Women With Plenty Of Money But Lack Of Love

Partnerships between rich men and young, beautiful women are common and taken for granted. Many of us grew up being told, “It’s just as easy to fall in love with a rich man than it is a poor man”.  That’s crap, but you know what I mean.  We see old men with young women all the time. As our culture changes, the young women may very well be teenagers! But what if the rich person is the woman?

Rich women have a enormous challenge. They want to be loved, but not for their money. How do you tell?

To be safe, the rich woman wants to partner with someone equally rich. But the rich man is rarely looking to increase his wealth via marriage so this rarely happens.

It’s also hard for the rich woman to “marry down” as it might be called. Because people talk, but even more importantly the man with a typical income is rarely interested in living a high-end lifestyle. He’s got his life the way he wants it.

If a man is interested in gaining status by marriage, all kinds of red flags go off.

I wonder what people think of this. I believe I have the answer but I just want to hear about your experience with situations like this.

Does a woman’s wealth hinder her in finding a partner?

37 thoughts on “Women With Plenty Of Money But Lack Of Love”

  1. Aunt Josephine’s advice to Anne Shirley (in the movie Anne of Green Gables) springs to mind.

    “Wealth can be very empty without someone to share it with. But by the time I realized that, no one would have me–except men who wanted my money more than I do! Make a little room in your plans again for romance, Anne-girl. All of the degrees and scholarships in the world can’t make up for the lack of it.”

  2. I am a writer and spend much time in worlds of fiction, mine and others. I always hear the term “High Concept” novels thrown around, but have had a hard time identifying it. There was a post I read today that relates to this matter. It really stood out to me and I won’t forget it.

    “One of my favorite examples starts with a poor boy falling in love with a rich girl. He successfully woos her, but societal forces work to keep them apart. Nothing special, right? Been done thousands of times. Now, put them on the Titanic. That’s High Concept.

    High concept novels are the ones that end up getting made into movies.

  3. Avatar

    Erica Jong in her book Fear of Fifty said that in some cases, if you earn more money than a man, he may never forgive you. I’m paraphrasing, there’s more to that quote. I think being rich and a woman would absolutely hinder you from finding an insecure misogynist of a partner. This could be seen as somewhat of a benefit.

    1. Great Answer!!!
      But Why always The Need for MARRIAGE? Surely, Lack of a Wedding ring does not have to mean Lack of Mutual Commitment. In fact any insecurity about GOLD DIGGER and TROPHY WIFE(ulterior motives)
      can be dismissed on the spot.
      Then Two People can find out The truth of their mutual respect, admiration and selflessness, without the constraints and anxieties of SOCIETY’S “JUDGEMENTS”.
      No Pre-nup needed either ! Learn to enjoy a relationship without worrying about the ridiculous shackles, constraints and expectations of Social Convention ,OMG Society needs to evolve from the Bitchy ,shallow and short sighted Stepford Wives mentality !!

      Needless to say , it never will , instead remaining happily entrenched ,enjoying gossip ,harping ,sniping and of course that old and irrestible ally ,SCHADENFREUDE .

      Where does Romance fit into all that nonsense. Do The Ministers and Lawyers a big disservice , Surely You will have no need for EITHER !.

  4. Rich men may not be willing to increase their wealth through marriage, but divorced men totally are. They want a woman with a house (because they lost the house to the mommy with the vanity job – she works full time but she and the kids would be in a shelter if they had to actually live on her earnings), and they want back every dollar they had to pay out in alimony to their ex-wife. Divorced men are the biggest gold-diggers there are. So the older unmarried lady can’t even begin to compete with all the mommies with alimony and a house. Which is heartbreaking in a way, but in another way, I feel that divorced people are better off marrying each other and sticking to their own kind.

    1. Totally agree. My ex-husband used to say that I was his “reward” after his divorce. I had money, a great job, a house, was six years younger and appealing in different ways. I thought he meant that my love was the reward for all his suffering, I took it as a compliment. No, he meant in a practical way that I was supposed to make up for everything that he lost or lacked the first wife. What an education!

      1. Wow. I never realized this. I know I’ve had to pay for other women’s “deeds” in terms of men being defensive with me. I’m the one that they are not going to let take advantage of them once and for all. its just funny to me that they pick me of all women to be like that with. I’m the one that will help you turn a dollar into ten. Hell yeah I want my stock in the relationship but I’m willing to work for it.

    2. oh i was wrong. I didnt know that about “divorced men” who are gold diggers. that sounds gross. heartless of them.
      i guess trophy wife would be different then. because wealthy men like Hugh Hefner, has “trophy wife” type of setting. But he’s generous in a way that you have to have certain qualifications. although it sounds, when you pull back the layers, very much all business and pleasure.

