I appreciate the responses on Pluto in Aquarius & Life Transformation. You’ve encouraged me to try to go further with this.
A lot of things were sorted during Pluto’s transit of my 12th house. Most of you know, I chronicled that entire transit. More than a decade spent, trolling the depths. Not just my own, but the depths of the collective.
I swirled around in the abyss all those years, noting what was realized during this period. Putting it together. Post this transit, I washed up on my shore, loaded for bear as far as riches go. Riches in my world, may be different than riches in your world.
With Pluto transiting my first house, I quickly found out the deep wisdom I’d acquired was repulsive to others. It was a fine howdy doody, I’ll tell you. Especially for my Libra.
It seems my situation in life is unending. I’m always “off”. My response to this realization is, what does it mean? Beyond that, what do I do, weighed down like this? This is the fundamental difference between the 12th and the 1st. The “mass”.
Pluto has been in my first house a couple of years or so and I’m getting it together pretty well at this point. It’s a matter of coming to understand, why I’m different, how I’m different and how I’m supposed to live as a minority of one. I’m going to tackle this in storytelling style.
It was my sister who first informed me I was a weirdo. You may think that’s not very nice but she was entirely correct. She called me, “Mowgli”, the character in, “The Jungle Book”. Specifically, Mowgli was entirely happy, living in the jungle. He thought he was the same as everyone else. Meantime, the animals knew he was a boy?
Can a person, in life, not a book, be that clueless? Hell yes! I got kicked out of California for being a whore, when I was twelve years old. I didn’t even know what a whore was! Can you see how I made it my life’s work, to figure things out?
In my book, I have a broken bone. My sister is telling me I’ll get, “gang green”. What the hell is that?
My attention split from the pain in my arm to planning on looking this word(s) up, the first chance I got. Is it scary? How scary? I was intending to talk to the librarian if I could not acquire the understanding I lacked. I was six years old. Broken arm out of my mind, in that moment.
The idea is I moved to town when I was fifteen and started to operate in the world. I had no earthy idea I was different. I was just leaving my house, to go live life?
Well, it’s been hilarious all along, but this is what I am getting to…
Mid-nineties, we got this thing called the internet. If I went to town, then, this represented, my showing up in the world. I slowly found out, I was odd… again, only because people told me!
I remember my editor, circa 2002 or so, “How come you’re not a victim?”
“What do you mean, victim? I’m not a victim!”
“I know you’re not a victim. I’m asking, why. Why aren’t you a victim? Everyone I know thinks they’re a victim, including myself. Here, you’ve been through more than anyone I’ve ever met in my life. You don’t see yourself as a victim. I want to know why.”
Well I didn’t know why. I launched into the psych thing, what is it? Victim, Persecutor, Hero? I explained, the victim possiblity is the worst option in my mind, but this was not really want he was asking.
I didn’t know the answer at the time. I didn’t even know people thought they were victims.
I didn’t know he thought he was a victim, so what the hell? Hall of mirrors, right there.
But true to form, I had an intention to figure this out. Twenty-plus years later, I cracked this MF’er. I deserve to use that word in this case, because it’s been hella difficult.
Now I’m in a situation where I’m holding incredible cards by anyone’s standards. But playing them, repulses people. Yet another Gang Green puzzle. Am I to feign stupidity until the day I die?
Well I’m not going to do that. I will follow in my grandfather’s footsteps. He lived in the desert. People who could perceive him or understand him found their way to him. So I’ll do this. I’ve already done this, but I’m pushier than he was. I’m more martial. So I will also thrust at this problem from time to time. That’s what this post is about and here’s the upshot:
As far as interacting with people, the internet (and this job) has given me broad reach. Most importantly, the exchanges I have with people are not superficial for the most part. My life experience is off the charts at this point, with clients from all over the world, raging in age, from 13 to 98 years old.
It’s not just clients. It’s the people who fight me on this blog. People who challenge and project on to me. I’ll give you a premium example.
