This conjunction is delivering a gut punch, for sure! I wonder how it’s affecting people.
The conjunction lands on my ascendant (my physical body). The affect is textbook. All the sudden some of the secret burden and horror I’ve been coping with is coming to light. I can’t say this is a bad thing, but this seems the story of my life: if no one sees you’re suffering, are you really suffering? I started asking myself that question when I was ten years old.
There is a lot more to come, but what’s emerged at this time is spine. It’s been really horrible for years now. I said I was crippled but I guess no one believes me? They believe me now!
I have finally connected with a hardcore spine surgeon. You’d think they are all hardcore but you would be wrong. I need a hard, hardcore surgeon and I found him this week.
He was stupefied by the mri’s of both my back and my neck. And happy too, I have to say. You just don’t see my kind of problems every day of the week. Matter of fact, I’m pretty sure he’ll remember me forever. So that’s bad, right? It’s made an impact… but not on me, yet. I know my back is bad!
I didn’t learn anything new, really, when he told me he was going to have to take the film back and confer with his team and his colleagues. Seriously, he could not look at me and discern what was to be done, but what does that mean? Nothing, really.
He also said I would need to get plain x-rays which I did, the same day. He mentioned a full-body bone cancer scan, which I said I already had. “When?”
“Three years ago.”
“You may have to have another. I’ll look at the x-rays and talk to my people…”
I don’t have cancer, so don’t worry. I pretty much know this due to all the blood they take from me (Lupus).
He went over my meds. “No opioids?”
“No. I don’t take them.”
Okay, so they put my x-rays online. I have seen the mris. Just visually, I know my neck is curved backwards and fusing that way. I know I have scoliosis…. apparently getting worse? Maybe. The x-rays came online last night. I pulled them up and I was sickened by them. Not vomit-y. That’s just the best thing I can think of to say. There were a lot of notes. I had to google.
I started with my back, which will be the first thing they will try to deal with. I checked the degree of my scoliosis first, because I’ve wondered, it is mild? Moderate? Severe? Turns out it’s at the high end of moderate (35 degrees). 40 degrees is considered severe. The surgeon said it was not my main problem. Okay…
I know I have a pinched nerve in my back. “Nerves,” he said. “NERVES.” I know my spinal cord is impinged. I even know that my back has collapsed down on a nerve or NERVES but that not the same as seeing the vertebrae, like cheese that slipped off a cracker. There’s more.
There is some Lupus problem involved here; sclerosis? Honestly, I’m not sure. But I can tell you this, the picture is stunning. It looks like someone who has never had medical care, which you know I’ve had! But I still could not be sure. To make sure, this morning, I loaded the pics on my phone and texted them to several people I know well. These are people who know my back hurts. They HEAR me.
I sent just one picture of my back. “Unfortunately, this is my spine.”
The universal response was STUN. Cries out to God or just cries. Bottom line, I hope they will be able to somehow rebuild my spine. I actually feel they will be able to do it. And I have a rhematologist now and I will soon have a neurologist and I don’t know who else.
I think I may post the pic. I’d like to, but I am afraid no one will hire me if they see it! It’s too horrible!
So this is a portion of what is happening with this stellium is sitting on my ascendant. Where does it land in your chart and what’s happening?
Oh… and one more thing in regards to this site. I am going to need some help, keeping it going. So if you want to see it (and me) survive, then whatever you can do, will be appreciated.
Thanks!
You have been very private about your personal ordeals ever since I have been on this board, and as you’ve mentioned, this conjunction has pushed things into the spotlight.
I commend you for being open, honest and vulnerable about your plight.
With all of this going on, you still manage to be a mother, wife, best friend, and answer calls and complete astrological reports of people like myself and many others.
You’re truly appreciated. Please don’t forget this. I’m in Tucson. I feel as if there’s some slight relation, but I’m reaching. Just know that you are appreciated, in more than just delivering reports, but being a great example of steady fortitude despite life complications.
