People call each other narcissists at the drop of a hat. I wonder if this was the word-of-the-day, or if we really have become more self-centered – it’s all about me!
I tend to think it’s both. What I notice is a marked disinterest in leaving a legacy that will benefit the generations that follow. People focus on what is good for them in the moment, rather than how future generations will be affected. Having Jupiter (the future) tied to the 8th house (legacy), this disturbs me to no end. To be shortsighted.
I remember when they came out with bumper stickers that read, “I’m Spending My Kid’s Inheritance”. You’re doing what? And you’re broadcasting it?
What do you think of people putting themselves first, above all others? I would like to hear from the younger people, in particular. What have you been taught along these lines?
From what I’ve personally witnessed, people who always put themselves first usually end up bitter or alone, never having had enough to satisfy themselves.
I am lucky because my parents have are leaving me a legacy that I plan to carry on. My parents are already preparing me for their death and what my life will be like when they are gone. It’s not just because they’re old now, this has been going on for years but it has been increasing due to their age.I am the only person I know that has this.
I know my mom’s side of the family has always been working in order to leave a legacy to future generations. Legacy, material and non-material, has been my grandparents and my mother’s driving force. Leaving something for the kids is of the utmost importance to them.
Unfortunately I don’t know much about other families or in general. I can deduce based on some newspaper articles that leaving a legacy for their children is still important to people, but the majority lives on a bare minimum as it is, and things are degrading rapidly.
I remember in middle school being taught about environmental issues and how we need to try and be conscientious about how we use our resources – I think this was during the whole “reduce, reuse, recycle” craze. That was such an important idea in my mind – promoting care for the earth in order to leave behind something for future generations.
I don’t know when the whole narcissistic thing started, but it is very apparent now. I just hope that it comes to a head and people start changing their tune, because otherwise the world is screwed.
I guess my mom is doing this now, as she is retiring, downsizing and moving into a much smaller place. In the next 6 months, im supposed to go back home and pick the things I want to remember her by and then she’s tossing what’s left over. It’s weird and sad to think the house I spent the majority of my life in and most of its contents will be gone.
There’s no money in the family and I’m an only child, so this will be my familys legacy in material goods anyway. In regards to non-material, my mom, aunts, uncles, grandparents and extended members have always told stories about how “we” came to this country, what it was like back in the day when they had to use an outhouse for a bathroom and no running water and I’ve always appreciated those stories and will remember them and tell them to my daughter one day:-)
I think our parents/families leave us a legacy, whether we realize it or not and whether it’s the one we would have chosen, or not, as is usually the case 😉
But yes, I do believe in the importance and value of legacy…Wrote a piece about it here: http://shebaremykharbanda.blogspot.com/2012/01/we-are-all-trust-fund-kids-cancer-full.html
This kind of behavior is the norm in my family.
In contrast, my best friend’s family is my dream family. They are Jewish, and although casual about the religion, take the legacy side of the tradition very seriously, love each other, spend time together, help each other.
That was a factor in me choosing not to date him. I am a serious liability, thanks to my family, and my own mistakes. Getting my SHhhhtogether, and that includes choosing between my family, and my own best interest.
Chiron in the first in Taurus. Not easy. But necessary. Cut ties and make good foundations, or go down with the leaky ship.
Watched myself repeat the same patterns, even though I *KNEW* better. Get out of that environment, and it suddenly looks as ridiculous as it is. Inside the funhouse, it’s not so clear.
EE has also had the same benevolent effect in my life. A lighthouse and a safe, healthy space. Thanks, all y’all. 🙂
I like your point, Remy 🙂
Thank you, Elsa, for the welcome! You’re a lifeline.
Well, some people in my family are angry at my mom for mismanaging my dad’s estate. It’s arguable that she is indeed spending her kids’ inheritance. There’s a lot more to it, and I don’t know the least of it, so I don’t have a set opinion on her actions. She’s not a selfish person in the typical sense, but being short-sighted is definitely one of her biggest flaws.
My dad was an incredibly far-sighted person. He built his wealth by making wise investments and holding on for *decades* before they bore fruit.
The life I’ve chosen for myself comes from an ideal of service to a certain cultural tradition. I’ll most likely never directly benefit from the fruits of my labor. I pity people who feel no sense of duty – whether to others or to a cause or other ideal – because there is usually a profound sense of loss when you realize your only motivation in life has been to serve yourself.
Thankfully my mother was very good at forging a connection between us (the kids) and her family, even though most of them were gone. We knew the stories, had a lot of the objects around the house with the back story firmly rooted in our brains, and there was a sense of pride about that. My Dad wasn’t so great at that, so my mom’s side is stronger. As far as heirloom items, if you want to call them that, they are distributed among all of us and what is left I think I am pretty good at handing out to the grandkids along with the stories.
