A Story That Still Bugs Me Out

I wrote this in 2011. I was cruising facebook for the first time in a month and someone linked this video, Bad Moon Rising.

I have a strong association with the song though I never listened to it even once, independently. I used to hear all the time though.

My high school boyfriend’s older brother liked Creedence Clearwater Revival. The music blared from the apartment where he lived and liked to brood. His apartment was attached the house where the rest of the family lived, this is why I knew of him though he never so much as grunted at me, I was 13 years old.This is an Aries story by the way, you’ll see.

My high school boyfriend was an Leo with an Aquarius Moon. I met him 2 days before I started high school, in the middle of the desert, I was 12 years old. It was love at first site and when I showed up as a 9th grader (he was in 11th), he asked me to be his girlfriend within the first a couple days and of course I said yes.

We became close and later we would be voted most likely to marry but this story is about his brother who was this super good-looking, brooding guy who smoked cigarettes and listened to CCR. He looked like a rugged version of Jim Morrison which in my book is hard to top. James Dean, all the way, bad-ass motorcycle included.

He had a blond girlfriend who was also extremely good looking. She was always trying to get him to cheer up which seemed smart but to me but he never would do it so they’d fight and she’d become frustrated and leave.

Sometimes my boyfriend would tell him not to be an asshole but you can imagine how that went over. Really, this guy was just too cool for school and he did know it.

So one day the brothers went out in the desert to get some firewood. My family used to get firewood too so I knew exactly what this entailed. Find the wood. Cut it with a chainsaw. Stack it in the truck. Bring it home and unload it. I didn’t like this chore so I did not envy my boyfriend having to spend his Saturday doing this.

So anyway, they were out in the desert when the older brother saw on piece of mesquite – just an innocuous medium sized limb, and son of a bitch, if he didn’t touch the saw to the limb and have it pop up and cut his face open.


My boyfriend was heroic. His brother’s face was bleeding like a motherfucker and all they had was this kerchief… for starters. Blood soaked through that immediately so my boyfriend, thinking quickly, gave him his shirt.

They got in the truck and my boyfriend had to drive him back to town to get to hospital. It was pure trauma because everyone knew this guy was what was called a fox back then, now called a “hottie”, I suppose and now this horrible thing had happened. Do you see what I am saying? He was perfect.

You can imagine the scene in the truck. I felt waves of nausea, just hearing about it, never mind when I saw my boyfriend’s blood-soaked shirt, later after the blood had dried. Writing about this, all these years later still make me sick.

The man lived. They stitched his face, and he was left scarred of course. The saw ripped through his lip. So he had this scar and the bump of healed stitches across his lip but he was still incredibly good looking.

I wanted to badly to say something. I wanted to tell him that he still looked really good. I wanted to comfort him somehow but I was 13 years old and of no consequence to this uber-cool 19 year-old man.

I have never resolved this story in my mind. I don’t think I understand it, do you?

22 thoughts on “A Story That Still Bugs Me Out”

  1. Some people leave an imprint on your soul and they never know it , your stories touch
    peoples souls . My mom luved that song it reminds me of her when I hear it .

  2. Thanks, ocean. What occurred to me today was when these really attractive people get hurt, there is no satisfaction in it. Marla Hanson came to mind. http://www.michaelhalsband.com/portraits/JPEG/21.Marla%20Hanson-done.jpg
    She was the model, someone cut her face. For some reason it seems more of an offense to cut this perfect specimen. I know it’s irrational.

    I also don’t know what happened to this guy. I do know how my bf’s life turned out. I can find him on the Internet and see that he is okay. His life is not surprising and it is satisfactory. I mean, he turned out okay. Career and a family life. I also had an important conversation with him in my young 20’s and just feel really good about the whole relationship.

    It might have been my age at the time or this guy’s energy, his brooding. He was very angry after this as I recall but no telling what happened next as he was young.

    The family was super religious. Church twice on Sunday and Wednesday nights. I was over there all the time for 2 years.

    My bf stuck with me until after he graduated and I was stuck in high school. I don’t think Annalisa doesn’t liked him much when it was all said and done. I don’t know why but everyone liked him when we were dating. He was super popular as was Annalisa and I was sort of coattails material. I was really glad those tails were there, yanno?

    I was “okay” by association, I guess you could say, otherwise I think I’d have gotten my ass kicked daily and I’d have never been able to figure out why.

  3. Yes I have always like CCR and that is a great song. As for your boyfriends brother well not only was he the uber-cool older brother but he was an adult that for some reason peaks a young girls interest ever so much. Not to say your bf was not cool but he could not compete with the older brother.

  4. “Not to say your bf was not cool but he could not compete with the older brother.”

    Yeah, he could actually. We had outrageous fun and pulled stunts you’d barely believe.

    The older brother was unlike anyone I had ever met though. My family is very upbeat so I, like his girlfriend could not understand his brooding anger.

    I don’t really like that kind of energy. I like jokes and this guy had nothing of the sort.

    It was like he got the best array of the family genes (all the family – 5 kids – were attractive but he was stand out) and for what? It was a curiosity to me really. How can you look that good and be so mad and then his face gets stuck by lightning, damned near. It’s like it is supposed to mean something but I don’t know what.

    Anyway, I never go for brooders. I always, always go for the man who give me a good time. I like bold, cocky men – always and forever.

    1. Also, I did get my heart broken out of the deal. I was crushed when he broke up with me. I was hurtin’ so bad, I never hurt so bad in my life.

