Venus Saturn in Relationship = Delay and Deprivation? There Is More To The Story…

love vintage magazineThere’s a lot of interest in Venus Saturn after this post, Am I Destined To Be Unloved? I also had someone email me an intriguing question so I am going to write about this for awhile. I don’t have a Venus Saturn aspect in my chart, however I have a lot of Capricorn and most everyone I have ever been involved does have Venus mashed up with Saturn one way or the other so I have a of experience with the energy and where it’s supposed to be all bereft, I don’t see it that way.

Venus mashed with Saturn gives integrity to relationship for example and do relationships without integrity last? I guess not. Anyway, someone emailed to ask if ever felt frustration over the situation with the soldier. The wanted to know if I was always accepting and the answer is hell no, I was not always accepting and hell yes I have been frustrated beyond belief and still feel that way on a routine basis. It works like this:

When we were kids we met this challenge and never mind his side, I balked. He was going into Special Forces and he made it very clear to me he could be killed. He went as far as to say it was probable which was the truth is of course.

Well I was a teenager and I didn’t want a dead husband, do you blame me?

And Saturn between the charts hits my Mercury hard (Mars less so) so I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t talk because he was so alpha and know-it-all but also because I was scared to death. There were things I needed to disclose (I was lying about my age for starters) but I was afraid I’d be rejected if he found out I had no integrity! There were other things I was afraid to tell him because I was afraid of his potentially violent reaction, which boils down to a control (Saturn) thing.

special forces coinI could go on and on but if you start to put this together you can see it is nothing but a situation fraught with fear and limitations. Go through all this hell to try to talk to him and he’s going to die anyway, so what the hell? I’m out of here! But was that a mistake?

Well yeah. We think it was and we are paying for it now in ways that are hard to quantify or even express and I’ll give you an example.

Say he tells me the story of something that happened to him or something he saw in the course of his life that injured him and I listen.

Well first, the subject matter itself is disturbing. I wouldn’t put it on this blog for example because it would harm people just to read it. So there is pain at that level but its driven much deeper by our knowing that had we taken a different path, the event would not have occurred. It simply would not have happened because our lives would have taken a different direction had we been together.

For example, he says he is sure he’d have still gone into SF but if he were married to me he’d have gotten out after four years. He thinks he’d have done this because he’d have missed me to much and also, we would have wanted to do something together.

See, I am an ultra game, adventurous woman and bottom line, I am more fun than SF guys, you know? Plus I have that shiny hair and all so anyway, we also blew up in 2003.

And in 2006 when this came up again I spoke with friends and explained how incredibly hard it was to deal with him and his circumstance. All his circumstances. I could (and did) go on and on the reasons why I could not and should not get involved with him but turns out you just can’t avoid your destiny because son of a bitch if I am not doing the exact things I could or would not do 28 years ago. And so is he.

For example, I have to tell him things I didn’t want to tell him when we were kids… which happen to be things he does not want to know! We bolted then but we are facing this now and here’s the kicker:

The death thing? Well that’s back too. I was scared he would die then and I face the same fear now. Because he’s nowhere near healthy as I am and in case I didn’t notice I had an astrologer look at his chart and tell when he was going to die… in the not very distant future,


So what do I do? Ignore the fact I love him due his supposed short life span?

Well I am not going to do that (again) but don’t think it didn’t cross my mind. It did because it’s human nature to try to avoid pain.

But at this point the pain of denying the love while he is alive is worse than the prospect of losing him so I have taken this other road and yes it’s brutal. I mean, come on. Do you know how many coffee dates live in my neighborhood?


But I don’t want some vapid surface thing, do I? I do not. I want the twists and the turns, the surprise and the intensity. I want the loyalty and the love and the quality of nurturing that can’t be found anywhere but.

And I hope this inspires someone out there. Some person with Venus mashed up with Saturn in their chart. Don’t let them tell you there is no love for you… it’s a lie. The soldier has Venus inconjunct Saturn. Love denied and delayed? Yes.