Thank you! I have been private to protect the privacy of others.
As for my spine, it’s just weird how it’s been how it is, but all of the sudden, it’s seen and acknowledged. It cannot be denied.
I really don’t know what’s going to happen. I sailed through a hip replacement. I sailed through the redo, as if if were a blink.
I don’t think I can sail through this but I may be wrong about that.
I’m curious to see what the surgeon will propose. Meanwhile, my neighbor plowed up the bulk of my garden yesterday and I already have broccoli, cauliflower, red and green cabbage… etc, in the ground. It’s like I’m proceeding as normal, fearless. But I may be in profound denial; I don’t know. I have seen a lot of miraculous things in my life. So I will just continue to “do” until I can do no more.
I do have faith that just won’t quit. There are plenty of horror stories about spine surgery but the fact is, it’s up to God. So what if I need my spine reconstructed? They do it and then off I go?
That would be best for all involved. It’s just going to be more of a hardship then I’ve had before, beginning with the fact, I will not be able to have this done in a local hospital.
Elsa! (( ))
You are one tough cookie Elsa! I hope for the best possible outcome for you – and I will be ordering a report or two!
Thank you! 🙂
((Elsa)) my wife works as an OR nurse doing spine ops. They can do amazing things, good luck with it!
The conjunction falls in my second house, so I’m having money trouble.
Thanks. That’s what I think. But people are negative. What they don’t factor in is, reality.
I am living with this (and my neck), with only minor drugs – Naproxen? So it’s already supernatural.
I guess I would not count me out but also, this is pretty bad. Very, very bad.
The last hip surgery was a trip. I woke up after surgery and as I came out of the fog… all the sudden, I started screaming and sobbing, hysterically. It shocked everyone. Jilly and my husband could hear me in the waiting room… they gave me Demerol, I think, and I calmed down. That would have been these nerves going off, I’m sure. The contort you when they work on your hip.
But then they put me in my room. I was waiting for results of my husband’s surgery (thought to be oral cancer). I wanted this information, quite badly. PT came into my room, they have you stand right away, after surgery. I told them I wanted to talk to my husband first – answer NO!
“I can get out of this bed. I have to walk before I can see my husband?” That was the deal. “Well, okay!”
I pushed one leg with the other, off the bed and stood up, directly. They had cut my iliopsoas tendon and (re)replaced the head of my hip replacement. The PT guy, quickly shoved a walker in front of me. I took it and said, “Let’s go!”
I left the room and found my husband who was miraculously okay. I mean, they had done a biopsy – it came back, severe dysplasia. Everyone knows what that means.
So they took this huge chunk from his cheek – sent it to pathology and it took 10 days! He saw the doc when I was in the OR. The new path report said, “no evidence of cancer AND no evidence of dysplasia…”
So you see, you just don’t know. So I am proceeding with my garden, but aware I may die or never work again…
Which is another thing. I have had a few doctors surprised I am still working. How would I not work?
I don’t even know how this could be accomplished. Do you think I am going to have a client, new or old, ask for my help and I’ll tell them, no? WTF.
I’ll tell you what. I am not afraid.
Elsa, I clearly remember the story of your experience working for Frito Lay and burning the crap out of your hand. I kinda feel like this will go a similar way. Your healing capabilities are off the charts, it’s kind of amazing.
I know.
Thank you, Rachel.:)
If I can do it, I will do it. Usually, I can do it. It’s some kind of grace.
Rooting for you, Elsa and proud of you for keeping your mind right. Grateful for the update.
Astrology is too much: I’m another Cap rising with spine issues. Got the diagnosis last week when Saturn squared my Venus. NOTHING to compare with yours, but still.
