Do You Feed On Angst & Risk-Taking?

ElsaElsa ask the collectiveSome people don’t realize they’re living in a house of cards. They may be involved in some high-risk affair. The kind of thing where most would realize, it’s inevitable they’ll be caught.  But they think the situation is stable!

Some people like the angst and the risk and the potential of beating the odds.  For example, I have seen a number of people get sexually involved with their best friend’s child. I have seen men do it, but I have seen women do it too. One of them wrote me for advice:  I’m Having Sex With My Friend’s Son.

Do you feed on angst in some way? What do you think drives this?

29 thoughts on “Do You Feed On Angst & Risk-Taking?”

  1. I have often wondered how people cheat or carry out scenarios like the one you described. I have waaay too much angst/anxiety day-to-day to do things like that. Even if morally I could overlook it, my nerves could never take it. I feel bad for people who get themselves into these situations because it must feel like hell, if not initially, eventually….Inevitably.

  2. Well, this is timely… I do not like to feel this kind of angst but I do get into dramas like this out of fear. I’d rather feel angst by risking hurting someone else than to trust someone won’t hurt me.

    I think with my Scorpio Saturn tied to Venus, its about controlling who has the power to hurt who. It’s like an eye for an eye.

  3. I have a perpetual kind of existential angst, but I steer very clear of dramatic relationship angst for the most part. I’ve always been like this. Complacency is very foreign to me.

  4. The sex with the best friend’s child thing is just weird behavior. But it has to have something to do with believing they don’t have a choice. Like…can’t you find someone your own age? And they believe they can’t. I have a talented, extremely educated friend who’s on unemployment because he says there are “no jobs.” He really believes this, there are no jobs. So his unemployment is going to run out, he’s taking the unemployment and sitting on his saying there are no jobs. Maybe these people will pick laziness and angst over challenging their environment and changing it?

  5. I read your post about the woman with a younger guy. The answer from public I found was so dissapointing. I wonder how someone who is interested in astrology and theoretically should be open minded and understeand that there is purpose for all the choices people make. So if someone searches for a mother/father, son/dauther figure so what? Maybe these are the people who never before found that type of human affection and it truly makes them happy. Maybe the happiness that couples with big age differences-find is making other people jealous and that’s why there are criticizing-to confirm that their life path is in order and not get bitter over someone elses luck, builded on letting go off opinion of narrow minded society.

    To the Capricorn moon women-get back to your boy-don’t listen to idiots. Don’t trust them.

  6. I had a friend who created her own turmoil. Once, she didn’t just remodel her office, she remodeled her home at the same time. She had a stressful job and money issues, but she was creating turmoil unnecessarily.

  7. “I think some people do like the angst and the risk and the potential of beating the odds.”

    Yeah it’s this. I relate. I have a hard time accepting a humble situation.

  8. Beating the odds. Have thought about that some last week. I think the odds were against me at birth. I was thinking that I was a pinch hitter for a soul who decided at the last minute to pass on this one. 😀

    For me, that was a habit, getting in too fast or too far and then doing the great escape. It was normal to me for most of my life. Dumb shit me.

    Angst for me is being stuck with no line of release or escape. I have that again today with the libra moon in the grand square with natal moon, etc. It will pass. The weekend got a little harsh but was able to blow it out today. I may be re-thinking being politer :D. Too much energy required.

  9. I remember that…I can’t imagine sleeping with any of my friend’s kids no matter if they are older than 18. It would feel like incest. Ugh

    People like to pick me to be the “third man” in their dramas but I just look at them like they are stupid. I’m getting really good at a non-reaction after all these years.

  10. I agree with Marie. There are many reasons why people find each other and satisfy one another’s needs. I’ve known as seen different age couples who experienced the same amount of success/failure as “appropriate” age couples. I’ve had a few really younger men attracted to me as well … and oh, the temptation! (maybe, angst, right?) But I’ve not done anything about it because I am basicly the boring cautious one, the person you can rely on to be the designated driver, to pick up the dishes after a dinner, etc. But for those who can do this and make it work, viva l’amour!

  11. It could also be the principal of self-sabotage that is operational. So many things could originate it emotionally/psychologically, but eventually it is the same result – ruin. While some may like the illusion of risk, others are seeking a way to end things without being the one to end them – wanting the partner to end it. Too many people get hurt this way and it is something I would not consider. If I was that dissatisfied with an aspect of my life, I would figure out what it is, see if it is something I could fix internally, and if not – be honest with the other(s) involved. This is nearly always the wrong way to handle things.

  12. I’ll take a stab at it. I think people who engage in risky, potentially self-sabotaging behavior are running from the real issue.

    Creating drama takes the focus away from what they need to focus on. Maybe they lack self-esteem and what to achieve it through their relationships with other people. Maybe they don’t feel fulfilled in their careers but don’t want to rectify the situation by a job change or more education. There’s also something going on underneath that people are afraid to deal with.

    1. I like your analytical approach to dissecting this! It got me thinking.. maybe that “issue” they are running away from is that they don’t relate to others their own age? People who experience trauma can get stuck/frozen at an emotional age until they deal with the trauma. Maybe it’s more pleasant just to associate younger than to risk staring their own emotional immaturity in the face with a more “appropriate” partner!

      I’m just grasping at straws. I don’t claim to know. But it’s an idea! ?

  13. Eons ago, when I was fueled by lust I had
    an opportunity. Fortunately I had read
    Linda Goodman’s Sun Signs book and his mom,
    my “friend” was a Scorpio.

