Libra is associated with good manners. The other day, I randomly recalled being taught to never write a letter when I was in a bad mood. My grandfather, who was an English professor and an all around good dude, taught me this. The idea was, you’d say something you would regret.
Henry was born in 1900. As you get older you see standards change over time. But I took his advice and maintained this practice up all my life, up until about five years ago.
It wasn’t hard. I’m usually in a good mood! This changed for me, the same time it changed for many. Life has also sped up quite a bit. No one wants to wait on a text back.
The lack of decorum on the internet is legendary. It’s often hilarious as well so I’m not saying I don’t like it. But I got thinking about how I could remain aware of the mood thing and still function in the modern world.
Some weeks ago, I decided to try to not say anything to anyone, if it would have no value to them. This includes telling people things I know that they don’t want to know.
I’m not talking about consulting. Nothing has changed there. I’m talking about other conversations I have or that I’m privy too. It could be in the grocery store of the blog or wherever. I don’t intervene or join any conversation unless I have something “welcome” to say.
This may be standard for some or all of you but I have my blurting Mars problem. It’s difficult to me, like holding in a fart, but I am trying to learn. I feel this is necessary, in part because of Pluto’s transiting my first house.
Have you adapted your behavior to better align with the modern world?
No kidding. Nataly I have Mercury conj Venus in Aries on the IC, square AC, square Uranus on the DC, opp Saturn conj Neptune. With Pluto transiting my first and in exact aspect with natal Jupiter conj Mars, I feel like a walking time bomb when I interact with ANYONE. I can really relate to your description of your own Mars/Mercury and 1st house Pluto transit, Elsa. Thank you for taking the time and having the guts to clearly describe your personal experience under these intense transits. Pressure cooker. I would offer you a big hug but I’m wearing a grenade. . .
You and I are the mirror opposite; I have Uranus on AC and Merc conjunct the rest of my stellium in Leo square my AC. I don’t walk on eggshells around people but I’ve become mindful of how I express myself to them.
‘Have you adapted your behavior to better align with the modern world?’
I forgot to answer your question. I still snail mail art cards with simple messages. Even if the written message doesn’t land the person gets free art. This allows me to take time as I think of the person and situation. When I text, my messages can sound demanding, abrubt or plain insensitive. Taking time, a breath, rather than inserting foot in mouth or annihilating an innocent bystander is key. Thanks for asking. I respect your conscious awareness around your communication.
Your grandfather was quite right! And many years of living have reinforced that lesson for me…especially in my profession as an attorney…Be civil at all times, it will benefit you…
“This includes telling people things I know that they don’t want to know.”
Yeah I feel you on that… I made an effort/stopped doing the same, for me it was more a Neptune boundary thing – and realizing its a total waste of my energy
Live by demonstration
Always feeling some kind of way reading anything about the grandpa maybe because thinking about grandparents makes me remember the past. My grandpa was a libra sun, very respectful and helpful, he’d say hello first to everybody including kids- he was shy, emotional and sweet, loved reading. His writing was so pretty, he taught me how to write first. It would have been his birthday these days. I miss him. I don’t think people are like that in person anymore and especially not online. I miss letters, I miss writing to my grandparents and my two good childhood friends .
I’ve been trying to be less friendly, chatty and sociable over the past few years as well, Elsa, because that’s what most people seem to be like in my city at least, and most people don’t appreciate someone who is too friendly. I have a few friends who will engage in a chatty conversation with me, but most people don’t have the time or inclination.
I never used to care about being overly friendly, and I wanted to rebel against the depressed mood of the general populace, but now I’m becoming less inclined to be sociable. I did like to chat it up with people, and am Aries sun (with a 3rd house stellium), with an enthusiastic personality in conversation with others. It’s like no one got over their insecure teenaged need to appear cool and detached. A lot of people seem to mistrust the friendly person, and look down their nose at them, thinking they’re superior because they’re so reserved and unemotional.
Most people seem to be on anti-depressants that dull their senses and emotions. I’ve never tried anti-depressants, but that’s what I’ve heard from people who have — they dull the emotions. Is it all the mood ‘stabilizing’ pharmaceuticals that people are on now that has created this distancing?
