Dear Elsa,
Back in April I started a “friend with benefits” relationship with a Cancer/Cancer-rising man who is 11 years younger than myself… and also my friend’s son.
I had never thought of him as anything but my friend’s son until one night he called and came over and long story short, we became intimate. He told me that he had been attracted to me for a long time. What started out as a friends with benefits situation has spiraled out of control to where I think I have serious feelings for him. But I am torn, because I have always loved him as a member of my extended family, but now it is very confusing because of the sex.
Now I am also torn wondering if I am IN love with him, or do I just love him? He is very tug/pull…ie…we see each other about once a week but he never seems to initiate (since the first time). But my spidey senses tell me he has feelings for me. Why doesn’t he act on them? Is it the age difference? I am pretty successful, he is just starting out in life with an entry level job, has no money and lives at home. Or is he just not into me and I should let go? Because I can’t seem to.
Thanks,
His Mother’s Friend
Dear Friend,
I hate to do this to Pisces but to answer your question, I will have to hit you with a dose of reality. So brace yourself, would you?
First thing to know is this man is acting on his feelings. He’s a double Cancer, attracted to an older woman (mother figure) and he’s having sex with her. Undoubtedly his Scorpio Moon is drawn to the taboo whether he is conscious of this or not.
Do you get my drift? He’s being a bad boy. He’s having sex with Mommy’s friend.
If you want to go deeper, I imagine subconsciously what he really wants to do is have sex with Mommy and you are merely a surrogate.
If you want a future with this man, you can probably have one. You can be his new Mom! The one that lets him sleep with her? How about that? He can move from his Mom’s house to his new Mom’s house, and you can support him the way she supports him and voila! Perfectly sick!!
As for why he’s not asking you to marry him, I imagine he’s concerned what his mother might think about this since he hasn’t separated from her yet. What do you think? How do you think your friend is going to feel when she finds out you’re sleeping with her son?
Personally, I doubt she’s going to be too happy. That’s her son, damnit! And considering he’s 25-ish and still living at home, I don’t think she’s very interested in giving up custody.
You have a Capricorn Moon and you are looking for a child. For the record, I don’t see a problem with this. Cancer and Capricorn find each other allll the time and a parent / child thing constellates. It’s perfectly normal but this is not a random “younger man” is it? You say yourself he is part of your family and what bothers me the most is you seem to be oblivious to… virtually everything. For anything to move forward in any direction, this has got to be remedied and I hope this post takes care of that.
As for my advice, I would stop sleeping with this man immediately and try to forget it ever happened. Because you have Venus in Pisces which is notorious for having lapses of judgment and this would be a textbook example of that.
Good luck.
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You know…the one thing that screams at me about this whole situation is the fact that she slept with her son’s friend. I think that, alone, is an egregious error of motherly judgement.
So what if her son and his friend are of “legal” age. Mother crossed a boundary with her SON….never mind the social implications.
Maybe it’s just me but that part about this guy being extended family sounds like a rational thought. So would this not be incest?
I have 4 sons (2 in their 20’s) and have NEVER thought of “sleeping” with their friends so even if they asked me to it would not even be a consideration out of RESPECT for my son.
I don’t know, call me old fashioned (or whatever), but sleeping with my son’s friend would be like sleeping with my SON!!! SICK!
Pisceans (and Sagittarians) have BOUNDARY problems….no denying it….and Mother has serious boundary issues (not to mention unrealistic fantasies/Neptune/Jupiter).
I’m not saying it’s not “proper” to have younger partners. That would be hypocritical coming from me. Let’s flip this scenario. You’re in your 20’s… hangin’ with your friends back at your Dad’s house when one day your “friend” comes on to your Dad and your dad takes her up on her offer. You find out because your dad is startin’ to act like an idiot over your “friend” wonderin’, “why does’nt she want to have sex with me again, or call me, or look at me googly-eyed, or hump my leg anymore?” Pretty pathetic, huh?
