Dear Elsa,
I recently met an older Aquarian man who is divorced like me. We had an instant connection because we had nearly identical backgrounds, views on morality, family – and we both wanted to find our soul mate. He was completely head over heels for me until he began asking specific questions about my sexual past.
Not wanting to lie, I answered honestly but without graphic details. He dumped me the next day, saying that he didn’t think I would ever be happy with a “normal” man like him because I am “too experienced”. I tried to explain that my past is my past, and all I want is a loving, monogamous, “normal” relationship with him, but he has turned off like a light bulb.
Is there any way to get him to see the true me instead of jumping to his own (unfounded) conclusions?
Has A History
United States
Dear History,
OUCH. Are you sure you want to sell yourself to this guy? I don’t think you should.
This was his chance to learn not to ask questions when he can’t handle the potential answers to them and he failed. It was also his chance to transcend his narrow mind and his tendency to judge and he failed that too. He failed his chance to expand himself, and to go deeper into his feeling so tell me again why he is so wonderful.
Look. Don’t let the Sun in Aries fool you. You are a Plutonian through and through, and the last thing you need is someone who can’t stand the heat in your kitchen. On top of that, you are heading into a massive Pluto transit and your main gig now is to NOT let people like this make you feel as if you are degraded in some way – which is exactly what this guy is up to.
Get him back and I guarantee you he will find something else about he deems repulsive but it’s all projection, see? You are the light one here, he is the shadow. He asked a question, you answered it honesty – you rock, he sucks, end of story.
Good luck.
Agreed. Often when someone pries their way in, they want to trash the place.
Yeah, he could have looked at your answers and thought it would be an opportunity for him to learn more sexually. But instead, he got all insecure. His instinct was to shut you down instead of expanding himself.
If you point this out to him, maybe he will see things differently. But maybe not.
Dear History,
Elsa is right.
Also this man is an idiot. Consider this unpleasant episode your lucky escape.
Best wishes for the next one
Listen to Elsa! And Phel, too (heh). I had a relationship scenario very similar to this except the ‘power-play’ had him say “I don’t know how you can respect yourself.”
It took me years to undo the damage done by those words–that was the middle of Pluto transiting my 12th House–but I hope this offers yet another reason for you to refuse any attempts of others ‘making you feel degraded’ as Elsa says. You are ENTITLED to own your sexuality and your life. There are plenty of potential partners who admire and respect this. He’s wasting your time.
I’m sorry your feelings were hurt. I know how painful it can be to be judged by your sexuality.
Amen! Elsa is spot on here…be glad the guy showed his ass before you had to discover it on your own…
ditto, ditto, ditto . . . I’m afraid my experience with older, controlling men dovetails everyone else’s comments. Run . . . very fast!! And find some guy who doesn’t have issues with you being your authentic self! 🙂
Exactly!! And really, who needs a man whose confidence is so easily shattered? Find yourself a guy with a backbone and some confidence in his own skills!
ouch is right. what? you were supposed to spend your life sitting chastely next to you window, wishing upon stars for him to walk into your life so you could be pure enough for him? yuck.
it’s his sense of inadequacey he’s projecting on you. if he declares something wrong with you, then he doesn’t have to live with his fears that he can’t live up to your past lovers.
thing is, you don’t want a man to just tolerate your past, which is part of who you are. you want someone to accept and love you, as you are, and grow with you in the future.
look at it from the other side. would you say, “well, i’m head over heels for this guy, but he’s screwed too many women in his life, so he’s not good enough for me?” don’t kid yourself for a minute that he’s worried about your feelings being with him. darlin’, you just got called a whore, more or less, and you’re sitting here asking yourself how you can change his definition of the word.
i hope you find someone who’s worthy of your attention. i suspect this guy isn’t, but of course that’s your call.
good luck to you!
Elsa’s right, of course. The right man will know that everything you’ve done up to this point has made you who you are today.
i’ve gotten that. and my history isn’t really that colorful. i think.
anyway. yes, by all means, serve this as a lesson in remembering that the relationship is what matters, not history. men who get worked up over your older stories are going to want to control who you are. in my experience. as if the past is something you can go out and change just because you love them! or whatever.
IM AN AQUARIUAS AN EVEN I THINK WHAT HE DID WAS TYPE WRONG. HE ACTIN LIKE A LIL BITCH AINT NOTHIN WRONG WITH A WOMAN THAT HAS ALOT OF EXPERIENCE. HE MIGHT LEARN A THING OR 2
Me being an astrologer with a lot of Aquarius/Uranus – of course unconventional types like astrologers got to have Uranus very strong in their charts, so much so Uranus rules Astrology and Astrologers (and all alternative therapies for that matter) – I find it the most amusing that it is actually an Aquarius guy that has the gall to tell you in your face that the *ahem* Aquarius like freedom you experimented in your life is deemed of condemnation.
Most commenters here have nailed it – since you’re a Plutonian you’re bound to attract power-struggle types to your life and power struggle is what he tried to do. That man was scared s****less of the infatuation he was experiencing and the controlling power it might have in him or the feeling of lack of control he was getting from it and, as the loser he has been so far, he decided to escape its claws, not before trying to take your energy, vampiring you, letting you down, leaving you powerless and with the feeling of powerlessness.