  5. Hmm, I guess it depends on whether the woman views the money she has as status. While I get that if the discrepancy of income is too stark it can result in differences in lifestyle that are hard to bridge, I think it’s certainly possible to meet someone who has a similar lifestyle but maybe makes less money or has less on hand. Having a lot of money, in and of itself, does not require a woman or any person to have a moneyed lifestyle (for lack of a better word). However caring a lot about money and wealth does.

    I see it as a bit of the Queen Elizabeth — women in wealthy and/or powerful positions can have partners, but they need to stay behind the throne.

    1. @astrocurious, that’s true. many powerful women have men who will support them and be behind the throne.

        1. I’m not sure I’d count them. They got together very young. It’s not like coming in when she’s quite rich.

          That’s another thing. Moderately rich sees the same thing happen.

  6. Probably not a hinderance at all,might actually be an incentive to some partners,but whether the partner is sincere,loving and true might be in question.

  7. I’d say one answer to the rich woman’s dilemma is “don’t get married”. That way anyone she’s with doesn’t have any claim over her fortune if it doesn’t work out and it turns out he was only there for the money. Although that’s a bit unsatisfactory because it blocks the relationship from moving from the 7th to 8th house.

    Ultimately I think it comes back to the old thing about keep your eyes open for red flags, do your due diligence, don’t settle and be patient getting into the relationship. Like really take a few years before merging activities, houses etc, etc.

  8. Only practical idea I have come up with, is that you do partner with someone who has a certain level of money where apart you would still be both OK and living a pretty good life. Then I would have a prenup where you both keep whatever is yours when you get married, and a plan for expenses that you contribute to. Then after that whatever is gained during the marriage is justifiably 50-50. That’s about the only thing I can come up with LOL

  9. I hope you post YOUR answer as a blog entry, as you indicated when you wrote, …I believe I have the answer…”

    Please do!
    Thank you.

    1. 🙂 P.

      I have experienced relationships with and without “lots” of money. I’ve worked hard to get “lots of money” and found that the value of one’s currency (Elsa’s definition from way back) is value to another ONLY if it’s the right bait.
      When my first marriage ended, I had amassed “lots of money” but had a change of heart as to the venue for making that money. My partner at the time couldn’t get it. We divorced, I took my mass, he took his.

      What I learned after that, I’m still learning. My present marriage included “lots of money” when I sold my family home. The karma involved in that was I became very ill, then homeless, and all definitions changed. “Lots of money” fed the rebuilding of a whole set of new standards. My relationship now: I don’t have lots of money. He doesn’t have lots of money. We literally are remembered how to stand on our own two feet, in different ways.

      The question is a tricky one. Made me think. Made me reconsider the meaning of ‘currency’ again.

  10. This is honestly one of the reasons I think I’m not as successful financially as I’m capable of. It eliminates a large group of men in my area. I’m reevualting that tactic at the moment. Noones stepping up to the plate for me and I’m sick of being poor. I know once I resolve to make money I will. But I also know it will complicate any love life that I do have.

    1. Also I realize as I’m writing this that if I did have money I wouldn’t want to share it. There’s also the underlying fear that I won’t want a man after I make money. It’s complex.

    2. same, @libra noir, i’m not capable of success financially, it’s not my nature to be ambitious in the business world. But i’m ambitious with love, so i fight to find a good man.

      But i have heard of very successful, powerful women who won’t settle for “less”, while for men who are very successful, many of them choose someone of lower status, or less money. I see it all the time. When i met my husband he was not so successful, but been with him while he pursued/climbed his ladder of success.

      you dont have to find a wealthy man, just find someone who you know is going to be driven, and will be by your side while you support him. I’m all for the type of woman who stands by her man while he climbs the ladder. I’m not really into meeting wealthy men when i was single. They turn me off alot. Because i assume that they want a “trophy” wife most of the time. And plus, most of them have families that would snub women who are not professionals or from some kind of “rockefellar” family background. lol

  11. Avatar

    It seems that for some women, no matter how loving and sincere, money has to stand in for the love they’ll never find. Mother Teresa said loneliness is the greatest form of poverty.

  12. I set 2 men up for life , through marriage, and with my dad’s money. I will never put myself in a position to do that again

  13. Is there anything today that doesn’t hinder a woman in finding a partner?
    If you are rich, it’s not good, if you’re poor, it’s not good, and the list goes on: powerful, ugly, unreasonable, fat, skinny, demanding, tolerant. It seems that no matter what women do, they still won’t have it easy. The workload certainly never gets easier, married or not.
    And it’s always the same question that women ask themselves: how can we adjust? It’s like we’re Navy Seals: adapt, improvise and overcome.
    In no way am I extremist, relationships require compromises, but compromise is one thing, questioning your entire life and your core because of a relationship or the lack of one is weird and wrong.
    Life is short and hard, the best thing we can do is enjoy it. If a woman is enjoying who she is (rich or powerful or whatever) she should not hold back and who knows who or what will come her way. If she does hold back and somehow changes her image or standards will she like who or what comes her way? A rich woman was given the opportunity to have all that money for a purpose, she should first understand what that purpose is.
    And at the end of it all I still can’t help asking myself how much are potential partners willing to meet us halfway?

