I feel sorry for some of these men, left high and dry by their wives. I feel sorry for women who are left as well, but some of these men have wives who are going to leave them and they just don’t realize, they’re about to be hit by a truck.
I also think a good number of people who divorce would have better off to ride out the storm in their marriage. I can’t tell you how many people I work with, who left their spouse and would put it back the way it was, if they could.
Saturn is just about to leave Libra for Scorpio. The end of September is so incredibly intense. Whatever you do, take care, as the fallout from separations at this time is going to be profound and significant.
Are you someone who would put it back the way it was, if you could?
No. We’ve remained friends, though. It’s been seven years since I left him and every time I see him – met just a few weeks ago for lunch – I always ask myself if I did the right thing. And every single time the answer is YES.
Not my first marriage, but my first serious boyfriend (aqu with taurus moon). I wish I’d been more mature about his breaking up with me,
Angie
Nope
I wish there was a way my ex and I could’ve worked it out, but I have no wish to put it back the way it was. I was so miserable then, and I’m so happy now. There was no riding it out, I had already rode it out for years, and it was only getting worse. Saturn, at that time, was going through Virgo & and my 1st house. I did what I had to do to save myself and my health (physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual).
I’m sure my husband and I will ride it out. Feels like just another test.
My relationship ended with a whimper. No fight; no blame; he didn’t love me and didn’t want to be in a relationship anymore. Hearing that he’d rather be alone than with me hurt a lot, but in retrospect, I don’t want someone that isn’t all in. I admit I still love him, but if he offered a chance to do it again, I’d say no.
Takes two to tango, two to make a marriage work, two to let it go.
yup. but I wasn’t the one who left.
Nope….though I sincerely love my ex spouse.It just wasn’t meant to last and I can’t overlook cheating and physical abuse. It’s been hard as hell getting on my own two feet but I wouldn’t change it. I do wish it were different…if there was no abuse or cheating I would have never in a MILLION YEARS left. I would sleep with that dude in a box under a highway if it came to that. When you exhibit that kind of loyalty I guess some people think they own you and can treat you badly if they want to. He took my kindness for weakness. Now I’m gone and will never go back under any circumstance. I was open to maybe reconciling at the end of this year and thought he’d changed but when I saw him for the first time in about 3 years he was still controlling and verbally abusive…I’m sure if given enough time that the physical abuse would have been around the corner. He said he’d changed and healed when we spoke over the phone those years. When we met in person. He had not. Oh well. I passed that Saturn in Libra lesson with flying colors. Enough.
I wouldn’t go back, but I wouldn’t have finished it either. I wish my husband had worked harder at keeping it together, but he had a kind of ‘grass is greener’ moment. And once certain things had happened (eg lying over our assets, getting a friend’s daughter pregnant) there was no going back
When this kind of thing comes up on the boards, esp where there are kids, I always argue for working harder to retrieve the relationship. I don’t think many people realise quite how eviscerating divorce can be, nor how difficult life is on one’s own. And especially, they discount how it will effect their children.
When real hard work has gone into trying to save the marriage (and I know at least one of the posters above worked that hard) then and only then is divorce the best option. It takes two to do the work: both must want to save the union
I think that already at an earlier stage there’s a moment when you cannot put it back the way it was. Things have a way to corrupt before your eyes, and that corruption starts long before you eventually make the decision to leave.
I am not just talking about marriage but in every relationship, if you are present enough, you can witness that painful corruption and after a while it becomes just unbearable.
I seriously appreciate the warning to take care. I want to take care. I don’t want to be stupid and lose these things that used to matter so much to me. But what if you already feel that you’ve lost them? Should we not listen to that voice? How could we ignore it?
We are condemned to listen to our heart, to which, long after, we give the romantic name of “destiny”.
It’s getting hard. The person I’ve been seeing for the last six months is making a lot of mistakes. We love each other very much, but I’m very conscious of the lessons I’ve learned from this blog. That, with Saturn leaving Libra, any mistakes you make now… you’ll end up paying dearly for.
I have mars in cancer in my 7th square Pluto in Libra. I’m tryin to be understanding and forgiving. I’m trying to be patient. …but I have a tendency to put my own needs last and to tolerate what I shouldn’t. I’ve paid dearly for this in lost time – years I’ll just never get back.
The person I’ve been seeing is significantly younger than I – 8 years. Things are good when we are together, but he has a 12th house Sun in Leo square Pluto in Scorpio (conjunction the IC, and he’s Leo Rising). He does not understand the destruction this part of his personality can cause.
I kind of hit the end of my rope with him the last few days. He really hurt me with some things he said to me. I want to forgive him… and I would… but he keeps effing up. He can be wry inconsiderate of my time. It doesn’t bother me so much, except for when something important comes up. After this past weekend, I thought it best to separate from him – even though this really broke my heart. He begged and pleaded for a second chance (in reality it would be his fourth chance).
He pleaded with me to let him come over last night. I felt I owed him that much – and would want the same, we’re the situation reversed. I told him to come by between 9-10pm. At 10pm I asked him where he was. At 1030, he said he had to go with his friend to pick up a new dog he was getting, but that he still planned on coming by. I didn’t respond. …I didn’t even know what to say. He showed up at midnight….high….again. He smokes a lot of weed. This is normally not a problem for me… But he smokes too much (he also has moon square Neptune). He barely said anything except that he wanted to be with me. …then he laid on my bed and fell asleep. When I woke up… he was gone. ….something he’s never done before. He didn’t even say goodbye.