Sorry. 🙁
It’s happening in my 12th. Subconscious mess for almost three years now when Saturn entered Capricorn and my 12th. Very confused. I developed something very similar to an OCD. From the day of the conjunction last December it has been worse. Some days all OK but some others woaoooo. Intense. Hope to get a relief when Saturn leaves Capricorn and my 12th.
It is better.:)
https://elsaelsa.com/astrology/saturn-leaving-my-12th-house-for-my-1st-goodbye-to-you/
Uh sounds good!!
Also I was born 1993 so all this shitty conjunction was conjunct my natal Uranus + Neptune conjunction. Woah! Squaring my Venus in Aries… Trining my gemini sun and Taurus moon.
Intense yes.
Glad to hear Saturn in the 1st tasted better for you!
You’re a mega Capricorn then. Search this blog. 🙂
Elsa – I reread your January 9th post, “Saturn leaving my 12th House for my 1st House – goodbye to you!” Thank you for referencing this. Tr Saturn is in my Cap 12H as well. I’ve felt very emotionally isolated even though I’m surrounded by a wonderful circle of friends.
Past astrological personal history can give context to the present. So I dug out my ephemeris and pinpointed when Tr Saturn entered my 12H the last go-around. It makes sense now: Tr Saturn ingressed into my Cap 12H in November 1989 – the month I became pregnant with my second child. I became a full-time, stay-at-home mom and it was an isolating experience. Tr Saturn finally crossed my Aquarius ASC, in October 1991, when my firstborn began nursery school. I assumed a “new persona” as a school volunteer and formed new friendships.
Tr Saturn will cross my Aquarius ASC in February 2021. I am very curious to see what my “new persona” will look like this time. I can envision astrology and genealogy assuming a larger presence as I have been seriously studying both for the past decade. In addition, becoming a doting grandma would be nice!
This all sounds so familiar, my mothers spinal problems she’s been stoically living with for decades now. So you become the expert, you know how much you can do and when it’s too much. You factor in rest-up after tests. Or just a day of socialising or shopping. Each new surgery you have to weigh it, risk it or not, consider the angles, the future returns and take the best option. It’s a minefield and only you know what’s best for you but you are constantly facing the consequences of those decisions. From my mothers experience if she has confidence in the surgeon and especially while she was still young (ie. under 80!) recovery odds were in her favour and she regretted nothing. No surgery you learn is a permanent fix but it’s like the shoring up of a house, you have to try and stabilise it. Often I feel helpless in the face of my mothers pain and her trials. She’s had multiple surgeries and is a drugs expert. But she is now 85, still mobile and gardens a little. She is, like you, an inspiration and a light. She only really confides how bad things are to me. I’ve seen her scream on hospital beds. But she remains a Pisces queen and my rock. Last year she shattered her hip and broke her pelvis plus had shock treatment for a speeding heart, the one thing she thought was alright! And she is out the other side apart from her ongoing back problem. Thanks for sharing this, you are on an epic journey that only the very brave can make.and understand and I really salute you ?
I would like to book a reading for my solar return as I’ve got it aaaall going on in the 7th!
Oh man. I can relate, except for the 80 years old part.
I shriek sometimes to and it’s weird because it just occurs. I don’t need to move. The nerve just goes haywire. This is another indication of Lupus involvement, unfortunately. I’m going to get to the bottom of this too.
See, there is my house… and then drive in one direction for spine surgery and in the other direction for rheumy and neurology. I have to have a(nother) nerve conduction test, etc.
I have already had a brain mri which came back, perfect. Seriously. No atrophy, no stroke, no nothing.
I guess I just have to have the mechanics fixed and then see if Lupus is now CNS Lupus. If so, what, if anything can be done.
I understand most Lupus patients die from their kidneys. The second most common cause of death is CNS-related. You stroke out, I guess. So I just have to see.
To be candid, I think if I were going to have a stroke, I’d have already had one, considering what I’ve been through. But who knows?
You really find out, it’s up to God. At least, most people tend to find this out, eventually.