Or is cellphone culture and social media addiction to blame? I rarely bring my cellphone with me when I leave the house, and I definitely don’t walk around staring at it or look at it when I’m in the company of another person. I’m guilty of doom-scrolling on my laptop and tablet at home, but would never do that outside my home.
As I age, I am becoming more misanthropic, but I guess that’s pretty common.
It’s an interesting point about the prevalence of anti depressants. I was quite surprised when meeting with a new coworker for the first time that she quite quickly told me she was trying out a new anti depressant and it was affecting her bearings, capacities at work. She is probably late 20s I would guess. In some ways the transparency and honesty about such matters was refreshing but I also felt concerned that such a thing was treated so casual, normalised. Does she really need anti depressants to function, maybe it’s cheaper, more convenient than therapy?But the affects on the body are very intense and surely not sustainable.
Yes, I think it’s good that young people are open about their mental health challenges, how they’re dealing with them, and how their drugs might be affecting them. And yes, pharmaceuticals are likely cheaper than regular therapy (at $200/hour on average), especially if drugs are covered by insurance. Too many people have bought into the myth that they need anti-depressants to function.
What has become normalized, due to the greed of pharmaceutical corporations, is to treat every so called ‘mental illness’ with a pill that causes other, often worse, side effects on the body (not to mention the poisoning of the planet’s water systems, and the water that we all eventually drink).
The only ‘therapy’ that worked for me was talking with someone (my grandma) who was willing to listen and offer common-sense advice, or just another perspective. Nowadays, many people think their problems must only be discussed with a paid therapist. This also leads to shutdown of conversation.
I’m not suggesting that people continuously dump their grievances on others, or whine incessantly, but it doesn’t hurt to just mention a problem you’re dealing with. It can help deepen a conversation, strengthen relationships, and provide another perspective on common mental health issues, that aren’t really ‘diseases’ but simply normal responses to life’s troubles. People are still too concerned about being ‘positive’ all the time, and worried about deeper issues being contagious. Or worried they’ll be judged.
The conversations I have with my sister are so incredibly shallow because she has this mindset — don’t talk about your personal issues, save it for your therapist, just talk about superficial, inconsequential topics. And she’s a Scorpio sun. Keep secrets, don’t dive beyond shallow waters, in her case.
At 20, a therapist diagnosed my sister with ADHD, and that shaped her life, for the worse in my view. She said the diagnosis helped her accept her problem — she gets distracted easily and forgets things. She’s definitely not ‘hyper’ and that’s what the ‘H’ stands for in ADHD. (I don’t know why everyone keeps calling it ADHD instead of ADD, when the person is not hyperactive.)
I don’t think labels help in most mental health situations like ADHD or depression. I get distracted and forget things, too. What helps are commonsense habits (which my sister doesn’t appear to be doing). Writing to-do lists, keeping a calendar updated with tasks, keeping a clock on a wall (I have several clocks, calendars, and to-do lists in my home), telling noisy kids you’re going to shut yourself in your bedroom to concentrate, avoiding online media, not freaking out whenever you forget something (because we all do, it’s normal) and worrying you have dementia or need to take pharmaceuticals to keep up with the demands of modern life.
I was shocked how my sister reacted and beat herself up when she forgot an appointment when I was visiting and we were busy driving around the city with many things to do that day. I apologized profusely for being a distraction, but she insisted it’s because she has the ADHD disease and her brain doesn’t work. Or she worried she was getting alzheimer’s at 40. A sticky note on the car dashboard would have reminded her about the appointment (or a reminder notification on her phone, which she brings everywhere, like most people). Simple tool to solve the common problem. Don’t beat yourself up or take ADHD drugs for forgetting things like that!
People are just feeding into the pharma-greed industry when they think pills will help common modern problems. Why should people be ashamed, keep secrets, and say they have a ‘disease’ when they’re simply reacting justifiably to life’s stressful situations and environments?
