Yesterday, I ran into a gal I know but have not seen for awhile. She acted like she did not see me / recognize me / remember me. It struck as funny, to a point where I had to stifle a spontaneous chuckle.
I’ve never thought about this, deeply. I guess everyone does this from time to time, but it gets awkward when you’re standing next to someone in a slow-moving line.
I have a pretty good idea why she did not want to speak or acknowledge me. She’s part of a group who has really caused a lot of loss and damage in my life. I’m pretty sure she’s ashamed.
I like this Saturn Uranus deal. It’s easy to detach from rejection, basically. I found myself standing there, with my stuffed-down laugh, thinking funny it was, childish or whatever. Like a child hides under the covers and thinks you can’t see them.
I thought this might be her comeuppance. Nothing like running into the person you harmed, especially when you’re a church lady.
I was satisfied with the whole scene. If you’re not guilty, you don’t have to feel bad about something like this. I didn’t feel bad. I didn’t do anything to this gal. The most significant conversation I ever had with her, I offered to dog-sit so she could go on vacation with her husband. No charge, of course.
It’s really weird being an 8th house person with Pluto transiting conjunct my ascendant. I may be repulsive, but you’re naked.
Standing there, I was aware that I had nothing to be ashamed of. It was a really good feeling. This woman is no better than me. We both screw up, seeing as we’re human.
Have you had an encounter like this? How did you experience it?
Haha, As I grew up, I was certain no one every remembered or recognized me. Now I get that differently, kind of. It both has protected me and gotten in my way.
Is that my twelfth house stuff?
29 Scorpio sun 8 Taurus moon, Cap rising.
Oh yeah, I’ve had people I thought were friends do that to me, as a method of breaking up. Fun times.
But usually it’s a mutual ignoring, really.
Yesterday, the Virgo Sun was opposing Pisces Neptune. Was this woman “ghosting” you?
I’m not sure the meaning of “ghosting”. I thought that was when you were dating someone and quit returning calls or texts. If that’s what you mean, that would not fit this situation. I was never in close relationships with this gal. We just knew each other in a group scenario. I offered to watch her dog because we love dogs and have dogs. One more for a week or two would not put us out, but means a lot to the person who wants to leave and have their animal cared for. There was no emotional investment on either side. She’s just in one of those gaggles of women who… well, mean girls, basically.
I personally always found her to be very likeable – this is why I offered to watch her dog. That’s pretty much the whole relationship right there. I guess this is another reason it struck me. I am not worth ignoring! I can read people pretty well, generally. I don’t think she was proud… but she made the choice and with stuck with it. I actually stepped out of line to attempt to greet her. I did not want to be the one who was rude… which is what this is, in a town as small as this one. She turned her head and cast her eyes down.
There are others in an around this group who I run into, periodically. They’re always shocked to see me standing next to them. I always greet them and so fact, everyone has been able to respond. Just, “hi, X, how are you?”
I don’t mean anything by it. I forgive them all. Generally speaking, they’ve got no clue the depth of the damage they’ve done. I don’t care enough to try to inform them. I just know, I didn’t do anything to any of them and this one, I feel, knows what was done to me was wrong. She participated and so this is what came from that. Can’t look me in the eye.
It’s ok. I would still watch her dog. It was a little dog as I recall. I have ab 8th house. I have Capricorn. I’ve been crapped on all my life. It’s really not that big a deal. I mean, I would prefer otherwise, but if you feel you must, then better me than someone who won’t be able to transcend or recover.
You are a better person than I Elsa, she is ashamed or in denial and I would have given HER the cold shoulder. I don’t believe in letting person’s who have wronged me off the hook, not in a particularly vindictive way, but exposing themselves to themselves, and letting it be known that this behavior was/is not OK. Also I am sorry to hear that such damage was done to you.
Probably not a better person. Reading your comment, I see there’s another point to make.
