The “Why” Of Synastry

I remember the first time Elsa said to me, “People’s planets hitting your chart act like transits.” There’s something so perfectly simple about that and yet in years of thinking on it I’ve yet to finish ruminating on that statement. For me it’s an inexhaustible source of inspiration. What does that really mean? How does that work; WHY does it work? I really appreciate these little mind puzzles, not as pointless as sudoku and I can tell myself that it’s more important than cleaning the house.

Do you know the movie “Groundhog Day”? The main character is forced to relive the same day, over and over again. He goes through an amazing transformation in the process, from selfish gassbag to the ideal zen-lover. Well, someone’s effect on us, their chart’s effect on our chart, is a similar thing. We’re reliving the same day (their birthday!) over and over again when we’re interacting with them. They are reliving the same day with us, our birthday. Over time as our planets bump, they either grind the rough corners off each other (growth!) or they grind us up.

Sometimes people don’t fit and we move on. Have you ever wondered if that person goes on to have the same problems with someone else? What about the guy who wouldn’t commit but marries the next woman he meets? On one hand, people are the same people they were when they were with you. A jerk is still a jerk and you were right to move on. People will be who they are in and out of relationship. Sometimes people change how they express certain energies given certain transits, particularly the harder, outer planet transits. Sometimes they change how they express their energies because of the effect of one person’s planets on another. Sometimes those changes happen in the relationship and sometimes they happen, just like with transits, after that relationship passes. Sometimes the effect of the past relationship really only takes shape once that influence has passed. Would he have committed to you if you had just hung in there? Maybe, maybe not. I’d tend to say probably not, not if you really gave it a shot when you were in the relationship, if you gave it your all.

There are three sets of energies in the relationship, mine, yours, ours. Each “ours” energy is singular and will never be played out with another person, so some issues are only relevant to the relationship. We take our energy and combine it with another person’s in each new relationship. If you’re getting the same problems over and over, the problem is either so strong in you that you’re overpowering the other person’s energy (hello, that’s not healthy) or you’re choosing someone similar to replicate the same problem with again. That’s your choice, but be aware it is a choice even it’s subconscious.

I think sometimes we may want to believe one of two things, either that people will never change and they’ll be exactly the same (jerk) with the next person, or that we made some kind of mistake and should have done something differently. There’s a little truth in each of those, but the bigger truth is this: it’s a process and you have to follow the path where there’s growth. You want enough challenge in the relationship to make each other shine, but not so much that you bleed! You do your best and you try not to bitch about it, unless that’s, you know, what makes you happy.

Did you ever feel like being in a relationship changed you? Was if for the better?

27 thoughts on “The “Why” Of Synastry”

  1. I would say all changed me for the better, ultimately, but I have a lot of Jupiter so I’m optimistic like that 🙂 That’s not to say that there haven’t been relationships that left a bitter taste in my mouth though…

  2. Oh satori, you would never grind my gears. In fact, I believe we are kindred spirits and I saw a thread on the board earlier about who would you go gay for and I guess for me it’d be you (but not really because Alec Baldwin but I’d love to get drunk or just hang out by candles with you sometime).

    I have not had many significant relationships in my life but every has been profound and has broken my heart in good and bad ways. I love the analogy with Groundhog Day because ultimately, what changes Bill Murray’s ways was his love for Andie MacDowell. He says I don’t care what happens tomorrow for once I’m happy right now. One of my favorites!

  3. I do think this is a fascinating subject. Part of me thinks of how Elsa attracted a lot of Scorpios for a while. Personally my experience with this is that my first husband was a Taurus sun, and my second husband was a Scorpio sun, as if that wasn’t enough I am a pisces rising my first husband went on to marry a Virgo rising. Can you say polarity.

    Simply put I do believe that some people come into our lives for a reason, others a season, and others a lifetime.

  4. Whee everything is bolded in the comments for me.

    I’m *in* one of these relationships right now. And how I gauge if the fight is worth it or not worth it? We are both working to improve ourselves, so we can be better together too.

    So! Worth! It!!!!

  5. “Over time as our planets bump, they either grind the rough corners off each other (growth!) or they grind us up.

    Hoo, I love that astro-poetry of yours, Satori! Brilliant writing. Shannon, congrats, what you have going on there sounds terrific.

  6. Yes, a person can bring out the worst in someone or the best in someone based on their synastry. At least it shows us what we need to work on!

  7. My relationships during the past 10 yrs have shown me very clearly that I tend to partner with men who expect me to invest more of everything (in the relationship) and be content with receiving less:(

    Once I fully realized this, it changed everything for me. All 3 men had strong Virgo.

  8. Great grist for the mill, Satori I particularly like “You want enough challenge in the relationship to make each other shine, but not so much that you bleed!”

  9. Oh Satori, how beautiful this is. I’ve been married to a wonderful man for 27 years and I think we’ve been polishing each other all this time. We continue to find ways to grow into a better “us”.

    Love Goundhog Day! Sometimes when I’m in the car with my son he’ll say “don’t drive angry” & I reply “so don’t piss me off”. We’re still grinding it out 😉 I will never watch this movie the same again.

  10. Would this also apply to a person one repeatedly crosses paths with? Almost like they’re being polished just a little every time they “interact” until one day smooth enough to make a choice. To either connect on a permanent basis or move along their own path rolling a little smoother because of the interaction. Of course they wouldn’t roll angry 😉

    Pure poetry, this is a wonderful piece.

  11. absolutely top post: this explanation should be in EVERY astrology teaching. thank you so very much for this satori- I hope my comment finds you well and happy (this is an old post) much love!!!

  12. Avatar
    Leslie Schneider Zucker

    I wonder if anyone has any experience with the effects of Hades – natal, transits, progressions in synastry? not sure if this is appropriate for this forum.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Scroll to Top