Kingsley says Spy Loving Spy:
“scary stuff but I like the way you put it out there Elsa”
Kingsley – sometimes I understand you completely but other times I am completely baffled and it’s probably my own confusion. See, I don’t see anything scary about this.
I love the man with nuance. (Venus Neptune) If I gave him the same cup every day it would not have the same punch it does as when I serve it to him at random.
To me this is like his breakfast or his sandwich or his dinner. I always try to put something on the plate he does not expect. Capers in the sandwich. A this instead of a that which he expects. I try to enhance his life via these subtle means and gestures and since he operates on a similar wave-length, it works.
I don’t know how much of this he gets… it is also very possible (probable) I do more than I have awareness via my subconscious because he is very similar to me.
By that, I mean he can plant seeds in me that I don’t always know are there and then see them sprout. On the surface it works like this:
“I like whipped cream in my coffee sometimes.”
Two days later I walk into the bedroom with coffee – whipped cream on top. We don’t talk, we just do. And most of the stuff is at least partially unconscious on one or both of our parts so frequently 6 months will pass and then someone wills say..
“Well, that’s why I did that and that and that…”
Right now I am writing his son, paying out like a slot machine. I am paying out so profusely I have no control over the flow of information, it is just pouring out. Not like vomit (I don’t think) but definitely a tidal wave and no one and I mean NO ONE is going to be able to process this is real time.
Instead, the soldier, his son and I will be having things click into place now but we will still be having revelations 10 years out.
In whatever case, I don’t see what is scary about this. It is the unseen world but it is all for the good. Why give the man coffee when I can give him enhanced coffee?
Anyone?
Maybe it’s *scary* because you so knowingly walk these lines (?). You knowingly can slip and maneuver in spaces and territory like that. With that power comes responsibility and all. . .
I read this and think how great it is that you have all this Libra love to give in those spaces. I walk those spaces too, but forget sometimes that I’m in other people’s space. I’ve got Libra North Node so this is so helpful for me to read a dose of it. I forget how to use it if I lose practice. . .
But it’s really the only responsible way to go to that space, with the best interest of the other.
I prefer vanilla hazelnut myself… what i don’t prefer is indirectness. I am very close to someone with a packed eighth house, and although i think they are wonderful i sometimes wonder if they are even living in the same world as i am…
Of course they are good at flow and intuition, but sometimes it can feel like psychic oppression.
John and I do this too. I pay attention to everything he says and when I gift him with something, little or big things, they are always exactly what he wants/likes.
I like the added aspect of intentionally mixing things up to add to the punch. Love these threads Elsa. 🙂
Heather M – oh. Well I guess it is all sex. Why in the world would you love or touch someone the same way day in and day out when there are endless ways to love and touch them? But I guess I get your drift.
I have said before, don’t get in a bed with me unless you want to get laid. Geez!
I have written about this before – If I were a man I am sure I would be getting accused of rape right and left and all I am doing is living normally!!
It is hard for me to comprehend that having me serve you coffee is a dangerous proposition since it will be served with such manipulation!! But it WILL be served with manipulation, especially when I love you!
You know, when I was a bartender, I knew exactly what and how much / how fast each person drank. Consequently I had a shift (I worked days) that sold more than the night shift ($ wise) and get this: They had 2 (3 on weekends) bartenders at night.
That means that I (one person) could do the work of 2-3 people) all because of my ability to know what everyone wanted and needed so does this mean they felt manipulated by me? I suppose so.
Sit at my fuckin’ bar and you are going to be served exactly what you want even if you don’t know you want it and I guess if you don’t like that kind of sex – best go drink down the street?
But others like it. They like having it just the way they like it (thank God or someone like me would be screwed) so they come to my bar with no problems at all… belly on up to the phenomena. But one thing is for sure – I mean no harm.
I do not have any malice, I am just trying to get everyone their drink as I am pretty sure this is my job!
And if you are my lover, well obviously I am going to mix your drink special because if I don’t how will you know you are my lover? After all you watch me take care of people (well) all day long!