The prevailing belief is, people like me, with backgrounds of severe abuse, are messed up. REALLY messed up. It’s not just a belief. Psychologists are taught this and they believe it for the most part. They see someone like me and start telling me all kinds of… junk. Who I am, what it means, what I really mean when I say something… this infuriates me, of course.
Think about it. I’m living my life and someone comes along and starts painting crap all over me and attaching their “tags”. WTF? What if I did that to you?
This has happened several hundred times. When I pull in old info, like my editor’s remarks, eventually, I realized I should consider I may be unique.
See, before I did this, I would just get pissed off. I don’t think a person should be counted out because of abuse or rape or whatever. I don’t feel inferior to others. I’m not inferior to others and if you try to tell me I am, I will fight you, not only on my own behalf, but on the behalf of the many, very fine, heavily abused people I have known.
Actually, this has been an issue since my 20’s. We don’t need your sympathy. In fact, we think you need ours.
I finally decided to try to move beyond rage and actually figure it out. I got it now. I really do. Keys in hand.
This is how my Mutable square & full moon and Jupiter square Saturn is going. I can’t complain, as the keys I’m holding will open most any lock in my area of interest. I’ve got no complaints.
Thank you for your attitude.
I remeber sharing a childhood detail with an ex, whose response was oh, you seem so normal.
Anyhow.
I must say pluto transiting 12th, in the afermath, has been great. Not peachy but, now in my 1st, I’m actually beginning to really accept and like myself. Which is very new for me.
I’ve cut reading the news at the ear incident as it was going to be so predictable after that, and I’ve been meaning to quit for food for a while. I don’t miss it!
I’ve been told I should write a book by a family support facilitator for Lutheran Social Services. Another time, a city social worker suggested I wite a book, when I walked in with my sister with tardive dyskinesia, to make an appointment for the Alzheimer’s Seminar for our mom. In my past, it was easier to allow people to assume what they would about myself and family. It wasn’t worth my energy to try to explain. It never made me bitter, I realized early, most couldn’t understand because their reality was limited. I would say, at least, I’m never bored. Lol. Triple Aquarius. Elsa, I am enjoying the story, to paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt, no one can make you feel a victim, without your consent.
I am a person who has been victimized, but I continued to be a person. Never considered anything otherwise.
Abuse. 8th house native? Stellium?
Hell YES! This is so damn true and I agree 💯!
Thank you 🙏 for spelling it out in plain words. No more frills and dandelions of self-proclaimed experts and do-gooders who just think themselves superior!
I’m working with so called traumatised people and they have a measure of depth and empathy, naturally, that is way superior to most people who rush to ‚help them‘ !
And my time is NOT spent spent on explaining people who they are and why, but on listening to them and asking questions. I learn a lot!
I learn that they have a special gift and not just one. There’s only one difficulty to live it: Changing the belief that one is faulty, damaged or not good enough. And that’s due to labels being internalised and identified with, such as I am a victim.
Believing that one is a victim can be self serving, it certainly has perks for the person, most visible one is to reject responsibility. Not for what happened in the past but for what happens now and tomorrow. How defensive some people react if I declare them capable, as if it’s an insult.
And, Elsa, you made me aware of the huge benefit I have from growing up in a kind of desert, among old people who didn’t really ‚raise‘ me by telling me what to do and how to be. I just observed them living. I felt very lonely at times but found ways to occupy myself. The result was to be suspicious of or reject everyone who claimed to know me and have a right to tell me what to do or who to be.
This quote comes to mind:
The stupidity of people comes from having an answer for everything. The wisdom of the novel comes from having a question for everything. When Don Quixote went out into the world, that world turned into a mystery before his eyes. That is the legacy of the first European novel to the entire subsequent history of the novel. The novelist teaches the reader to comprehend the world as a question. There is wisdom and tolerance in that attitude. In a world built on sacrosanct certainties the novel is dead.
The totalitarian world is a world of answers rather than questions. There, the novel has no place. ~Milan Kundera- The Book of Laughter and Forgetting
This is a marvelous comment. Thank you. I’ve sat on it, all these days, because I was hoping to use it to expand my writing on this. I see there is little interest, so I’m moving on. But not before thanking you for it.