Living On The Fringe Of Society

It’s hard to believe nearly six months have passed since I wrote about realizing I was far too involved; needing to find my way back towards to margins of life. I felt like I was part of the center of a rug, pulled in every direction. I realized I would be a lot more comfortable and happier if I were more like the fringe that flops around.

This weekend I realized I’d made good on my decision. I behave (and am treated) like an outsider now. I like it a lot.

I remember when my greatest fear was that I turn out like my grandfather, Henry. He was cool and all, but he was alone.  Today I realize I can’t fight the tape. I can’t be what I want to be, I have to be what I am. What I am is a descendant of Henry’s.

These days I go to town for certain reasons, do my business and come home. If I am invited somewhere, I go if I want and don’t go if I don’t want. I don’t think about the repercussions of decisions like this. I’m through with politics.

There is that old man around here, who stands by the side of the highway at the end of his drive and waves at cars. Or sometimes he backs his truck up, sits on the tailgate and waves from there. I don’t think he much cares about politics either.

Have you ever read this story, Desert Living, Once Upon A Time? I wrote it a long time ago. Satori told me once, it was one of her favorite things I’ve ever written. That was a long time ago, though, so I don’t know.  But the point is, I’ve been here before and now, 28.5 years later, I am back.

29 thoughts on “Living On The Fringe Of Society”

  1. anonymoushermit

    When I was lurking, I read a little bit about Henry.

    Seems like a cool guy.

    I remember wanting to be a straight male once upon a time. Now, I’m used to being what/who I am.

    1. Ooohh I’m so afraid to see what I wrote. I’m sure yours will be great your doing splendid work. I love this writing you’ve done here. I tweeted it out. Good luck.

    2. Hi elsa , with natal pluton retrograde in 12th house, i always felt like this…like i couldn’t be what i would like to…an astrologer told me longtime ago that i will have the power that i’ll allow to me to have…i think what she ment was that i am more concerned to find what is really essential to me far away from the apparences…
      I think that in 12th house you find your way alone…and at first it really scares…
      Lots of Kisses from France

  2. Pluto is in house 12 in my chart, in Leo. I experienced “I can’t be what I want to be, I have to be what I am”. When I was in my younger years, this was not easy, I was very alone. I am 63 now and I am happy that I am what I am. The most beautyfull of this is that my real friends love me for this. AND: is showed me things of life that most other people don’t see. At the end of the day I realized it was a gift! 🙂

    1. “Things that most people don ‘ t see” as a 12th house pluto totally agree with you!!!! And yes it is à gift!!!!!

    2. ME, too. Only I am even older. Finally getting to be an astrologer. Had to spend 45 years as executive in banking. It was great, but this is my passion. Pluto in Leo also brings in other fascinating gifts with various transits. Some deep and scary, some magical.

  3. I read the “desert-story” and I enjoyd it very much. Don’t be afraid Elsa, it is a great story. And nothing will be the same, because you are not the same. Years have passed! :-), :-)!!

  4. I get this. I pushed to be helpful in society and got myself pushed to the front of a ‘movement’, but not to do what I wanted, but to be the face of what ‘they’ wanted. It was awful when I realized how much I had truly compromised, and that I had no control over this that I was the face of. I backed out, they hate me, there will be repercussions but I’m free. I’m back on the fringe, doing what I can from where I am, where I choose and there’s lots that can be done from my ‘hermit hut in the woods’. I would have backed out sooner if I’d understood the full picture, but it wasn’t until I had my ankles in ‘it’ did I realise how badly it smelled and I got out. This isn’t for me, I’ve always been a bit of a loner (not lonely) I love the outdoors, contemplation and I love to share but not when somone wants to ‘manage’ me and that’s what was starting to happen, the whole web behind me became visible and I backed out – I’m no puppet. I can’t be – I have an aries moon i stellium in 12th house and sun in capricorn, I am not be ruled. So I thought – realised – now jupiter is in scorp – that there’s no point going further down this path I have to get off it, it’s going nowhere for me. Painful, I was misled, my illusion has been shattered, but the truth is stone-cold clear and that’s GOLD. So, I’m back on the fringe (I stand almost every day with my son – Down’s syndrome and recovering from leukhemia – waving at trucks, buses (I thought this was hilarious!)from the end of our street which leads onto the woods that I love so dearly and where I and my family can now spend quality time. Thanks for always sharing with us Elsa.

  5. Just to add that during this difficult yet revealing time, Pluto is transiting my 8 house conjunct my natal mercury (last of 5 passes) square my aries moon in 12th. It seems that pluto has revealed to me his own stinky, manipulative, controlling, misleading to gain power way of working. Abusing those things most dear to us, our very core (tr pluto square moon)our children.

  6. I was right in the middle of a social situation for almost 10 years and I was never really comfortable.

    I always ran out of my own energy and took on the woes of others.

    I was forced to see and listen to one disturbing thing after the next. Or worse, gossip. I would be more worn out from the word vomit than I was from the hard physical work I was doing. I realized just how emotionally raw it made me, and how it took a toll on my physical health, especially my Adrenal glands.

    I am not sure I will ever be able to completely manage my emotional intelligence, but I can manage how much I take on.

    I am somewhat on the fringe again. And, I don’t mind at all.

    My husband always says you cant let things you cant not change keep you in heartbreak. You have to learn to let go. Since I am still unable to do that after all these years of trying…its best I just hang out here.

    I think the best thing we can do for ourselves is to get to know ourselves in the truest sense. There is peace in that. At least there is for me.

  7. I wish I could tell a story like that. Very nice. Our cattle guards didn’t harm the cows at all. I grew up with the story that cows wouldn’t step on something they could see through, so round pipes with small gaps did the job. Different ways of doing things? Hmm. I want a wagon wheel light, thank you very much. An upstairs porch would be cool, too.

  8. I LOVE the desert story, Elsa. Written in the “classic Elsa voice” I first read when I was stumbling on the fringe of life in 2008. But like that big ol’ cow in your story I have come to love the break in the fence where I can wander back and forth (over and back) because I’ve learned I LIKE the fringe; so many characters there.

  9. Elsa I did live in Arizona near a field where sheep grazed. Loved your story, dust trails and all. Been to ghost towns. Always wondered why people didn’t come and live in all the houses for free. But what did I know then. I saw a movie filmed in Arizona and was thrilled to hear the bird songs I remembered. (Charming, unpaid extras.)

  10. 28.5 years, huh? You may want to check where Saturn was 28.5 yrs ago. I had met my former wife when Saturn was at 14 Virgo, and when it came back there 27+ yrs later, her and I were done, finished, get that boat out of here.
    Interestingly, I have talked to 2 different psychics that claim I will be “soon” meeting a new partner. Really? Is she coming to the door, or do I have to go out and find her?

  11. Dear – very dear – Elsa
    There are days when I could spend all my time reading your stuff.
    And then there are days when I DO spend all my time reading your stuff.

  12. The old man waving at cars bit brought a smile to my face and reminded me of the ‘Four Wave Intersection’ episode of ‘King of the Hill.’
    I always liked Bill’s commitment to give others pleasure whenever he could, no matter how pathetic the character is portrayed otherwise.

  13. I came across this today and egads! Six years later, I’ve moved even further near the edge with a high probability, I will never move towards the center again.

    I accept this.

  14. Elsa, when i saw 28.5 yrs, i thought, progressed moon cycle? or maybe even a saturn cycle (i see ron mentioned that above). i’m curious if either may have played a part in your return to the fringe (yay for the fringe!)

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