    I was not ever going to double cross a
    Scorpio. Not after reading about them
    in that book. Nope. Was not going to
    deflower her son, no how no way. He was
    some tempting bait, but no. Very glad
    now, all these decades and years later.

  14. There was a beautiful movie about
    this sort of situation, 2002 Tadpole.

    Although I do not condone the activities
    and choices made by adults in the movie,
    I thought Sigourney Weaver and the young
    actor who played her stepson were incredible.
    I highly recommend it, and another favorite
    old movie from 1984 called “Blame it on Rio”.
    Both are excellent movies, they are smart
    and very Woody Allen style of humor and
    top notch actors who explore this subject

  15. Coveting the friend’s son. Yuck, I think that is some kind of possessing what the friend has. I have know a couple of women whose lover left them and then they took up with the lover’s brother. Yuck, even that breaks some sort of something to me. What is she thinking, what is the brother thinking? No respect, no respect at all.

    1. What was I thinking? When it comes to sex, people often don’t think. That’s why it’s called sex ‘drive.’ Who knows what fantasies prompts that drive. It is a dark and murky murk. I think Elsa is addressing the consequences of an unfettered drive.

  16. Dating someone who is young is similar to dating someone, man or woman, who is weak and easily persuaded.
    It’s taking advantage of another person.

    I’ve had a pattern or dating narcissistic women. They like weak people, men.

    I had a friend who is now dating the only person who works for her. She pays him under the table. His best friend “DAD” washes his clothes. His father squashed him, SO, she decided to date him, sign his new apartment lease etc.
    It’s similar to dating a child who doesn’t know how to love him or herself and stand up against those taking advantage of them.

  17. I think I feed on chaos to some extent, which definitely involves angst. Nothing like the example above, but I might harbor disorder in my life, as a way to manufacture serendipity. I love a good fluke, and “Wabi sabi” is my jam. That kind of stuff gives me so much more joy and satisfaction than seeing things go exactly as planned. Sometimes the only way to make things a little more exciting is to just do it backwards. 🙂 I’d give it to 12th house Mars in Gemini, opposite Uranus/trine Venus.

    1. “Wabi sabi” is my jam. That cracks me up and tickles my fancy in a most pecular way! This entire post has stirred the pot for me, another example of expecting the unexpected. Risk taking and playing the odds may have created the world I live in today. Is that what I stand for now? And how do I feel about it? (These are questions posed elsewhere on this blog = Satori’s weekend navigation).
      Not sure what the outcome will be, but definitely licking on my spoonful of wabi sabi jam, CocoPeaches.

  18. The people that I have came across with severe problems in this area, are products of their familial conditioning, and have not learnt how to break the cycle. Some people thrive in high drama/ conflict situations and would find a peaceful life boring. I love calm. I feel stressed just listening or reading about constant upheaval.

  19. I get the appeal. I used to like stuff like this – taboos and so forth. I was young and immature. Drawn a little to the dark side of things. Now? No thanks.

    Sleeping with a friend’s son?? There are lines that should NEVER be crossed.

  20. Avatar

    I think it’s the adrenaline rush. You know it’s taboo, and it will hurt people, but at the same time you want to get away with it. Multiple parts of your brain saying either yes-no or no-yes.

    It’s like a roller coaster. Or a haunted maze. Why would you do it if you know you’d be scared? You get egged on, you want to feel the rush. “Feel alive”. You think it will end up fine. When it’s not. Because it’s real life. There is no pretend.

    I think people want to forget about the consequences of their actions. We know they are human, but we also know they are conflicted too. They do get hurt. And they do get hurt by themselves.

    So, why all the finger-wagging at the original advisee in the other post? It’s because some implicit trust and directness the network of relationships (including the relationship with herself) get broken. Also, many times the relationship is based on the adrenaline rush, not a selfless love. So, it’s fleeting… while the life surrounding the OP, the relationships that actually support her end up completely destroyed….

    Not only this, it’s a sense that they are mutually using each other (like a drug) to fill a hole they imagine can be fixed by this—when the hole is much deeper than that, and can’t be solved by an affair like this. It’s only a symptom.

    This also doesn’t end up being love most times. And often we see this break down and destroy many lives.

    But at the same time, maybe they WANT to destroy it, but don’t have the courage to do it the right way? Sigh. So, they hide in and use the taboos in the shadows, so they can feel alive.

    Good post Elsa!

    1. Adrenaline. I think you have the answer. I have often observed the addiction to adrenaline. My theory is that in the long run, adrenaline overloading screws up the body’s cortisone production. You know what that means. Eventual pain pain pain.

  21. anonymoushermit

    Shadow here. Before age 21 I did. I think that I just found it too destructive and dark for my taste! After awhile, I just wanted stability.

    I kissed a married (bisexual) man who was married. I never went farther than that. Guess what? Four years later, Saturn bopped me besides the head and my boyfriend there kissed someone else…who was married! Ouch. Talk about a lesson in heartbreak.

    Who wants to destroy, destroy, destroy all the time? Obviously, not everyone. Perhaps a Plutonian who hasn’t dealth with their issues?

  22. Yeah,wow can’t touch this,love and lust so different for me
    I can’t understand the lusting for a friends child but I
    Can’t understand a lot these days;to need or want ?
    I crave companionship that can sing the same songs
    Not saying I don’t admire youth I do,love just different than hooking up,that a sport I am unknowing of

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