Feigning Stupidity – Sound Like A Plan?

I appreciate the responses on Pluto in Aquarius & Life Transformation.  You’ve encouraged me to try to go further with this.

A lot of things were sorted during Pluto’s transit of my 12th house.  Most of you know, I chronicled that entire transit. More than a decade spent, trolling the depths. Not just my own, but the depths of the collective.

I swirled around in the abyss all those years, noting what was realized during this period. Putting it together. Post this transit, I washed up on my shore, loaded for bear as far as riches go.  Riches in my world, may be different than riches in your world.

With Pluto transiting my first house, I quickly found out the deep wisdom I’d acquired was repulsive to others.  It was a fine howdy doody, I’ll tell you. Especially for my Libra.

It seems my situation in life is unending.  I’m always “off”. My response to this realization is, what does it mean? Beyond that, what do I do, weighed down like this?  This is the fundamental difference between the 12th and the 1st.  The “mass”.

Pluto has been in my first house a couple of years or so and I’m getting it together pretty well at this point.  It’s a matter of coming to understand, why I’m different, how I’m different and how I’m supposed to live as a minority of one. I’m going to tackle this in storytelling style.

It was my sister who first informed me I was a weirdo.  You may think that’s not very nice but she was entirely correct. She called me, “Mowgli”, the character in, “The Jungle Book”. Specifically, Mowgli was entirely happy, living in the jungle. He thought he was the same as everyone else.  Meantime, the animals knew he was a boy?

Can a person, in life, not a book, be that clueless? Hell yes!  I got kicked out of California for being a whore, when I was twelve years old. I didn’t even know what a whore was!  Can you see how I made it my life’s work, to figure things out?

In my book, I have a broken bone. My sister is telling me I’ll get, “gang green”. What the hell is that?

My attention split from the pain in my arm to planning on looking this word(s) up, the first chance I got. Is it scary? How scary? I was intending to talk to the librarian if I could not acquire the understanding I lacked. I was six years old. Broken arm out of my mind, in that moment.

The idea is I moved to town when I was fifteen and started to operate in the world. I had no earthy idea I was different.  I was just leaving my house, to go live life?

Well, it’s been hilarious all along, but this is what I am getting to…

Mid-nineties, we got this thing called the internet. If I went to town, then, this represented, my showing up in the world.  I slowly found out, I was odd… again, only because people told me!

I remember my editor, circa 2002 or so, “How come you’re not a victim?”

“What do you mean, victim? I’m not a victim!”

“I know you’re not a victim. I’m asking, why. Why aren’t you a victim?  Everyone I know thinks they’re a victim, including myself. Here, you’ve been through more than anyone I’ve ever met in my life. You don’t see yourself as a victim. I want to know why.”

Well I didn’t know why. I launched into the psych thing, what is it? Victim, Persecutor, Hero? I explained, the victim possiblity is the worst option in my mind, but this was not really want he was asking.

I didn’t know the answer at the time. I didn’t even know people thought they were victims.
I didn’t know he thought he was a victim, so what the hell? Hall of mirrors, right there.

But true to form, I had an intention to figure this out. Twenty-plus years later, I cracked this MF’er. I deserve to use that word in this case, because it’s been hella difficult.

Now I’m in a situation where I’m holding incredible cards by anyone’s standards.  But playing them, repulses people.  Yet another Gang Green puzzle.  Am I to feign stupidity until the day I die?

Well I’m not going to do that. I will follow in my grandfather’s footsteps. He lived in the desert. People who could perceive him or understand him found their way to him. So I’ll do this. I’ve already done this, but I’m pushier than he was. I’m more martial. So I will also thrust at this problem from time to time. That’s what this post is about and here’s the upshot:

As far as interacting with people, the internet (and this job) has given me broad reach.  Most importantly, the exchanges I have with people are not superficial for the most part. My life experience is off the charts at this point, with clients from all over the world, raging in age, from 13 to 98 years old.

It’s not just clients. It’s the people who fight me on this blog. People who challenge and project on to me. I’ll give you a premium example.

The prevailing belief is, people like me, with backgrounds of severe abuse, are messed up. REALLY messed up.  It’s not just a belief. Psychologists are taught this and they believe it for the most part. They see someone like me and start telling me all kinds of… junk. Who I am, what it means, what I really mean when I say something… this infuriates me, of course.

Think about it. I’m living my life and someone comes along and starts painting crap all over me and attaching their “tags”.  WTF?  What if I did that to you?

This has happened several hundred times. When I pull in old info, like my editor’s remarks, eventually, I realized I should consider I may be unique.

See, before I did this, I would just get pissed off. I don’t think a person should be counted out because of abuse or rape or whatever. I don’t feel inferior to others. I’m not inferior to others and if you try to tell me I am, I will fight you, not only on my own behalf, but on the behalf of the many, very fine, heavily abused people I have known.

Actually, this has been an issue since my 20’s.  We don’t need your sympathy. In fact, we think you need ours.

Who Garners Your Compassion And Sympathy?

I finally decided to try to move beyond rage and actually figure it out. I got it now. I really do.   Keys in hand.

This is how my Mutable square &  full moon and Jupiter square Saturn is going. I can’t complain, as the keys I’m holding will open most any lock in my area of interest.  I’ve got no complaints.