Losing Friends & Family When Life Spins Out Of Control

porch lightSome people tend to wind up in unfathomable situations. The person might be at fault, partially at fault, or completely innocent in my experience. The kind of thing I’m talking about is usually Scorpio, Pluto or 8th house related.  Unfathomable, see?

I’ve had this happen to me more than once and also more than twice and in fact, more than three times.. etc. It’s not happening now but it is happening to one of my clients and every single person she knows, has left her, betrayed her, slid of the road into a ditch, blames her, whatever they have to do to not be in the vicinity of such pain and…velocity.

I know how painful it is when people you’ve known for years and who you may have trusted, completely, turn their back on you.  But I’m no longer stunned when I see this happen to me or anyone else. If people can’t stand the heat in the kitchen, they should get out. If you’re just going to stand around and stare as someone’s house burns to the ground, it really is better to clear out. A person in a circumstances is generally racking up losses a mile a minute, so you can just be part of that.

I’ve been down to ONE friend more than once in life. I have also been the one friend left standing more than once.  Ben and I are like this.  We’ve experienced this in both directions, several years apart.

I’m thinking about this today, because the client in an unfathomable situation and she is down to me.  It got me thinking about why people, flee. I think it’s self-protective and I also think this is fine, though it’s a bit amusing because Scorpio is supposed to be the sign that is self-protective.

I don’t think that’s the only reason.  Often times these situations are dangerous or put a person at risk. For example, have you ever tried to help a battered woman.  It takes a lot of courage. It also take a lot of brains because and care and energy of all times, because the battered can harm or kill the person you’re trying to help when they sense a situation changing.

If you’re really dealing with a psycho(s), they will persecute anyone who tries to help you so it can be scary.

You see, I see there are good reasons to split, but there are also good reasons to stay. Would I have been there for, Ben, had he not been there for me? I can say, yes, all day, but maybe the intense time built my character. Maybe he demonstrated how this is done – he was the only person I spoke with for 18 months. I just had to get through something.

I don’t that people tend to reunite with their abandoning friend and family once a situation like this clears. It isn’t necessarily a grudge.  It’s the fact, these experiences change a person; transform them, is probably what I would say. If they couldn’t fathom you then when you we’re still kind of yourself, how are they going to handle you now, forged like steel?

I’m just thinking back tonight, about the aftermath of an episode like this. The two years I could not walk into my daughter’s bedroom… when the front porch light of my house burned out and I left it that way for two years, while I started writing about “stigmatized homes”.

I got to a point where I would walk out the front door and sit on the stoop a few minutes at a time, during the day. By then, I didn’t miss anyone who’d left. I was pretty cried out and if anything, I was glad I didn’t have to look at anyone, never mind try to explain anything to them. It was a relief.

For some reason, writing this made me think of the time I met Ronald McDonald. I warn you, it’s sad.

Can you relate?

22 thoughts on “Losing Friends & Family When Life Spins Out Of Control”

  1. I have my luminaries in the 12th and 8th house. When I’m in crisis or the chips are down, I have a tendency to isolate myself. Initially, the peace works for me, but if this goes on for too long, it becomes almost self destructive . Breaking out and once again socialising, helps direct my attention outward as opposed to inward, and usually gives me a bit of optimism/light that I wouldn’t be able to find alone.

    1. Avatar
      Shimmering Light

      My Moon is in the 12th and I am naturally introverted and a loner (though I know another 12th house Moon person who is very extraverted and has tons of friends…that’s when one really has to look at the rest of the chart).

  2. I can totally relate to the “unfathomable situations” connected to the 8th house. Aries is in my 8th house, so it’s ruled by Mars. Chiron is the only planet that sits in my 8th. I’m not sure that counts though. The condition of my 8th house has always felt like a curse to me for as long as I’ve known about it. I think about many of the people who came and went in my life. Manipulative, controlling and narcissistic. The kind of emotionally abusive people who ruin your reputation after they’ve been horrible to you and before you’ve had a chance to say anything bad about them. I’ve had friends and family burst out in a fit of anger while I stood there shocked and stunned as to why they were screaming in my face. It always made no sense to a calm and emotionally balanced person like me. As someone with a Virgo sun and Libra moon, I loathe confrontation. My only explanation is that maybe I was born with this 8th house condition as a lesson to start standing up for myself, which I’m still not good at. This is probably caused by the lack of fire element in my birth chart. Maybe it will take a few lifetimes for me to get better at it.

  3. I have a hourglass chart with personal planets Mars/Mars in the 10th and Sun, Chiron/MC in Gemini. In 2012 right around the time I discover this blog, I had Pluto that rules my second house opposing this planets. Lost my job, my apartment, the one friend I had in person, long distance ones that I communicated with through email. I didn’t have much choice except to come back home to my abusive family after taking that opportunity to be able to leave them.
    I’m have never been the lone friend left because I haven’t had the opportunity to be that yet. I would like to think to think I would be so.

    The above wishful thinking might be because I have Venus in Taurus in the 8th quintrux Saturn in the 3rd and it’s semi-sextile Jupiter in the 7th. I definitely wants folks and things that have lasting value??

  4. Avatar
    Shimmering Light

    Yes, I can relate.

    Just came upon this (untitled) poem by Gregory Orr:

    Grief will come to you.
    Grip and cling all you want,
    It makes no difference.

