People are creatures of habit. You hear the phrase, “I would never” as often as you hear, “I always”. You probably say these things as well. Generally, people are honest when they make these statements. An established norm can remain static for years.
I had an interesting call yesterday. Someone did something that would require the client to amputate them, if she were to stay true to her norm. It’s her business of course, but as I was listening to the story, I was looking at this person’s chart with my eyes growing wider.
The person had two outer planets hitting, tight! The story I was hearing was a perfect illustration of how these two transits might manifest, simultaneously. It looked to me like this guy blew a gasket. Actually, I called it a “personality accident”, because that’s what came to me. This person snapped and went rogue in the moment.
It was clear from the conversation, the behavior was abnormal for this person. So is this the King’s court? Does the head come off, anyway?
I explained what I thought happened, transit-wise. Sorry, but I compared this to a “wet fart” because guess what? This can happen to anyone, though hopefully, very rarely. So where does this leave the client?
The client has to decide it they want to hold to their norm or consciously break their own rule. The client opted to consider the second option. This allowed us to uncover the “most likely” psychological cause of the odd behavior. The person was triggered, basically. They’re under a lot of pressure. Normal controls were reduced or not accessible from some reason… like Neptune?
In the end, the client was transgressed but as result, a door flew open and now she’s in a new and better land. Yesterday’s miracle.
Photo by sendi gibran on Unsplash
I am reminded of Charlie Munger who said something to effect that he felt he was wasting his time if every year he did not let go of a cherished idea.
I really feel the ability to see all around an issue in 180 degrees is a blessing.
But then, I’ve got Mars in Libra.
Yes and if you can do it once, you realize, you can do it!
I have a related question on this topic, as it turns out. I had someone have a sudden out of character blowup at me and I have mostly gone cold on the relationship since then. It really seemed like a personality accident and they probably don’t even remember the blowup, but it really hurt my feelings and triggered a lot of bad things for me. I really miss the friend, but also it broke the friendship so much for me that I’ve dialed back to acquaintance level association and pretty much only saying hi when I run into them. I’m not entirely sure they have noticed or noticed much since our lives have drifted apart and their career has really taken off. I don’t feel like a friend any more and I miss them, but also if they truly felt badly enough about me to have a sudden blowup out of nowhere about me, is it the better idea to drift away peacefully without any discussion/arguments/more hurt feelings? I truly do not know and I can’t resolve this in my head.
Now it’s the holiday season, there’s the “do we still give gifts or not” issue, and I’m also having a terrible time in my life and odds are pretty high I won’t be around in 2024. (I’m losing my job in January and at best, I’m probably going to have to move back in with my mother once I run out of money, I have no faith that I will get hired again since nobody wants me.) I have been trying to figure out if I should say something or not, but after next week I probably won’t see them any more since there won’t be any reasons going on to run into them. If the worst happens and they decide never to speak to me again because I told them they really hurt my feelings, then it can’t do any more damage, is what I’m thinking. Maybe I just need to purge this poison in my heart. I absolutely can’t talk about it to their face and was thinking of just writing a letter and then the person can ignore it as they wish and I wouldn’t expect a response, rather than confronting them live and forcing them to say something off the cuff.
I think I’ll ask the collective on this one because this bunch is nice: if you had REALLY hurt someone else’s feelings to the point where they didn’t want to be around you much any more, and you had no idea you had done this–would you want to know? Would you want that person to say, “you really hurt me?” (I note I hurt a friend once and while we talked it out, I didn’t take it too well in my heart and things are mostly cold on both sides now.) Is it resolvable if you say something, or would that just make things worse and you’d rather they drift away quietly and you don’t really know what happened? I truly don’t know if this is fixable or not if I say anything and maybe this is just one last gasp before we never speak again.
“I think I’ll ask the collective on this one because this bunch is nice: if you had REALLY hurt someone else’s feelings to the point where they didn’t want to be around you much any more, and you had no idea you had done this–would you want to know?”
Yes! Empathic, yes. Give them a chance to care and apologize!
On the job loss, I am sorry you will have to through that, but I don’t think the “nobody wants me” is real. I’m sorry you are dealing with feeling this way.
Thank you! I think they would care and apologize, I’m just…not sure where it could go from there.
Nobody wants me is real, because I’ve been job hunting off and on for 11 years. I am actually now blackballed from applying at my organization any more after they suspended me, and apparently when I applied for jobs before then everyone could see my HR file. I’ve never been called anywhere else I applied at.
Jennifer, where is Neptune transiting in your chart? And which planets is it aspecting? It had entered Pisces around 11 or so years ago (2012 to be exact), so it sounds like there could be something going on there.
Or maybe even Pluto in Capricorn could be in the mix, although that began in 2008.
Fifth house.
J
Fabulous email Jennifer, and I deeply concur with you over the idea that sometimes it doesn’t “help” talking it through. Even though I prefer too, and it always hurts so much.
It helped when I talked it out with the person before, but this is so much worse and so much more personal for me that I don’t feel like I can spit it out.
And yeah, some people it doesn’t work with, like my mom, who has argued with me for an hour about my work situation.
Jennifer, I am certain someone will “want you..’” It sounds like you are in a bit of a spiral of self doubt and loss and need to find some strength, resources, and good people, to help you find a doorway to a better future. I hope you have places to reach out!! Hang in there..
Yes, be honest with people… I like to know if I have hurt someone’s feelings or wounded or triggered them (by mistake.. I would NEVER EVER hurt someone on purpose.) In fact, I did make a terrible mistake and gave some awful advice to someone about to be married.I thought that a post they made was a cry for help, that they themselves thought they might be making a mistake..and I gave my two cents worth.. and wowza, it cause a terrible situation.