I better damn find a way to for you (my lover) to know I am focused or I am going to be right up a creek.
Such a Scorp Moon day.
It’s always about sex.
I don’t see it the coffee thing as scary either. If you are built like this, going through boundaries, then you live like this and are intimately familiar with the territory. It wouldn’t be scary to you. I don’t know. . .I am trying to fill in the communication gaps here. . .
Manipulation *generally* has a really negative connotation. . .but when you’ve got access to other’s like this, you’ve got it, so keeping the power in check and the integrity in tact is key. And by all means, serve them how and what they need to be served.
😉
I’m glad you are talking about this. I struggle with the personal responsibility that comes with barging into people’s space like that. I sometimes just don’t want it.
Elsa you are very good at taking care of people (which of course you have known long before me, LOL) and I admire that. My Taurus Sun and Libra NN admire that especially.
When my SO were just getting to know each other as friends and co-workers he mentioned his brother who had passed away. The way he spoke was amazing: so few words but this happy kind of love that shot at me like a beam of light.
I remembered the date of his brother’s passing and swung by his house with soup which was still warm, in a mason jar so he could drink it like a coffee. I took great pleasure in his expression and believe me it was only a matter of days before I entered that person’s bed and almost 7 years later I’m still in it.
Earth signs really love this sort of nuance, I think, (the food and drink and sex of course) but having Neptune and Venus in a grand trine with Saturn I also love this kind of exchange.
Thanks for letting us in on this kind of interaction, it’s really inspiring what love can teach us all.
i only see trying to add to someone’s life as manipulation if you’re trying to persuade them to do something they don’t want to at the same time- going against their inclinations and needs. not that anyone can always know what they are, but the simple act of respecting the ability of another to make their own choices is enough.
i don’t see what’s wrong about trying to accentuate your appeal if it’s authentically you….
We don’t talk, we just do. And most of the stuff is at least partially unconscious on one or both of our parts so frequently 6 months will pass and then someone wills say..
“Well, that’s why I did that and that and that…”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I have a relationship that works a lot like this. When you’re on the same groove, it’s not scary, it’s really awesome. Of course, being a Gemini, I have to think of other things to talk about. *laughing*
Elsa, I operate exactly the same way.
After living for almost 17 years with a SO that just didn’t pay attention to any of that, it feels good to be able to do unexpected things for someone, and know that it is appreciated.
To know that they are getting (realizing) that these unexpected things show that i pay attention to their wants and needs, and it is a great way to show that I care – after all, it’s really easy to just say I love you. It takes a LOT more effort to come up with sneaky ways to show it.
everything I learned about how to treat a man I learned from Elsa.
the feminist in me wants to point out that by “man” I mean “partner.” that said, I was always holding back in relationship, afraid that if I made myself vulnerable I’d be obliterated. of course previously I chose people who would have… would have had to, given their own pathology.
I learned from Elsa, also, the benefits to choosing a good man. but I had to step back from dating for a while in order to be able to let my emotional growth catch up with my commitment (to function, rather than dysfunction).
this reminds me of what i wanted to say back on the thread of the gal who wants to start dating good men and her friends tell her all she should stick with shitty ones. what a fucking slap in the face. that’s an out and out “you’re not good enough.”
it took me a really long time to realize that even with all my leo and aries, what I was really battling was my belief (secret even from myself) that I wasn’t good enough, that I could not live up to the expectations of a non-dysfunctional partner.
I didn’t know how give it all, like Elsa does. I still don’t, but I’m making the attempt. that doesn’t mean if you give it all it’s going to work out with the guy. it just means you’re becoming a healthier partner and a happier person.
I’m happier now than I ever knew I could be. any time I realize i’m self-sabataging I try to back it on down. I remind myself that it’s okay to be happy. we all deserve that.
I hate the fuckin’ Scorpio Moon as it clashes with all my fixed stuff except for Saturn, which it augments. Speaking of responsibility.