    Catastrophe? It’s just waiting to happen.
    Loss? You can be certain of it.

    Flow and swirl of the world.
    Carried along as if by a dark current.

    All you can do is keep swimming;
    All you can do is keep singing.

  5. I talked about this tonight at work during group therapy. (I’m like a moth to a flame when it comes to being the one there for people) I know its hard to ask for help so people don’t . Isolating is a coping skill, an unhealthy one, but still a coping skill. And so is reaching out for help, a healthy way we cope.
    We don’t realize when we are pushing or blocking others from Helping. But they know..they sense it. they should prob try a little harder to be there for someone but they figure the person is going through something so let them sort it out. And some are just not equipped to help you through it they don’t know the right thing to say or do.

  6. True, true, true!❤️❤️🌟🌟🌟
    These times burn eveeything away, down to the core. A cold fire, tho, in my experience. Leaves you with deeper compassion — forthose who want it. Deeper appreciation for thefew who stayed. A heart/soul that recognizes others who’ve gone through it– like the way the angels recognize each other in Wim Wenders’ movie Wings of Desire. Thank you for writing these guiding posts, Elsa!

  7. Yes, I can relate. I have that Scorpio stellium with my sun there. I have had maybe one or 2 close friends at a time and even those flew the coop when my husband got sick. My purpose for them was so they had someone who they could share their woes. They could not deal with mine. Now I have no friends. The betrayals all my life makes me hesitant to make them. I do have my daughter but she needs to share her life with people her own age. Also the same with my son.

    1. Avatar
      Shimmering Light

      Scorpio stellium in 5th but Moon in 12th. I have just spent 2 months looking after my sick husband (and ongoing) and the one friend I can count on has postponed visiting a number of times; she now plans to visit after her birthday end of the month. Funnily I understand and accept it. I know enough of her background to understand that this situation is triggering for her, though I do not think she is aware of it. I also accept my part in it as I’ve spent my entire life being the one that can handle it all (even when I struggle); I see this as the Scorpio energy but perhaps more so my South Node in Capricorn in the 6th. I feel I have never had a choice to be weak, always had to be strong and capable. People pick up on that subconsciously, take their cue and let me be.

  8. Always thought Pluto was the great transformer but I looked at it like outside events that reflect what needs fixin’ within ourselves. I didn’t see it as also transforming who stays or goes from our lives until now, but it is!

  9. I’m a Scorpio and I tend to isolate myself when I’m going through difficult times but also I feel people pulling away from me like my mother. She can’t handle stress so she doesn’t want to hear about my health issues or tells me that I need to be stronger. She occasionally texts me now and I just tell her I’m working on healing. My issues are very serious and I feel that no one wants to really know how I’m doing unless I’m happy and everything is okay. I have one friend I write to and she’s going through many issues of her own but she is the only one that really understands what’s going on besides my husband.

    All I can say is thank God I have that one friend plus my husband. My husband has been the greatest source of comfort and caring for me. I probably would have given up if it not for him. The pain and suffering this past year has been intense and I don’t know when I will get better. Still I will not give up hope. I just wish that people wouldn’t distance themselves away when you’re suffering. I’m the opposite, I want to be there for people when they are going through hard times or need emotional support.

    1. Avatar
      Shimmering Light

      Isn’t that the irony with Scorpio (hello!)? We isolate ourselves, fight our own battles and, as you say, are willing and able to be there for others…yet it strikes me that the very act of self-isolation and not reaching out for help leads to the point you made that people distance themselves when you’re suffering. What a bind!

      1. Yes, that is a very good point. I have been isolated since my husband passed 4 years ago. I tried to get out there, going to events by myself but I felt lonelier than just staying at home. It’s difficult to watch couples walk hand in hand or even sitting by each other. Things I used to love to do, I just don’t get any joy from anymore.

        1. Avatar
          Shimmering Light

          Yes. I sense how difficult this must be for you. Sadly, there is no time limit for grief. Someone wiser than me said once that the only cure for grief is grief. Probably along the lines of ‘the only way out is through’. I hope this doesn’t sound shallow to you. Your pain is real.

  10. I have a stellium in the 8th house of Virgo- Moon, Mars, Uranus, Pluto and port fort. and going through my 2nd Saturn Return in Pisces….
    any advice? 🙁

  11. I think alot of people turn away because they just aren’t equipped to do anything else. Like, they have their own shit they’re dealing with, barely getting by with all that. It takes special people to help those in the depths of life’s ugliness. And helping has a cost. Most people can’t afford the cost. Not looking down on anybody, just noting it.

  12. Got any worn and tattered clothes?
    I wear my clothes until the seams are patches on patch in patch. Rag Woman? Yea, stitched with so many colors of thread.
    My astrological chart is a good example of Scorpion squaring off a stellium in Leo dominated by the 8th House. At my age threadbare (worn thin) is pretty much it BUT not in all places, or all times. Just much of the time.
    I’ve stitched my life together or safety-pinned her when I had neither sight nor strength to thread a needle. The art of this kind of life is so mundane … one chore, one stitch, one landline call at a time.
    It’s not easy for others who “knew me when”. It’s so important to know I can pack my magic even when I can’t thread the needle. See them loose ends? So much of life is a loose end …

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *


Scroll to Top