Money-wise, I have a strong desire to leave actual money/wealth to my son. I think it’s a great advantage in life. I won’t have money from my mother, and my dad has been dead a long time, so my legacy from them is less material than of the emotional/heritage type. That’s fine though. We have a lot of interesting characters in my mom’s family.
My mother never believed she owed her kids anything. To prove her point she ‘gifted’ the family homestead to a niece, sold to her at about a quarter of it’s estimated value at the height of the housing market, and ran through that money very quickly leaving no paper trail. The thing I’d like people to understand is that this was intended to wound. This included, mind you, my brother and his wife who were there at the assisted living facility every other day taking care of her. That said, except for my eldest sister, we all were engaged and helped take care of her and my dad for many, many years. And it was only after she turned the house over to my niece that I disengaged. The woman was just plain angry. And she wanted to hurt those people that were related to her. It was like an inferiority complex that she extended to the rest of the family. The rest of the world, they were just fine by her. Go figure.
What do you think of people putting themselves first, above all others?
I hate hate hate it. I do think my generation and the generation below me have heads up asses for the most part. I think the technology plays a part in it. Constant stimulation, distraction, and instant gratification can make people think they are the center of the universe and act accordingly.
I don’t know whether it is critical to leave my kids money. I am not inheriting any money from my parents. However, I do think that it is important to leave my children a working government, clean air, clean water, wilderness and sufficient food. Destroying the planet so we can play on our electrical gadgets 24/7 seems the height of selfishness to me.
Some things have changed. On a general basis, our parents will live until we’re close to retiring ourselves, and the inheritance is today much more an emotional thing than a matter of life of death. The emotions, of course, are still a matter of life and death. How much were we loved, and how can that be counted in material values..
I hate that those of us who have chosen to look out for ourselves (so that we can better tend to our responsibilities, children included) are confused with greedy, mindless f*cks.
I think part of the issue in terms of “legacy-leaving” is that Western culture has somehow made dying seem optional – that is to say, there is a cultural taboo against owning up to the fact you will die soon once you hit 65, 70 etc. The whole “60 is the new 30” mentality makes it somehow justifiable for seniors to act as if they are teenagers. I’ve worked in home care and in palliative care and I KNOW most people don’t live past their late 70’s/early 80’s, usually with some years of disability first. My parents are in their 70’s and when I try to broach the subjects of accessible housing,wills, assisted living etc. they just look at me blankly. I don’t care if I get an inheritance, that means nothing to me, I just don’t want to inherit the multiple problems they have left for themselves over the years – an unkept house in need of maintenance with hoarder-clutterer levels of stuff inside, plus my brother living there who is still in his 40’s, doesn’t work and has never had any other relationships outside of immediate family. This is a mess, it’s not sustainable, and when I bring it up all I hear about is the next trip they plan on taking and what new parties they are throwing, new collectibles they are buying. It’s crazy. I dread them aging because it looks like I’m going to be doing the parenting of three people who are all ADULTS!!! We need to realize we are not immortal and if we do not take charge of our own decline dying, unfortunately somebody else will have to (namely the responsible child/children). Which means legacy = burden.
My dad did this, and then some. It lead to a lot of stress, especially for my eldest brother who handled the legal work.
It’s left an ever-present, almost forgettable void.
I’ve only known a few people who have truly put themselves first, in front of all others.
I will not be getting a financial legacy from my family. The legacy that I feel is service to others. My father and extended family worked in criminal and juvenile justice, and were involved in a lot of related charities.
I remember being required to volunteer [if you’re required to do it, are you a volunteer?:)]at the Special Olympics every year. I fondly remember doing equine therapy, teaching disabled children to ride horses. I didn’t mind mucking out the stalls, or painting creosote onto a mile long fence. We were raised to help others, and I think that’s a fine legacy to leave.
The idea of living only for your own interests without a thought to the future is completely foreign to me and my friends (20s-40s but skewing very heavily on the younger end).
I think having immigrant parents helped. I was never told to contribute to society, but just knowing that society can become very bad/chaotic very quickly made me very aware of being responsible for society. It’s a concept that I find many Canadians and Americans aren’t able to grasp. It’s like they think they are entitled to living in a just, prosperous society and that this will happen magically by inertia or something, no real effort or participation required.
“What do you think of people putting themselves first, above all others?”
I think it’s weird. Yes, it’s horrible, selfish, repugnant etc. It’s also…weeeeird. Jupiter-ruled; this doesn’t compute! What about giving to others? LOL.
“What have you been taught along these lines?”
I have been taught that it’s best to not burden other people. This is why my mother has been slowly splitting up possessions while she’s still healthy and energetic, as opposed to nearing end of life (she’s also doing it to prevent arguments, she says. Probably a smart move).