But he has also been loved (Venus) to the bone (Saturn). Some people don’t even know what that is so considering that you tell me who is bereft.

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24 thoughts on “Venus Saturn in Relationship = Delay and Deprivation? There Is More To The Story…”

  1. first reaction: wow!

    second reaction: one of the best posts that i have read on your site since peeping in over a year ago. it is definately going into my “must keep” folder.

    venus biquintile saturn

    thank you

  2. Dear Elsa,

    I am an astrologer myself, and I really enjoy your blog, the best Astrology I’ve read in years. Your comment about Venus-Saturn offers a deep insight and truth, I can confirm everything. Saturn-Neptun conjunction is square to my Venus.

    Thank you very much!


  3. I know what it is to love someone so intensly…but to feel that love returned…I have seen it in my grandparents but never felt it first hand.

  4. That was a great post.

    It inspired me to go look at my husband’s chart. Sure enough, Venus opposite Saturn. We had a long distance international relationship (across the Atlantic) for 2 1/2 years before we were finally able to be in the same place together for good. I do not have Venus in aspect to Saturn, which explains why this was so much harder on him than it was on me.

    What you wrote reminded me of the times when one of us would cobble enough money together to go see the other one. It was blissful but also incredibly painful, because you know it is going to end and are trying not to mentally count down the days.

  5. My venus is loosely conjunct saturn in the same sign and love is always around but also always with weird delays or deadends…but I do have to say it is great when it comes and is real. My SO has venus square saturn….2 peas in a pod.

    Best of luck everyone!

  6. *sigh* great tale and all the better for being true. Is Uranus in there somewhere messing with the situation too? I have had these great relationships with people where we had good, solid Saturn connections but had a really hard time being in the same place at the same time (Uranus square Moon in synastry)

    My Aries has Venus(12th House) exactly inconjunct to Saturn in his 7th & I have Venus(1st House) widely trine Saturn. We’re both very committed to our relationship and it’s a very good feeling to share that value. We did meet for the first time & were very drawn to each other about 3 or 4 yrs before we got together. Didn’t act on the attraction at that time because of other commitments.

  7. Bless you, Elsa 🙂
    It’s a great post.
    I have that conjunction. One day someone will love me to the bone (and I have a few strange bones in me), but first I’ll have to let them.

  8. Thank you for the post. What a relief and inspiration to hear someone recognize and value true love even when the choice to stick with it can feel brutal, as you say. To love to the bone..what a great image for venus/saturn. Thanks again.

  9. Avatar

    Me: saturn square venus SO: saturn trine venus

    relationship took 7 years to get to dating. Both of us the odd balls, and single for most of that time.


  10. Dear Elsa,
    glad I found your blog…thank you for posting this again…it gave me a chance to read it…first time you made me cry…I can so relate to your story it is scary…thank you for give me a positive insight to my saturn square venus…wishing you and the soldier the best…you two deserve it…and may God give you two time to live your love to the fullest and arrive at the end of your life with no regrets…

  11. ….this is me- saturn inconjunct venus- and i am so deprived/denied/delayed of love- that this post made me cry. hope I will be loved to the bone soon. thank you for this post…

  12. Thanks Elsa. I have Saturn inconjunct Venus and wonder if I’ll ever find love. Your post gives me some hope! (If Venus inconjunct Saturn is the same?) Thank you again!

  13. Both my late husband (had) and I have a Venus Saturn aspect. I have a square and he had a trine. We were also soulmates (I fell in love immediately, he felt it too but suppressed it ruthlessly- as a result of my repeated behaviors which were driven by unconscious fear from my powerful yet extremely confusing emotions. Obviously we finally figured it out enough to get married, but our baggage proved formidable even so. Now he is gone and all I can think about is the mistakes I made and how they cheated us of as much as ten years of life together. My mourning is intense.

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