I’m really sorry you’ve had to watch your mother struggle. That’s got to be really awful. ((((Stargirl))))
Oh my godness…
as far as my english and google translation goes, this sounds terrible and hopeful at the same time.
and, what kind of help do you mean for your site?
May I ask for clarity or some examples please?
and regarding hiring you… I don’t see a reason for not booking a session when I want to know something. I mean, why not?
Support for the site would be linking to it, for sure. Also participating in the forum. Keeping things going, when I cannot. Hire Midara!
Also, donations. This is site is supported, paid for, kept online by my income, made from consulting, primarily. If I am unable to consult, you can see the problem.
But I don’t know. It really depends how soon I can get off pain drugs, post surgery. It’s not so much that I will high from them; I don’t do well with them. I have naturally LOW blood pressure and I just become mean and/or miserable, so I won’t be able to work.
Outside of that, I can work, bedridden, I would think. What I need is a clear head. Once I have that… well I enjoy consulting so I’ll just begin again and if anything if will lift my spirits.
This is assuming things go well. If something goes wrong, well I don’t know. If I have to retire, I will be happy to hand over my site to the other writers. The thing is, it’s got to be paid for to exist. And the overhead is not tiny! Either is the upkeep, which I’ve learned to do myself, for the most part.
You get this idea. Jilly can’t help at this point (she’s ill) but CArRiE can and I am sure she would. So I would ask her to help satori and Midara.
Thanks. 🙂
Don’t be afraid to write Crazy Elsa on Drugs stuff. Most have been there or know someone who has. Just put a disclaimer in. It could be fun.
Ha ha! Yeah! 🙂
posted a reccomendation on my fb site. i have around 3000 friends. maybe someone needs a consultant. and another thing came into my mind.
there is a very interesting plant-based liquid that helps to even move again after bad paralysis problems in backs and legs, asf. it is called “aura soma B 89”. it will also support your problem with low blood pressure. i am sure you can order it online in the US even if its produced organic in UK.
good luck.
Ah it’s nothing to bear! We have strength from each other in ways we can’t articulate.
I was just reading out your reply to her over the phone and she gets it completely. Stroke and nerve paralysis are 2 things I know she is scared about but yes Ive seen her giving it over to God, as a Methodist she has that quiet but steely way. It’s a true gift to admire your mother and feel that connection. I don’t take it for granted. All good wishes to you Elsa I wish it will be the very best outcome that carries you on.
Glad to know Elsa you are getting the help you need and may the operation (s) go well. Sounds like you are just DONE with this and are super ready for what ever happens next to do it. You’re a brave lady!
My experience with this transit has been hit on so many levels but to put it simply,it’s in my second house and my finances are in flux which during this time of the Corona virus is not surprising. It’s not that I am in BAD shape, but I owe more money than I would like on a CC, my 401K is tanking (though I know between now and 5-10 years it will go back up) and I WANT to be able to retire in at least four years but have no idea where my future home will be to do so or if I will be forced to keep working beyond that and stay where I am.
I’ve never known anyone like you, Elsa. Amazing to see how you persist, and endure while running this site with all engines running. Over time it humbles me again, and again. Prayers and best wishes, and (checks in the mail to grease the ElsaElsa wheels) as you have surgery, or surgeries. All the very best!!
Thank you.
Thank you for sharing. I am a Capricorn Ascendant too and Libra Sun (6th October 1961 Mumbai India) and I am waiting for the stellium to disperse. My saving grace seems to be Natal Saturn 23 Cap and Jupiter 27 Cap. I use Indian Prayers to propitiate the Planets more by praying to the Monkey God (Lord Hanuman (Maruti)as we know him. Om Hanumate Namah. Best Wishes and hope you recover soon by good diagnosis and fruitful cures. Regards Vinod Kumar Agarwal
I just emailed my x-ray to, Ben. Here’s his response:
“Uhhh….
incredible…. INCREDIBLE!!!