Funny how potent / impotent comes to mind.
That’s what you’re really complaining about here – that man established an emotional/energetic connection with you, a cord as we say spiritually, and ran away with your energy, leaving you like a flat tire, empty and down.
As an Aries you couldn’t care less for (seemingly) weak guys like him, you expect a strong commandeering type. So that is not your issue here. it is obviously the power struggle-vampiring I am stating.
Better than the feel good factor that reading other people’s supportive comments may give you, what you have to do is to cut the ties that bind you with that man and henceforth cease giving away your energy.
You should state out loud you are cutting here and now the connections that no longer serve your evolution and command the cleansing of everything that is attached to those connections. You can do it like this:
– Dear Lord Almighty or Dear Lord Archangel Michael and Light Guardians or Dear Higher Self or Dear Light Beings or Dear Great Architect of the Universe or (whatever you like best) AND my dear Guardian Angels/Light Guides, I hereby cut the energy cords that no longer serve my evolution and
– I command the immediate, deep and absolute cleansing of all that is attached to them.
At this point you imagine you have a sword of Light in each of your hands and you cut the cord that goes from your stomach (Solar Plexus chakra) to the other person(s). You do this filling your chest with air and breathing out with each movement. Do it three times. And it is done! Then seal it stating the end affirmation:
– “In the name of the Mother, Father and Son AMEN” or just “AMEN” or “And so it is!”
Dear Aries, when you play the dating game you must be cautious about the vampiring that is taking place. Many people play it only to take energy from others, they have husbands and wives (that they suck energy from as well) and are not even remotely sincere about getting a new partner, you don’t even have to go to bed with them to be sucked out of your energies.
Astrologically speaking I would say that it is ridiculous an Aquarian frown upon somebody else’s liberties. They must be the most libertine sign, along with Aries and Leo and Sagittarius 😀
And you’re an Aries, what is that that you’re doing showing up as a victim? Not really eh?! What you’re in to is the victim-tyrant pattern which is more like the Cancer-Capricorn pair, very Arian unlike. That’s the pattern you’re playing, that you must work out your way to get rid of (past life therapy). The Aries way is much more like some people have stated here “What you see is what you get. What, you don’t like what you see? That’s because you’re not up to taking me on!”
Or in a more spiritual and much more harmonic way:
– “I thank God and my Light Guides (Guardian Angels) to let the people that are compatible with me cross my path but I thank them even more for not letting incompatible people come my way”.
– “I ask the Lord Almighty and the Light Guides to bring to my life and cross my path a very good Love from a past life, a lover from one of the plenty of very good harmonic and loving relationships I had in previous lives, to cross my path again now, someone I can blindingly trust because I know him for centuries and I love him from the top of my soul”.
I sense that the vibes coming out from dating that guy probably tell that he is a lover from past lives but most probably you didn’t get along well. I sense he may have abandon you then, probably with a child in your hands, and he repeated the pattern now. He probably was wiser this time and didn’t let it repeat up to the point where he would have to leave you with a child in your arms.
So in my professional opinion, that person did come your way because you have past life karma to heal with him. Nowadays you can do that without having to talk to or be with the other person again, you heal your karma with him from all the lives you had together, whatever relationships there were. I would do that if I were you.
Last but not least, the Sun and Mars describe the man in you – or the partner you crave and dream about – but it is the Moon and Venus in your chart that best describe you as a woman. So saying you’re an Aries doesn’t do much to tell who you are. However, it says a lot about the guy you’re searching for – a maverick, cowboy, commander, leader, assertive, muscular, manly, knight in shinning armour / gentleman and very virile person. Somebody to sweep you off your feet.
By the way, Elsa, taking from your picture, you do have Arian and Plutonian (Scorpian?) traits. Was it you you were writing about? Or maybe a close friend? 😉
Sending you all
Joy, Love and Light
Pedro Amor I’m
—
A Vida É Simples. As Coisas Mudam. Tudo É Possível.
Life Is Simple. Things Change. Anything Is Possible.
Que estejas bem. Que sejas feliz. Que encontres a Paz.
May you be well. May you be happy. May you find Peace.
Mitakuye Oyasin (Lakota Sioux)
Estamos Todos Ligados.
We Are All Connected.
Pedro – Welcome. No, this was a random question from a stranger and no, I’ve got no personal planets in Scorpio or Aries, but I do have a packed 8th house and a Mars I like to use. 😉
One Love / Honestly, there is an incredibly stnorg sexual attractionmore than that even, a sort of underlying soul connection: often.but this is an extremely sexy & playful & intense & unique pair.
I loved your entire response to this question, Elsa! It was perfect. You rock ?
Thank you. 🙂
Yes thanks for the bump, this is something I have had to learn, with my Scorp and all. I’ve met losers like this and my reaction should always have been ” tell me again why he’s so great”. I have focused too much on others’ experience of our relationship and thankfully those days are over. My standards have risen thank God.