      Someone told me to take an aspirin so I did. I took another the next day but it’s didn’t help me so the day after that I decided to just tough it out. I really didn’t think I was going to recover from it arrrrrrrrgh,

      1. Come to think of it, my father was also extremely good looking. Equivalent to this guy but he would boast all the time. Cocky Italian, see? That is why I go for the roosters all the time but also why this guy was such a puzzle. When you look good you’re supposed to boast, LOL. I had not run into this other persona and his treatment of his gf did make me wince.

        I don’t think this is correct but in my 13 year old mind, I probably wanted to comfort him because he was already so broody and in my mind, he just lost his ace. I was card player back then and would think like that. If you’re unhappy holding the ace, what happens when you’re holdin’ nothing?

        The whole thing is like some kind fable I can’t quite understand. You know how some fairy tales just end? This is like that.

        I do know his face healed. I saw that. It went from stitches to bright red to fading red. It was a situation where you tried to look but not stare. His girlfriend was around all the time and he treated her the same or maybe worse. I can’t remember but I think he moved out eventually (with his girlfriend) and if so the rest of the family would have been relieved… I think.

        I can’t remember his girlfriend’s name, but almost. I do remember the names of all my bf’s sibs though. This is because they were all very distinctive, same as the names in my family and also because the last time I spoke with him, he ran through all the names in my family, asking about everyone and I did the same. Then he made a dramatic comment that floored me. That’s part of another story, though. 🙂

  5. I wander if this story or recalling of it is associated with Uranus moving into Aries? Elsa, I have had a terrible week which began the day Uranus entered Aries. My neighbour, a beautiful 24 year old girl was assaulted, murdered and stuffed in a suitcase.
    I know this kind of thing happens all the time but I can’t help but think of Uranus (shock) and Aries (violence). She was beautiful too. I hear of atrocities all the time but this one is one that I can’t seem to resolve in my mind and I don’t think it’s got anything to do with the fact it just happened. My feeling is it’s linked to Uranus in Aries but don’t quite know how/why.

  6. Elsa, do you connect these personal stories/memories and current collective ones like Libya and the Japan Tsunami to the Uranus in Aries shift or is it more complex than that?

  7. Well, the way I understand this story is that it is just a tragedy, plain and simple. The sort of classic tragedy that just leaves you with your jaw dropped, yearning and feeling the dissonance forever without resolution. The music in the background in that song is enough to add a creepy, unsettling factor to it as well.

  8. That is such a great song, Elsa!
    And that is some amazing story, truly.
    Sounds like the guy was bitch slapped by Karma, at least for a spell. But I also think that stuff happens that are and will remain an everlasting mystery. Like maybe it’s not just due, but just some lesson that only the perpetratee knows about. Just a thought.

  9. At the risk of stating the obvious, I guess having a look at his chart (if it were available) would shed a heap of light. I mentioned above a recent incident that has me stumped but asides from me who is the onlooker, I guess it’s really the individual person (ie: the “victim” of the tragedy) who holds the key. Their birth chart for example.
    I know it was many years ago, but did you get a birth date for this guy to look at his chart? The combination of the brooding and good looks sounds fairly archetypal I think . . . maybe his ascendant and moon and/or 12 house involved?

  10. My husband had a bead on this. He says it sounds like the guy was depressed. Depression wasn’t really a thing back then, it was not diagnosed. I did give him more information. This family was industrious. My boyfriend worked odd jobs, bought his van when he was 15 and had it running / put a new engine in himself by the time he could drive. The older brother had a business, I don’t remember what but his truck had his name on it.

    The point here is this was not a slacker family and my husband thinks they’d have been on his ass if he was just a jerk. It makes sense.

    So now what we have is a depressed person who has an accident.

    I was struck talking to my husband… I cannot stress to you have unsophisticated I was at 13. We lived in the desert and we had no tv!

    I told my husband it was like the time someone told him to take 2 Alka Seltzer when he first got to the states. He ripped open the packet, popped them in his mouth…. ran to the bathroom (he was in public) with foam coming out his mouth, thinking he was going to die.

    I notice when people tell stories of when they were young, they act like they were old and knew everything. But in reality, what I KNEW was that if you looked good, you should crow all day so what is the problem here?


  11. Oh! He also said he knew a guy who had a chainsaw pop up and cut his jugular vein. He made it about 20 steps before he died.

    He also had a friend cut his chest open with one.

    Personally, I would never want to use one. We had one and used it to get wood but I was never comfortable and this was BEFORE chainsaw massacre.

  12. Yeah. He was beautiful and perfect and then he got ruined. or so everyone thought, maybe but not really, he dropped nothing, he healed. Like you Elsa, and like me. What you wanted to tell him was you knew that. Nobody is dead yet. And you see how fast a thing like that can happen, and you want to say, I saw it almost happen but it didn’t.

    Eighth house.

  13. We do have different tastes… VERY different which is good.
    Our older sister and I have more in common with our taste.

  14. I can’t remember the gf’s name and it’s bugging me. It was something like, Mel or Sal. Some kind of shortened nickname. She looked like a hippie version of Carolyn Bessette.

  15. Your story reminded me of this one, which I came across a year ago, I think.


    I am as baffled as you, I guess, Elsa. The “why” of things always gets me. The parts I don’t “get” work on me.

    I would definitely be curious (obsessed, once it entered my mind) about where he is now, what he’s doing… How did that accident change/affect his course… That sort of thing.

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