  14. I remember years ago someone saying that it doesn’t matter why two people are together in a relationship as long as it’s for the same reasons. Doesn’t matter whether it’s love, to avoid loneliness, or just for the benefit of a passport. Trouble is most people don’t find out until way too late that the other person’s reasons are different. They just assume they have the same reasons.

    Or to put it astrologically … this is such an 8th house area. Relationships only work if you have shared values. And you have to know from your own 2nd house what you value before you can walk up to another and ‘ask’ them what they value.

    It can go wrong in many ways … I’ve known people with a ‘leaky’ 2nd house containing neptune who fail to hold onto what theirs. Or if it’s the 8th house they fail to enforce sharing and give too much while receiving too little. Or they meet someone with 8H issues who doesn’t understand how to give etc, etc.

    1. “And at the end of it all I still can’t help asking myself how much are potential partners willing to meet us halfway?”

      You only need one.

  15. I lived below my means and didn’t talk about my inheritance until we were engaged (after about a year of dating). In addition I was up front about wanting my future husband to be okay staying at home with kids. We got together for a purpose, we were each looking to start a family, so I didn’t just happen to fall in love with him, it was a choice once I knew we were on the same page and that he had the personal qualities I needed in a partner.

    As it is now, he stays home with kids, I pay the bills, we basically keep our finances separate but make big decisions together. And we are totally in love with eachother and our kids. 🙂

  16. I have two sisters that are very well off. And, that money they make is important to them. They have worked hard for years to get to where they are today.

    Neither of them are in a relationship that they would take to the next level. They don’t trust any relationship would be the real thing because of what they bring to the table.

    Also, they have a type of man in mind. Neither will settle for what they call a regular man. They want a man as established as they are….same level of education and income. All of those are married in the age group they fish in.

    I am so glad that the Pisces and I were equally broke when we got together. No one had anything…we accumulated it together. I had a house and furniture but it was nothing to write home about. He moved into my modest house and helped me restore it. When we moved upward we did it together. I am very happy to have what they call a regular man.

    I can report that my sisters are lonely. The oldest is the most lonely. I told her I admired her and the fact that she was able to pick up and travel the world with her job. She said, I wish I were you, you have a husband, kids and the girls. When I come home its to no one. Breaks my heart. She has all the money in the world and a beautiful loveless home 🙁

    Other sis was married and has two kids but she would really love to have another good marriage. She has been hustled a few times and is just so cautious. She plans to leave what she has to her kids…not some man as she puts it.

    When they talk about being lonely it breaks my heart for them. They are both very attractive, educated and ….they are good women. 🙁

  17. I have been experiencing this for the last few years, actually. I was in a long-term relationship with someone for several years and it was sort of assumed we would get married, but it didn’t work out. We had relatively similar incomes and came from similar class backgrounds. After we broke up, I took a couple of years off from dating to focus on myself, buy a house, work on my foundation, etc. When I started dating again, I initially tried to hook up with the same ‘type’ of guy I’d always been with before – same age group, ethnicity, same class. And it went disastrously, usually around the time the guys figured out that I made more money than they did, and that I wasn’t terribly impressed with the things they had, that I wasn’t going to be in an open relationship, etc. I am not unattractive, but I’m definitely not trophy material, and I definitely have my own interests and hobbies and life, and the guys I was getting dates with were just not interested in that.

    Something that helped was to start intentionally seeking out guys from different ethnic groups. In non-pc language…I stopped dating white guys, and started dating indian guys, south american guys, asian guys, etc. I don’t think I’d really had an intentional racial preference before, but I had unconsciously assumed I’d be with someone ‘like me’. When I stopped limiting my options my quality of dates improved astronomically. Not just in terms of treatment, but also shared interests and goals – for whatever reason all the 30-something white guys I was getting dates with were hipster/gamer/bar types (peter pan syndrome) and mean twitter game, and the 30-something non-white guys had actual hobbies (cycling, film photography, one guy made furniture in his spare time!) and opinions about investments.

    1. Er, I was still goin for them hipsters. Hoping for more luck from people from European backgrounds… Last time things were ok, I found a punk dude from CO in a town that had almost no women. Pretty sure that he’d probably leave me for someone else if he came here. We are flush with pretty hipsters

  18. My Libra Venus conjunct Scorp sun in the 2nd is waiting patiently for Elsa’s key to unlock this conundrum… I have spent many many thoughts on this in my recent life as I think about the future I want…
    I love this topic

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