Enjoyed reading your thoughts. The majority of diagnoses can be distilled to a basic issue – not dealing explicitly with experiences of loss and its repercussion, grief, which contains myriad emotions. The standadised diagnosis labels and attendant pharmaceuticals are merely a placebo, a hamster wheel spinning at the surface. You are right, we can only really cure this chronic human issue through talking and sharing honestly, being willing to reveal our most vulnerable parts. Unfortunately loss can have a tremendous impact on the structure of the psyche and thus the personality/identity, so to unwrap it can be a terrifying prospect, but not impossible. And of course the energetic impact of transits can help with this, whether welcome or not – hello outer planets, especially Pluto! I wonder if the younger generation feel they must be functional against all costs, based on a perception of what it takes to survive in the world. They have been faced with intense capitalistic challenges since birth, been projected on heavily through the internet, and the idealistic veneer of social media. Who knows, at the end of the day we have universal commonalities – the need to communicate and relate/share as you say. Saturn in Pisces following up on the path Neptune has trodden is interesting in regards to the role of drugs, escapism and addiction. Addiction is also a symptom of surviving extreme loss to the point that the self is felt unconsciously to be already dead – it isn’t but revival is a difficult road as we know. We are all touched with this situation to some degree, and our beliefs are shaped by that fear, hence the prevalence of a sense of limitation. We are certainly living in transitional times, but as they say on the airplanes, you have to fix your own oxygen mask first.
Interesting because I been feeling as if my mouth won’t open to speak ..it’s like I have no words left to say to people. Idk what it is . It’s a very heavy feeling lately in the air. Too much going on.
Lots of good ideas here. I don’t think it’s one thing or even one thing, primarily. It seems more as if people are tapped out in one or more ways. Drugs of whatever kinds, prescribed or otherwise. Internet / various addictions. Illness. Fear of illness. Caregiver for the ill (overwhelmed).
I guess we’re heard how much “the other” wants us dead or whatever, you come to a point where you figures odds of a new, good friend, aren’t that high. So then a person isolates and it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Interesting about the ADHD comment. Years ago I was diagnosed ADHD because the psychiatrist at Kaiser said H “because you wave your arms around while talking.” We can’t gesticulate expressively while talking?? OK then. Foolish, in my opinion. I also talk fast. That’s ADHD? Again, OK then.
As I’ve gotten older, I’m not “speedy” like I used to be when I commuted 4 hours a day, had little kids, a stressful toxic job and a house to take care of!
As for saying things, I’ve mentioned before about my Scorpio Mercury septile to my Virgo Mars. I’ve had to learn to choose my battles, but I still go to battle when I feel it’s necessary or I get triggered with a hot personal topic. Being on social media is a good way to learn how to choose your battles, and better articulate yourself. I’ve found the internet very helpful in that regard.
Disagree with this one, Elsa. Write the letter. Use a pen.(It is a different physical/mental process) Illustrate it–use lots of colour. Do not censor. Do not be reasonable and nice. Press so hard (if you need to) that you tear the paper!! Read it. Add to it with sidebars. Re:read. Does it feel right and true to you? How does your belly feel? Chest? Head? Other places in the body? Check your breathing. Put it away. Come back to it.And when you are ready….destroy it. Tearing up and burning is very satisfying. I know (most) air signs dont like messy emotions.The modern world likes the sensible rational to the point where feelings/emtions are denied repressed pushed down and away..to turn into symptoms to be medicated. Nothing wrong with anger. It is what you do with it…only pen and paper are harmed. Mood is one thing. They pass. But sometimes it goes deeper.Moods are a bit like weather…a breeze can become a cyclone.
No, I will stick with my grandfather’s advice; and just the common wisdom of the day, in my area of the world.
Also, you are instructing a Cardinal Mars and Mercury what to do, when I didn’t ask. This never works! Further, you are also telling Libra, to not be nice..?
Basically, this may be your process but one size or one way, does not fit all.
Also, if I am that pissed off, I will come to your house, bang on your door and confront you, directly. I may even have a bat in my hand, which indicates I am ready to use it, because this is another tenet of my land. Never pick up a weapon unless you’re ready to use it!
I do appreciate what you’re saying but I am quite disciplined and also sensible and controlled. I like the instructions as-is.
You might say, if I don’t want to kill you, all is well. The days pass and problems fall off the back of the truck. It’s been this way forever. I haven’t been mad at my father since I was sixteen years old, so that’s an indication. It’s not because I repress emotions. It’s because I am gone.
Yes. Different ways of doing things. You know what works best for you. Definitely, not instructing. I thought the issue was about sending it.
l was talking about the creative act. No violence.
my grandfather wrote a lot of letters. He made a carbon copy of each, and save them over fifty years. I saved them for the following forty years, Hard copies. Opposite of ripping up. I just think it’s interesting.