And all the heavy transits I have been speaking about. I have been seeing about my mother for three days with some kind of fever flu and many other symptoms. A few days ago I delivered her meds of a very strong antibiotic she was prescribed, fluids and etc., etc.
Now more symptoms have kicked in, (she says she is ‘weak as a kitten’), and even higher temp, and between that and the afib in her heart, they have advised her to go to the ER where we will probably be triaged fairly low on the scale, and the wait may be hours and hours. Poor mom!
wish us luck, y’all (she’s 78).
wishing you both luck…
I hope you don’t have to wait too long in emergency, Loonsounds (been there, done that). I especially hope that things get better for your Mom.
I get it. Also, the opportunity to give to someone like this, especially if you see it really means something to them, is better than Christmas.
good luck, Loonsounds and mom!
I think that’s what is meant when Dickens writes Scrooge saying:
I will honour Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. I will not shut out the lessons that they teach.
Scary is my initial reaction anyway Elsa, it certainly isnt a diagnosis. Perhaps I am commitment phobic, and the way you adjust the usage of the Soldiers cups for better overall enjoyment is an insight into those non verbal things one does for the relationship. You really look after him and it seems that he loves that. Whatever my initial response was Elsa, its all about me.
kingsley
All i know is that the thought of going through child birth is about the only thing that really scares me.
I think I would get my own cuppa Elsa, or at least every second or third cuppa. I like the same mug, I have a very large french style tea cup and just right short black cups. I have Venus inconjunct neptune Elsa and perhaps have some issue with the “dependancy curve” in relationships. Hey Des, yes that would be scary; being born is the beginning of wild ride and enough to scare the pants of anyone.
best
k
Well I had another thought, Kingsley. Maybe I have a 7th house Uranus and like to shock the partner as well. Unpredictability. The soldier has a Venus Uranus aspect so likes an unpredictable partner. He has Moon Uranus as well with the new birth time so feels at home when I change up on him.
Bottom line – it works. The funny part (to me) is that for all I know I am the only one who knows anything is happening ie – a legend in my own mind!! 🙂
Having intiuition like that is a real gift. I am a scorp. any suggestions on how to use this energy constructively?
Sometimes it helps to let the other person think they have all the insights on how things go in the relationship. I dunno, that might be complex but possibly the way for good relationships to work instead of being competitive in roles. The only danger is if one stops doing those little things Elsa. He will most likely still love you anyways, but some guys get insecure. The dependancy factor becomes disrupted.
k
Well Des, the truth is, usually being scared of having a baby isn’t enough to stop you from getting pregnant. And once the time comes around to deliver, you’re definitely ready to get that kid outta there!!!
Yes it is scary and painful. But women are very strong – you’d be surprised how much you can stand. I delivered both mine with no epidural. I know I definitely wanted to reconsider that decision with my first, however by that time, it was too late.
Update, after 6.5 hours of amazing discomfort for my mom (along with some fear, she was having trouble breathing) she was admitted to the hospital with a diagnosis of pneumonia and related heart failure (heart rate 114, normal is 70). I left at 4 and got home at midnight because I went to see about her dog, which makes it three large dogs. And then they all pulled me ‘back first’ into a car door so I have a knot on my back like a golf ball already. It fuckin’ hurt.
then I came home to some lurid and descriptive detailed e-mails (6) about who my ex is fucking and how great it is for him. The awesome thing about that, is that I don’t care WHAT he is doing as long as he stays away from me, but still, I am almost laughing about how harsh this day has been for all.
I hope mom will be well and out soon. They pumped her with all sorts of antibiotics (she’s allergic to penecillin and some others) and something to slow down her heart.
=sigh=
Sorry to hear you had such a shitty day, Loonsounds.
Hopefully tomorrow will be better…
Sorry to hear loonsounds. Hope things start to look up for you.
This post was great. I didnt think much of the spy story until this post when I realized I actually work this way (Neptune-Mars trine Saturn, throw in pluto for good measure)I felt this exchange quite strongly with a Taurus Venus/Scorpio moon ruled boy.