Over time, i apologized, when I realized what had happened..and this person forgave me and we renewed our friendship. I still cringe about the whole incident, I missed the boat on it and hurt someone terribly.I felt their recriminations of me were overblown, their response brought a crap load of others to send me a lot of bad juju, but I triggered THEM! A MESS!!
SHIT HAPPENS in this life, and I, for one, prefer to know if I tripped up, so I can make amends..even if the person i hurt had not been able to forgive me, I would have had a clear head and heart that i had “explained” myself” and admitted my error. We need to NOT expect that everyone can forgive and forget and be ok with that if we made a mistake.Luckily, this person did let it go.. So, my advice is to be open and honest and see where that goes..
AND.. hopefully, 2024 will bring some new opportunities for you.. career wise and with relationships..a reading with Elsa might shed some light on timing and avenues for you to explore/
Best wishes!!!!
I like the idea on getting a reading, but I’m trying not to spend money these days where I can avoid it because of the upcoming firing. 🙁 I’ve now been given a due date of January 15 to prove that I have a medical disability to postpone the firing, but frankly, I may not be able to swing it because diagnosis takes forever and my HMO may not be willing to cooperate with what work wants. At best it’ll be squeaking up against the deadline. I’m planning for the worst, that I will get fired and won’t get unemployment, etc.
Otherwise, loved your post. We’ll just see if I can get up the nerve to say anything :/ I somewhat think I’ll just pour my heart out and get no response because that’s how my life goes, but then that ends it for good, so I guess that’s good too.
I guess the problem with this one, is we don’t know the details,or the progression up until the point of blowing up, Jennifer, and we only have your point of view. lt sounds like people moving in different directions to me…you say their career has taken off. Yours hasnt. There are a lot of powerful feelings and emotions tied up in all of this… l am worried about you in the ‘here and now’. I would write the letter (and not send it esp. with Merc. retro). Why? It gives you control. It will help you get your feelings out–they have to go somewhere. Also you are getting ahead of yourself and imagining possible futures. I am not going to dismiss the importance of a losing a good friend, if this is the case, but you need to be self-focused now. There are bigger things. ld be saving every cent for a start. Dont do presents with this person. Too awkward. You must respect their choice for now. It might not feel so at the moment, but l am glad you can go to your mother, if you have to. There are people on this blog who are homeless. Take it day by day. And take care.
I did write a letter and sent it to myself. Sadly, it didn’t really make me feel any better or purge the feelings.
There will not be presents from me to them, but they might still give me one, it’s probably time to head that off at the pass.
I hope you can find some clean space soon, Jennifer.
Every time I feel an urge to blow up about something, I say to myself “this too shall pass.” That helps a lot…Being a reiki master also helps…it’s not in the playbook…
I love your advice, Dianne M. It exactly reflects my thoughts.
Onwards and upwards, Jennifer! You can do it!
All I know is, lately I’ve been watching my mouth say things I would “always” keep to myself. It is actually quite liberating.
Well, I did it…I wrote a letter saying everything and put it in the mail last night. What’s done is done. They can react, ignore, or whatever as they see fit, but I’ve gotten it out, at least.
Good and good luck!
I did not hear back from them. I can’t say I’m 100% surprised, but I’m also sad and now kind of wish I hadn’t unloaded all my crazy. Rereading what I wrote, I did discourage them from reaching out, but I did that because I reasonably assumed they’d feel super uncomfortable reading it and would never want to talk to me again, because I would probably do that myself. I didn’t want to guilt them into apologizing because nobody wants a forced apology like you make a kid do.
I wish I had gotten an apology. But this is how my life goes.
You may still hear from them. I’m sure fast is best but sometimes people like to take their time to sort their feelings. People are particularly taxed this time of year and Mercury is retrograde!
Nope, he did not. People have told me I said too much, let him off the hook, that I shouldn’t have said anything at all, that he probably has no idea what to do with that information, that I screwed up, etc. It’s over irrevocably now, I think. I wish I hadn’t fucked up and ended it, but I did. I don’t think you can make up after that.
But then again, if you read that a friend was in that level of severe mental distress and breakdown and warned you of such, and you don’t care and don’t reach out and don’t want to apologize, I guess he’s just a jerk, then. Aren’t they usually.
I don’t disagree with you but he still may contact you.
I am speaking as a person who is sometimes slow, for personal reasons, rather than something having to do with the other person.
Bottom line, if he wants to repair this – fine? If not, he’s irrelevant, really. My husband taught me long ago, the only people who matter are those who stick with you. So true!
Certainly true. Other people have stuck with me, and I thought this one was going to. But as usual for me, nope.
Then again, the way I phrased things, I was told, was discouraging and I should have let him speak instead of saying things like I didn’t expect he’d want to reply or ever speak to me again after I said he hurt me, I didn’t want him to apologize if he actually meant that (even though secretly I do want an apology, I can also tell when people are lying and I didn’t want to force him to lie). So I may have uh, heavily discouraged response as well, but also I was trying to make it “okay” when he inevitably didn’t. My mother said I shouldn’t have let him off the hook.
I talked to a therapist about this–too late!–and he said I had conflicting desires and well, obviously I am not thinking clearly these days or making good decisions while I am in severe psychiatric stress (work literally has made me stupid and crazy and I’m out on mental health leave/in an outpatient program) and I wanted my pain acknowledged and to stand up for myself rather than preserve the relationship. That never works. I wish I’d met this temporary therapist before I got myself into this situation, but alas, I did not. Maybe then I could have sorted out what I wanted instead of being a tangled mess of pain and wanting to figure out some way to end the pain already, which didn’t work.
Thank you for your caring.
((((((Jennifer))))))