I told him in a text that he needed to come over and have the conversation with me that he was too high to have last night. He replied that he wasn’t coming back… because it was too much in gas. He said “If you want to talk… You know where to find me.”
I told him that he is making me do this. All he had to do was make some effort; tell me he cared about me… and I would’ve given him another chance. …I love him so much.
He BEGGED me to come over and hear him out. He said, “I KNOW I can fix things. I’m not ready to give up on us”…and he showed up high, 3 hours late. He passed out right away, left without saying goodbye, and told him that he wouldn’t drive back because of the gas. ….then he called me this afternoon… to talk. All he said was that he wanted to still be with me. He asked me if I loved him. …but he really said nothing else. I pointed out that he was the one who said he wanted to talk. I asked him to say something because of that. ….he made a comment about the dog. When I said that I meant “say something about this issue between us”, he told me he was drawing a blank. So, we got off the phone.
It’s really just heartbreaking.
I wouldn’t go back to the one that I left or the one that left me, just to clarify,
Angie
“I don’t think many people realise quite how eviscerating divorce can be, nor how difficult life is on one’s own. And especially, they discount how it will effect their children.”
Yep BP….it’s devastating in every way. If I am crazy enough to marry again, I don’t plan on ever letting go. They might let go…and that’s fine. But I plan on CHOOSING WISELY and staying put.
No. Not the way it was. I would definitely have to see some changes. Otherwise the love is still there.
I don’t go back. And I’ve made clear to every man who has left me, you better be sure because there is no round two with me.
What can I say? I can’t break my heart twice.
My ex’s mother used to say, she wish she’d never left his dad. She left him, married and then divorced 4 more times. She’s single now. My ex’s father is still with the woman he married after the divorce to his kids’ mother.
No! I was scared. I was alone. I was a single mother and had to fight hard to keep my kids going sometimes working two jobs but I never regret leaving him. Leaving him was what made me who I am today because I had to work so hard to do it, and to recover from it. My kids would have been raised with a significant amount of money and they would be spoiled brats never knowing hardship. They needed that. They work very hard now. Neither of them see him. I didn’t talk badly about him. I let them figure him out themselves. He is even richer today and I would have never had to work but still we couldn’t care less. My children and I are better people because I left. No Mother can let a man hit her in front of her kids.
If I lost my current husband (which would only be to death) I would probably die of a broken heart and leave here right behind him.
Some of these relationships I read about here do need to be over. No one should have to put up with abuse, alcoholics, drug addicts, one person doing all the giving, S/O wont work….ackkk but I do agree with Elsa if all you are doing is daydreaming and thinking the grass may be greener ….its greener on the side you water!
Marriage is hard work.
“it’s greener on the side you water” nicely said!
I was a divorced kid so the very last thing on this earth that I wanted for mine was to be divorced kids. I was very careful and considered in my decision about the man I wanted to marry. I truly believed I met my soulmate. But things happen along the way in life that are outside your control and in my case it was my husband’s depression – and his unwillingness to treat it. I worked soooooo hard and sooooo long on my marriage but as noted by others, it takes two and not one. I read my 5 year old daughter “Cinderella” one night and she asked “mommy, do I have to get married?” I was puzzled by this question but responded that no only if she wanted to. Then out of the mouths of babes it came “oh good! husbands are too much work!” Then I had to get real about what my marriage was teaching my children.
On the other hand, I have a dear friend who definitely regrets ending her marriage.
Where is the right balance? Hopefully we’ll all know by the time Saturn leaves Libra.
As for the mean, I see this a lot. Although I begged and pleaded for years for counseling, whether for marital or for himself, he wouldn’t hear it and instead chose to blame me. When I think of all the times when I asked him for what i needed and would be rebuffed, often harshly, he never saw my misery coming and was completely stunned. In the men that I’ve met dating, I’ve seen this scenario played out many times.
A single male friend of mine told me how important the “thrill of the chase” or “the hunt” was to a man in dating. I asked him if he realized that women aren’t deer and no man could truly capture us – that all a man got was a woman’s affections in that moment in time and her hopes that those affections would continue into the future. Nothing more. He was genuinely shocked. He believed that once a man “caught” a woman, she would be happily stuffed and hung over the mantle the rest of their lives :-).
Unfortunately while there are a zillion magazine articles and books out there to explain men to women to enhance their chances at a successful relationship, there is nothing for men. So they make the same mistakes over and over and over again.
reading Jeannie’s and scorpioandproud’s comments on marriage, reminds me how hard it was to stay in terrible marriages and awful relationships and you work so hard to keep it together no matter the abuse. it’s good to be free of that. being single and not getting abused is much happier. and that’s a great comment on men needing helping tips. There’s so many for women out there and how to improve. I think there are also helpful tips for men too but only for men who are honestly willing to learn and try.
I don’t regret leaving my marriage at all. The only thing I miss is the financial standing I might have had when I see people who remained married for many years.
I certainly wouldn’t be struggling like I do now. But I would have earned every penny in frustration and fear and anger.
My ex seems a different man now, and perhaps he is. But it took losing me, and losing two more wives to effect change.