Dear Elsa
I am the typical Aquarian woman and my husband the typical Aries. We have been together 5 years but only got married this year. We love each other very much and I can’t imagine myself being with anybody else. But alas, we have a problem that I just can’t seem to fix.
In the beginning of our relationship our sex life was great. Then one day he just could not perform. Me being the typical Aquarian couldn’t care much, but I know that it must have hurt his pride deeply. Later we would try to do it but he would not be able to and we would end up with him crying and with me trying to support him and also crying because I love him and don’t want to see him like that.
It got worse – we had a lot of financial worries and other problems and everything seemed to just get worse. It went on for about a year with us not having sex and I even asked if it was me turning him off, maybe I was too fat (you know how woman are) and if he was seeing someone else. I just couldn’t believe he didn’t want to have sex anymore or even try to make things better.
Then one night I came home and found him with another woman in our house. You don’t even want to know how I felt. Here I was supporting him, worrying about him doing all I can and in the mean time he was doing someone else. I couldn’t understand how he could be so selfish, so arrogant, so irresponsible. How could he have sex with her, but he couldn’t even get it to work with me. To make a long story short. I forgave him, for many reasons I don’t care to go into.
It has been 3 years since then. We moved to another country and financially things are going fine. Our bedroom life has improved, but not to what I want. We still don’t have sex. I can count the times we’ve had sex on my one hand, even though we have oral sex often. I don’t even talk about it with him. Sometimes I feel like if I mention the word sex he tenses up. Lately I have tried reverse psychology but that also doesn’t seem to do wonders.
I am fed up with him not wanting to have sex. I don’t know what to do anymore. And I am tired of feeding his ego and getting nothing. What am I suppose to do, just wait around and hope for him to one day feel like it again? Aren’t Aries suppose to have high sex drives.
Please give me some advice, I’m really frustrated with this situation.
Aquarian
South Africa
Dear Aquarian,
Your question is enormously interesting because while it seems on the surface this problem is due to your husband, the situation you describe shows up in your chart very distinctly… which means if you leave him you are very likely to find yourself in a similar circumstance one way or the other. Not that there isn’t hope. There is always hope but there is little hope that waiting on him to resolve is going to produce results. Not when it’s in your chart, see.
So here’s the astrology:
You have Mars (sex) in Aquarius (detached, unusual) opposed by Saturn (restriction). And with the opposition it appears it is the fault of the other person but it will always be the fault of the other person. What I mean is that this will set up for you over and over and over until you take responsibility (Saturn) for your sexual health and happiness. And in this case, since he either can’t or won’t get an erection, you be best served to get yourself a dildo and take it to bed with you, with or without him.
Since you can’t see yourself without him, I would say take it to bed with him and tell him, “this is what we’re going to do.” And if this sounds shocking to you, that’s good. If you are afraid to do this, that is also good because it is your authentic energy.
Aquarius shocks and Saturn is scared. Anecdote is to face your fear. The anecdote is to expand rather than restrict. So just think about this with your Aquarian intellect. You show up in bed with a replacement dick… taking responsibility for the lack and what’s he going to do? Something different, right?
I know you’re scared but Mars is a hero, see. So as long as you do nothing you are going to suffer but if you will do something brave and heroic I really don’t think you can go wrong.
Good luck.
i don’t know that i would have thought of that. but i _really_ like the idea of taking responsibility for yourself in the situation and not trying to control the husband, who is uncontrollable anyway. that’s a very creative way to stay faithful, stay sexual, and take care of yourself at the same time. and then, it’s up to him if he wants to do something differnt for himself, because you’re gonna get yours one way or another…i think it’s a great idea.
Wishing you well, Aquarian. That’s tough and I hope it improves for you soon.
Omygarsh, i wish I knew how this one played out!! Great advice as always Elsa!! One for the record books.
Dear fellow Aquarian,
Although sex is not everything, it is very important in a relationship. And for your husband to tense up at the mention of it, is really a shame. Obviously, he can get it up, but he’s just not interested in getting it up for you. You have to be honest with yourself and admit that. Sorry, but if I were you, I’d cut my losses and move on. We Aquarian’s are too fly to have to beg anyone for dick. So, tell him to hit the road, and I’m sure you’ll find another man that will not only appreciate you, but he’ll also blow your back out with some good lovin!!!
Hey dear aquarian, am glad I read this today! Cos I had similar issues with my ex, am actuacly an aquarian who dated an aries man, nd I went through that a lot of times, I thank God we were not married today,beacause an aries man gets bored easily, but I just believe that some way there is hope since you are in this already, just pretend like you don’t care anymore, pay less attension to him , sonce he doesn’t want it at all , then act like its not important too, the aries have this jelousy thing about them which you can use to get them back, maybe in that way he can come back! Just try it you never can tell..
I am an aquarian. My advice would be harsh but here it is. You can’t change a man and you can’t continue forgive someone who’s done you wrong. If you can’t change the situation, how about change your surrounding. Maybe you should learn to live on your own and let him grow up. Life is short. Do something for yourself. Stop living with a man whose showed you nothing but worries and deceits.
i always wonder about these things becuase i’ve seen alot of saturn influence women (my sister’s mother in law is a capricorn sun, sag venus cap mars libra moon) married to an aries man who has a mistress for many many years. but he won’t leave his wife of course, and keeps the mistress on the side. everyone in the family knows. I thought he was a leo sun but found out his birthday is early april. but he won’t leave (i think the saturn is sticking) then i know of two other incidents, my mother in law who is cap sun, aqua venus, virgo mars who was married to a double virgo with scorpio mars and virgo venus (found out his correct bday) and he’s got alot of virgo who still had sex with mother in law right until the day he left and everyone knew he was with his future wife who he has been with for 3 decades now. The entire thing is strange so i asked my husband and he was like, hmmmm well u know some men just want to enjoy sex for sex sakes. He wasn’t entirely shocked about his father but shocked his mother revealed it to me. lol