I guess three things would be GLARINGLY obvious. 1) She ain’t your friend
2) Your Dad gave you proof of this, and
3)Dad crossed a personal boundary of yours
It’s flattery that got you into to this deep doodoo( been there, done that)….not “love”. Love does not begin with an “F” or end with an “H” because that is what you’ve done to yourself and your relationship with your son.
Elsa is right on. This boy wants something that starts with a “W” and it ain’t a relationship.
Good luck with healing your relationship with your son. He’s worth the trouble and so are you.
Let me say first, I’m a PiscesVenus too – mine opposes Uranus (how’s that for unconventional love affairs!). I also have a guy much younger than myself, 18 years to be exact. In my opinion, the thing that seperates my situation from yours is that my relationship is not based on betrayal (a friend’s child)and shame(deception & secrecy). Now, illusions, well that’s another issue, lol. We met last December at a bar and became inseperable. Initially, we got grief from friends. Tough shit! We each met the other’s family and actually resided together for 4 months. My mom is not happy about the age difference (too bad) his mom loves me to death, thankfully she’s 12 years older than me! Is the age thing odd? At times, sure, but so what! All relationships center around power differentials. Men have been doing this for all of recorded history. If we choose powerful, older men we/they have “daddy issues” and if we choose younger men we/they have “mommy issues”. If I choose a man my younger (2 years) brother’s age does that mean I want to sleep with my brother? Is that a “baby brother issue”? If you’re old enough to make your own choices and stand by them, so be it. It’s when you live in shame that you ought to be questioning your choices.
I can’t believe it’s “love”. How do you “fall in love” with a “f*ckbuddy” you only see in secret once a week? I don’t think you’re IN love, I think you’re INfatuated. Still, I wouldn’t give up on younger guys – jut not my friend’s kids 😉
Yikes. Exactly–your friend’s kids. And your kid’s friends. I don’t think Elsa is speaking of the age difference, but the fact that this guy is an “extended member of your family” as you say, and a friend of your kid’s.
I’m sorry you feel you can’t let go, but it might be easier than being forced to through excruciating emotional circumstances.
BTW Elsa those fishes’ chains are scary hideous. Just sayin’!
I must be crazy. Where is everyone coming up with this woman’s son? She never mentions having a son…
Too funny Elsa, I thought the same thing when I read jas’ post!! I had to go back to re-read your post twice! Just now I saw christine’s post and she did the same thing! LOL Apparently they’re transposing friend’s son to son’s friend.
For the record, not everyone thought this woman’s lover was her kid’s friend 😉
Thank goodness, Maire! Actually there are several more comments but I did not post them because they are primarily going on about this woman’s son! It’s uncanny! It’s Saturn Neptune!!
And the stuff is off my Libra but I am still using way too many exclamation points!!
I got that it was the friend’s son. Just didn’t have anything to say except that I’m glad it’s not me in that situation.
Maybe she needs a son 🙂
hehe…
Oh c’mon Elsa…you should put up the other posts, you have to admit it is pretty funny. Now I’m dying of curiosity to read the passionate rantings of fellow posters on a subject they’ve got ass backwards!!! LMAO!
Glad to see you intervene, Elsa, kuz I too was wondering… am i missing something or is everybody spinning this story into something it’s not!
Maire – I have Libra so no idea what to do. Fish or cut bait? Fish or cut bait? I can’t decide shit!
So I wound up putting some up and not others… splittin’ the difference. I posted the ones that weren’t full out misguided rants. The ones that were a little hazy. Er… Blame Neptoon, man. I don’t know what else to say!
But I wrote the people whose comments I did not post to advise, so does this mean my ass is covered, or no?
Ha ha ha
I have a question. You’ve mentioned before that men with Cancer are looking for a Mom. Now, I can see that bc Cancer is a maternal sign par excellence. Are women with Capricorn looking for a Dad?