Basically–clean up your own mess the best you can. It was imperative for my parents to live mortgage-free in their retirement. It allows them to live off their pension comfortably, even though it’s not even that big.
I have Saturn in my 8th, quincunx Cap Moon.
I know a narcissist who has married a couple of times to have money to support her image (jewelry, clothes) and to give her children (because they are narcissistic extensions of herself). Her husbands are merely tools. But the legacy is empty because she has thrown money at them instead of love, and one of her children keeps holding her up for more and more money, which she uses to buy boyfriends and unfortunately drugs. So a worthwhile legacy has to mean more than material things. We pass for what we are said Emerson, but we also pass on what we are. Kindness, responsibility, good work ethic, healthy living — these are all part of our legacy. Yes, real estate and money are good too, and I will leave my child enough to be happy but not so much that kids are hanging around waiting for their parents to die!
“What about giving to others? LOL.”
@Kashmiri- I do, but they are very few, and it’s because too many individuals suck. Take, take, take, take, take– it’s their motto but I don’t play that.
it makes me wonder what kind of family bonds people like that have. who is important enough to them to sacrifice for. if they even can.
i think it’s a gift to have things powerful enough in one’s life to be worthy of sacrifice. so i feel… pity?
Interesting, Waitwhat. I’ve been so blessed in life, meeting others who love to give and are happy to share, as well as are concerned with the well-being of others. I don’t believe my experience is entirely foreign. One of my friends is learning how to build off-the-grid homes, for example. I have Uranus in my 11th House and one manifestation of the ideals of Uranus is, of course, humanitarianism.
I’d love to know more about how your friend is building off-the-grid homes because this is something i am very interested too.
My family has this problem. I’m pretty sure it’s part of how that entire generation is just completely selfish.
They were groomed through their lives to be incredibly stupid with their money. And, it is literally a case that they are doing everything in their power, outright at a degree you’d think it were on purpose, to leave DEBT to inherit instead of ANY of their money or physical properties, INCLUDING HERITAGE HEIRLOOMS! And, the messed up part, is they are not doing it on purpose consciously, it’s sub-conscious. They are just being good little drones and following the brainwashing!
My aunt is using things like her own life insurance, IN PROCESS OF DYING, so her GOOD AND INNOCENT PERSON daughter won’t get a cent AND will be put into instant debt from the death! AND, I bet you the banks (which are behind the brainwashing to begin with, FYI) will steal our heirlooms over it in the process!
MY mother? Well, she was groomed to invest all her hard-earned money into my father’s highly messed up, thieving, good for nothing family… Long after divorcing him, she is STILL doing it. Money she should be investing in her sole daughter (also a good and innocent person here), to increase odds of a happy marriage and healthy grandkids one day happening… She’s investing in kids with NO relation at all from HIS family. (These people aren’t even related enough to me that I’d ever give a crud… And, they are not good people at all, as should be gatherable by the fact they groomed my mother to be a kind of slave to them when she was 17-18.) And, they will NEVER pay a f**king cent of that back in any way, shape, or form!
Frankly, I have come to the point I am starting to hint… Their WILL be consequences if that generation doesn’t turn around. Though, what I’ve not told her yet… If she doesn’t stop this madness, when I successfully marry and such… She won’t be in my life anymore, and will not know her grandchildren. If she can’t straighten out her financial priorities, when I walk out that door, I won’t be looking or coming back. Because if she can’t straighten out her loyalties, she’s no friend of mine, blood or not.
Who you invest in (financially, time, energy, etc.) shows your loyalties, never forget this. Any parent who invests as little as they can get away with into their kids, needs to get it through their heads… They will die alone and miserable, without their children and grandchildren. Makes me think of Christmas Carol.
Looking back, doing for others somehow loop fed back to self, unknowingly. We need to learn to discriminate again.
I’m in a 4th house second Saturn return and with Sun, Mercury, Juno and Ceres in my 8th house-natally. I’ve never had children. Despite the fact that I have these 8th house planets I haven’t thought a whole lot about the legacy I inherit or leave. Maybe this makes me selfish. But, I have put energy and soul into planning, and choosing to live out- for the most part- a dutiful, conscious life. I’ve built my best healthy giving relationships with friends, parents, brothers, sister, extended family. Although faulted and very human, the thoughtfulness of the life I’ve created while here, I’m getting at my age, is the legacy I’ll leave. I will inherit some money from parents who did their best to put attention and energy into making sure we felt a sense of love and belongingness, however I’m not without having inherited typical parental wounding. So, one of my legacies is to do the work to transform any bad parenting I acquired with as much care as I’m capable of. It’s my awareness into humanity that is the legacy I’m leaving 🙂