I know this gal is long time friends/frenimies (who knows?) with the people I see as (damaged) perpetrators. I did not know this gal was involved until she acted / reacted the way she did. It was guilt… and surprise too. I like in the middle of three little towns but not in any of them. I rarely go to her little town… like RARELY. So you haven’t seen me for a couple years, I’m sure you don’t think you ever will. Who knows what happened to me? So this was a corpse thing for her… me too, except I felt no guilt. But I also felt no rejection because it was crystal clear to me, she is the one who had the problem.
Sometimes a person hangs with their friends… goes along to get along, but deep down they know what they’re doing is wrong. This was the situation, based on my feelings and observations. It was an “oh shit” moment. But not for me.
Like I said in the post, I think it’s Saturn Uranus. For me too. Because I was shocked at how stable I felt. Just very solid. Good boundaries / detachment. I may not have taken this as well at a different time – again, this is why it struck me. There are a lot of things (and people) I don’t care about anymore… or maybe I care but I understand there are lines now. I won’t cross them.
Also, Pluto con. my ascendant. If it’s dead… and this is dead, then I’m not going to expend energy trying to wake and revive it.
In a way, it’s like learning someone has died. You aren’t likely to speak to them again. The time when you interacted has passed.
She has a conscience. That’s something.
I wonder if she would have been better off making amends in some small way. A quick hello, and I’m sorry about all of that, even if it’s not enough I want you to know that I regret my participation. (Hard when you’re not expecting to see the person, I realize.) You don’t need it, but it sounds like she does.
Sometimes I wonder about all the things like this we carry with us till death, never making right. It has to hurt the psyche in some way. I feel like it gets more painful the longer you live, if you don’t address it somehow – whatever way you can, directly, internally…
Maybe she’s mulling it over. Maybe you’ll get a phone call or note. Probably not, but it would most likely be good for her.
I’ve experienced this in other ways – I have patience for the long game. I was mistreated a couple years ago by some friends so I just dropped out of their lives. Like, why bother, right? Then last year one of the people involved had done some serious self reflection and actually called me up to apologize! We met in person and she said her piece. I said mine. We’ve made it through to the other side. Happy ending, that one. Other times I just continue to wait and wait – not actively mind you, but it’s in the background. Most of the time things right themselves in my mind, even if not overtly.
“I wonder if she would have been better off making amends in some small way. A quick hello, and I’m sorry about all of that, even if it’s not enough I want you to know that I regret my participation.”
I run into people in this group from time to time. All you have to do is nod and say hello. It’s customary to greet your neighbor. Anyway, if I see her again, I am going to speak to her. Just to say hello.
I am just not a petty person. I am not saying that others are. I’ve just got this Jupiter thing going and I really don’t seethe for long. Like maybe a day, max, unless I am betrayed by an intimate contact. One of my inner circle.
Gotta love Jupiter for that!
Well said Elsa. I see where you are coming from. I have had the perplexing experience of a bully from the past approaching me and trying to act like we are old colleagues or something. It feels surreal, as I don’t care, they are history to me and I am just not interested.
I don’t have any Jupiter.
That bitch!
Ever read Joanne Harris’s novels — the earlier ones that include Chocolat? Those issues of shame and shamed are thick there… I’ve read and reread those stories to getq a slant on shame.
Obviously NOT the same situation as yours….. I didn’t really learn or understand until a few years ago that I do not recognize people out of context. Someone who works at a place I frequented was very upset I didn’t say hi at a gathering, and was shocked I didn’t know her…(somewhere else and out of uniform). I felt awful and now as I look back understand several weird encounters. I have to force myself to be less embarrassed and realize I simply don’t imprint faces without other known markers and plan a proper response.
I had the worst experience with this. I was in line at a movie theater with my new male friend after I got divorced. He’s my husband now, but in the same line was my ex-mother-in-law. I looked at her and she did me and we both decided we weren’t going to go there and admit we knew each other. Its not like either of us wanted to catch up.
I grew up with some autistic/socially awkward tendencies. I have had several experiences like this. I’ve been the woman. But these interactions have not been prompted by the guilt of past wrong doings, but of me simply realizing I do not have any reason to talk to this person. It could be a coworker from many years ago, whatever. Its not necessarily based on a negative past experience. Call me a Bitch, but is superficility really necessary? Not everybody needs a hello and some people have become obselete to me anyways.