Damn Libra always spoilin’ my Aries FUN!
Hey listen, as far as I’m concerned Elsa, the minute somebody clicks that “Submit Comment” button it’s a fuckin’ waiver of any and all liability (and/or humiliation). Like I said, if your old enough to make your own choices and stand by them (clicking that Submit Comment button) so be it! I know, I’m awful!
Waaaaay too much time on my hands today! hahahaha
Hehee…
Laughs at Maire:
“Damn Libra always spoilin’ my Aries FUN!”
I totally know what you mean. I’m an Aries married to a double Libra (Sun and Rising), with Mars in Libra as well. Jeez…sometimes the mixed messages and indecisiveness make me crazy. Still, Aries has a lot to learn from Libra so I guess it’s worth it.
Sounds like Elsa came up with a good compromise, though.
Carry on…
*lol*
I read “son’s friend” the first go-round, then read it again (correctly) when I came to Elsa’s advice, then read it a third time (to make sure) when I started reading the comments that were backward. Too funny….
I’ll confess…..it was me. I ranted ( a little) about the son’s friend thing. I do not know why I read it that way. Probably lack of sleep? Or just posting too much that I’m confused as to what I am writing about! It was a good one, though, and Elsa will vouch for that because it included a rant about Daddy and daughter’s best friend.LMAO
No shame or humiliation here. I’m having a Pluto transit to my natal Pluto and Uranus and I’m saying the damndest things! Sorry you folks missed it.
What the hell!? I just read all the posts and mine was not included yet when I went back to the top of the post page I see my post!!
Either I’m going crazy or this insomnia is kicking my ass!LOL
Here comes Jamie’s comment per her desire! I didn’t delete it! I sat on it and emailed to ask her if she wanted to post it. Apparently yes! So I am going to post it now and not sure if it will appear out of order or what.
byeee..
Okay! Jamie, your original comment is now posted and turns out, it puts it in it’s original order. So look up high!
For crying out tears! She’s not cheating! Where is this coming from? She had a lapse of judgement and that is all! If you have Venus in Pisces or Venus with Neptune, you can probably relate!
hahaha yeah. we’re all drunk it seems.
I thought she was having sex with her son’s friend too!! but i re- read it now and got the facts straight.
Other than that, everyone seems outraged about this womens situation, which is really funny on one hand, on the other hand things seem a bit out of control, I mean people’s comments, i hope she isn’t feeling exposed, like she’s on public court.
Well I don’t think she’s exposed because people aren’t talking about her. They are talking about a figment! 😛
Jas: she’s doing it with the offspring of her friend, not her lover.
It’s the friend’s son, not the son’s friend.
I can’t stop laughing for some reason.
Now we have a new erroneous spin:
“She’s doing it with the offspring of her lover???” — jas
Does it say that anywhere? ..that her friend is her *lover*????
~laughing my f’n head off~
Jas, you need to go lie down!! SHE IS SLEEPING WITH THE SON OF A FRIEND. At no point did she say lover. Just friend. 28 comments, my god-this poor woman is having an emotional crisis, the least you can do is get your facts straight before commenting on her life already!
No,no,no! Elsa. I did not want my rant posted! I was glad it was not there…but now it is and ….look how GLARINGLY stupid.LOL
God, this is way too funny. The whole situation. I think she’s doin’ her son’s friend……jas thinks she’s doin’ her lover’s son. What’s next? Sheep, dogs,horses? Jeez, I feel really bad for Mother’s Friend. Sorry…
Now that the fog has lifted….I agree with Marie…and that’s all I’ll say….at this point.
Cheerio,Pip-pip, Ta-ta, and all that! Now….where’s that tape?
Oh man, I’m laughing so hard my stomach is cramped and I can barely see the screen through the tears squeezing out of my eyes!
These trainwreck postings are hysterical. I haven’t laughed this hard all week! Thank you all so much!!! Seriously!
