Hello,
I was married to a man who was triple Libra. He left me for another woman. He had already been with her but telling me I was his world. A year later I felt healed enough to start to date again.
Unfortunately my dating relationships over this new year don’t last more than a month or two. I can easily attract a man. I am thin and fit, fun to be around, pretty, kind, sweet, generous, intelligent and ambitious. I have a great family and close friends who are dumbfounded at the problems I am having.
I am far from perfect but the men I have dated (more so fallen for) fall at my feet and repeatedly tell me they wish to give me the world… Sadly, this isn’t the case. I seem to get involved with men who are balancing two women- another and myself. I usually find this out after and the other women win out. Two of the men have returned since, almost sheepishly, to tell me they messed up. One went as far to tell me that I would make the
perfect life partner for him (Taurus).
I am at a point where I am frustrated as the Scorpio just disappeared with another woman. I am expecting his call and apology some time in the near future. Will this pattern of hurt keep going? Is there something in my chart that draws these men to me or me to them?
I feel like they want a revolving door but my rule is once they are out they don’t get a second chance. I am not looking for a shoulder to cry on but some realistic advice on my chart- things I can possibly change.
Virgo Sun, Pisces Moon
Canada
Dear Virgo,
It sounds as if you are confused and authentically trying to do your best and while this may come across as harsh it is not meant that way because I really do feel your struggle, I empathize and want to help you. Things is that your marriage aside, your dating problems seem largely self-inflicted and Saturn’s transit through Virgo in aspect to most of your chart begs you take responsibility.
For example, you state you can attract men like flies and I believe you so if this is true why stop with a man who has another woman? Why not toss him and attract someone else who does not have another woman?
It is you making this choice, see. And all the friends and supportive family in the world is not going to be able to help you in the least if you do not decide to make better choices and yes, the pattern of hurt will continue, quite obviously.
As to why your make the choices you do, outlining this from an astrological perspective is outside the scope of this column but it seems clear to me you are attracted to the victim position and perhaps the feel of the edge of a knife in relationship as well.
I realize this may fall outside your current definition of self but you have to admit the facts fit and it again comes back to your Saturn transit which will force you to see yourself in the real light and if you don’t like the image you can change the frame and get a whole new lease on life in the process.”
Good luck.
echoing elsa on this:
“it again comes back to your Saturn transit which will force you to see yourself in the real light and if you don’t like the image you can change the frame and get a whole new lease on life in the process.”
i’m going through something much like this myself, and forcing myself to look at how i perpetuate my own stories has helped me changed all sorts of unpleasant patterns… and i’m seeing tons of things about myself i hadn’t ever considered to be part of my identity. some of it’s actually pretty neat. *shrug*
good luck- this can be tricky stuff.
ok, virgo, i’m gathering from what your saying that you sometimes have difficulty realizing the man is taken until after it goes down.
and i’m wondering if your pisces moon comes into play here. if these men are falling at your feet promising you the world, y’think you have a tendency to let them help you dream it up into something “magical” instead of a real, day-in-day-out pay the bills and do the laundry and run the errands kind of relationship?
how about exercising a little more virgo energy and admiring the practical, level-headed guy who is grown up and acts it?
add that to a tendency to emotionally self-sacrifice with the pisces and you may be setting yourself up for disappointment.
i have a 7th house sat in pisces, so the tendency to both dream up more in relationships than exists, unduly romantisize partners, and ridiculously self-sacrifice are all things i’m familiar with. however, i eventually stopped ’cause it was way painful, and hooked up with a very nice double-virgo who never promised me the world, but loves me like i’m his world. and i can tell you from my perspective, that’s WAY better.
good luck!
“my rule is once they are out they don’t get a second chance.”
Good rule!
I bet that the pressure will lift up as soon as you make the right choice (ie, you pick a man who isn’t taken). I bet it’ll stay off as long as long as you keep making that choice. And I bet the pressure will come back as soon as you make the wrong one again!
I’m guessing this because I’m a Virgo myself, and that’s what’s happening to me. Honestly, I don’t want to do this; I DON’T feel like making these changes. >.< But… on the other hand, I was unusually good yesterday, and I was unusually happy too.
I still reserve the right to drag my feet. 😛
Enough about me, though. Here’s to your quick success! :raises glass:
Dear Virgo, I think men are not on this Earth to “give us the world” nor we are here to “be the world” for them. I think that’s simply a wrong assumption. The most we can do is to share each other’s world and work towards creating a new and better one, not only for us but for those around us and for the future. It may help you to review whatever assumptions are on the basis of your expectations that make you fall again and again for the same illusion and into the same pain. Once you correct them everything will fall into place and you will find the right one to create a real shared world. You don’t even need to be pretty or fun for this – although it’s not an obstacle 🙂 Take care!
Thank you for responding to my letter and to the readers who left their advice. To clarify- I am not nor have been the “other woman” – I refuse to be. I am a Virgo and that would be sordid and well below me.
I have had that happen to me(single woman put herself between my ex-husband and me) and would NEVER do that to someone else.
What I was trying to figure out was why the pattern? Perhaps it’s ignoring warning signs that others may see and faling into that victim role..
But the example is a Scorpio I was dating (my Virgo side is cautious and has high standards- he was slowly becoming part of my everyday life) randomly met his ex from 2 years while he was dating me. They went out and decided to rekindle. He didn’t tell me about it- I just found out he was in a “relationship” (crazy enough he saw her once and its now over). He is in his late 30’s so you would think the maturity would be there. He contacted me last night saying he felt guilty and couldn’t tell me at the time what was going on. That I am so sweet and he wants to spend time together. This is the pattern…
Its like I get put on hold by these guys who say they want much more but suddenly have the urge to spread their oats and then return tail between the legs…maybe its just men and I should quieten the Virgo self-critism?
As for the Pisces moon- I do tend to self-sacrifice, often to my own detriment. As for being ‘someone’s world’, I do tend to have old fashion notions when it comes to relationships. I seem to act more Pisces unless I am hurt then I turn back into Virgo and go very cold.
I am in my ‘saturn return’ and I know this is the time to take a good look at myself. Thanks for the insight!
well, self-criticism doesn’t help, but self awareness does (from another virgo/leo rising). i can’t tell you what’s going down for you because i don’t know, but i can say i’ve had times in my life where i finding the same relationship pattern repeat, i decided it had to be me because it was same story, different guys. so i hopped into therapy for a few months until i got it squared away. i started dating the man i’ve been married to for the last 18 years towards the end of my therapy.
whatever your answer, i supsect it’s somewhere within. sending you good wishes, ms. virgo.
Ok, so I’m just a little bit annoyed. I like this guy I work with but I get the vibe like he’se ignoring me… He told me he liked me a while ago, and I liked him too we hung out twice. Once at his friends house (which was pretty cool) and once at a carnival. He talked about well have to see how things go because we both work at walmart but he’se a supervisor & the store has yet to open. I’ve been trying to ask him if he’se wanted to hang out again at all I called him and he said he was at his grandma’s, I write him, he hasn’t been online in over a week. Is he ignoring me? I really like this guy, I mean he still says hi or looks at me and smiles and I do the same to him, but what did I do wrong?
Also I am a virgo & he futhermore is a pisces.