How anyone can endure such obvious pain is beyond me.”
::laughs::
Every person who sees it, says something similar.
Surgeon’s PA called. I am going to have the full body bone scan.
I’ve had this before and not worried about it. I think he just wants to make sure it’s not cancer before cutting on me.
It’s past midnight and birds are making weird noises outside and this post definetly woke me up more. Wishing you a very speedy and painless recovery from the future surgery! You’re an example for how other people can take up to face life issues upfront. Wishing for the best outcome!
Wow Elsa. That’s a lot. I hope I could handle it how you are, if I ever went through something similar. I’ll be praying.
I’ll have to check in with 2 of my friends. They each have 25 Cap. Rising.
This conjunction is in my 9th, real close now to MC. I’m kinda ready to get down to business and it’s going to be a lot of work.
Elsa I have been an avid reader of your site for some years , but only just registered as a member . I am so sorry to hear of your difficulties, and applaud your stoicism and attitude .
My natal Jupiter at 24 Capricorn, ruler of my chart , has Transiting Pluto Conjunct and in a few weeks will be joined by Jupiter and Mars . All this in my first house , trine my natal moon in Taurus . The mind boggles as to how this will play out .
Welcome! 🙂
The bone scan is scheduled, pretty quickly. But the surgeon is only here once a week. I won’t see him until the end of the month. I expect him to have a plan at that time.
I see the rheumatologist this month too. See what he has to say about my blood + the new scans I had them send to him.
God bless you Elsa. I wish miracles and wonders for you and brilliance from your surgical team.
Elsa, I am so happy for you that you are going to be seeing your daughter and having some time with her. Hugs to you both from me.
The surgeries and path to it sounds scary but being you are a brave and private woman I commend you for all you accomplish in spite of being compromised with your health. Thank you for sharing what is happening in your life.
Keep taking all those steps forward, Angels watch over.
Dear Dear Elsa Babe ! 12 house Cap 24 ascendent and cap sun 23, I am with you. Wishing you and yours blessings of strength, grace and ease through this knothole. These are the days we have been worrying about, and hoping to live through. Yikes and how long it will continue with these retrogrades? EEK !!!
I am a prepper at heart. Been talking “pandemic” to my millenial kids at least monthly. That goes over like a wet rag. None have yet said “MOM YOU WERE RIGHT”. I wish I was wrong.
I am convinced I had CV19 December 7. I am an RN and an alternative healer and a few of my peers express the same experience. So right out the gate we are being media gaslighted about dates of this virus. Adding to the mental emotional stress already happening. GRRRRR. I also believe it has done long term damage to my lungs. But I learned how to get through it and lived. Let’s hope we build antibodies to this thing. As a result I called my mom to my home so neither of us have to isolate alone. Grateful to be able to do this.
Unfortunately antibodies will not fix the retirement accounts many are losing or have lost. Many older single women like myself. This is tragic. Mom lost 1/3 of her investment $. 1.5 oil field workers out of work from the interior of our country.
I am dual citizen and my youngest is stuck over the border scratching our spring break. Don’t know when we will see each other . MORE 12 H forced isolation.
I thought my dingy had landed ashore and it was time to build my dream?
Just cant get these planets over that ascendent and over with this 12 house crap. It is starting to get to me.
This feels like “when in hell, keep walking.” not “I have arrived”
🙁
I do want change. we need change . We need a big ******* change. In the fall fire them all. But same fools lined up to continue raping us and worse. I like the calm. I like kids being home with their families. I want all hearts to soak every drop of connection this crisis is providing. May there be abundant hidden blessings from this knothole as we continue through 2020 and into 21 make something beautiful.
This conjunction was square my 22 degree Aries ascendant.
Health problems came to a head. Had sinus surgery; at the same time I had a rare malignant tumor in my salivary gland removed and then 33 days of radiation.
And that was just the beginning.