Gee, I wonder what the woman who initiated this post thinks about all of this????
Too bad we can’t post an explicative drawing of the friend, the friend’s son and the woman, so all this became more clear, we can’t be too carefull with neptune opposing saturn like this.
i’m laughing again. my cheeks hurt already hehe
Now we have jamie agreeing with Marie… except… there is no Marie! Only a Maire. !!!
And I’m with Maire’s #32. I’m downright howling here, that’s how hard I’m laughing at/with this whole thread. And yes, I wonder if this trainwreck hilarity has actually turned out to be the best medicine for Mother’s Friend.
I hope she shows up and gives us her take on all this!
LMAO!!! Both sets of cheeks are hurting I’m laughing so hard! Sorry……MAIRE. I’ve got my Astrology teacher on my mind….Marie.
Need …..to….find….that….tape.
Oh, Shiiiiiiit! Her name is not even Marie. It’s Maria. WTF!
Viviana:
Maybe a Venn diagram? You know, the circles that overlap? *snicker*
Okay, it’s Sunday morning now and I’m STILL cracking up over these posts.
Y’know people screw up the Maire thing all the time and I had seen it, but I didn’t want to split hairs…I’m so glad Strawberry mentioned it because it’s just added to the insanity!! *hysterically laughing still* picturing the Venn diagram SaDiablo!!!
LOOOOL
Who needs TV when we have this blog!! 😀
Elsa,
for the record, I thought it was fucked that she would sleep with her son’s friend, but I also thought it was weird that she had her son when she was 11. Just sayin’!
Hi All,
Im rolling up my sleeves for this.Whats being stated is that,”ALL PEOPLE BORN UNDER THE SIGN OF CANCER AND CAPRICORN ARE LOOKING FOR THEYRE MOTHERS AND FATHERS”
Shame on you all! there are people born under plenty of other signs and ascendants who are actually physically abandoned as babies and young children who will either never know because the adoptive parents will not devulge this information or are told and desperately want to know.
And then there are millions of people who have capricorn and cancer planets in theyre nativities as well. And you cant tell me that every single one of them are “trying to play mommie and or daddy…I know some cancer men and women who could care less about parenting anybody and are extremely independant and have no need for this frivelous mommy daddy talk,they live normal(as far as normal can be begot)lives!
In this big world we live in a thing called “shit happens” Love/lust happens when we least expect it wether we like it or we dont.and we usually dont plan these things its the place the time and the hormones its all biological and being in the right place at the right time you win or you lose.Its darwins theory of survival of the fittest those who can adapt do and get along quite well those that cannot do not cannot. Its strike while the irons HOT,do or die first come first served. If you want to get nit picky the CHILD quote is well over the age of ,”i need permission from mommy to wipe my ass”
“MOMMY” DID “NOT” go to bed with him mommys friend did If hes one hot lookin guy and built like a rock and the timing was right….no strings attached from either end both adults…who gives a FLYING RATS ASS!
This is commentary from a VENUS IN PICES TRINE NEPTUNE AND OPPOSING BOTH PLUTO AND URANUS IN VIRGO!!! With a Neptune in the first house and Im supposed to not have it all there as stated above somewhere and lets not forget that distant MARS IN AQUARIUS who just happens to have a sun conjunct it with SAturn RIGHT THERE IN THE SAME HOUSE. SO … what is mommy going to give her wittle boy a spanking because he was “SOOOO BADDD”
Give me a break! Wake up people ha ha ha…
I certainly WOULDN’T like a friend like that!
“If you want a future with this man, you can probably have one. You can be his new Mom! The one that lets him sleep with her? How about that? He can move from his Mom’s house to his new Mom’s house, and you can support him the way she supports him and voila! Perfectly sick!!”
