something is wrong with you will help tremendously when it comes to attracting a partner. And if you have any question about this, check these two personal ads I am going to make up:
Single Female who feels inferior seeks partner. Will need tons of shoring up and buckets of reassurance…
Or how about this:
Single female, ready to rock!
Which ad would you answer, hmm?
Look. You have Venus conjunct Saturn in your chart. It is almost given that you will be plagued with feelings you are broken in some way – but how you handle them is within your control. And at this stage in your life, these feelings really can be managed. But you will have a job of it! Like this:
“I suck.”
When you have thoughts like that, you have counteract them with facts. “No I don’t. I have done a lot of work on myself. I am worthy of love.
“There is something wrong with me.”
No shit! There is something wrong with everyone. It’s okay to be human… be worried, etc. I am fine the way I am.
And let’s say you’re on a date with some guy. You may have to struggle with the negative messages that surface. You may have to pound them down, right there on the date, but if you do this work, eventually it will become second nature. What you can’t do, is expect someone else to do this for you.
So I would start with some sort of affirmation, everyday. Look in the mirror each morning. My favorite message (to myself) is this: “I will not forsake you.” I like this because it reminds me I am responsible, and in control.
And if you understand that feeding the idea you are inferior is ultra, ultra damaging to you and the people around you, then you might realize that battling this tendency is your number one priority, each and every day. And if you do something everyday, the idea that you’ll get good at it is pretty much a given.
Good luck.
I’d love to hear more on your comment [the idea you’re inferior is ultra damaging] ” And to the people around you. ” I get the first part, but I’d like to hear more of what you think on how it damages those around you.
Perhaps the insinuation about this example type of ‘low-self-esteem’ talk and it’s relation to others is this-
NEGATIVE VIBES.
Just plain bad feelings. Ick.
Those negative feelings are pervasive. Who likes to be around this type of behavior?
No one.
It is simply draining…and annoyingly toxic to all people around (but mostly yourself)!!
Think about that.
Oooo, “I will not forsake you.” I love that.
Heather, have you ever tried to love someone who harbors deep seated fears about their own worthiness? It comes across as rejection of *you*.
Is that really the message someone should want to be conveying to partners? Or anyone else in their life? Is that not ultra damaging to them?
Because they’ll likely leave, y’know. And not happily, either–no one likes to be rejected. And odds are they won’t realize it is merely *the other person* rejecting *themself*. So often such an experience just spreads the lack of self-confidence–I perceive I have been rejected, therefore there must be something wrong with ME.
The greatest gift you can give someone you love is to accept yourself also–because then you truly own yourself and have all of yourself to share or give at will.
being insecure hurts those close to you because it’s a never-ending energy drain. they can’t count on you to be ok, be strong, understand their needs or hold them up when they need it.instead of taking turns as in a supportive, healthy relationship, it becomes one-way. they can’t be themselves and let whatever out that needs to come out, because they aren’t able to trust you can handle it. instead, they have to take care of you, and probably feel like crap when they get tired or simply don’t feel up to the task. not to mention it speaks poorly of them–if you suck so much, what does that say about the poor bastard that is with you.
all positive energy raises the energy level in the room. confidence attracts and breeds confidence. the vibration in action is what plays. love does the same. loving yourself is a gift to everyone.
I’m in a bit of a dilemna at this moment. I want something I don’t have and by all measure can’t get. How do you get something from someone who is not capable of giving you what you want. What is it that I want. I think I need recognition. I need someone to ask me what is wrong. I don’t know if she cares. I know she is happy with the things that we have. I’m not sure she is happy with me. I’m not certain if she even cares if I’m happy with her. I don’t think we could be poor together!!!
I need to be recognized emotionally. I want to be special in someone’s life. I don’t know how to shake this.
I feel superfical. I feel like I’m providing things, an image and that’s what she recognizes more than me. I’m not happy. It bothers me that she does’nt seem to care or is at the least unable to show me the recognition that shows me she appreciates me. I need something special.
I think I’m going through a midlife crisis. I really think I am. This is that turning point in life where you truly know what you want in life. At this point settling for what you have is not enough. You feel you don’t have enough life left to settle for less because; if you don’t get it now you will run out of time. This is my emotional moment of clarity. I’ve been going through it for an entire week.
How do I get what I yearn for? Someone to ask me what’s wrong. Are you alright. Is there anything I can do for you. I need someone to talk softly to me. Whisper something sweet and thoughtful in my ear. I’m in desperate need. I don’t know how to get these things from her. She can’t comprehend this or more disappointingly she doesn’t feel the way she should to provide the recognition I need. These are not the kind of things you can ask for. These are things a partner should do because they feel their mate. I’m not sure she does. I think she likes the thought of me, the image we create. I’m not certain she cares how I feel or what I feel.