Melinda asked in the comments on Synastry – What If Love Natures Are Mismatched?
Elsa, how Do you, how does Astrology distinguish everlasting true love as opposed to romantic love?
Great question. I’m not sure astrology can pick up either of these things. Besides having free will, people are complex and they’re fickle. Let me explain!
Astrology can definitely show attraction (sexual or otherwise). It can show a natural affinity between two people. It can show yearning and pining and the potential for a significant bond. This does not mean either party will act on the pull they feel, be it an impulse or something more substantial.
For example, it’s common a person a person becomes involved with someone who in unavailable (for whatever reason). They take their chart and the chart of the beloved and point out all the connections that bolster their view – this person belongs to them and vice versa.
They leave out the part about how the person is married, or in prison, or simply not interested in partnering. My lifelong friend, Ben, is like this. We met in our early 20’s. He had a traumatic relationship life. At the time of his Saturn return, he told me he would never partner again. He has kept this vow for decades.
This does not mean he has not crossed paths with someone with whom he partner with successfully. I’m sure he has, but he doesn’t want that.
As a second example, my husband and I have had romantic love that has been shown to be true and everlasting. We don’t have the greatest synastry, quite frankly. Search, “Aries vs Libra”, on this blog. Our fights are legendary…they always have been. We’ve scared the hell out of people since the 1970’s. We have a grand cross in our composite chart. My Venus in Leo squares his Scorpio Moon. Etc.
So how’s this work?
It works because we want it to work. We believe we were made for each other. We believe our marriage pleases God. This has allowed us to learn and grow, flourish and give to others.
Don’t mistake this for living in a bubble of bliss. That’s what I used to do when my Venus square Neptune ran my life.
People who have true, everlasting love, choose it. They get over their bias – tall, dark, handsome, rich / 5’7″, 125 pounds, blah, blah. They opt to outgrow their (childish) selfishness and put another person’s needs before their own. Etc.
Bottom line, the charts show potential but tell nothing at all about the choices a person will make. Look around. Some people choose the easy path, each and every time. Other people do not. Over time, the person who pushed against the resistance (which is internal in many cases) tends to strengthen themselves and have a more satisfying life.
If you want true, everlasting love, the most important thing you can do is choose someone who wants the same. Anything less, and you’re probably doomed.
Also see my (short) video series – Synastry: The Main Techniques Work But Not Really.
Last, when you do find a like-minded person, this is when astrology can really help. It shows clearly where you’ll clash and why. There are solutions to everything, if people care to look for them and put them in place.
“Some people choose the easy path, each and every time. Other people do not. Over time, the person who pushed against the resistance (which is internal in many cases) tends to strengthen themselves and have a more satisfying life.”
Wonderful.
People say you need to work at relationships but actually I think you have to work at yourself and get ridding of your own preconceptions and insecurities.
Then when issues come up in a relationship it feels easy to sit down, talk about it, listen to your partner, find a decent solution that works for both of you.
I’ve met few people who know how to do this. But improves the quality of life in all areas not just relationships.
“If you want true, everlasting love, the most important thing you can do is choose someone who wants the same. Anything less, and you’re probably doomed.”
Elsa, that was a brilliant piece, and brutally honest, which is, I think, exactly what is needed right now. The part about people comparing charts, and how they’re so perfect for each other, but the other one is married, or in prison was really revealing.
I guess, at the end of the day/night, true love comes down to “do you want to stay together?”, and the answer determines the course of the next day, no matter what the chart says.
Now I’m wondering if “so called” divorce aspects/transits have any validity at all?
Thanks for answering. You have the best astro~blog on the web, and I seek you out every single day.
Words are cheap ~ wisdom is priceless. Thank you for your wise words!
You’re welcome!
As for divorce, Jupiter is more indicative than Uranus from what I’ve seen. 🙂
I’m not sure I understand. Is wanting to have a strong mutual physical attraction in a love relationship a bias? I can’t imagine any kind of love I’d want without it. I get that if you only want a certain height, look, etc. that’s a problem, but isn’t natural chemistry crucial?
Yes, I think chemistry is crucial. I also think there is much to the physical type (search this blog “imprint” / physical type).
The problem is, people set aside their internal aesthetic to replace with a standard dictated by the media.
I have written many times about my affinity to dark-haired men with big noses…not too tall. I’m looking for a Roman, basically. Big surprise! 🙂
This is in my video class, by the way.
https://elsaelsa.com/product/finding-love-with-astrology-course/
I read your physical description sentence and snorted to myself. When I was a teen I followed the crowd when it came to my admirations but when I actually started dating it took me way too long to realize that the extra zip I felt around certain men WAS physical attraction. I had taken it for granted that such a thing was only possible with movie star types, and had assumed therefore that my lukewarm response to those guys was just the state of my personal drives. Turns out short stocky and hairy is what I like and what do you know, it actually does makes a difference in how I feel in a relationship.
“the charts show potential but tell nothing at all about the choices a person will make. Look around. Some people choose the easy path, each and every time. Other people do not. Over time, the person who pushed against the resistance (which is internal in many cases) tends to strengthen themselves and have a more satisfying life.”
Maybe the charts can also tell who has a tendency to choose the easy path and vice versa.
I personally cannot distinguish everlasting love from romantic love. Must be Neptune. But I’ve seen romantic love last a lifetime in real life.
But I agree with the comment above about the trouble with letting the media dictate your aesthetic tastes.
But really true love does not have a taste. It just happens…not something we can control really.
Theres also good synastry and the other person thinks youre ugly so it’s whatever
I love this. Quite interesting
I agree with 90% of your take on relationships. It is a choice, period.
I never had role models for love, healthy communication, self-esteem or healthy womanhood until I went looking for them at an advanced age.
I’ve met couples with the most amazing relationships and stories to tell, especially 2 from Haiti whose love transcended all borders and boundaries. They found each other after decades and marriages, children and countless moves to other countries with one of them usually a few steps behind the other, unknowing. it was as if they were bound by forces beyond them and I imagine they were. So fun to visit with them on their farm. They should write a book!
I always digress. I’m kinda where your good friend Ben finds himself. I am somehow unable to put myself across in the “right” way. I give up.
When you never knew how- how do you learn? I’m doing something so wrong and so against what I actually want to happen. Ignorance is turmoil. Oh well, it is what it is. I probably just haven’t met the person who wants to invest in me the same.
I want to add one thing though, people always say that you can’t find love until you love yourself but in my experience that is patently false. I realise it helps but it isn’t true.
Everything is a choice but we don’t all have the same abilities to make or even discern that choice.
Interesting:
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‘it was as if they were bound by forces beyond them and I imagine they were.’
But everything is a choice?
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‘I probably just haven’t met the person who wants to invest in me the same.’
Not chosen to meet that person? Isn’t that a choice?
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Probably nothing is a choice.