Dear Elsa.
I have a very difficult time keeping people in my life. Most people have friends who have been around for years and years. I don’t have that. Even my parents each have their separate lives; although are they are there for me if I need something, they are not really a part of my life.
Regarding having people in my life, I would like to know if it is me, them, or a combination. I do know I put up barriers because of childhood, and family stuff. What can I do to break down the barriers, and finally find friends (and more) who stay around?
Thanks,
Frustrated Sagittarius
United States
Dear Sadge,
What an interesting question. I think you are the cause of the conditions in your life, but I don’t want you to take that as a criticism. It’s just that you’re a Double Sagittarius going on 50 and by now you have met scads of people and each of them has been an individual. These individuals would have various levels of desire and capacity to maintain a relationship but since this has never occurred, I have to think that you are factor and your chart supports this theory.
With an Aquarius Moon and a 1st house packed to the gills with Sagittarius, you are an inordinately independent person who is not likely to suffer restriction of any kind. If there were ever an entity built for “leaving” it is you.
Now while the 1st house represents the self, the opposite house (the 7th) represents the other. People with a lot of planets in their 1st house focus on themselves (self-centeredness) while people with a lot of planets in the 7th house focus on the other (co-dependence).
Those are negative words but I want you to get the polarity. Because where ideally there is some kind of balance, you have a massive emphasis on one side of this equation. So if you want to solve this you are going to have to work very hard at cultivating this other mindset that is really very foreign to you.
But you are a Sadge! And Sadge loves a foreign land! So there is hope and this is how I would suggest you approach this:
Next time you meet someone you would like to cultivate as a “rest of your life” friend, ask yourself, “What can I do for this person?” How can you be thoughtful? What do they want and need?
I think you will find this quite challenging but very rewarding. And watch yourself because it’s easy to slip… “I want this person in my life so I am going to do this…” is very different from, “I love this person and want them to be happy.”
Get it? You have to care for the other as much as you care for yourself and when you manage this, relationships last.
Good luck.
I´m also a double sag with an aquarius moon,mercury and mars in first and most planets in the ego hemisphere (exc jupiter in 7nth).
I experience the same as you do, but I know it´s my fault and I accept it.At 41 I have learned I need borders with people.And yes,I do keep them at bay,but this has also some rewards, it makes me feel more in command of myself.In the past I had problems handling it when people came too close.
And I know that just as people dissapear, people come back, sooner or later.In the meantime I try to entertain myself, which -ok-it´s not always easy.But we need our big wide space!
I’m a sag sun/moon with a pisces rising and I’ve had issues along the same lines. For me the problem is I think I outgrow the old friendships, even if I don’t want to! It just doesn’t work anymore and I have to let them die. It takes time but I’ve always met that one, sometimes two, people that take their place. I’ve never had a great many friends but the ones I do have are real and know the real me, rather than the watered down version that most aquaintances are comfortable with. I’m too intense for a lot of people, apparently.
Hey Frustrated Saggitarius,
I feel like that too a little and I’m also a Sag. Either I get fed up with people or they get fed up with me. But it’s not always negative, as long as you draw something useful from your friendships (not in a selfish manner, I mean sharing experiences)…
I’ve always assumed to be “double” any sign the placements needed to be sun, ascendant, and/or moon. But can you be double a sign with a combination of other planets in the same house?
My asc is in Scorp but I do have sun, mars and jupiter in Sag. Quite a wallup. 😉 I’ve always thought that Scorp ascendant gave me problems. 🙂
I posted a thanks for replying to my Q here when it first appeared, but it didn’t post. I wasn’t sure if I wasn’t suppose to respond to my own Q, or if I had asked something that was not suitable for the blog, or maybe it was my blogspot. Maybe a computer glitch also. Anyway, thanks again. Your response has set me free, in a way. I’m not worrying about pairing up for the time being. Not feeling guilty. No pressure. Nor like I am so different from many others. 😉
I did go the route of doing for others to overload when I was younger. I only managed to attract others who wanted stuff, but weren’t there to return anything (as in time and friendship – I’m not a material person). I am ultra stubborn and and find it hard to accept material things and help from others usually, also.
So I will stop worrying and go about being my upbeat positive happy self in front of other living beings. 😉 And try not to let sadness get me those limited times I do feel sorry for myself for being alone. 😉
Thanks Again. A load is lifted.
Diana
Diana – I am sorry if your comment got eaten! The spam filter has been extra aggressive for some reason over this last week or so. I didn’t think I missed anything while digging through the trash but apparently I did. Sorry!