Dear Elsa,
Some things that have been bothering me for a long time now have finally come to a head this week, and I feel like the Dead Girl.
Literally. I feel like my life is over, and that it ended badly. At some point in my childhood (I even remember the day), I felt so incredibly hurt by the people around me that I decided then and there that I would NEVER deliberately hurt people the way I was being hurt. It became the meaning of my entire life.
I feel I have hurt people this past year, and I just… can’t… get past it. My life feels meaningless. Everything is just a motion I’m going through. I can’t figure out how to let it go. And the relationships in question have been cut off, not by me.
There are plenty of people who love me and want me to be happy, but none of that seems to matter. I am the Dead Girl, I have been for months now, and it’s really exhausting being here.
Gemini Dimming
United States
Dear Gemini,
You’re depressed! Saturn is transiting your Moon in Pisces which is a classic signature for this type of feelings. I would go as far as to say you can’t have a Saturn transit to your Moon and not feel depressed to some degree, so the first thing to know and to keep in your Gemini mind is the fact that the things your are feeling are transitory not permanent in spite of their intensity.
Beyond this, I would suggest you go very easy on yourself and try to put the people who would like to see you happy aside in the short term… because this is one of things that exhaust a depressed person. Trying to stay up for the peanut gallery that is. You’d do better to spend your time alone sorting through your feelings or talking to a close friend who knows what it is like to feel “dead”.
Seeing a counselor who can help you sort through this childhood (Moon) stuff that’s got you down (Saturn) would also be a good shot, but bottom line I think you will get through this just fine. Yes it’s dark but it is not going to stay that way. I would be willing to bet your mood lifts once the transit passes and just knowing it is going to pass on its own accord can do a world of good as can a bout of depression for that matter. Because you are by nature a compassionate person and having gone through a time like this, you will be that much more equipped to be compassionate and we need all the people like that we can get.
Good luck.
“Gemini” – I’ve gone through something very similar in the past years and I know how disabling emotions can be. I have been hurt and disappointed by people and especially by myself for not taking action and control over what was happening to me.
Astrologically speaking, I have a lot of Pisces energy – Neptune hard aspects, 3 planets in the 12th, a Pisces Mars square Mercury in Gemini. Cancer and Scorpio too. I am very compassionate, I treat people the very best I can, as I don’t want to be responsible for anyone’s hurt. This is a very firm principle of mine.
I discovered astrology and I am now a psychology student. I am very skeptical in matters of mysticism, but looking at the symbolism of transits in my chart has been of great help and guidance.
A year ago, when Saturn had been transiting my 7th house and squaring my Gemini Venus, I became fully aware of what I’ve been doing wrong regarding my relationship with those around me and I have eliminated from my life all toxic interactions. I’ve been more of a lone wolf this past year and this has given me the time to cater to myself and simply know myself better. I have an Aries moon, Capricorn asc., plenty of Saturn and Uranus, for example, and I think this means that I will have to be my own master and develop a stronger character.
We all have lessons to learn and this is never easy. Hardships are eye-openers. I will try to point out some things to you :
– the people around you are probably not as sensitive to you as you are to them. Maybe they don’t know that you have been watching over their well being by doing all you can to not hurt them. Ask youself – would someone you know do the same as you’ve done for them ? Would they beat themselves over as you are doing ?
– stand firm by your principles but don’t let yourself get trampled over! Don’t put yourself down! If others stand in your way, don’t manage their feelings ! Try to see if they put time and effort into undestanding you.
– you can treat people fairly by being diplomatic and still work toward your best interest.
– your life is not over, it is progressing ! Look at the first phrase you wrote – you are AWARE of what is bothering and that is the first and most important step. You are dissatisfied so it’s time to move toward a better state – make the right changes! Firstly, invest in yourself.
– enjoy life ! Look at the Sun and Venus, maybe Jupiter in your natal chart to find new things that you might enjoy. Go outside, enjoy nature, art and music!
– don’t give away your power ! I see that Saturn in Virgo as a knife in a surgeon’s hand pointing toward issues that are sensitive to you – your moon. Don’t let others be that surgeon, you can “disect” your emotions and put them in order. You can get an astrology program, or look at your transits on the web, in advance, find the symbolism and see what it means to your actual situation. Saturn = take matters in your own hands, be tough, resilient and precise, like a surgeon ! So what if you spill some blood, this operation will be life saving !
Much love and good luck !
I, too, have Moon in Pisces, so I feel your pain. Elsa’s answer to you was very sensible (as always).
Pisces Moon is both blessed and cursed to be able to pick up on the emotions of everyone around them. You may be dealing not only with the weight of your own feelings, but with the heaviness of others as well. The past several months have been tough, with Mars opposed to Pluto. Fortunately, that ends today, and we should start seeing some lightening up.
In the meantime, I can suggest to you what I find helpful. Spend some time alone in a quiet, relaxing atmosphere. If you’re near water, pack a nice picnic lunch for yourself this weekend and just go sit. I also journal a lot. You can write and write, and nobody will see it. You can be totally honest, get everything out. This helps me determine what’s mine and what’s not. Nothing is off-limits, there’s no “I shouldn’t be feeling this,” etc. You feel what you feel.
I would also gently suggest to you that those of us with Pisces Moon hurt very easily. We can feel devastated by incidents that wouldn’t even register on someone else’s radar screen. If you’re judging your effect on others based on how you would feel in a similar situation, don’t take it for granted that they felt the way you would have. They probably didn’t.
Practically and realistically, you can’t go through life planning your actions according to what effect you think you will have on others. You just never know. Everyone has his or her own hot buttons, and you can push them without intending or even knowing that they were there. If you didn’t do anything deliberately to hurt someone and they’re hurt anyway, it’s up to them to tell you so that you can talk about it. In other words, don’t take responsibility for more than is really yours.
That is our particular challenge.
Love and blessings.
At some point in my childhood (I even remember the day), I felt so incredibly hurt by the people around me that I decided then and there that I would NEVER deliberately hurt people the way I was being hurt.
I was very sad for “Gemini” to read this. I had a moment just like this in childhood. I have a 12th house Gemini moon. Feel better, Gemini!
Elsa, thank you for this…
I actually reached a point where the feelings became well, medically dangerous, and I sought out my college counseling department. I’m seeing one of the therapists now. I used to see one some years back, and I’m starting to think this may just be a maintenance thing for me, I have to have therapy once in a while, like an oil change.
This past week has been so much better that it’s been like night and day.
I wouldn’t be surprised at all to find that there are certain regular transits which will always cause depression for me. Depression is a chronic thing for me.
Thank you guys for the kind comments!
I found a sort of… unusual way to get myself to let go of these things, just the other day. So far, it’s working very well for me.
this explains my life. i always thought.. i’m a gemini i’m not uppose to feel like this. but this explains it… thanks
Weird!!! Is it a common thing for Gemini’s to have a Pisces moon?? I have it as well and can definitely relate to everything in this post. All of the advice is SOOOOOOO helpful too!!!!
Yeah. I too feel its common for a geminian to have a piscean moon…..even i too have it…and its all true wots written here………even i get so hurt easily…..i m trying to overcome it……..i chant daily for mental, physical and environmenatl well being…..the discussion is so true here….