Now I’ve also have decided to pass by and ignore certain persons who HAVE had inflicted a negative on me. Once I kill the person in my mind, theres no reason to go back and talk to the corpse.
Good that you were both on the same page, but phew that must have been a heavy feeling.
Transiting Pluto (natal 8th) is on my 12th cusp now and strange blasts from the past and more! Total strangers claim to know me and long time acquaintances just walk by without recognizing me! No explanation for this I swear!
I wish those people would pretend like they do not know me. I don’t know how they can spew such venamous bile and do such outrageous injustice and then expect me to acknowledge them. Unless they want back in to do it to me again. I don’t have anything against them as they are who they are. I just can’t have them in my life. Let them find another taker for their abuse.
I’ve done it! ive ignored people, ex-friends, ex-lovers, and honestly, i felt ashamed for them but it was a self-preservation measure, because ive also not ignored them and they usually come play the victim on me! Pluto on the 7th Scorpio, conj DC by 2deg, opposite sun exact. Ive also been ignored on one occasion, but thats more rare a situation. I also felt exactly as you did but years later, as at the moment it happened I was in disbelief… I guess maturity is having me understand my scorpio side better. I have south node and saturn there as well, so i MUST not run to get caught in those moving sands, but embrace it with acceptance and self-love, then let it go.
sadly I’m the kind of person who might not see someone I know well right in front of me if I’m preoccupied. Hope it was that not ignoring.
Where i live, also in a small town, people greet each other on the street, i mean people which never seen each other before and laugh to each other. Also children when they are bycicling also greeting you very happily. I lived in the big city before and it was not the case, but in this town people still kept truthful to this tradition. I enjoy it just to greet another human being, because he/she is also another human being.
So when i also was ignored by other acquaintances few times, i know enough, this is very rude any way, anywhere,in any country or city, but in this little city – this kind of person is considerd having really bad manners (because it’s simply what it is) and not sociable. No dogs baby sitting in this case – i see it as undrmining your own dignity.
Welcome, Lalilu. Yes, this is the scenario… but I would still watch the dog for the dog, not the gal! We just enjoy dogs, truth be told.
Thank you for your warm welcome, Elsa. I understand how you perceive the situation. I share your love for the dogs, myself was also taking care of other people dogs, while i do not ‘have’ them myself. It worries me somehow when good deeds of people (like you) are not acknowledged as “Goodness” in their souls, but something insignificant in this world. Alsmost like Kindness has a bad ‘rap’. Dignity can serve us as a guardian (not the guard) of our Kindness. Take good care, Elsa.
Oh all the time. Just recently too. This person shit on my kindness and then treated me like I was the one to be rejected because I blew their cover.
Ive never felt any satisfaction from it though because I know that their shame doesn’t really indicate that they’ve learned anything or changed in any significant way. I’ve never felt that as a Plutonian justice exists in that way. It’s not enough for me to feel like the bigger person- that feels lonely to me-and I still struggle with finding deeper meaning to the injustices that I experience (in the words of Stevie Nicks) so I can truly win.
Although I think your article did offer a perspective that can help me. I’m gonna reread it and see how it applies to the most recent person.
Their behavior is all on them! I get what you mean about the lonely feeling though.
I’m really glad to share one that bothers me. I am a caretaker on a property I live at with my handyman boyfriend. The owners new wife ignores me- drops her head and walks by often and her unfriendly little dog still barks at me. When she first started dating the owner she was friendly.A few years ago, she added a photo of my garden in her blog and one time came out to harvest carrots. I guess the more she got to know us, the more she stopped wanting to know us. My partner and I are pluto types- mine on my ascendant trine a stellium in the eighth. Boyfriend thinks she’s cheating and hates being here. Because we are essentially neighbors, I just naturally expect a better relation. I do know her birthday puts her Sun on my natal chiron in the 7th-(My big lesson is to respect others choice to ignore me and be miserable?. It’s been years of accepting this situation. Luckily, they travel a lot.