I can back up Elsa’s analysis having done this with a cancer man/boy who had moon in scorpio. It was NOT pretty. He moved in from his mom’s and then did all kinds of shit to stay.. and not grow up. And the more practical and helpful etc I was to him the more he would find excuses not to work etc. I’d say keep distance until he is in some way self sufficient at the vary least. And I don’t think his feelings are real. They are based on the mommy dynamic. Take that away and he’ll hate as much as love. Destroy as much as support.
Ewww, gross. What is wrong with people? Sigh.
Oh wow, what a hullabaloo in the original comments…
What I would want to know is what is this woman getting out of this relationship that she feels okay with breaking all these taboos? Is it the parenting/care/dissolving boundaries? This is just a situation that has bad news written all over it. They’re both attracted to an image. (I know, one can argue that’s what all attractions are, but does anyone want to peer into that particular looking glass and see a maternal figure and a little boy?)
And for the record, this Capricorn is *not* into authority (daddy) figures as romantic objects. 😉
LOL…by the time I got through all the wrong responses of who the hell the woman was sleeping with I forgot what the original conversation was about.
I have a 23 year old son and I can’t imagine any of my friends (don’t have very many close ones) having an affair with him because of A) respect for me and B) they have known him since he was a child so I would feel horribly betrayed if I found out that was going on even if he has lived away from home since he was 18.
I don’t however have a problem with the age issue – see who you want just not like that unless you truly don’t want that mother for a friend anymore – which I think would have made the guy lose interest anyhow.
LOL, the original comments make me wonder what was going on in October 2006. An iffy Mercury/Neptune transit ? Mercury Rx ?
Also, I’m curious of knowing what happened here. Did the original poster follow Elsa’s (sound) advice ? Was she able to see the situation clearly after that ? Even with all that Pisces, I’d vote for the answer to be yes. She has that Capricorn Moon, after all. Capricorn Moon doesn’t meen being attracted to authority, but I’ve yet to meet a Cappy Moon who wouldn’t expect their romantic partner to act responsably. Personally, I’ve ultimately dumbed someone for not taking responsability of HIS life. So, I guess this relationship could have only worked if the younger guy magically started acting as a responsable adult (something, let’s face it, very few guys are at 24, nowadays).
Jeez, what am I saying!!! I meant Cancer guys, age difference and playing a parent’s role (in my case the guy was playing a Dad, not Mom).Is it always the case with Cancers?
I’m sorry. I’ve lately been having situations where there’s a situation that possibly should not be happening, but is spiralling out of control. I get love drunk. This guy has the potential to want to be your son, and you’re entangled in this close, personal situation with family. You have a Capricorn Moon and maybe would benefit from a mature man that has his shit together. If I were you, I’d review my feelings and consider leaving this situation. The is he an extended family member/lover/friend thing could get messy.
Yeah.
Pisces woman: in my life I’ve ended up in messy situations and gone wandering around looking for someone to tell me if the interaction I was having was normal. People I talk to are mostly accepting and creative and unlikely to inhibit my freedom, so what happens is I have to take the very long road to understand that I made a huge mistake. You asked Elsa for her advice, her feedback, perspective, etc; mine is about the same.
NO. Stop this immediately. It’s bad for him, bad for you, bad for your friendship and somebody ( possibly everybody) is going to get hurt. Likely you most of all.
I don’t think 11 years is a huge age difference. I think the problem is that he is her friend’s son. That for me would be a great big no-no.
BTW I have a 4th house Cap sun and find this whole area fascinating!
I would kick my “friend’s” ASS for something like this! There are plenty of men out there that she could screw around with just for the mere act of screwing but 1) think so little of the friendship with me that you would treat my child as a sex toy and allow him to make you his blow up doll? and 2) puke..just puke..
I really love how you were straight out with this. Makes me want to have a consultation, just don’t know about what..lol
and for the record..I’d kick my son’s ass too
🙂
Bwaaaahhhahahahaha!! And they are still at it!
This happened four years ago ladies… Lighten up already! I’m sure whatever happened, happened…